Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Free To Be Modest
The following article by Nancy Leigh DeMoss is excerpted from the transcript of a May 2005 Revive Our Hearts radio program.
Before we get into the specifics of what’s right to wear, what’s wrong to wear, what looks modest, what looks immodest, we need to lay a foundation. I’ll tell you the starting place for all of us has to be answering this question: “Why do I live”?
What is my purpose in life? You know the answer: to glorify God. “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” That’s a foundational principle in life and we should come to the place where we can say, “My purpose in life is to please God rather than to please others.”
We have to come to the place where we recognize that our ultimate purpose, our supreme primary purpose for living is to make God happy.
[And] that affects everything about our lives, including this matter of clothing. It affects our motives. Why am I wearing this? Why do I like this outfit? Why do I like this look? Is it because I want to fit in? Is it because I want to be accepted; I want to be cool; I want to be popular?
You see, if I determine to live my life for the glory of God—that will affect why I wear what I wear. It will make me think about what I wear, not just go to the store and pick up whatever is the current style.
The Principle of Ownership
The principle of ownership means that my body does not belong to me. It’s not mine. Now, in the last thirty years we’ve had a huge emphasis on a woman’s right to her own body. It’s your body, you do what you want to with it.
Some girls have taken that philosophy to the extreme and have abused their bodies with eating disorders, with substance abuse, with drugs and alcohol. It’s my body; I can wreck it. I can trash it. You know, how sad to think how cheaply some girls consider their bodies.
But to recognize the principle of ownership is to recognize that my body is not my own. It’s not mine; it doesn’t belong to me (1 Cor. 6:19).
You know what, it doesn’t make God happy when you and I take these bodies He’s given us and give them to somebody that they don’t belong to. An immodestly dressed woman is giving away something that doesn’t belong to her. This principle of ownership means that you and I are not free to dress in any way we please.
We’re accountable to God. He owns us, and if you’re not a child of God that’s a principle that you’re not going to like. In fact, you won’t like any of these principles if you don’t belong to the Lord.
But if you are a child of God, you will find great comfort and security in the fact that you do belong to God, that your body is His. It means that you can trust that God will take good care of His property. It also means that you have a responsibility to take care of it.
The Principle of Lordship
Jesus is Lord over all. Ownership, then Lordship. Romans 14:9 tells us: “For this very reason Christ died and returned to life so that He might be the Lord of both the dead and the living.”
You know what it means when we say that Jesus is Lord. It means that God has the right to regulate every area of our lives, including what we wear.
So I want to ask you, “Who runs your life? Who’s your Lord?” Most of us would say, “Jesus is my Lord.” But when it comes down to what you wear, who’s your Lord?
Are you governed by fashion? Are you governed by the culture? Are you governed by your friends’ opinions or are you governed by Christ and His Word? Who is your Lord? You see, you and I are not to be enslaved to anything or anyone other than Jesus—to have any Lord other than Him is to be a slave.
The women who have adopted the world’s philosophy of fashion and clothing are not free. You’ll never be truly free until you’re free to do what God wants you to do regardless of what anything or anyone else dictates to you.
Closing Challenge
Could I ask, based on these principles, “Are you willing to make whatever changes may be necessary in any area of your life, including your clothing, in order to live out those principles, to live under the ownership of God, under the Lordship of Jesus Christ and as a citizen of the kingdom of heaven?”
Additional Modesty Resources
- The Modesty Survey Petition: A list of seven encouragements from Christian guys to the girls reading the survey results.
- The Soul of Modesty: C.J. Mahaney’s heart-focused, grace-filled, gospel-centered audio message on the topic of modesty. Made specially available for free download by Sovereign Grace Ministries.
- The Responsibility of Modesty (Part 1): Excerpted from the survey results, a 20-year-old Christian man shares a powerful summation of men’s responsibility in this area.
- The Responsibility of Modesty (Part 2): Excerpted from the survey results, a 22-year-old Christian man shares an insightful analogy explaining the responsibility of women to protect their brothers in Christ.
- The Purpose of Clothing: John Piper explains both the negative and positive messages God communicated by clothing Adam and Eve after they fell into sin.
February 8th, 2007 at 6:46 am
That was a great article. I don’t know how you find all this stuff. Thanks for posting it here. It is much more desirable to dress modest when I remember that ultimately doing it for God’s glory!
February 8th, 2007 at 6:59 am
Thanks so much for sharing these modesty rescources!!
Waiting in EAGER expectation for Feb. 14
,
Your sister in Christ,
Sylvia
February 8th, 2007 at 8:39 am
I have been so blessed by your articles on modesty. Thank you so much! I’m hoping to do a post a little later today to link to these. I really appreciate the balance that’s been conveyed here. God bless you guys! I’m really looking forward to the Valentines Day release!
February 8th, 2007 at 8:57 am
Guys, I have a question, when a girl dresses modestly, but acts immodestly do you still have the same moral struggles in your minds? And what exactly would you classify as acting immodestly? In my youth group were the girls and guys are very separate, like we NEVER talk to each other, and I would like to get to know some of them, but I don’t want to be flirtatious. I would be grateful for any response.
February 8th, 2007 at 10:01 am
Grace: The Modesty Survey addresses the issue of whether girls can dress modestly but still be immodest because of their attitude and behavior. While the issue of what specifically constitutes flirting hasn’t been discussed (and will vary widely from person-to-person) many of the text responses from the modesty survey describe what individual guys see as immodest behavior. Just wait till Valentines Day!
February 8th, 2007 at 11:00 am
That was a magnificent point that often I think girls ignore. I really liked the “Responsability of Madesty - Part 2″ as well. It is so true. Our aim should not be “How close can I get to the line and not get in trouble?”, it should be “how can I best serve others and bring glory to God?”
As a music group called “Nevertheless” says in the bridge of one of their songs:
“We try to come as close as we can to what we
can’t and not get caught, but, instead, let’s turn
and run towards the light!”
Let’s run towards the light!
~Lady Tai
February 8th, 2007 at 11:01 am
(Sorry about the typing errors in my previous comment. They were overlooked and un-intentional!)
February 8th, 2007 at 12:35 pm
I love the emphasis that Nancy Leigh Demoss puts on why we dress the way we do!! As a girls who claims to dress modestly (and my dad supports that claim
) I have to say my whole reasoning behind it changed several months ago. I have to say I disagree with dressing “for a guy(s)” not matter if you are dressing modestly or not. We girls need to dress for Jesus, and as another girl commented (different post) and said (this is paraphrase) what I wear shouldn’t draw attention to me, but instead it should allow others to look past me and see Jesus. Dressing modestly helps the men around us see past us, but if we don’t take care how we dress, people won’t see past us because we are wearing clothes 2-sizes too big (frumpy) and 10 years old (out of style). *Note: not everything 10 years old is out of style, but there are some things that just didn’t keep up with the times 
.
February 8th, 2007 at 2:20 pm
Great article. Nancy Leigh Demoss has a booklet also, called “The Look, Does God Really Care What I Wear?” I highly recommend it. My mom and I went through it last year and really gleaned a lot.
February 8th, 2007 at 3:59 pm
Great article! I am really enjoying the posts on modesty: they have been really helpful to me.
I am so excited about the survey coming out in 6 days! 
February 8th, 2007 at 8:28 pm
This is a response to Grace’s comment up above. Grace, I’ve spent many hours thinking of those same things. I finally posted on my blog about my thoughts from the research I’ve done on modesty. That research led me here and I have been very impressed with how this website has done with this subject. They have not said that dressing is the only thing that modesty is about, but it is part of it. How we dress sometimes affects the way we act. If we think about dressing to please God, we also try and think about making sure we also behave in a way to please God. Otherwise, we are canceling out the first decision. I’m not as good a writer as these boys are, but you can read my thoughts here:
http://julie.marzhillstudios.com/index.php/family/modesty-what-is-it/
Brett and Alex, I’ve been praying for this survey since I found out about it. I think that God has placed me in a position to be a leader to the youth girls at our church specifically to show modesty. It has always come back to that whenever I talk to them. Not just modest clothing, but also modesty in behavior, speech, and thoughts. It is the way Christians are instructed to be in the Bible though it is never exactly put that way. Philippians 4:8 is one of my favorite verses during this time. It helps in how I see everything, from the way I dress to how I speak and act. Being a Christian isn’t easy sometimes, but I’m sure glad we have the Holy Spirit to help us out.
February 9th, 2007 at 6:32 pm
It’s been such a blessing to read about modesty! I first heard about your website through another home school classmate and he just point blank asked me if I valued modesty. I was rather taken aback since modesty hasn’t really been a huge conversational topic (especially since most girls complain about their shirts being too long!) and he pointed me towards you guys.
It’s been such an encouragement to read your practical advice and also taking comfort in knowing that there still are true believers out there with high standers! It’s a very difficult battle to fight against pop culture on your own and it’s been really beneficial to read your blogs. I first started taking Modesty seriously on my own after I read your brother’s book, “I kissed dating good-bye.” Prior to that my parents instilled the value of having high standers for my behavior and appearance but recently I’ve been slightly discouraged and confused as to how to keep my standers so high. Thank you guys so much for the renewal of my standers and the refreshing encouragement!!!! May God’s blessing continually pour down on you and your family!
February 18th, 2007 at 5:16 pm
Thanks for the challenge at the end. I find myself all too often fallimg into the trap many other christian girls and women fall into. We all desire to be loved and cherished (read Captivating by John and Stasi Elrige), and when we see the immodest, blod women getting attention while we are wallflowers (quite literally) it really is a struggle to remain modest. I would just like to encourage all the guys out there, make friends with the girls at your church. Take the time and thought to compliment us when we look nice.
As girls, we spend alot of time trying to look pretty, and that’s not a bad thing, cause God mace us to be beautiful (Captivating). But, as Christians, we are to remove stumblng blocks for our brothers. it is really hard to find a good balance betweem modesty and beauty. I know you guys appreciate modesty (just look at all the guys who responded to the survey). I would just encourage you to enbcourage us in our struggle with that. Just one or two kind words can be enough to keep us true to our commitments. Ii realize that our main support on this must be through our personal relationship with Christ, but just as we can help you in the way we dress, so can you help us in this way.
And girls, I just want to tell you, I was really depressed the other day, and then I recieved this letter. I opened it (i love to get mail), and it was a love letter! and it said “I have loved you with an everlasting love.” I was so encouraged by my own personal love letter. To think that God though about me, and knew I was going to read this when He wrote it!
Always remember, you are truly beautiful, because you were made by God, and God never makes mistakes, and He never makes anything bad.
~natalie
April 4th, 2007 at 7:44 pm
You are wrong. Women do own their own bodies and promoting the idea that they don’t is both shocking and so completely bizarre.
I hope that all of you start thinking about what you’re saying and what’s being said to you.
May 1st, 2007 at 4:00 pm
Excuse me people, just wondering if anyone has heard of this software which is available at motounlockuk.co.uk.
Apparently you can unlock Motorola mobile phones simply using the IMEI number, cutting out the need for a USB cable to link your phone to your PC. Just used it with my razr v3 and a rokr e1, and it certainly works, but what do i do now with an unlocked phone?
It’s for sale at 5 Pounds (UK), and i was wondering whether anyone had used it before. Sorry if i’ve posted in the wrong section!. Please Help!!
August 2nd, 2007 at 10:33 am
That Principle of Ownership is awesome… if a woman is violated, the violator is not only responsible for violating the woman, but he also is held responsible to God for sinning against His child and His property.
I am glad that we don’t have to be in bondage to this world an its fashion… i am glad that we are free under Christ’s blood.
~Elisabeth J. Gruber
August 29th, 2007 at 12:07 am
Cycler-
Hmm… read your bible lately? If you aren’t a christian at all, then, to tell the truth, you wouldn’t understand anyways. There’s a verse about christianity seeming crazy to nattrual/unspiritual men somewhere.
September 15th, 2007 at 12:15 pm
Wow! .. can I just say Wow!!!
That was amazing!!
Everything I read or hear about modesty they give you rules, and say everything that is modest and everything that isnt. They are all basically list.
But you totally didnt do that!!! and they way that you approached it was different. And it made more sense to me then all the other things (aka. lists) I’ve heard about modesty.
It was really convicted!!
Your sis in Christ,
Cori
September 16th, 2007 at 4:48 pm
(I’m Elisabeth Gruber’s twin, if anyone is wondering why we hahve the same last name)
Isn’t it just so overwhelmingly wonderful that we can serve a God as wonderful as Him? I mean, we don’t have to be in slavery to the world and it’s fashion and it’s concepts. That is so wonderful!
Cycler– obviously, Christians and yourself do not seem to see eye to eye (based on several of your opinions in other articles). How is it that women own their bodies? Did they gather the materials to create their own bodies? Do they have ownership papers for themselves? I DON’T THINK SO. You see, all of us–yourself included, do NOT own themselves. The Lord owns us. We were created by Him, and belonged to Him. But when we royally messed up, we were taken by satan. And he had this big plan to kill everyone forever. BUT–we were bought back by Jesus. He loved us so much, he traded places with us. His love conquered the bonds of sin and death! We don’t have to suffer forever because of what he did for us!!! Don’t you want to have that kind of love? And if telling you about how God owns us isn’t enough, there are written accounts of it. In black and white. On paper. It is in the Bible look in the books of matthew, mark, luke, and john. Four accounts written by different guys who were there. (I ask this in the most respectful way possible: Do you havae any proof???)
~Kirsten A. Gruber
October 25th, 2007 at 9:36 pm
[…] Free To Be Modest: Nancy Leigh DeMoss explains how living under the Ownership and Lordship of Jesus Christ, frees us to be modest. […]
November 1st, 2007 at 11:35 am
I really think that guys should be equally responsible. I know tons of women who get turned on by men who go topless when playing sports. If Christians guys knew that we thought of that as such, would they cease playing football topless when we’re around?
Would they stop showing the band of their underwear?
(Personally neither turns me on. But I’m just saying, if the roles were reversed–could men do the same for us? Or are we malleable objects? Do you love us with the love of Christ when you fill in the survey and put in your names, or is this just for the sake of your own purity?)
Would they stop messaging a girl everyday, leading her on and playing with her heart when he’s not actually interested?
Would they stop discriminating the plainer looking girls?
(There have been plenty of Christian women who end up with non-Christian guys simply because Christian guys tend to go for looks)
And so on, and so forth.
I love Jesus, but the stench of patriarchy here is overwhelming.
November 20th, 2007 at 10:23 am
Hey MY Lim,
I know people say that this modesty survey and petition is putting too much pressure on the girls and none on the guys. That did cross my mind too. At first.
I think though, if you look at the majority of good CHRISTIAN guys out there they are not as “immodest” as the girls. Sure, they may be able to play football with out a shirt, but i really don’t know any girls who say that this is a stumbling block for them. I know there are some who stumble, but is it the fact that the guy doesn’t have a shirt on, or the way some guys act (and flirt) with girls when their 6-pack is showing?
And also, with the other issues, such as the boxers showing… how many Christian guys do you know that leave their underwear hanging out? Not guys that go to church or bible study, but guys who are truly following after the Lord. I know that some may, but none of the MANY Christian guys I know do this. Some that go to church and christian schools do, but I can tell a difference between them and the guys who pull up their pants. And as for a stumbling block, the only stumbling block I have ever faced when seeing a guys boxers showing some sort of unnessisary sarcasim.
(or fake an illness) 
And the messaging, to “lead girls on” Again, i know that it may happen, but I doubt that you could say that most of the Christian guys you know do this. Yet I can say that the majority of Christian girls I have known dress immodestly, whether out of innocence or stubborness or maybe a twinge of selfishness because they are tired of shopping for loose jeans, I cannot say.
For me though, I look at Joshua 1:8 which says, “choose ye this day whom you will serve, but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” To me this says, I cannot change the way some people act, even if they call themselves Christian. I cannot choose who they are going to serve, but as for ME, I need to serve the Lord, which may mean, overlooking the fact that some guys dress and act provocitively, and instead of getting the “speck out of their eye” I have to “get the log” out of mine.
I know that this was hard for me to gag down at first, but when I see my older two brothers making an effort to keep themselves pure and pull their pants up or leave their shirt on, or not show partiallity to the rich and beautiful girls and I see their friends doing this too. Wow, it seems almost imperitive for me to do my best. This doesn’t mean I am always perfect, but at least I can try, instead of waiting for others to change the way they act for me to start trying.
November 20th, 2007 at 4:47 pm
OOPS!! That verse in Joshua is not Joshua 1:8! It is Joshua 24:15!! SORRY!!
I guess I just think that we, girls, need to try to do our best in making an effort to dress and act modestly. 
I am sorry if I sounded to harsh before! 
Also, I wanted to say that I think that guys should wear a shirt, because I know this could by a stumbling block even if the guy is not acting flirtatious.
April 17th, 2008 at 7:38 am
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August 6th, 2008 at 7:39 am
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August 6th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
this is great. this week, I’ve been in a Shakespeare camp at my church, and just yesterday, our director reminded all the girls about being modest, especially because firstly: we’re moving around alot, second:we’re doing romeo and juliet (cleaned and cut) and we don’t want to create temptation.
and it’s not just girls who have to be modest too. guys, PLEASE stay away from those huge pants that show your boxers and the super tight jeans. I know those may be ‘in style’ but there is no way they’re ‘in style’ on the modesty factor.
October 13th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Thank you guys so much for doing this modesty survey! I had always known modesty was important, but had never realized how much. When I read some of the comments about how much guys appriciate modest girls, I felt so encouraged I almost cried. And I’m not a big cryer. Once again, thank you for what you do!
December 30th, 2008 at 10:38 pm
All I can say is that I LOVE the modesty survey! Sandra said exactly what I would have wrote if I had commented first! But I actually DID cry! I was SO encouraged to try to dress and act more modestly. I never knew that there were so many guys out there that apprciated modest girls. You will never know how much this helped me.
I have told my sister and friends about the survey. My sister was very encouraged as well.
Thank you ever so much!
Heidi