Brothers and Sisters: Responding Correctly To Irritations
The second installment in the Brothers and Sisters series is written by the youngest Mally sibling, Grace. Now 16 years old, Grace was 12 when she wrote Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends with her brother and sister. Since then, it has sold 30,000 copies. Today she shares stories and examples from her own life as we learn about responding correctly to life’s (and sibling’s) many irritations.
Being the youngest in the family has its advantages. It also has its disadvantages. Older brothers and sisters seem to have a knack for taking advantage of their younger siblings and getting them (or should I say me) to do just about anything.
For example, I tend to sympathize with things that are hurting or suffering, whether people or otherwise. Unfortunately for me, my older siblings Stephen and Sarah used to think this was pretty funny and had fun making me feel sorry for things. You know how on milk jugs they have that plastic band under the cap that keeps it sealed before you open it? You probably just pull it off and throw it away, right? Well, when I was younger, Sarah and Stephen would make me feel sorry for these plastic bands. They named them “pricklies” and every time we threw a “prickly” away, they would tell me how sad the poor little prickly was about being tossed away in the garbage, all alone, with no friends. They even made up a song called “Poor Little Prickly.” Not bearing to see the poor little “prickly” abandoned, I would go and rescue it. Eventually I decided to start a collection. At one time, I had over 80 of them!
Of course, this embarrassing story has a point. Just as I have “mercy tendencies,” Sarah and Stephen also have their various gifts, personalities, interesting habits, and “quirks.” God is the one who puts families together. He knows exactly what He is doing. The assortment of gifts and personalities He provides makes the family a very powerful team. However, these differences, which make life colorful and exciting, can also cause a lot of irritations.
As rebelutionaries, we need to learn how to handle irritations in a godly way instead of allowing them to cause damage. You see, our goal is not to seek an irritation-free environment. We will always have irritations in our lives. Instead, God wants us to learn how to handle these irritating situations correctly. In fact, this is one of the reasons God has put us in families. Our brothers and sisters and parents each have different strengths and weaknesses. Their personalities and characteristics may annoy us at times, but if we can’t learn to get along with them, we won’t succeed in our relationships with other people later on in life.
Recently we received a letter from a girl (we’ll call her Lauren) who was having trouble with her sister. Lauren explained that she and her sister share a room, but she likes the room clean and her sister likes it messy. Sound familiar to anyone? Lauren said that she had tried everything: telling her sister to clean up, cleaning up for her, talking to her parents, and even asking to switch rooms. Nothing helped. She was frustrated and didn’t know what to do.
I’m sure we can all relate to situations like this. I know I can. But if we’re hoping to change the other person, or if we’re expecting the Lord to step in and perform a miracle to change our circumstances, then we’re probably headed for disappointment and more frustration. You see, the Lord usually isn’t interested in rescuing us from irritating situations. Rather He is interested in changing us! Just like beautiful pearls are formed when an irritant makes its way into an oyster’s shell, so when we respond properly to “irritants” in our own lives, we will be displaying the beauty of Christ in our lives. You see, irritations are actually good things. They just happen to be irritating!
Like Lauren, the young lady who is struggling with her sister’s “messy tendencies,” we need to realize several things when we’re faced with an irritation. First of all, we need to realize that we don’t deserve anything—not even a clean room. Everything we have is a gift. The Lord gives and takes away, and He commands us to be content in all circumstances.
Secondly, we need to look past the irritation and ask God to reveal the bigger picture. What is His goal in this situation? What is He doing? What do we need to change in our own life? What are the needs of the other people involved? I’ve found that once I am able to look past the irritation, it often feels like a light “turns on” and I am able to see how God is using a difficult situation in an important way for a significant purpose.
So next time you are irritated, remember that this is a test from the Lord. Remember that God could take away the irritation in an instant if He knew it would be best for you. And remember that you are a rebelutionary—being trained by God for the important, world-changing assignments He has prepared for you. The training may be tough; it requires endurance, humility, and lots of patience—but the fruit is eternal.
July 6th, 2006 at 2:08 am
Fantastic post, Grace! I have four siblings and can most thoroughly apply this to my life! Thanks for the encouragement to keep my eyes on eternal fruit, not present irritations =)
God bless!
Sarah
July 6th, 2006 at 4:54 am
Right on, Grace. This is a reminder I need constantly both in my family and at work. Thank you for sharing what God has shown you.
July 6th, 2006 at 5:30 am
That was a wonderful post Grace, I’m so glad you and your siblings are helping to shine a light on some truth and Biblical instruction.
God bless,
July 7th, 2006 at 4:22 am
That was a very good post. I have one older sister, two younger ones, and one little brother, and have always shared a room. I am so thankful that my parents have encouraged us to have good relationships with all of our siblings. Thank you for the great post!
July 7th, 2006 at 12:31 pm
Thanks for the post! I really needed that.
September 8th, 2006 at 1:05 pm
[…] Part 2: Respond Correctly to Irritations by Grace […]
December 15th, 2006 at 3:49 pm
I really appreciated the post. I’ve read your book, and really enjoyed it. I’m the oldest girl in a family of 8 kids, and it helps to be reminded that although it isn’t normal for siblings to be really good friends, it is possible AND desirable! Thanks for inspiring me to keep pursuing the goal!
December 27th, 2006 at 5:18 pm
Great post indeed. I have two younger brothers (whom I love like crazy) who are really fun to be with, but they can be just as anoying/iritating sometimes. This is just what I need to hear. Thanks.
January 18th, 2007 at 2:44 pm
Neat insight.
February 16th, 2007 at 9:44 pm
Great insight, I had never thought of it that way. I get irritated quite alot with one of my younger brothers. But I do see what you mean by not deserving anything, I definately don’t! And I want to get an A+ on the tests that God gives me=)
Very encouraging!
Blessings,
Naomi Elizabeth
March 13th, 2007 at 4:35 pm
What an awesome message! It opened my eyes to how often I get angry over small, unimportant things when it comes to my two brothers. Sadly, I never learn my lesson or ask questions to seek what God is trying to teach me. Thank you for the questions and the godly advice. God bless your ministry with your siblings. I am challenged by all three of these posts to create a more concrete relationship with my brothers- through the grace of Christ alone!
April 15th, 2007 at 12:14 pm
I’m the oldest of 5: 1 sister and 3 little brothers. They’re all very sweet, but we do have our arguments and irritate each other and get angry at each other sometimes. My mom said to me once to think before I get angry “Will this matter tomorrow? How about next week?”
Thank’s Grace for the article!!!!
May God bless you!!!!
Tory
June 9th, 2007 at 2:12 pm
‘…our goal is not to seek an irritation-free environment.’ Awesome - so true. It’s easy for me to get discouraged about my battles to bear the rare fruit of the Spirit known as ‘Kindness’ in response to irritations from my 9 siblings. My Mom encouraged me with the verse that ‘Love covers a multitude of sin.’ Make up lost time guys, and let God love your siblings through you and yield a harvest of kindness in response to the promptings our Loving Gardener.
June 13th, 2007 at 4:10 pm
You talked about the meesy girl and the clean girl(Lauren’s story) well, I’m the meesy one, and I can totally empathize with Lauren’s sister. oldest of my three younger sisters is just like Lauren. Maybe I can work on giving my sis some grace, as well as cleaning up a bit. Thanks for the great post!
June 19th, 2007 at 8:36 pm
This is so relevant! I like my room clean and my sister ( I am second in 8 children) usually couldn’t care less if she tried! Our room would get messy… like you’ve probably never seen! And one big drawback to having things piled up all over your room is that the ones on the bottom- well, they get broken, spec’ally when you sit on the pile(’cause there’s nowhere else to sit)! I figured it out awhile ago; whenever I feel like having a cleaner room I just clean it up, including all her stuff. Then she has to ask me where everything is
’cause she can’t find it! I wonder if this is the right thing to do?
June 25th, 2007 at 6:34 pm
Wow, Grace, this has been very helpful! I have always struggled with my older brother. it is frustrating, because, i have an awesome relationship with my older sister. (I am the youngest.) I see what an awesome relationship I could have with my brother, but don’t. this wasn’t my choice. it’s frustrating to me, because sometimes my brother is awesome! and then he turns around and says or does something that hurts. I know I am not perfect, and that sometimes his reactions are my fault, but some are not. now, since I have been “burned” by my brother, i become more and more afraid to bridge the gap. It’s harder and harder for me to even try being.. well, sisterly. but this article has helped me and inspired me to keep on trying.
God bless you.
August 8th, 2007 at 8:28 am
I have two younger sisters and Dorothy, my one-year-younger sister irritates me a lot. I just don’t know how to calm myself. Thanks for the post. Now I know other people have ( sort of) the same problems!
December 9th, 2007 at 12:26 am
My brother definately knows how to irritate me. That being said, I am th emaster of being irritating. Thanks for this post.
March 13th, 2008 at 7:46 pm
…With an older sister, 2 younger sisters, and 3 younger brothers, I sure get irritated! I was very encouraged, and though over the years we have all gotten better, I realized we still have some work to do!
Thanks, Grace!
March 31st, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Wow. This really changed the way I look at these kind of situations. It wasn’t until I read the line “we don’t deserve anything…everything we have is a gift.” It made me realized what I sense of entitlement I carry with me. Great post.
April 11th, 2008 at 11:12 pm
Thanks, Grace! I have a younger sibling who’s quite irritating, and somehow I really appreciate your post. I now know how to deal with her:) Actually, she’s quite cute, considering.. Great post again!
May 2nd, 2008 at 7:56 pm
Great post! I am the second oldest of five so we can get pretty irritated being around each other all day. This was a good reminder to look beyond the irritation. Thanks!
May 12th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Awesome post Grace!
I am eighteen and have a younger brother who is thirteen and trust me, he can get to be very irritating and annoying. I have a hard time not losing it. But I realize that I do things that annoy him to, so I can’t really get mad at him when I do the same thing. And I also realize that getting back at him won’t make things easier, it will just make them twice as bad. So when he does annoy me, instead of getting mad at him, and choosing to let it bother me, I will ask God to help me to just let it go.
With love from your sister in Christ,
Melissa
June 29th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Thank you for posting this!! You are right, Grace, it is so hard to have a loving and forgiving relationship with our siblings, and I struggle is this area so often! But if I can truly work at my relationships with my 9 brothers and sisters, then God can bless me and show me so much! Otherwise, I can just stay bitter and selfish, and then God can’t show me things with an unwilling heart and spirit. I hope and pray that I can be the best friend I can be to my siblings, and I can only have success if I let God do the work in me!
In Christ,
Hannah B.
June 30th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
thank you for this! it was encouraging.
July 17th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
I am the oldest of three, my youngest sibling was just adopted from Guatemala and we are just finishing up our first year with him in our family. He has already begun to manifest his “unique quirks” that are slightly irritating at times, and this post was a breath of fresh air for me. Thanks Grace for posting this. It has really helped me!