The Responsibility of Modesty (Part Two)
By Shannon Moeller, a strong Christian young man from Illinois. Originally submitted as a text response to TheRebelution.com’s Modesty Survey.
Deuteronomy 22:8 says, “When you build a new house, you shall make a parapet for your roof, that you may not bring the guilt of blood upon your house, if anyone should fall from it.” My sister has often heard from other girls, “It seems the whole point to this modesty thing is to try and hide the fact that I’m female. If I do that, how will a guy ever notice me?”
In my opinion, modesty is no more about hiding the fact that a woman is a woman than having a parapet around a roof is about hiding the fact that the roof is a roof. The primary purpose of the parapet is so that no one falls off the roof and dies, bringing guilt upon the homeowner. One primary purpose of modesty is to prevent men from “falling” on account of a woman’s unguarded body.
“But won’t certain men lust no matter what?”
Yes, just like certain men will jump off a roof, despite the parapet. If a man wants to jump, you should do what you can to stop him. But, if he forces his way past and jumps anyway, the guilt is on his head, not yours. The parapet is there to keep men that don’t want to jump from falling. It’s the same with modesty.
“But how do I know what’s modest and what’s not?”
This question can be likened to asking: “How tall does the wall around my roof need to be?” Some people judge this choice by asking, “How low can I make the wall and still fulfill the requirements?” While others ask the better question, “How tall should the wall be so that it will protect those on the roof?”
The “how-low” group might build a 12-inch railing or a fence with four-foot gaps between the posts. Technically speaking, the roof has a parapet either way. The problem is that these railings might actually do more to cause someone to fall off the roof than if there was no wall at all. There is no safety.
The “how-tall” group of people might build a nine-foot-tall, solid-brick wall ensuring that even Goliath would have a hard time forcing himself over the railing. This would certainly fulfill the requirements, but it’s obviously overkill. Instead of a roof with a parapet, you’ve got a two-story house with no roof at all.
Conclusion: In Modesty, You Are Protected
You don’t have to hide the fact that your house has a roof or that you are a woman. You don’t have to build a nine-foot wall or wear a gigantic paper bag over your body. But you do have to do what you can to protect the lives of your guests and the purity of your brothers (the Modesty Survey should be a great help with that).
In this, you are protected. If someone falls, the guilt is not on your head. You show love and honor to your God, your father, your husband, your children, others around you, and yourself. Your modesty shines. Even if a guy doesn’t know what it is exactly, he will notice you and that there’s something different about you. That’s the right kind of attention.
Additional Modesty Resources
- The Modesty Survey Petition: A list of seven encouragements from Christian guys to the girls reading the survey results.
- The Soul of Modesty: C.J. Mahaney’s heart-focused, grace-filled, gospel-centered audio message on the topic of modesty. Made specially available for free download by Sovereign Grace Ministries.
- The Responsibility of Modesty (Part 1): Excerpted from the survey results, a 20-year-old Christian man shares a powerful summation of men’s responsibility in this area.
- The Purpose of Clothing: John Piper explains both the negative and positive messages God communicated by clothing Adam and Eve after they fell into sin.
- Free To Be Modest: Nancy Leigh DeMoss explains how living under the Ownership and Lordship of Jesus Christ, frees us to be modest.
February 6th, 2007 at 9:24 am
Wonderful!!!!
February 6th, 2007 at 10:00 am
That was a very nice, balanced post! Thanks for your Biblical insight on the issue!
February 6th, 2007 at 10:01 am
Wow.
Thanks for all the hard work and thought, gentlemen!
February 6th, 2007 at 10:18 am
Wow! This is such a good answer to those questions.
February 6th, 2007 at 10:43 am
Nice article, great balance!
February 6th, 2007 at 10:44 am
Very wise insight…thanks for sharing!!
February 6th, 2007 at 12:22 pm
Very well thought out. Thanks for sharing.
February 6th, 2007 at 12:39 pm
Mr. Moeller, thank you very, very much for your well thought out analogy! It does a lovely job showing the balance many girls struggle with in fashion vs. completely-covering-everything-frumpyness
. Superb job! 
February 6th, 2007 at 1:18 pm
What a great analogy and insightful application of that verse! Thank you, Alex and Brett, for bringing these beautiful balanced testimonies to us.
I am praising God for his goodness manifested through this whole project!
Joyfully in Christ,
Claire
February 6th, 2007 at 1:37 pm
What a perfect illustration!! Thanks!
February 6th, 2007 at 1:45 pm
Great illustration! Thank you guys for all the work you are putting into helping us, as ladies, be modest!
February 6th, 2007 at 1:46 pm
thank you for posting that. it has a very very good point.
February 6th, 2007 at 2:07 pm
WOW! Thanks Shannon for that wonderful illustration!! I will be remembering that one!
February 6th, 2007 at 2:29 pm
Wonderfully put! This a great response to those who don’t understand the importance of modesty. Thank you Shannon for sharing!
February 6th, 2007 at 3:53 pm
I think that was the best analogy written on modesty I have ever encountered…and judging from the replies I think it sent its message in a clear and loving manner…I don’t see any hot tongues or tempers. Modesty, like a parapet, was a commandment from God. God tells us to be modest, and that fact correlates nicely with the parapet picture.
I am a severe kinesthetic learner, so when people paint a clear analogy that I can picture, it’s much easier to visualize. A very good post…it was like a breath of fresh air!
Lucy
February 6th, 2007 at 4:18 pm
I couldn’t agree more with this post. The analogy is really good.
February 6th, 2007 at 5:23 pm
Wow, that was an amazing post, thank you! I’ve never heard it said so well.
February 6th, 2007 at 5:55 pm
What a great analogy! It paints such a clear picture in my mind and gives a nice balance- addressing both extremes with modesty.
February 6th, 2007 at 6:50 pm
The building blocks of modesty explained! Good work, Shannon!
Modesty should not only be an outward committment, but also an inward state of the heart - a committment to Jesus Christ that we will be separated from the world!
It is great to hear young men share their hearts on what true modesty is!
PRAISE GOD!
February 6th, 2007 at 7:08 pm
I’m really liking these modesty parts that you are showing leading up to the release of the survey. I think it will make everyone think and understand more from the survey. Even us guys can learn from these points.
February 6th, 2007 at 8:04 pm
I realize that 20 people have already said this, Shannon, but you make a truly excellent point. You’ve encapsulated the arguments I’ve heard from both sides and answered them one-and-all with the truth of Scripture. Thank you for such an excellent analogy–it’s one I won’t forget!
February 6th, 2007 at 8:09 pm
This post was absolutely wonderful. Whoever thought all of this through was a genius. The analogies drawn were perfect.
I am most definitely posting a link to this on my blog.
Thank you so much for this insightful post!
Lauren
February 6th, 2007 at 8:41 pm
Very sweet spirited analogy. My mama always says that my clothes should be loose enough to show that I’m a lady, yet tight enough to show I’m a girl. The point is, you can be fashionable without compromise.
February 7th, 2007 at 4:36 am
Excellent! Just the analogy I was needing.
February 7th, 2007 at 5:42 am
Thats a good analogy, it divide the areas of responsibility quite clearly. Thanks Mr. Moeller for putting such careful thought into this post!
February 7th, 2007 at 9:42 am
That was excellent!
February 7th, 2007 at 11:04 am
That was a perfect analogy! I couldn’t put all that into words when I was working through the survey, but I absolutely agree with what Shannon wrote.
February 7th, 2007 at 1:24 pm
WOW!! That was a really good analogy: I think it’s the best I’ve ever heard.
Thanks for putting this up! 
Only one more week till the survey comes out!!! 
February 8th, 2007 at 6:22 pm
I appreciate this so much. It is very hard for me sometimes to want to dress modestly. I’ll see a girl go by in low rise jeans and a tight top, and I know that’s immodest. But a part of me is like, why can’t I do that too? Seeing it in writing makes me realize how awful that desire is. Or maybe just wearing clothes that are a little more immodest than the ones I wear now…everyone else is, after all. But just recently some things happened that made me realize how godly guys react to girls who dress immodestly. There’s this girl who is going as close to the edge of her school’s dress standards as possible. She’s dating but she still flirts with every available guy. And one guy she WAS after gets a text. Oh no, it’s from “Abby”. She’s texting him constantly and it really bugs him. And another guy agreed. And then there was the time she was flopped on the couch pretending to sleep, legs kicked up. A guy tossed a blanket on her to cover her up. This just made me realize what godly guys really value; women who care more for their brothers than themselves. Women who are secure in who God made them and their relationship with him. Who don’t need to flaunt themselves. Which girl would I rather be? I don’t think that’s such a hard decision, after all.
February 9th, 2007 at 7:43 pm
Thank you….
February 10th, 2007 at 7:24 pm
That is exactly the right attitude!!
February 12th, 2007 at 9:42 am
Good one! But what do you say to a guy who thinks that being feminine means showing off your body a little more than what you’d like? (I’m talking about my husband.) He also says “to look is free” but I don’t agree with that. He doesn’t mind if guys look so long as they don’t touch…I just don’t want them to look.
February 12th, 2007 at 1:27 pm
Very well said
February 12th, 2007 at 3:18 pm
To Alexandra: As a Christian husband, perhaps he might read the following verse and earnestly pray for the Lord’s revelation and insight: “But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart” Matthew 5:28. His desire to cherish you as his wife would include a desire to shelter his brothers’ eyes from the treasure he has found in your loveliness. His abiding and genuine love for you would inspire him to not invite “looks” that would cause his brothers to stumble. Part of loving your husband is saving what is special and his for his eyes only. Part of loving you as his wife is guarding and protecting that which God has given Him alone. Your carefully selected feminine clothing can be pleasing to his eyes and also protect his brothers and those unworthy from partaking of his treasure. He alone has been given by God the delightful privilege of looking at you that way and touching! Blessings to you both!
February 15th, 2007 at 12:36 pm
Just to make it clear: If a man “falls” by forcing himself past your “parapet,” and you’ve made your parapet reasonably high, it isn’t your fault, but if a man forces himself past your parapet and you’ve made it too low, you deserve that guilt?
It’s nice to know that if I’m exposing my calves, I deserve to be raped! What a great Christian message your site is spreading to teenage boys!
February 15th, 2007 at 12:47 pm
I’m afraid you “grotesquely” misinterpret both this post and the survey. As Shannon said, the role of the girl is only to keep men from falling unintentionally (or against their will). If ever a man forces his way, or jumps off intentionally, it is his fault alone.
February 15th, 2007 at 1:48 pm
Alex, by emphasizing a restrictive dress code for women and not for men (what, women can’t get turned on by something a man is wearing?), you are putting the responsibility on women to avoid tempting men.
Let’s deconstruct the most problematic paragraph by stripping away the metaphor:
“Yes, just like certain men will jump off a roof, despite the parapet. If a man wants to jump, you should do what you can to stop him. But, if he forces his way past and jumps anyway, the guilt is on his head, not yours. The parapet is there to keep men that don’t want to jump from falling.”
“Yes, certain men will have sex with women anyway, regardless of what the woman is wearing. If a man wants to have sex with you, you should do what you can do to stop him. But if he rapes you, the guilt is on his head, not yours. Your restrictive dress is there to keep men who don’t want to have sex with you from having sex with you.”
This implies, in no uncertain terms, that a man is more likely to have sex with a woman, whether he “wants to” or not, and if she’s dressed in “immodest” clothes, even a good man won’t be able to “help himself.”
You are justifying rape based on a woman’s clothing choices. I hope, for the sake of the young women in your communities—women who have the right to dress however they please!—that your parents don’t let you out of their sight.
February 15th, 2007 at 5:42 pm
Grotesque, your confusion is the result of a wrong understanding of what Shannon’s analogy refers to. You cannot accidentally have sex with a woman, consensual or otherwise. We are not talking about sex here. We are talking about lust, specifically, lustful thoughts—which all of us are fighting against, both guys and girls. And since we know what we mean by this post, let me re-word the metaphor correctly:
“Yes, certain men will lust after a woman, even though she is dressed modestly. If a man seeks to lust, you should do what you can to stop him by dressing and acting with dignity and propriety. If he sins, despite your modesty, the guilt is on his head, not yours. Your modest attire and behavior is to keep men who are fighting against lust to stumble.”
Finally, I’d encourage you to read the text responses of the guys about their responsibility in this area. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
February 16th, 2007 at 11:52 am
“If he sins, despite your modesty, the guilt is on his head, not yours.”
And if you dress immodestly? I detect a certain disconnect between the boys in your link and the purpose of the survey. If the ultimate responsibility to not lust lies with men (though I suspect you kids are really missing out!), why bother informing women what is modest and what isn’t, especially given how subjective and confusing your survey was? Why put all the emphasis on women, when it’s the men who apparently need to be controlling themselves?
Also, in the future, you might want to look into research techniques—you phrased your dictates as foregone conclusions, which will no doubt skew your outcomes. For example, instead of saying, “Jeans are immodest even if they’re loose” (agree or disagree?), you would ask, “Are jeans generally immodest or modest?”
February 16th, 2007 at 1:10 pm
Grotesque: I just wanted to clarify that statement-driven surveys with a 5-point agree/disagree response system is widely prevalent if not industry-standard. However, we readily admit that we aren’t professionals—that is why the survey is presented as a discussion only, not a scientific representation.
At this point I would respectfully request that you discontinue this conversation. You have a problem with the very idea of having a modesty survey—which unfortunately we have already conducted and tens-of-thousands of people have already viewed. We welcome feedback on how we can improve things, but it doesn’t seem that you have any suggestions, you just don’t like what we do. Thank you for understanding.
February 16th, 2007 at 4:37 pm
thank you so much for this, it is really appreciated, as well as allowing me to freely express my opinions - I really, really, really am humbled by your generosity in allowed me to shoot off my big paragraphs - and I really liked this post!
Steph(y)
February 23rd, 2007 at 9:58 am
What about this…the subject of modesty makes me shake. I think I am learning that it is because I instantly put a list of rules on myself, believing that everything I own is sinful. So what should I do?? Go but all new clothes??? Clothes that I don’t like?
The battle I fight is this: I want to be, and feel attractive, first of all to my husband but on a lesser level to everyone else. God made me a woman. And I feel most attractive in comfortable clothes that fit my body well, which include tank tops, tight jeans, and bikinis. But deep in my heart, or mind, or wherever, someone whipsers to me (is this God or the Devil??) “a true christian wouldn’t wear those things!”
So, to this point, my conclusion is to tell myself, over and over, “you are in Christ…'’no matter what I wear. And then get on to more important things in life. I get obsessed with myself when I think about clothes! I will never be, or wear what is “perfect” here. I understand that you are ‘helping’ alot of people…but please, remind those of us who struggle with justifying ourselves by our works (what we wear), that we are clothed in Christ.
ok, one more point since I am writing this…the whole modesty survey is totally aimed towards women covering up. The whole issue gets me mad, but I get even more mad because the guys are ‘free’ to wear whatever they want. If we are going to talk about this, then open it up. Girls lust sexually too. Not that I want to open it up. i really feel like it is a waste of time; an emphasis, even if you qualify that it is not, on works.
April 1st, 2007 at 8:18 pm
“Your modest attire and behavior is to keep men who are fighting against lust to stumble.”
The reasoning behind the muslim hijab is exactly the same, put the woman in the tent so we don’t have to look at her. None of this modesty nonsense has to do with love or honor or respect or sorry to say, chivalry. It is about female loathing pure and simple.
You may have been hypnotized and blinded with a shiny bauble and numerous overly sweet sermons but plenty of us have not.
I encourage you to depart from your walk with the dead and search instead for truth and light.
April 14th, 2007 at 4:33 pm
I just came back from a girl talk confrence and we talked about modesty, and they told us not to tempt our brothers in the lord, (cause them to sin).
May 4th, 2007 at 6:55 pm
I really liked reading the survey on modesty because I learned so many tips on how to dress. Thank you!!
July 2nd, 2007 at 6:10 am
I took advice offered above about reading text responses, and it has left me agog.
From reading both the statistical results and many of the specific texts i nresponse to questions regarding swimwear, I reached the conclusion thatif most of the men/boys surveyed had been asked ‘women being anywhere near you is a potential stumbling block’, the response would have been towards the ‘I agree’ end of the scale.
One even said ‘I wish girls understood that modesty can have just as much to do with suggestion as with appearance’. Once you know that someones a woman, what more suggestion do you need? If you have any knowledge of biology, you know what’s under there, so by dint of the fact that she’s a female, she’s being ’suggestive’. It’s pathetic!
Nearly 46% of those surveyed did not agree that a one-piece swimsuit was modest (I include neutral as not having been able to bring themselves to agree), suggesting that they’d sooner girls were not swimming anywhere near them at all… give me strength.
And you say that you readily admit to not being professionals, but you need only look at the way the survey is being read to see that the inference is clear: this survey holds much authority for many of its young readers. You gents are held in such high regard by them (as is this site), that you’d have to make very strong qualifying statements at the top of the survey for them NOT to see it as scientific. It would be naive to think otherwise.
August 10th, 2007 at 3:50 pm
I understand your desire to promote modesty, but I think your focus is all wrong. Im sick of Christian men who think they can be lax on their own maturity by blaiming their lustful thoughts on the dress habits of women. Shouldn’t you be focusing inward on your own sense of self control instead of placing the blaim elsewhere and trying to control outside circumstances. Your blog is a great platform for Christian men to take because according to your way of thinking, you can tell someone else that its their fault that you have a self control issue. When people try to bridle their own lust by controlling someone else they get nowhere. If certain circumstances make you angry and you fly off the handle, the answer is not to try to control every circumstance that makes you angry, but rather to look inside yourself to see why there is anger festering. Situations don’t cause you to sin, they simply bring out what is already inside. I suggest you take Jesus advice when he said to stop trying to pull a mote out of someone elses eye when you have a beam in your own.
August 10th, 2007 at 10:34 pm
Gigi: We appreciate you concern and we agree 100% that men are entirely responsible for controlling themselves and dealing with lust. Did you take the time to read the first part of this series, The Responsibility of Modesty (Part 1)?
August 30th, 2007 at 1:50 pm
I get the feeling that some of the people reading these post are totally missing the point. It’s not about who is at fault. It’s about making sure you are not. We should not be focusing on the fact that this particular survey is about how women dress, but how if we do our small part in keeping our selves modest it will help those around us understand the importance of keeping themselves modest as well. As I have been reading it has come to my attention that some people are trying to avoid looking into themselves by turning to the ” Well if I have to what about you?” excuse. I don’t feel that is the point.
I have never been able to wear shirts that don’t fit me properly without getting the feeling that I am doing something I should not be and end up putting something on o ver it or changing into something more appropriate. I don’t really have a problem with skirts or shorts because if the skirt is not below my knees I don’t wear it and I don’t like wearing shorts. I am glad I found this site though because I was beging to question if I was not pretty enough in the cloting I wear and if guys would pay more attenion to me if I wore something different against my better judgement.
Well I have just shared more about my thoughts with a ton of people I don’t know than I have ever shared with any one person or group of people I have know for years.
September 5th, 2007 at 6:22 am
I have not read the results this survey, however, I have read the “The Responsibility of Modesty Parts 1 & 2.”
I personally believe that modesty is not just in the was you dress. My husband & I were discussing modest dress just recently. His comment was that a woman could be fully covered but still be immodest in her actions and speech. In my opinion, modesty is an attitude of the heart in addition to how you dress.
Regardless of how we feel about guys responsibility & gals responsibility, we as women need to remember that we need to dress and act in a manner that will bring glory to God.
September 16th, 2007 at 4:05 pm
Amen to that last paragraph Mrs. D!!!
September 16th, 2007 at 4:23 pm
FOR ALL THOSE WHO DISAGREE WITH THE MODESTY SURVEY:
Okay everyone. Those who disagree with the modesty survey can just sit and read what I have to say (please).
The entire purpose (from what I gather) for this whole modesty survey was to help both the guys and the girls.
Girls: This was to help us better understand the hardships guys face when some of the sisters in Christ dress the way they do. Now some are truly ignorant that the way they dress can affect the way guys think about a woman. If that is the case, some serious reality checks need to be in order. But if some know full well that the way they dress causes impure thoughts in a guy, and they still do it, they need to stop. Becuase it is a horrible waste of your time and talents to be doing this to your brothers in Christ. You aren’t doing them any favors. You are showing no respect for God, your brothers in Christ, or YOURSELF! Get some respect for yourself and dress modestly. I say this with so much love for you becuase I care what happens to my sisters in the LORD. (Now girls; there are guys out there who no matter how modestly you dress, they will still think of you impurely. That is not your fault. You cannot help it if they are sick minded and have the desire to do evil. Do your very best to keep out of comprimising situations, but if your best does not help, and you are in a situation where you are in real danger, do whatever you need to do to use self defense and get out of the danger. I am not kidding. But many guys out there WANT to be pure. They don’t want to look at you that way. But if girls dress in immodest ways, those guys who want to stay pure have such a harder time keeping their eyes away. They should be able to take comfort in being able to keep their hearts safe in the presence in their sisters in Christ. But they can’t if girls dress immodestly!)
Guys: You also have a great responsibility. Guys can be immodest too. Keep yourself in check. If you are any decent brother, you don’t want your sister dressing immproperly, so tell your sisters in Christ not to dress immodestly! Don’t be looking a a girl like she’s just a piece of meat. You have a responsibility to God to keep yourself pure. And impure thoughts will come sometimes; I’m not going to lie and say it’ll be a piece of cake. But all you can do in that situation is rebuke the impure thoughts in the name of Jesus, and tell them to leave. You, as a Christian, have the authority to do that in Christ. And Never EVER get into comprimising situations. Treat women like your mothers and sisters. That will stop you in your tracks. And those of you who ARE keeping yourself pure for your wife THANK YOU SO MUCH! You don’t realize how wonderful this is to know there are guys like you out there.
If we each do our part, we can accomplish this. I pray you will listen to what I have to say…… In His Service,
~Kirsten A. Gruber
September 25th, 2007 at 8:43 am
That was great thank you!
October 25th, 2007 at 9:31 pm
[…] The Responsibility of Modesty (Part 2): Excerpted from the survey results, a 22-year-old Christian man shares an insightful analogy explaining the responsibility of women to protect their brothers in Christ. […]
November 1st, 2007 at 11:48 am
I hope you realize, that poverty is prevalent in many other parts of the world
While you sit here in your middle class suburb, sipping tea, typing furiously on the keyboard, insisting that women wear this and that, there are women (and children and people) on the other side of the world who have hardly anything to wear.
Pick your arguments wisely. Channel your energies into things that have eternal value.
December 11th, 2007 at 6:22 pm
Honestly, it seems that it is my job to be modest so that men don’t stumble. Okay. Isn’t the issue more of me needing to be modest so as not to objectify myself? I am more concerned with young woman (which I guess I am one too) dressing as sex objects, disrespecting themselves, and representing to the world that their only role is to be pleasing for men than with woman’s immodesty being a stumbling block for men. I can understand that, and I feel for Christian men who are struggling to keep their minds on God and not on some sexed-up slutty looking girl. How come, though, the focus is all on what is good for men? I would like to know whether woman in your life dress so as not to shame you brothers or fathers or whether they dress modestly because they respect themselves as intelligent, capable human beings with futures and not the object of a man’s desire. Either way, I still am getting the feeling that I as a woman am serving as the object of a man’s desire whether or not I am covered up. Thankyou, but I plan on living and dressing for myself and for God.
December 31st, 2007 at 11:41 am
It is interesting to see the responses here, more than the survey or anywhere else. The reactionary (aka: not christian) women, pose ridiculous analogies that defy logic. Go ahead and dress they way you want…(dress for god: your own god - yourself) The REAL men don’t really care, they’ll turn their heads away and ignore you. The REAL CARNAL (aka: not christian) men will drool and stare. That’s the reaction you desire, and that’s the reaction you’ll get. It matters little if you are married or not, or whether or not your husband/pastor/girlfriend/etc agree with you. You are Carnal. Read God’s Word.
For you that are not christian (I really don’t care if you think you are): If you wish to ignore true Christianity and the Lord’s truth, then I will pose a humanistic question for you: If you women, who wish to have an attitude of immodesty and be clothed immodestly, all got together in the same room, or on the same beach, or in the same place, and there were no men around at all, what would be your point?? To show off to each other what you have? Your whole carnal purpose is to tempt men (or even more ridiculously, to be more fashionable than another woman). There is no other reason. Because, as I said above, the real Christian men won’t be where you are, or if they are, they’ll be headed a different direction. The only women in the Bible (if you want the truth), who wore appealing clothing and wore makeup (eye-shadow, etc), were harlots. That is why in the New Testament, the Lord implores the ladies NOT to have the outward adornment, but the inward adornment.
For you Godly young men and women, thank you for standing for truth, for walking in the truth, and for understanding modesty (or trying). It IS about helping each other - it IS about not making anyone stumble.
January 26th, 2008 at 1:56 am
MY Lim: I respect what you’re trying to get across about how bad legalism is next to ignoring other’s needs. I agree that we do need to invest in what matters, and the Bible does say to care for the needy. At the same time, though, we do need to remember that investing time into modesty and righteousness is investing into something that matters as well. Sin is as much as an issue as poverty. I don’t think these articles have been legalistic, as Alex and Brett have been dealing more with the principles behind the issues than with their own rules. And they do have some articles relating to modern-day slavery (the articles on Zach Hunter.) You’re right in that we should be very active in Christ for the needy, but God also wants us to pay attention to everyday obedience.
February 14th, 2008 at 9:27 am
Shannon: Why is it not possible to dress modestly for BOTH reasons? Are you willing to tell me it is NOT possible to dress modestly both to honor our fathers and brothers AND because we respect ourselves as intelligent, capable human beings with futures? I’d really like to know…
In His Service,
~Kirsten A. Gruber
February 28th, 2008 at 7:37 am
I am so glad that my mum found this site and let me look at it. I completly agree with modesty. Here where I live, if you go off of the compound you have to wear an abia, which is like a big dress or robe, that is usually black. When I go back to Australia, I feel half undressed because I’m not wearing my abia!
March 4th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
Thank you for this site and the survey. I had no idea there was SUCH a struggle for men. I knew for sure the girls who dressed immodestly were often drooled over by just about all the young men, noticably, and the girls who dressed modestly were treated as boring or ‘uncool’. This happened at church, constantly, as well as at school. Young men who were supposed rock solid Christains would be dating the most immodestly dressed girls! And then, after graduation and college, suddenly want to get to know the more modest girls? The girls don’t forget!
I am now 26 years old and STILL find shopping a huge chore. I have recently felt convicted about my wardrobe choices- I kind of went with the flow for a while- all the gals my age, and I mean all, wear clothing that is DEFINATELY immodest. It is almost like a contest to see who can get the most attention- at church! Teenage girls all the way up to their thirties dress this way- I am a woman and I find it distracting! I don’t want to sit in church, dressed modestly, with my husband next to me, while my ‘friend’ or someone’s teenage daughter is sitting in front of us with inappropriate attire on! She gets the attention all right, but it hurts me that someone would be so insensitive as to flaunt what she has in front of everybody, especially my hubby. He is a wonderful man, but I can tell when he is distracted, and I get angry, not so much with him but with the distraction. I bring the issue up and they see no problem with their outfit, and like-yes, LIKE -the fact it draws attention to them. They are fully aware of it and exploit it in a big way. It hurts my friendship with the women and I am finding MY HUSBAND DOES NOT RESPECT HER HUSBAND either, based on how the woman dresses! Needless to say, we don’t attend there anymore. I have three boys- I want to worship in an environment where parents give a hoot, where the women make it a point to dress modestly(instead of vice versa), where my daughters and sons can see what a real lady walks, talks and dresses like, and where church is truly a place to worship the Lord and not spend the time trying not to stare. Because of this, and largely the survey, I am changing my dress. Thank you again.
March 20th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
Well Well Well……I’ve never seen so many names of guys that think “Modesty” is VERY important. I’m really glad to know they are out there. But mom has always told me that that the “good guys” are still out there. Just alittle hard to find, though God will send the right one along in His time…which is PERFECT timing!!! How better off people would be if they just left everything to God….”Don’t worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will bring it’s own troubles”….and God will be there AGAIN! I could NEVER do the job that I do without knowing that God’s will , will be done,,,and you can’t get better then that!!!! I’m so happy that my fellow “teens” of the Rebelution are using their life and talents for the Lord.
God Bless You!!!
Jeannette
April 4th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Amen! (to the post)
(To the comments), you guys are doing what is right. Don’t let a few bad apples spoil the rest of the barrel.
God bless!
April 6th, 2008 at 2:17 am
“In this, you are protected. If someone falls, the guilt is not on your head.”
Wow, do you mean to imply that if a Christian woman dresses immodestly (unintentionally, or intentionally), then some of the guild for a man choosing to lust after her is her fault and the guilt is on her head? Wow. Before you pull out the “stumbling block” verses, take them in context and look at the rest of the picture.
First, those verses about not eating meat are to protect the consciences of those who did not have the faith to recognize that food that was dedicated to God was now pure even if it had been offered to idols. It was to protect them from doubt, not alleviate them from responsibility.
Second, there is no temptation taken you but such as is common to man. No one else is guilty for what you as an accountable Christian man choose to do with your thoughts. Could I be guilty for a motivation of trying to seduce a brother? Sure I could. But I’m not guilty for your lust. That’s your choice. There are thousands of immodestly dressed women in the world who are not Christians and do not care about your struggles. If the guilt can be shifted in any degree from yourself to them, then I guess we women of faith can just give up any hope of finding husbands who keep their eyes and minds pure because you all “cannot help it”.
April 22nd, 2008 at 6:02 pm
Okay some people are really missing the point here. I think this is awesome. In my Youth Group( before i graduated lol) modesty was our most important rule. We weren’t Nuns we were just considerate. I understand that men are to be responsible for their thoughts so girls please don’t freak out okay,they are… however,this isn’t an attack on us. Let me explain, there was one Beach day i will NEVER forget,neither will any of the girls that were with us. We were at the beach bathing suits,tank tops to cover our middles and decent board shorts. So we’re chillin and the girls around us were lets say..not so modest. The guys talk to our Youth Pastor and not a minute later he says,”hey guys were moving down because the surfing is better down the beach.” Later on however,we found that was his way of covering up,turns out the guys were struggling with thought issues and taking that second look. They were considerate didn’t make a scene and moved down the beach. Now if they are willing to do that for us we should show them the same respect don’t you think?.We are not only responsible for our own thoughts but if you cause a brother in Christ to stumble you are responsible for that as well..remember that.Don’t do things that cause others to stumble especially now that they’ve made you aware of it.If you know,then you are responsible and will be called into account for your actions one day.
I have many guy friends and they all RESPECT! a girl who covers up.So lets do them a favor and remember..MODEST IS HOTTEST!!!!!! WWOO HOOO!!!!!!!!!
You girls are missing the point.It’s not a set of rules or a way to “control women”, it’s a guy saying,”Hey i need some help,I’m struggling please christian Sister help me out”. We should be more than happy to do this for them,as their sisters in Christ ..well as the Bible says,”you are your brothers keeper.” I believe this applies to our Christian Brothers as well.So before you flip out and get on the Feminism train consider this. Be open and willing to listen you don’t have to be a Nun but girls,”If it’s not for sale..stop advertising.” You can be beautiful and have your own style and personality without showing off your body. Bend,stretch,check it all out in the mirror if the stuffing is coming out of the pillow,change the cover okay! Thank you guys ssoo much for speaking up and for looking out for us.it’s not only the Christian Guys who are watching ladies,they do have more control,these guys are also protecting you from the Non-Christian guy who if he see’s it is not afraid to make an offer. If a guy only notices you for the way you look then he’s not a guy you want to be with so really your looks don’t matter in the big picture,God will bring that man along and he will love you even if you do look a little nun-ish
June 28th, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Well said, Kayla H.!
July 3rd, 2008 at 1:37 pm
i thought this was going to blame women, and it kinda does- but it’s well deserved. i know girls who throw themselves at guys, for attention. and i hope i’m not like that, but i do also have the mindset of how low can i build my wall.
i don’t want to go overboard, but i also don’t want to go too far.
mom told me if i’m uncomfortable- don’t wear it. but she has also said. “your dad would kill me, but you should wear that.” -what does that mean? dads will always be too strict i guess, but sneaking around dosn’t make since either.
and at a pool the rules do change. i see nothing wrong with wearing a two piece to a pool party, it’s not even a small 2 piece, but I’d never wear that to go out.
so when is, how far, appropraite?
and if i Act Modest even in not-extreme-modest clothing, does that make it ok?
September 24th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
This is a great article! And how true. We need a balance in the way we dress. My parents always try to make sure I am dressed in a way that is modest but that does not look like a throw-back to another century. But it is so hard to find clothes like this! I wish I could find more stores and websites that sold modest yet fashionable clothing. Does anyone know of some places?
God bless!
Sarah
October 6th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
Wow…
great article….
I neddeded to find a web side like this
thanksss
October 12th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
Oh wow… That was very, very good.
Sarah Pena: Good places to find modest clothing are everywhere; you just have to know where to look. You can find modest clothing in most department stores, you just have to look at what’s NOT on display with big flashy signs, etc. The more modest stuff is usually on the sale racks, in the misses dept., or just on a rack with no signs at all. You just have to look better. It’s laid out so that people who DON’T want modest clothes barely notice them.
Hope this helps!
Love in Christ,
Stephanie Joy
October 13th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Thanks. I will look more carefully next time I go shoping.
October 13th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
OOPS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry Stephanie! I wasn’t thinking and I typed in your name instead of mine! Sorry!
Thanks!
God bless!
Sarah.
November 4th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
In light of eternity, is it worth causing someone to sin, just to get attention? When you go shopping, buy what you won’t regret a million years from now.
Thanks for a great article.