Kidults (Part 3): Ruining Our Lives With Fun
Moe is a stereotypical American teenager who enjoys multi-annual vacations, has a computer and television in his room, and spends 32+ hours per week playing video games and watching television. Not only that, but nearly all of his income is discretionary, with Dad and Mom underwriting most of his expenses. He shoulders the burden of a job only in order to pay for expensive activities he enjoys and all the while his culture blares the message of a retired Pepsi commercial: “You’re young! Have fun! Drink Pepsi.” He is irresponsible, carefree, and has all the toys he needs to be happy. Life is grand when you’re a stereotypical American teenager.
Fast-forward ten years. Moe is now 27-years-old. He spent over five years to complete college and still owes the institution $15,000. He graduated with a brand-spanking-new degree in cognitive science but is working as a waiter in a local restaurant and says he’s just getting started on finding the career he wants. He’s had three addresses in the past five years and though he’s two years away from the average age for first marriage he sees marriage as a decidedly post-30 milestone. He spends more than the average person on clothes, going to/renting movies, computers and software (including games), and eating out. A perceptive observer might conclude that Moe is either having trouble or just plain doesn’t want to grow up.
Why? Well, let’s ask Matt Swann, a real person, and another 27-year-old. Matt is very similar to Moe, he spent 6 1/2 years to complete college, received a degree in cognitive science, works as a waiter in Atlanta, Georgia, and is just getting started finding the career he wants. When interviewed for a TIME Magazine article entitled, “Meet The Twixter’s” and asked if he was looking forward to marriage, family, and owning a home, Matt replied: “I don’t ever want a lawn. I do not want to be a parent. I mean, hell, why would I? There’s so much fun to be had while you’re young.”
The reason for Matt’s predicament is found in that last sentence: There’s so much fun to be had while you’re young. It seems as if that old Pepsi Commercial had a great effect on Matt’s pubescent mind. Whatever other feelings he has towards adult responsibility we at least know this: he doesn’t think it’s very fun.
My questions are these: Who said life was about having fun? Who said adolescence was about having fun? Who said adultescence was about having fun? Does the truth of the Bible teach it or does the lying tongue of our culture spread it? Did spending his teen years having fun prepare Matt for the rest of his life? And since the answer is obviously “no,” could it be that “just having fun” is a distraction from what’s supposed to be going on? Could it be that “just having fun” is a hindrance to the character and competence that should be developing while we’re still young?
At the root of many of our culture’s problems, including our generation’s problem with growing up is this idea of fun. You can’t get away from it. It’s hammered into our heads through by every kind of media; it’s even enforced by “understanding” and respectable adults who have also bought into the lies of our culture. We live like the Nike slogan: Just Do It. We have tons of fun while we’re young.
Granted, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying yourself, but if it detracts from your development and preparation for the future it’s gone too far. Dr. Mel Levine, author of “Ready or Not, Here Life Comes,” advises parents: “Don’t overindulge kids with spectacular vacations, opulent material possessions and relentless tides of programmed activities after school and during the summers. Avoid creating hyper inflated egos living within protected spheres that will burst in early stages of a career when supervisors won’t care how gorgeous your kids are or what “cool dudes” they’ve become or what great ballplayers they were in high school.”
Dr. Levine’s message is clear: overindulgence in “just having fun” will not prepare you for life. You will reap no benefit from making childhood an impossible act to follow. Rather, you will find adult responsibility dull and unappealing. But guess what? Adult responsibility was originally intended to make up 70% of your life! What a waste to ruin the largest portion of your existence on earth by buzzing yourself numb during childhood!
If only we knew how our culture was shortchanging us by telling us to spend our teenage years just having fun! If only we knew the joys of committed marriage, of fatherhood & motherhood, of faithful stewardship and eventual leadership that are being gutted by the miscellaneous notion that life is about fun.
Here are a few practical steps to “save” the joys of adulthood:
1) Stop viewing your teenage years as a time to goof off before you have to settle down and be responsible. Putting off responsibility does not prepare you for responsibility. The teen years offer the best time of preparation you’ll every have. No other time in your life will allow you such undistracted preparation. No other time in your life is as pivotal to what you will become as these years.
2) Don’t separate what you are now from what you will become. If you hope to be a stay-at-home mom someday but at age sixteen can’t stand sitting around at home for two days straight then there’s a problem! If you won’t be able to play 20+ hours of video games per week after you’re married, don’t play that much now. Don’t expect extreme transitions to be made smoothly. Your best chance is to become now what you want to be then.
3) Begin establishing deadlines for yourself, assigning yourself responsibilities, and setting priorities. Anything that helps you develop self-discipline and responsibility. These characteristics are markers of maturity.
4) Limit your time spent playing video games, watching television, randomly surfing the web, and listening to music with headphones. All of these activities tend to isolate you and prevent you from the developing the kind of personality and character that makes living with you enjoyable. Work at simply interacting with people more, better yet, organize an activity (besides watching a movie, playing video games, etc.).
For example, my eleven-year-old brother Isaac just organized a 50+ player airsoft war on our property. He got all of these people to show up at the right place and at the right time. He made tons of phone calls to ensure that everyone had a working gun and safety goggles. He divided them all up into to even teams and we had blast last Sunday.
This story tells you that we are not against having fun, but we do believe that our fun should occur in such a way that it prepares us for the rest of life, rather than ruining us for it. Isaac developed organization and leadership skills as well as an ability to work with people that will serve him all his life. And he’s just eleven-years-old! You can do this too.
Continue Series with Part Four: I’m Pro-Choice: Choosing To Grow Up
November 2nd, 2005 at 12:34 am
Bravo!
Well said!
Especially that part 3….
Goals are what make something fun. Some people think fun is playing with a ball. However, sports wouldn’t be considered ‘Fun’ by those who play it, if there were no goals, and no times.
Keep track records of goals, both complete and incomplete, and watch your views of the nearly profane three letter word, ‘fun’, change entirely.
Goals make responsiblity a joy. They allow us to see how much we can do when we have direction, and purpose.
I wish I was not so wrapped up in the ‘fun’ philosophy myself, but somehow I’ve come to think that somehow I have a right to amuse myself…
A-Muse….
Not Think…
Apparently we’re pushed into believing that we have a right to not think!
No wonder we have so many problems later in life! Well, I hope I learn to muse more, and amuse less.
Thanks for keeping a great blog guys!
November 2nd, 2005 at 2:39 am
I’m definitely going to read all of these. This one had some great tips. Thank you so much, guys. You really are such blessings. Keep up the good work and never stop glorifying our Lord.
November 2nd, 2005 at 3:18 pm
Wow, I am going to have to read the other parts of this series!! I agree with you 100%. If people are not used to having responsibility when they are young, what kind of an America will kids grow up to? John made a very good point about amusement. Isn’t it sad that in America we have the ‘priviledge’ of going to parks that allow us to not think for a whole entire day?
~Nella
November 3rd, 2005 at 6:44 am
You bring up some important points here, as in the great majority of your posts. But, let me briefly speak the truth in love: you need to make sure you’re careful with your words. Please know you have a wide audience here, and what you say needs to be well thought-out and not hasty. This is especially with regards to some of the comments that have been made about public schooling. I know I, and several I know, have been deeply affected by these in negative ways. Hurt is brought about when acceptance is absent.
Remember there are lots of pros and cons to homeschooling as there are public schooling! I’ll refrain from discussion. But I ask you, as your fellow sister in Christ, please be gentle, please be rational, please be considerate. As you seek to glorify the Lord, remember that Jesus was not judgemental. Far from it.
Look to Him as your example when you want to reach your peers.
November 3rd, 2005 at 1:59 pm
Dear Vikki,
Thank you for your comment. You truly spoke your reproach with love, and we greatly appreciate and admire that. We will make sure that we give great care and thought to our words regarding public schooling. We are pained to think that we have caused anyone reading to feel hurt or condemned. That was far from our intention.
However, if I may clarify, we have studied this issue in length and our comments reflect our conclusions, which we have tried always to season with salt. Please do not misunderstand; we do not condemn the people in the public schools. There have been excellent, excellent Christian young people who have come out of the schools as stronger and more effective Christians than they would have been otherwise. There are countless teachers who have been an incredible witness to Christ through their work in the public schools. But this is a testimony of God’s gracious goodness, not a testimony that the public school as a system is justified. As a system, we strongly believe that it is spiritually bankrupt.
As you rightly said, there is no need to argue the pros and cons. Brett and I believe that home schooling, in the context of a family following God’s biblical guidance in a strong local church, is superior to any other form of education. However, we do not take a legalistic approach. By no means. If we have ever made a statement that implies a legalistic approach, please bring it to our attention that we may rectify that error…
Throughout our blog, our approach to the homeschool vs. public school controversy has been primarly one of: Observe the fruit. If you like what you see, do what we do.
Once again, thank you for your kind correction. We esteem and appreciate those who bring to our attention any error in fact or approach very much indeed. God bless you!
In Christ,
Alex
November 3rd, 2005 at 4:41 pm
I love your blog! I just found it a few days ago and it looks awesome. I’ve already read most of the Kidult series- very good!! I’ll keep checking in here periodically.
Thanks and keep up the good work,
Lindsey
November 4th, 2005 at 4:06 pm
Wonderfully inspiring! Thanks for the great words of encouragement in the Kidults Series (Part 3). It is all too easy to fall into an activity driven life. Keep proclaiming truth for His glory!
~*Christin*~
P.S. English Country Dancing is more than “just having fun” right?
November 4th, 2005 at 6:58 pm
Hey Christin! Thanks for commenting. Yes, I would say that English Country Dancing is more than “just having fun,” especially if you truly focus on developing the historical social etiquette and signficance that accompanies it. George Washington once said that English Country Dancing was what taught him how to be a gentleman.
November 9th, 2005 at 3:49 am
alex and brett-
thanks for setting this site up-it’s awesome! It really helps me keep my focus on eternal things and that our purpose on earth is to serve Him. As I face distractions, this is an encouragement to make the Main Thing the main thing.
thanks again,
sarah
November 9th, 2005 at 9:36 pm
I couldn’t disagree more. the fact is, life is evolving. these “20 somethings” that don’t know what they want to do with their life are not simple doing nothing. they are creating. they are making things. they are learning. they are socializing, they are experimenting with life. they are expanding as human beings.
if you try to define a person’s worth and purpose simply by saying what they do to buy groceries and pay rent (or mortgage, a lot of these “twixers” have condos, you know), you are denegrating who they are. in fact, you are denegrating the entire human race by reducing them to components of production. life is more than just work. the fact that our generation has learned this is a step up in our evolution, not a step down.
November 12th, 2005 at 4:31 am
Hi guys - some interesting posts on “kidults” here - I e-mailed you yesterday with a partial response on my thoughts on, well - at least the first of the series. I planned to do more of the study today and get e-mail you another response, but I’ve had some responsibilities to take care of (ironically).
I just want to say though - you guys do a good job with keeping up on the news, trends, and today’s culture. The only thing I see a problem with is the “filtering” and approach sometimes. I’m not usually this “tough” on bloggers or on web forums - but you stated that you are presenting the “truth”, and I believe somewhere else that you are “Christians,” which would seem obvious to most considering your family’s “reputation.”
God bless and we’ll see if we can do this soon,
Richard
November 12th, 2005 at 5:55 am
Hey Richard - thanks for the comment. The reason I respond here is just to say that, yes, Brett and me are emphatically, positively, all-out, no-holds-barred, born again believers. I would hope there would be no mistaking that fact.
We did receive your email, and we appreciate the constructive criticism. I don’t know if I agree with your conclusion — though I’m not exactly sure what it is — but I acknowledge the truth of many of your premises. Thank you. I look forward to hearing more from you, and hopefully, clarifying our position, as time permits.
God bless!
November 29th, 2006 at 7:29 pm
Markus…
It was quite useful reading, found some interesting details about this topic. Thanks….