Brothers & Sisters: Let Someone Else Win
The final installment in the Brothers and Sisters series is written by the middle Mally sibling, Stephen. Stephen leads a discipleship group for young men and co-leads Just Men conferences with his father, encouraging young men to be strong and courageous leaders in God’s kingdom. Today he encourages all of us to strive for more than just an average relationship with our siblings… even if that means letting the other person win.
Before we get started, however, Stephen has supplied a few helpful definitions of key terms:
- Home: a place where you can say what you think, but no one listens.
- Argument: when two people are trying to get in the last word first.
- Cooperation: doing what I tell you and doing it quickly.
- Peace: the period of confusion and unrests between two wars.
- Diplomacy: the art of letting someone else get your way.
- Opinion: you can have your own as long as it’s the same as mine.
- Females: people who take their time taking your time.
It all started very simply… You see our house is not very big and that makes it hard to find enough room for everything. One day, when Sarah was fourteen and I was eight, she started complaining that her desk didn’t have enough room. The real problem was that she had too much stuff. I, on the other hand, had a desk with lots of drawers, and because I don’t horde “stuff” like a few other family members [names have not been listed to protect the guilty] some of the drawers were still empty. Guess what happened next?
You guessed right. Sarah actually came and asked me she could use one of my drawers for her stuff. I (being the shrewd businessman that I am) said, “Sure! But for a price.” So, we drew up a rental contract for six months. We both signed it. She paid me the money, and I rented her the drawer.
About ten months later I said, “Sarah, get your junk out of my drawer! Your rent is up.” She replied, “I don’t have anywhere else to put it. I want to keep renting it.” But I said, “No, I’m not making that deal again.” She said, “Stephen, you have to! I have no where else to put it.” The pressure built as we both began to state our views more strongly, neither of us seeing any negotiable options until finally, I (being the shrewd businessmen that I am) took the drawer and dumped everything on the floor.
If you’re anything like me, you like easy things. When there is an argument going on, even over something foolish, the easy thing to do is to keep on arguing—it’s what comes naturally to our sinful hearts. We always want to get in the last word. The hard thing is to drop the argument and let the other person win, especially when you are sure that you are right and they are wrong (as, of course, is always the case). This requires meekness. Meekness is being able to give up our wants knowing that God is in control. Meekness is entrusting our pride, our possessions, our reputation, and every other aspect of our lives to God, knowing that He will take care of things. Meekness is understanding that vengeance belongs to the Lord, not to us.
Some people think that to be meek is to be a wimp. But when you really think about it, meekness is not being weak at all, because putting on an attitude of meekness and humility is an incredibly hard thing. It is actually the stronger person who will humble themselves and be willing to “lose.” As rebelutionaries, we cannot settle for an average relationship, or even an above-average relationship with our siblings. God wants us to be best of friends, working side-by-side in His kingdom.
The Lord never promised us that the Christian life would be easy, but He promised us that it would be worth it. Being best friends with our brothers and sisters and enjoying their fellowship and comradeship is just one of the amazing blessings. I challenge you, as I must constantly challenge myself, to follow in the steps of Jesus, taking the narrow, uphill road—the hard one—knowing that you will reap an eternal reward.
July 6th, 2006 at 8:07 pm
Thank you, Stephen, for that thoughtful post. I definitely see where meekness needs to be applied in my life. Thanks for the encouragement!
God bless!
July 7th, 2006 at 4:27 am
Thank you so much for the post! It has been so encouraging seeing siblings working together in such a good way on this blog.
Paige
July 7th, 2006 at 12:29 pm
Thanks for the wonderful reminder!
It really helps to make the best of friends with your sisters and brothers!
~ Alyssa
July 7th, 2006 at 8:58 pm
Good reminders, Stephen. Thank you for helping us see ourselves in a better light.
God bless!
July 8th, 2006 at 8:55 pm
I loved this post!!! So good!! Thanks for writing that, Stephen, and thanks for posting this, Alex!
I am the second oldest of 7. My two favorite people in the world are my older sister and my younger brother (23 months between us). Granted, we don’t always agree. In fact, I bet it wouldn’t be very hard at all for me to just let them be since they don’t see things the way I do. Tut, tut, tut…
Good relationships require sacrifice. I used to logically inform my sister that, “Hey, it’s YOUR turn to be unselfish!” (Seriously, I’m not joking) But I’m thankful that I made those sacrifices, spent “my” energy to help create a fulfilling, life-long relationship with my brother and sister, and to me they are sooooooo special. They both mean the world to me. Even though I don’t get to be with them as much as I’d like, even though there’s those things like MILES to separate us, they’re still my best friends and I treasure their relationship with me. I’m so glad for each of my 6 siblings.
This series has been GOOD!!! Thanks again! I enjoy this blog. This is my first time commenting (I think) but I’ve been lurking for awhile :).
July 12th, 2006 at 1:49 am
Thanks for linking me! Im glad you enjoyed the newsletter; if I could only figure out how to add links to my blog there would be so many I would add, including yours. Thanks again!
~Jenn Joshua
November 1st, 2006 at 11:30 am
Great Article. Kudos from the oldest of 8. I believe that you are totally right about the sibs. Appreciate it!
Fight the Good fight!
January 18th, 2007 at 2:33 pm
Very good!
November 22nd, 2007 at 11:37 am
This is really helpful!! I have 3 siblings and we often struggle with our various fights!!
Thanks guys!!
December 9th, 2007 at 12:33 am
grr… This one is hard for me because when I’m right, this means one thing… you’re wrong so get out of my way. I really liked this post and the definitions. Thanks.
March 30th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
So hard to let my brothers win…especially since I’m the oldest and all…mighty pride on my part. It’s not just with siblings…with anyone really…I can’t seem to keep my mouth shut and keep arguing the sense out of the topic. Thanks for the post! =)
April 25th, 2008 at 6:01 pm
Thanks for the awesome post! I am stuck right in the middle of 9 and it’s tough to keep from getting sucked into petty arguments with all those siblings,but these posts have been VERY encouraging to me. I just recently found this website and I love it keep up the good work!
July 26th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
This series is just what has been on my mind these past weeks. I’m the oldest of 5, and sometimes it’s tough to let others win. Thanks for the reminder, Stephen!
August 6th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
Hey! I go to Bright Lights in Cedar Rapids. I’m in Grace’s group the Morning Glories. I really want to read your book.
August 17th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Thank you, thank you! I have 5 brothers and sisters and your articles have been sooooooo encouraging!!!!! Thanx!
August 20th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
OH, you are so right. Whenever my brother and I fight I couldn’t be more positive that I’m right. Thanks for helping me see that who’s “right” really doesn’t matter. I’ll work harder.
September 20th, 2008 at 9:39 pm
i have 2 sisters that i fight with (i dont fight with my 2 year old sister, which makes 3 sisters but i only fight with the 8 year old and the 11 year old) and this helps so much thank u Stephen!
September 29th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
Some people think that to be meek is to be a wimp. But when you really think about it, meekness is not being weak at all, because putting on an attitude of meekness and humility is an incredibly hard thing. Very true Stephen!
You are so funny! Although I did not agree with your definition of a female ;). I guess I am just biased
Sarah.
September 29th, 2008 at 5:42 pm
Hey Stephen. How about these definitions:
Males: People who hold the delusion that they are logical when the reality is that they only become logical after association with their female counter parts.
Men: People who desperately need help opposed to people created by God to give help.
Hope you agree!
Sarah.
January 29th, 2009 at 9:47 pm
I will try to let someone else win
January 31st, 2009 at 1:06 pm
this is especially hard for the older sibling to give in; we often have this mentality that because we are older we are “obviously” wiser and ALWAYS in the right-it often takes a younger sibling to remind us that by submitting or “letting someone else win” we are choosing to make peace & also choosing to honor and bring glory to God.
February 27th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
As the eldest of two, I AM ALWAYS RIGHT!
Gonna have to change that mindset. And it won’t be easy!
Thanks for these posts! And one of my friends has Sarah’s book “Before you meet Prince Charming” which I am keen to read!!
February 28th, 2009 at 8:59 pm
Hay I have made almost same deal only it was with my younger brother and it worked well till I got sick of him coming in to my room to look at something.
March 9th, 2009 at 8:13 am
Wow! That was a great article! I live in a family of 7 and in a 3 bedroom house! so as it’s pretty cramped…like 3 of us in one room! so as you can imagine all my little siblings want me to play with me so I play with them, and usally let them win…BUT! sometimes they boast or say to others “Oh I won him in this or that” sometimes it’s hard to ignore
June 26th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
This is an interesting series. I enjoyed it and yet found myself in it. I have a hard time being meek, humble, having humility and all sorts of other stuff. I know that it’s necessary to have a good relationship with my siblings and it’s hard sometimes. I’m going to try to remember to come back to this series when I’m trying to work something out with my siblings. Thanks to all 3 of you!
July 29th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
Good message Stephen!
July 31st, 2009 at 9:07 am
This is a really good message!!! Me and my younger brother (18 months apart) are constantly getting at it and my personality makes me want to be right in every argument. I need to learn to let him win. Humility is hard for me some times. Thanks for the encouragement and the insight!!!
January 6th, 2010 at 9:48 am
Thanks for this! Some people have a competitive steak…and some people are ALL competitive (like me). The trouble I have with my siblings is a) just sin–I want to win and win all the time; I’m working on that b) when I do let my siblings win, they keep taking. For example, if it were the drawer issue, they’d take that and keep on pushing for more of the space I have been allotted and the space I have currently been using. Any advice?
January 6th, 2010 at 10:56 am
Stephen,
I really like your blog! I have twin 8 year old brothers and they are so irritating when one is having a bad day they want everyone else to have one! like this morning my one brother kept making annoying noises and I new that the Lord was testing me through my brother! And I just ignored him and prayed a silent prayer and before I knew it he stoped and i passed! I know I am not a teen yet I am actually a tween! (12) But when you are young there is alot you can learn I loved your post and it gave me great advice and told me that even the little things in life need the help of the savior of the world! Great job!
~Kalle~
February 21st, 2010 at 7:56 am
Yes:) Blessed are those who are meek!!
March 25th, 2010 at 10:57 am
Having to let someone else will is hard but once you do it you’ll be thankful you did. I know I will trying harder to get along with my sisters and, you know, give up a battle or two. ^_^
May 3rd, 2010 at 5:00 pm
I’m 18 and the oldest of 5 (3 brothers and 1 sister). My little brothers and I have all shared one bedroom for years and we are homeschooled. Yea, I know you can see how crazy it was in your head… Well, it was worse than that! Ha-ha.
But we are stronger for it. We get better at getting along with one another everyday. (Hard to tell some days 
) As I watch them get older they get less and less irritating and more and more helpful. When ever they act out, I think, was I this way? My parents had to put up with me without an older brother to help! Everything they learn is easier for them to learn than it was for me, because I didn’t have a “cool big bro” like me to help out. (They have never called me that yet) Don’t worry big brothers and sisters! Little siblings do grow up! 
August 3rd, 2010 at 4:03 pm
Loved all three of these posts! Printed them out into a booklet for my 4 kids!!
but I have to know…. how did the drawer issue get resolved???