Comments on: Receiving Counterfeit Chivalry http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/ reb•e•lu•tion (reb’el lu shen) n. a teenage rebellion against the low expectations of an ungodly culture. Mon, 13 Oct 2008 13:39:51 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.0.3 by: Stephanie http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-317917 Wed, 24 Sep 2008 20:00:41 +0000 http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-317917 I find it easier to offer help than to wait for someone to help me. Many times I will open the door for a guy, or whoever whether male or female. If I were to ask a man in my school to open a door for me, it would be no shock to get the response, "Why can't you do it yourself?" Yet, in light of that, encouraging my brothers to be chivalrous is a great idea. It would take some courage on both parts to risk rejection. I find it easier to offer help than to wait for someone to help me. Many times I will open the door for a guy, or whoever whether male or female. If I were to ask a man in my school to open a door for me, it would be no shock to get the response, “Why can’t you do it yourself?”
Yet, in light of that, encouraging my brothers to be chivalrous is a great idea. It would take some courage on both parts to risk rejection.

]]> by: Linda Albert http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-296474 Tue, 19 Aug 2008 15:06:26 +0000 http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-296474 Brett and Alex, I have very much enjoyed reading your articles and commend you for your attitudes and commitment to Christian and chivalric ideals. I'd like to offer you and the other aspiring gentlemen who visit your site a little help with how to approach a woman who is obvious need of assistance. The motivation for this was an incident with my son, whom I raised to be a gentleman, in which the woman's reaction (she offered to 'mace' him) offended him so deeply he swore he would never again offer assistance to any woman, but I think by now he's calmed down enough to realize that while his motives were pure, she had no way of knowing that and that his approach in the circumstances was extremely threatening. Simply, in a parking garage, she had a flat tire and he walked up to her and asked her if he could help her. Nothing wrong with that, right? Wrong, very wrong. The parking garage was dimly lit, it was night, they were the only two people there and my son is very tall and very well built. My reaction in her situation would have been the same-fear and hostility. She was already on the edge, I'm sure, with a flat tire in a dark, isolated place and with this stranger conveniently on hand offering to help her. That she carried mace was an indication that she already was greatly fearful about her safety, whether from previous experience, a friend's experience, media coverage of such events or exhortation from an instruction course of some kind. I don't know if you and your male readers are aware, but such sources and experiences make women think and feel like the 'natural' relationship on the whole between women and men is that of prey to predator. How would you react if you believed that every one of the half of the human race that was generally stronger than you that you met was more than likely as not wanted to cause you grievous harm? You'd be a little twitchy too. Charm, soothing words and assurances of pure motives won't help, either. We all remember how charming and harmless Ted Bundy appeared to his victims. The correct approach in such a situation is to stand where you are clearly illuminated to the woman's perspective by whatever light is available, far enough away from her that you are not an immediate threat but that you can still talk to her by raising your voice a bit and asking her how you could assist her. Offer to call a service station or the police if you have a cell phone with you or offer to walk to an available phone and do so. Whatever she asks you to do, do it. If she requests that you leave, leave. At no point attempt to approach her if she doesn't expressly indicate that you may do so. I hope this helps to show to offer assistance in this kind of situation and clarify why some women may react less than favorably to offers of aid from men in circumstances. You wouldn't, I hope, blame an injured or panicked animal for biting you while you were try to give assistance. Someone who works with animals has learned how to approach them in such circumstances so as to lessen their fear before seeking to help them. A gentleman, likewise, needs informed as well as good intentions. Thank you for your thoughtful consideration on this subject. By the way, I always accept gentlemen opening doors, offering seats or to carry items with "Thank you so very much." Linda Brett and Alex,
I have very much enjoyed reading your articles and commend you for your attitudes and commitment to Christian and chivalric ideals. I’d like to offer you and the other aspiring gentlemen who visit your site a little help with how to approach a woman who is obvious need of assistance. The motivation for this was an incident with my son, whom I raised to be a gentleman, in which the woman’s reaction (she offered to ‘mace’ him) offended him so deeply he swore he would never again offer assistance to any woman, but I think by now he’s calmed down enough to realize that while his motives were pure, she had no way of knowing that and that his approach in the circumstances was extremely threatening. Simply, in a parking garage, she had a flat tire and he walked up to her and asked her if he could help her. Nothing wrong with that, right? Wrong, very wrong. The parking garage was dimly lit, it was night, they were the only two people there and my son is very tall and very well built. My reaction in her situation would have been the same-fear and hostility. She was already on the edge, I’m sure, with a flat tire in a dark, isolated place and with this stranger conveniently on hand offering to help her. That she carried mace was an indication that she already was greatly fearful about her safety, whether from previous experience, a friend’s experience, media coverage of such events or exhortation from an instruction course of some kind. I don’t know if you and your male readers are aware, but such sources and experiences make women think and feel like the ‘natural’ relationship on the whole between women and men is that of prey to predator. How would you react if you believed that every one of the half of the human race that was generally stronger than you that you met was more than likely as not wanted to cause you grievous harm? You’d be a little twitchy too. Charm, soothing words and assurances of pure motives won’t help, either. We all remember how charming and harmless Ted Bundy appeared to his victims.
The correct approach in such a situation is to stand where you are clearly illuminated to the woman’s perspective by whatever light is available, far enough away from her that you are not an immediate threat but that you can still talk to her by raising your voice a bit and asking her how you could assist her. Offer to call a service station or the police if you have a cell phone with you or offer to walk to an available phone and do so. Whatever she asks you to do, do it. If she requests that you leave, leave. At no point attempt to approach her if she doesn’t expressly indicate that you may do so.
I hope this helps to show to offer assistance in this kind of situation and clarify why some women may react less than favorably to offers of aid from men in circumstances. You wouldn’t, I hope, blame an injured or panicked animal for biting you while you were try to give assistance. Someone who works with animals has learned how to approach them in such circumstances so as to lessen their fear before seeking to help them. A gentleman, likewise, needs informed as well as good intentions. Thank you for your thoughtful consideration on this subject.
By the way, I always accept gentlemen opening doors, offering seats or to carry items with “Thank you so very much.”
Linda

]]> by: Part 3: Self-Serving Chivalry (A Warning to Christian Guys) « Sister’s Keepers http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-229629 Wed, 21 May 2008 03:01:58 +0000 http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-229629 [...] Teen writer Brett Harris puts this issue clearly in his article, Counterfeit Chivalry; “Men, if we only show courtesy to certain girls on certain days when we are in certain moods, we are not gentlemen. If we show courtesy to women in public but fail to do the same for our mother and sisters, we are not gentlemen.  In fact, if our motivation for serving a woman is anything other than, ‘This is a woman that I have been called to serve and protect,’ we have counterfeit chivalry. We must continually remind ourselves that women deserve our service regardless of their age or appearance.” [...] […] Teen writer Brett Harris puts this issue clearly in his article, Counterfeit Chivalry; “Men, if we only show courtesy to certain girls on certain days when we are in certain moods, we are not gentlemen. If we show courtesy to women in public but fail to do the same for our mother and sisters, we are not gentlemen.  In fact, if our motivation for serving a woman is anything other than, ‘This is a woman that I have been called to serve and protect,’ we have counterfeit chivalry. We must continually remind ourselves that women deserve our service regardless of their age or appearance.” […]

]]> by: Jenn H http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-226268 Wed, 14 May 2008 06:50:05 +0000 http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-226268 I definitely agree with the guys on this one: a man is not a gentleman unless he treats a woman like a lady whether she acts like one or not. And the same goes for the ladies. We are not supposed to discriminate in our love for one another-otherwise it is not love, but rather harlotry by which we sell our services and apparent affections for our own benefit. Even the most debased criminal knows this kind of "love." Yet we are called to a love that is unusual and strange and that demands an explanation- a love that screams "not of this world" and points to a Savior who turns the way that we live upside down. In this way, chivalry is not just a courtesy, it is a weapon that distinguishes a soldier of the Lord's army in a battle for a love that conquers the disappointments of this world: gentlemen raise your swords! I definitely agree with the guys on this one: a man is not a gentleman unless he treats a woman like a lady whether she acts like one or not. And the same goes for the ladies. We are not supposed to discriminate in our love for one another-otherwise it is not love, but rather harlotry by which we sell our services and apparent affections for our own benefit. Even the most debased criminal knows this kind of “love.” Yet we are called to a love that is unusual and strange and that demands an explanation- a love that screams “not of this world” and points to a Savior who turns the way that we live upside down. In this way, chivalry is not just a courtesy, it is a weapon that distinguishes a soldier of the Lord’s army in a battle for a love that conquers the disappointments of this world: gentlemen raise your swords!

]]> by: JesusGeek http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-212891 Tue, 08 Apr 2008 04:00:32 +0000 http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-212891 Reading this article, I felt more than a little of my conscience...ouch! Reading the replies, I count four men out of forty-two comments...double ouch! It is easy for the Christian young man to pick out the (s) (triple ouch!) he likes, but refrain from the usual flirtations. This would be far too overt, selfish, and ful for him (okay, me). So, I indulge those feelings by displaying false chivalry, excusing it as proper and respectful. But it is just my self-righteous expression of the same heart that engages in any other kind of flirting. This was a challenging, insightful post. Guys, let us rise up to be men who are not controlled by our selfish desires, but who humbly honor every woman! Reading this article, I felt more than a little of my conscience…ouch!

Reading the replies, I count four men out of forty-two comments…double ouch!

It is easy for the Christian young man to pick out the (s) (triple ouch!) he likes, but refrain from the usual flirtations. This would be far too overt, selfish, and ful for him (okay, me). So, I indulge those feelings by displaying false chivalry, excusing it as proper and respectful. But it is just my self-righteous expression of the same heart that engages in any other kind of flirting.

This was a challenging, insightful post.

Guys, let us rise up to be men who are not controlled by our selfish desires, but who humbly honor every woman!

]]> by: Gracie Martin http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-163984 Sun, 02 Dec 2007 08:03:25 +0000 http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-163984 I want to encourage girls to build up younger guys in your life. I am very involved with the group CYT (Christian Youth Theater) and I am friends with almost all of the freshman boys. I honestly thank God for giving me these boys as my friends, because I know that through me and my best friend Kat, some of these guys have grown so much closer to God, and so much more respectful of other girls in CYT too. Girls - I know how frustrating it is to have guys ignore you for the "pretty" girls, especially since I'm not exactly the skinniest girl out there. Don't be afraid to encourage younger brothers and members of your youth group/homeschool group/whatever group to be more respectful of girls. God put those little men in your life for a reason! Do something about it - no matter how hard it seems. I want to encourage girls to build up younger guys in your life. I am very involved with the group CYT (Christian Youth Theater) and I am friends with almost all of the freshman boys. I honestly thank God for giving me these boys as my friends, because I know that through me and my best friend Kat, some of these guys have grown so much closer to God, and so much more respectful of other girls in CYT too.

Girls - I know how frustrating it is to have guys ignore you for the “pretty” girls, especially since I’m not exactly the skinniest girl out there. Don’t be afraid to encourage younger brothers and members of your youth group/homeschool group/whatever group to be more respectful of girls. God put those little men in your life for a reason! Do something about it - no matter how hard it seems.

]]> by: Elizabeth Crepinsek http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-150372 Wed, 14 Nov 2007 14:16:34 +0000 http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-150372 You guys have greaat insite. I feel like you have said what a lot of poeople need to hear. And that note to ladies not to read into the actions of guys who try to be gentlemen is a good reminder. Thank you so much for your work on this site and your insite. You guys have greaat insite. I feel like you have said what a lot of poeople need to hear. And that note to ladies not to read into the actions of guys who try to be gentlemen is a good reminder. Thank you so much for your work on this site and your insite.

]]> by: abby http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-135879 Wed, 10 Oct 2007 20:49:44 +0000 http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-135879 I have witnessed false chivalry. There is this one girl at our church who the guys never ceace to adore. They are all nice too her and are always offering her things. It is knid of hard to watch, especially after reading this article. I have witnessed false chivalry. There is this one girl at our church who the guys never ceace to adore. They are all nice too her and are always offering her things. It is knid of hard to watch, especially after reading this article.

]]> by: Keely http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-133405 Tue, 02 Oct 2007 21:03:58 +0000 http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-133405 Alexander... I don't think that's true at all. It is possible to fall in love with someone who doesn't return your feelings. Of course a young man can choose who he wants to marry, and so can a young woman. That has nothing to do with it, really. This is about being careful not to flirt, to be cautious that women are more emotional and tend to read into things, to be sensitive of their hearts. Part of true chivalry is desiring to protect a woman's heart. A man may feel that he is completely above blame, but without being careful to guard his actions, he may mislead the emotionally weaker girl to believe that he means more than he does. That is Alydia's point, I think, and a very good one. Not only must women guard their hearts, but men should also take measures to treat girls as sisters and nothing more. Please don't discredit Alydia's good warning, but rather, be humble enough to consider that women are different than you, and take that to heart. It may not be infatuation, in may be love...just love unreturned and unfounded in genuine affection by the other individual. Excellent article, by the way. As always, so much to think about! Alexander…

I don’t think that’s true at all. It is possible to fall in love with someone who doesn’t return your feelings. Of course a young man can choose who he wants to marry, and so can a young woman. That has nothing to do with it, really. This is about being careful not to flirt, to be cautious that women are more emotional and tend to read into things, to be sensitive of their hearts. Part of true chivalry is desiring to protect a woman’s heart. A man may feel that he is completely above blame, but without being careful to guard his actions, he may mislead the emotionally weaker girl to believe that he means more than he does. That is Alydia’s point, I think, and a very good one. Not only must women guard their hearts, but men should also take measures to treat girls as sisters and nothing more. Please don’t discredit Alydia’s good warning, but rather, be humble enough to consider that women are different than you, and take that to heart. It may not be infatuation, in may be love…just love unreturned and unfounded in genuine affection by the other individual.

Excellent article, by the way. As always, so much to think about!

]]> by: Alexander Kaehler http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-111575 Sat, 11 Aug 2007 05:43:12 +0000 http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2006/09/receiving-counterfeit-chivalry/#comment-111575 Alydia- Something I would like to point out is that the hypothetical lady is not in "love." This is infatuation. As cold and cruel as this may sound, that young lady was asking for it. Misreading his chivalry and allowing herself to fanaticize and become infatuated with "puppy love." If a young man does not want to get married, I think it's his choice, nowadays... Alydia-

Something I would like to point out is that the hypothetical lady is not in “love.” This is infatuation. As cold and cruel as this may sound, that young lady was asking for it. Misreading his chivalry and allowing herself to fanaticize and become infatuated with “puppy love.” If a young man does not want to get married, I think it’s his choice, nowadays…

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