24 Tips For How To Write Good (Like Me)
[silliness]Alex and I have been barraged with requests to share our writing secrets. What makes The Rebelution one of the easier reads in the blogosphere? Why do words flow from our fingers like water from a punctured water bottle?
Today, we share these secrets. The truth is that Alex and I are no more than the beneficiaries of an anonymous word wizard. His wisdom we share with you today in hopes that excellence in writing will spread to all corners of the globe.
HOW TO WRITE GOOD!
1. Avoid alliteration always.
2. Prepositions are no words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid clichés like the plague.
4. Employ the vernacular ad nauseam.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbrev., etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
8. Contractions aren’t acceptable.
9. Foreign words are not apropos.
10. As Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
11. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
12. One should never generalize.
13. Don’t be redundant; it is highly superfluous to use more words than necessary.
14. Be specific, more or less.
15. Understatement is insipid.
16. Exaggeration is infinitely worse than understatement.
17. One word sentences? Simple. Eliminate!
18. The passive voice is to be avoided.
19. Bad analogies are like feathers on a snake.
20. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
21. Who needs rhetorical questions?
22. Colloquialisms are grody to the max.
23. Abjure polysyllabic obfuscations.
24. Finally, chech for pselling errors and typeos.
There you have it! 24 principles that are sure to improve your writing. Follow them faithfully, our dear readers, and maybe someday you will write rules of your own.[/silliness]
February 24th, 2006 at 5:44 pm
:) That was terribly hilarious & as entertaining as peanut butter on a bullfrog! Giggle. WTgo!
February 24th, 2006 at 6:05 pm
Great blog, guys! I love it. May my young kids grow to become rebelutionaries.
Jon Bloom
Desiring God Ministries
February 24th, 2006 at 6:27 pm
that is great!:) I like those rules!:)
February 24th, 2006 at 6:46 pm
Oh brother! I shook my head through the whole thing!!
February 24th, 2006 at 7:06 pm
#25. Never write in a style which contradicts the message, because that would strengthen the message.
February 24th, 2006 at 8:09 pm
That was hilarious!
February 24th, 2006 at 8:12 pm
With advice like that you have the world writing good more quicker than you can shake a stick. (Or click a mouse.)
Eew I better stop. I’ll have DSS knocking on my door for failure to educate myself before educating my children. Oh wait, I was public schooled they can’t beat me up too badly.
February 24th, 2006 at 8:12 pm
Hahaha! That’s awesome!
btw, can you add me as a rebelutionary?
February 24th, 2006 at 9:11 pm
Mr. Bloom: Thank you, sir. We’re honored by your encouragement.
Spunky: I love expressions like “more quicker.” They’re so much more better.
Jeremy: Thanks, Jeremy! We usually don’t add blogs until they have demonstrated consistent quality over a longer period of time. We don’t want our sidebar linking to “dead” (or soon to be “dead”) blogs. Keep working and you’ll get on there.
February 24th, 2006 at 9:27 pm
Brett,
Me and my friends think your writing style is as good as gold. It’s inspired many peeople to write good, like Spunky. I’m still scratching my head at #23, tho.
February 24th, 2006 at 9:30 pm
I enjoyed reading your rules for excellent writing. At least we know you practice what you preach!
February 24th, 2006 at 9:35 pm
Thanks for those…um…interesting guidelines.
Very informative!
Oh, and make sure you know that all generalizations are false.
February 24th, 2006 at 9:43 pm
… a kind soul handed this list to me in college, and it has always been a good checklist; except the list I was given started out with “your reader lacks intelligence, therefore…” :/
February 24th, 2006 at 9:54 pm
MM: Your comment gives us an opportunity to re-emphasize that Brett and I did not write this list. We’d love to know who did, but for now, we just call him The Anonymous Word Wizard.
February 24th, 2006 at 10:35 pm
Very funny! Only it should be “write well.” Good is an adjective, whereas well is an adverb, modifying the infinitive verbal to write.
I know you guys know that. . . .
I enjoyed it very much! I do editing work for a friend’s newsletter, so I will definitely keep these tips in mind.
February 24th, 2006 at 10:50 pm
I think “How to Write Good” was written by Frank L. Visco. Just FYI.
February 25th, 2006 at 3:55 am
I already write good. So I ain’t got need for them tips.
Great post!
February 25th, 2006 at 4:16 am
Thanks for making me laugh, guys!
Although I am new at posting here, I’ve been a regular reader of your blog for quite awhile now, and I am so thankful for the wonderful example you are setting for teenagers (and non-teenagers, like me
) everywhere.
February 25th, 2006 at 6:27 am
Heh…that was kinda funny.
Although, I don’t really use too many rules when I write; I just do it. After reading a lot of books, good writing becomes simple imitation of the greats.
February 25th, 2006 at 1:15 pm
Rule #26
40 times a day, people start their sentences with a number. 100% wrong.
February 25th, 2006 at 2:11 pm
That was so entertaining! Have you gentlemen read
“Elements of Style,” by Strunk and White? It is an interesting book; he tells you over and over to “eliminate, eliminate your words.”
I can just imagine him with his glasses in front of a class; a very enjoyable lesson to watch and listen to I’m sure!
February 25th, 2006 at 4:42 pm
Shelbi: Thank you for reading, and now, for commenting! Alex and I are truly blessed interacting with and serving (in small ways) all of you.
JennyAnyDots: No, we haven’t read ‘Elements of Style’ . . . It sounds very educational. Thanks!
February 26th, 2006 at 12:45 am
To be more specific about that book.
The Elements of Style, by William Strunk jr and E.B. White.
A very good book!! I think you would enjoy it.
February 26th, 2006 at 9:29 pm
Hey, umm, do you honestly think that list would or could help anyone write better. Maybe I’m missing the obvious but whoever wrote that sure seemed to contradict himself an awful lot. Example: As Emerson said, I hate quotations. Tell me what you know. And then, 11: Never use comparisons. Also that guy said multiple times never be redundant well I think anyone reading that would get his point based on how many times he said it. So I guess I’m just wondering why you would support such a thing by posting it to your blog… Could you explain?
February 27th, 2006 at 12:19 am
Anonymous: The list is intended to humorously remind its readers of proper writing technique by giving examples of how not to do it. Sorry if that wasn’t clear!
February 27th, 2006 at 11:29 pm
Heheheh, time to put that warning back on top of the list.
This reminded me pleasantly of one of Winston Churchill’s better comebacks. A speech of his was critiqued with an admonition not to end sentences with prepositions. Sir Winston shot back, “That is the sort of errant pedantry up with which I shall not put.”
February 28th, 2006 at 4:59 am
Very clever.
Mark Daniels
February 28th, 2006 at 7:44 am
This was indeed a very funny list. It way well be that in writing a blog, these guidelines can help make it easier to read, but as to belles lettres, I wouldn’t follow them
March 16th, 2006 at 11:24 pm
Hahahahaha! That’s hilarious! I can’t believe I’m an author and I’ve never seen this list before! Cracks me up! Now, I’m on to read the serious stuff on your blog!
God bless, Amber
September 27th, 2006 at 1:58 pm
I’m afraid my weaknesses consist mainly of paranthetical remarks (and the occasional spelling error). However, I do try my best. It’s difficult not to compare myself to those people who write constantly in chatspeak…
September 29th, 2006 at 1:12 pm
That’s great! I’m going to print it out and put it in my room. God bless
September 30th, 2006 at 9:27 am
Wow….so funny. I’ll definetely be using these techniques in the future. Thanks guys!
October 30th, 2006 at 6:52 pm
The Elements of Style is an excellent book! Between reading that and this list, I’ll really
know how to write GOOD!!!
November 20th, 2006 at 1:17 pm
very funny. . .thnx. lol, i like #23. . it took a while and a websters dictionary. . but i got it before you could say “hester’s frog was blu”
December 7th, 2006 at 5:22 pm
That was great….still trying to figure out number 23, though.
December 27th, 2006 at 6:39 pm
Hahahaha! That was great! I will have to save this one.:D
December 29th, 2006 at 11:57 am
#23—(am I spoiling the fun?)
Abjure= To avoid or shun.
Polysyllabic=long and ponderous words; having many syllables. (more than two or three, to be exact)
Obfuscations=To confuse, bewilder, or stupify.
WHIRWHIR…CLICK!
—Avoid long words that have many syllables and confuse people.—
Lucy
April 1st, 2007 at 3:48 am
Ok, I’m gonna print this out and keep it cause i’m going to be writing an essay soon
June 21st, 2007 at 12:34 pm
Thanks for the definations, Lucy!
October 1st, 2007 at 4:43 pm
Wow, did you look in a thesaurus to find those extravagantly monumental words,
or is your vocabulary just that big?
November 18th, 2007 at 6:15 pm
Not really anonymous…the author is simple to find
How To Write Good by Frank L. Visco
December 6th, 2007 at 7:40 pm
“Abjure polysyllabic obfuscations”… “Avoid confusing words with lots of syllables”
I love those weird words! I have learned so many out-of-the-norm words from this website. In one of the archives, I learned the definitions of the words “verbose” and “nebulous”, now I’m learning words like “obfuscations” and “abjure”.
:)
January 23rd, 2008 at 8:32 pm
Awww shucks, no parenthetical remarks (I love parentheses).
Thanks for the humorous reminder of how not to write.
May 30th, 2008 at 4:44 am
I think you need to fix the Silliness tags. They don’t work.
June 19th, 2008 at 11:07 am
That was great! I have written a book and many short stories, (some award wimmers) and will take these to hart! (oops! a typeo!
June 22nd, 2008 at 9:29 pm
Your list reminded me of when my father used to tease my English-teacher mother that when she applied for a teaching position she asked, “You don’t know nobody wants nobody to do nuthin’, do you?”
July 30th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
I love it.I also love to write stories and essays. For my english i was supposed to write a short story . It may end up a book because Im homeschooled and I can do that.
September 29th, 2008 at 5:20 pm
You are absolutly nuts Brett! I really need to work on number 24. I am always pressing the submit button and then realizing that I made a “Typeo”. Oops! I just did number 10.
Wow. Your mom must be so proud of you using such wonderful (and silly) vocabulary(Oops! Now I used number 6!
)
Sarah.
October 29th, 2008 at 9:42 am
I should email that to my English teacher and tell her that that’s the RIGHT way to do things! She would kill me for it, but I guess that’s just part of the fun. I LOVE things like that!
December 26th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
My English teacher would love this! He is a walking contradiction himself… but i guess it takes 1 2 no 1
December 29th, 2008 at 9:49 pm
At my school, where they puts emphasis on creative writing, has a strict writing standard. It include:
A creative title
An introduction
Three body paragraphs
A conclusion
Eschew contractions
Third person only!!!
The english teachers recommend that their student use a more vocabulary words, use qoutes to prove your point, and use the seven sentence openers, which I do not have at the moment.
It is interesting to note some difference between the writing standards that Brett and Alex use and those used at my school.
January 4th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
That’s funny. All pieces like this should be like, totally widely published. Seriously. I will be sure to apply it’s advice to the paper I’m writing for my English class essay.(jk)
Wow, I’ve already broken rules 6,8,12,13,15,17,& now 5. Some were on purpose, but composing this was fun.
This list is hilarious!