Comments on: Receiving Counterfeit Chivalry http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/ reb•e•lu•tion (reb’el lu shen) n. a teenage rebellion against low expectations Sun, 08 Nov 2009 03:24:28 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7.1 hourly 1 By: Aravir http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-491841 Aravir Thu, 02 Jul 2009 22:13:57 +0000 http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-491841 Exceedingly insightful. Thanks Brett for sharing your discernment! Exceedingly insightful. Thanks Brett for sharing your discernment!

]]> By: A Guy http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-478189 A Guy Sat, 23 May 2009 16:26:15 +0000 http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-478189 When it comes to the issue of flirtation I often do nothing for fear of people taking it the wrong way. When it comes to the issue of flirtation I often do nothing for fear of people taking it the wrong way.

]]> By: Maria http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-455290 Maria Thu, 19 Mar 2009 07:10:07 +0000 http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-455290 I found this article EXTREMELY helpful. Thank you SO much!!! I found this article EXTREMELY helpful. Thank you SO much!!!

]]> By: Ryan Cooper http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-367608 Ryan Cooper Fri, 12 Dec 2008 02:41:56 +0000 http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-367608 First of all girls, sorry from all of us guys. Please be patience with us, we are trying to go against the tide with this whole chivalry thing. Second, a big thank you to all real women out there. Great job Brett P.S. just because the majority of posts are by girls it does NOT mean the guys are not paying attention, guys just take longer to process it all sometimes. First of all girls, sorry from all of us guys. Please be patience with us, we are trying to go against the tide with this whole chivalry thing. Second, a big thank you to all real women out there.

Great job Brett

P.S. just because the majority of posts are by girls it does NOT mean the guys are not paying attention, guys just take longer to process it all sometimes.

]]> By: Marci http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-360992 Marci Sun, 23 Nov 2008 00:19:27 +0000 http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-360992 wow this article is so true: i'm one of the ugliest girls among the people I hang out with, and i used to see this all the time from in my youth group and among other guy friends - they would open doors for hot girls, but not the rest of us. In the past few years though, through the influence of our youth leaders and other girls, like me, who noticed it, they've really matured and are now extremely courteous to all girls. I say this because it think it is easy to get cynical about chivalry, and all aspects of "low cultural expectations," for that matter. But it doesn't have to be that way, so thank you, alex, brett, and everyone who has read or commented on this, because you are helping to change that. wow this article is so true:

i’m one of the ugliest girls among the people I hang out with, and i used to see this all the time from in my youth group and among other guy friends - they would open doors for hot girls, but not the rest of us. In the past few years though, through the influence of our youth leaders and other girls, like me, who noticed it, they’ve really matured and are now extremely courteous to all girls.

I say this because it think it is easy to get cynical about chivalry, and all aspects of “low cultural expectations,” for that matter. But it doesn’t have to be that way, so thank you, alex, brett, and everyone who has read or commented on this, because you are helping to change that.

]]> By: Banana http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-349897 Banana Thu, 06 Nov 2008 01:22:00 +0000 http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-349897 Only three guys have ever held a door open for me. My loving Father, my boy scout brother, and like Sarah, a guy who was flirting big time. My brothers have been raised, all four, to open doors for any one going behind them, or the elderly... But alot of this about guys carrying things for girls, opening their doors, or walking them home is like something out of an old story. I think if someone honestly was just being nice, and opened a door for me I might have a heart attack. Only three guys have ever held a door open for me. My loving Father, my boy scout brother, and like Sarah, a guy who was flirting big time. My brothers have been raised, all four, to open doors for any one going behind them, or the elderly… But alot of this about guys carrying things for girls, opening their doors, or walking them home is like something out of an old story. I think if someone honestly was just being nice, and opened a door for me I might have a heart attack.

]]> By: Sarah Pena http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-344980 Sarah Pena Tue, 28 Oct 2008 00:57:35 +0000 http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-344980 These are wonderful articles Brett! I have a story I would like to share though. There was a new boy at our church recently that was driving me insane! Every time I walked into a room he was in, he would follow me with his eyes. Every moment I turned around, there he was staring back. After a few weeks I was getting pretty tired of it. One Sunday evening I was was talking to a friend of mine when my mom called from outside to say it was time to go. I gathered up my things and turned to the door. "Oh no!" I thought. For there he was standing in the doorway. "Just brave up and go though" I told myself. I neared the door, he moved to the side and opened the it wider, while staring at me with one of his smiles. Instead of smiling back and saying "thank you", I just walked right through and ignored him. Was I wrong? Should I have smiled back and politely said "Thank you so much"? I knew he was flirting, he never did that to any other girl, even his girlfriend.(Yes, he still treated me like that while she was there) So was I still wrong? Can anyone tell me? God bless! Sarah. :) These are wonderful articles Brett!

I have a story I would like to share though. There was a new boy at our church recently that was driving me insane! Every time I walked into a room he was in, he would follow me with his eyes. Every moment I turned around, there he was staring back. After a few weeks I was getting pretty tired of it. One Sunday evening I was was talking to a friend of mine when my mom called from outside to say it was time to go. I gathered up my things and turned to the door. “Oh no!” I thought. For there he was standing in the doorway. “Just brave up and go though” I told myself. I neared the door, he moved to the side and opened the it wider, while staring at me with one of his smiles. Instead of smiling back and saying “thank you”, I just walked right through and ignored him. Was I wrong? Should I have smiled back and politely said “Thank you so much”? I knew he was flirting, he never did that to any other girl, even his girlfriend.(Yes, he still treated me like that while she was there) So was I still wrong? Can anyone tell me?

God bless!

Sarah. :)

]]> By: Stephanie http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-317917 Stephanie Wed, 24 Sep 2008 20:00:41 +0000 http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-317917 I find it easier to offer help than to wait for someone to help me. Many times I will open the door for a guy, or whoever whether male or female. If I were to ask a man in my school to open a door for me, it would be no shock to get the response, "Why can't you do it yourself?" Yet, in light of that, encouraging my brothers to be chivalrous is a great idea. It would take some courage on both parts to risk rejection. I find it easier to offer help than to wait for someone to help me. Many times I will open the door for a guy, or whoever whether male or female. If I were to ask a man in my school to open a door for me, it would be no shock to get the response, “Why can’t you do it yourself?”
Yet, in light of that, encouraging my brothers to be chivalrous is a great idea. It would take some courage on both parts to risk rejection.

]]> By: Linda Albert http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-296474 Linda Albert Tue, 19 Aug 2008 15:06:26 +0000 http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-296474 Brett and Alex, I have very much enjoyed reading your articles and commend you for your attitudes and commitment to Christian and chivalric ideals. I'd like to offer you and the other aspiring gentlemen who visit your site a little help with how to approach a woman who is obvious need of assistance. The motivation for this was an incident with my son, whom I raised to be a gentleman, in which the woman's reaction (she offered to 'mace' him) offended him so deeply he swore he would never again offer assistance to any woman, but I think by now he's calmed down enough to realize that while his motives were pure, she had no way of knowing that and that his approach in the circumstances was extremely threatening. Simply, in a parking garage, she had a flat tire and he walked up to her and asked her if he could help her. Nothing wrong with that, right? Wrong, very wrong. The parking garage was dimly lit, it was night, they were the only two people there and my son is very tall and very well built. My reaction in her situation would have been the same-fear and hostility. She was already on the edge, I'm sure, with a flat tire in a dark, isolated place and with this stranger conveniently on hand offering to help her. That she carried mace was an indication that she already was greatly fearful about her safety, whether from previous experience, a friend's experience, media coverage of such events or exhortation from an instruction course of some kind. I don't know if you and your male readers are aware, but such sources and experiences make women think and feel like the 'natural' relationship on the whole between women and men is that of prey to predator. How would you react if you believed that every one of the half of the human race that was generally stronger than you that you met was more than likely as not wanted to cause you grievous harm? You'd be a little twitchy too. Charm, soothing words and assurances of pure motives won't help, either. We all remember how charming and harmless Ted Bundy appeared to his victims. The correct approach in such a situation is to stand where you are clearly illuminated to the woman's perspective by whatever light is available, far enough away from her that you are not an immediate threat but that you can still talk to her by raising your voice a bit and asking her how you could assist her. Offer to call a service station or the police if you have a cell phone with you or offer to walk to an available phone and do so. Whatever she asks you to do, do it. If she requests that you leave, leave. At no point attempt to approach her if she doesn't expressly indicate that you may do so. I hope this helps to show to offer assistance in this kind of situation and clarify why some women may react less than favorably to offers of aid from men in circumstances. You wouldn't, I hope, blame an injured or panicked animal for biting you while you were try to give assistance. Someone who works with animals has learned how to approach them in such circumstances so as to lessen their fear before seeking to help them. A gentleman, likewise, needs informed as well as good intentions. Thank you for your thoughtful consideration on this subject. By the way, I always accept gentlemen opening doors, offering seats or to carry items with "Thank you so very much." Linda Brett and Alex,
I have very much enjoyed reading your articles and commend you for your attitudes and commitment to Christian and chivalric ideals. I’d like to offer you and the other aspiring gentlemen who visit your site a little help with how to approach a woman who is obvious need of assistance. The motivation for this was an incident with my son, whom I raised to be a gentleman, in which the woman’s reaction (she offered to ‘mace’ him) offended him so deeply he swore he would never again offer assistance to any woman, but I think by now he’s calmed down enough to realize that while his motives were pure, she had no way of knowing that and that his approach in the circumstances was extremely threatening. Simply, in a parking garage, she had a flat tire and he walked up to her and asked her if he could help her. Nothing wrong with that, right? Wrong, very wrong. The parking garage was dimly lit, it was night, they were the only two people there and my son is very tall and very well built. My reaction in her situation would have been the same-fear and hostility. She was already on the edge, I’m sure, with a flat tire in a dark, isolated place and with this stranger conveniently on hand offering to help her. That she carried mace was an indication that she already was greatly fearful about her safety, whether from previous experience, a friend’s experience, media coverage of such events or exhortation from an instruction course of some kind. I don’t know if you and your male readers are aware, but such sources and experiences make women think and feel like the ‘natural’ relationship on the whole between women and men is that of prey to predator. How would you react if you believed that every one of the half of the human race that was generally stronger than you that you met was more than likely as not wanted to cause you grievous harm? You’d be a little twitchy too. Charm, soothing words and assurances of pure motives won’t help, either. We all remember how charming and harmless Ted Bundy appeared to his victims.
The correct approach in such a situation is to stand where you are clearly illuminated to the woman’s perspective by whatever light is available, far enough away from her that you are not an immediate threat but that you can still talk to her by raising your voice a bit and asking her how you could assist her. Offer to call a service station or the police if you have a cell phone with you or offer to walk to an available phone and do so. Whatever she asks you to do, do it. If she requests that you leave, leave. At no point attempt to approach her if she doesn’t expressly indicate that you may do so.
I hope this helps to show to offer assistance in this kind of situation and clarify why some women may react less than favorably to offers of aid from men in circumstances. You wouldn’t, I hope, blame an injured or panicked animal for biting you while you were try to give assistance. Someone who works with animals has learned how to approach them in such circumstances so as to lessen their fear before seeking to help them. A gentleman, likewise, needs informed as well as good intentions. Thank you for your thoughtful consideration on this subject.
By the way, I always accept gentlemen opening doors, offering seats or to carry items with “Thank you so very much.”
Linda

]]> By: Part 3: Self-Serving Chivalry (A Warning to Christian Guys) « Sister’s Keepers http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-229629 Part 3: Self-Serving Chivalry (A Warning to Christian Guys) « Sister’s Keepers Wed, 21 May 2008 03:01:58 +0000 http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-229629 [...] Teen writer Brett Harris puts this issue clearly in his article, Counterfeit Chivalry; “Men, if we only show courtesy to certain girls on certain days when we are in certain moods, we are not gentlemen. If we show courtesy to women in public but fail to do the same for our mother and sisters, we are not gentlemen.  In fact, if our motivation for serving a woman is anything other than, ‘This is a woman that I have been called to serve and protect,’ we have counterfeit chivalry. We must continually remind ourselves that women deserve our service regardless of their age or appearance.” [...] [...] Teen writer Brett Harris puts this issue clearly in his article, Counterfeit Chivalry; “Men, if we only show courtesy to certain girls on certain days when we are in certain moods, we are not gentlemen. If we show courtesy to women in public but fail to do the same for our mother and sisters, we are not gentlemen.  In fact, if our motivation for serving a woman is anything other than, ‘This is a woman that I have been called to serve and protect,’ we have counterfeit chivalry. We must continually remind ourselves that women deserve our service regardless of their age or appearance.” [...]

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