rebelling against low expectations

Teen Girls Define “A Real Man”


UPDATE: “A Real Man” in PDF Format for download and print out.

Lori Hainline & Rebecca Chandler co-authored this list at the respective ages of 19 and 17. Their closing comment: This list is not exhaustive and men like this do exist!

A real man . . .
…understands and lives according to the basic purposes for which he was created: to worship, honor, and serve God. (Romans 12:1-2)

…values and carefully handles the scriptures. (2 Timothy 2:15)

…doesn’t pride himself on being knowledgeable in the sinful ways of the world. (1 John 2:15-16, James 4:4, Philippians 4:8)

A real man . . .
…isn’t embarrassed to worship God and pray in a group setting. (Mark 8:38)

…is wise, yet humble. (Proverbs 2:1-10, 1 Peter 5:5, Romans 12:16)

A real man . . .
…takes leadership in a self-sacrificing way. (Ephesians 5:25-28)

…is kind because, “What is desirable in man is his kindness” (Proverbs 19:22)

…doesn’t try to prove himself but is simply confident as he walks in the fear of the Lord. (Proverbs 14:26-27)

…doesn’t put others down with his actions, attitude, words, or his strength. But on the contrary, he affirms and builds others up (Proverbs 15:4, Ephesians 4:29)

A real man . . .
…treats his sisters and mother with as much respect as he would treat a prospective wife. (Matthew 25:21)

…not only respects but appreciates a young lady’s purity and innocence. In our culture innocence isn’t retained by accident. (2 Corinthians 11:2-3)

…values his purity as much as he values a young lady’s purity. He is not ashamed to live and act differently from the world in order to guard himself. (1 Thessalonians 4:1-8, Ecclesiastes 7:26)

…can look a girl straight in the eye without communicating any impurity. (Proverbs 20:11)

A real man . . .
…isn’t ashamed to identify himself with his family (Ephesians 6:2-3)

…is a gentleman. He is polite and shows women honor in everyday things such as opening doors, etc. (1 Peter 3:7)

…has no desire to be gross in order to impress other men. He doesn’t burp, swear, or tell disgusting stories. (Proverbs 13:5, Ephesians 5:4)

A real man . . .
…shows by his actions that he loves children. (Matthew 19:13-14)

…is pleasant and expresses joy rather than feeling that it’s masculine to be sullen. (Proverbs 21:29, 1 Thessalonians 5:16)

…doesn’t blame others for his own problems but embraces responsibility. (Proverbs 12:27)

…can accept correction (Proverbs 12:1, Proverbs 29:1)

A real man . . .
…is mature in his emotions and his expressions of them. He can deal with the trials of life logically, with wisdom, not on a basis of emotional instability. (Proverbs 14:29, Proverbs 17:27, Proverbs 12:18)

…understands the value of work and is financially responsible. (Colossians 3:23-24, 2 Thessalonians 3:10-12, Luke 16:10-11)

…expresses himself with intelligent words rather than using “street talk”. (Proverbs 17:20, Titus 2:6-8, 1 Peter 4:11, Ephesians 4:29)

Comment section is open to guys and gals on any issues pertaining to what makes a man. “Part 2: A Real Woman” will be coming soon.

Be sure to download the PDF Version of “A Real Man” made available by The Rebelution.

Photo courtesy of lauren rushing and Flickr Creative Commons.


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About the author

Alex and Brett Harris

are the co-founders of and co-authors of Do Hard Things and Start Here. They have a passion for God and for their generation. Their personal interests include politics, filmmaking, music, and basketball. They are both graduates of Patrick Henry College in Purcellville, Virginia.


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  • wow…that’s good. I know if that’s the real man list, i’ll never (apart from HIS grace and work in me!) ever meet the standards for a real woman. Thanks for challenging us again!

    (on a more humorous note, a friend of mine has chosen Daniel 1:4 as her more human–aka physical– “what i want in a guy” description.

    “Young men without any physical defect, handsome, showing aptitude for every kind of learning, well informed, quick to understand, and qualified to live in the king’s palace.”)

  • Yep, real men like that do exist … I found one, held on to him, and married him. Nice list. It is lovely to see teenagers with high standards.

  • It is very good…very true. I am speechless as I contemplate how the world would be different if more people followed this list.

    Let’s make a difference…let’s do hard things!
    HE will help us succeed!

  • I’m with Jacqui…if the girls’ list follows suit it’s going to be challenging for sure. Very good though, and I agree that’s what a real man is.

    Out of curiousity, is the “Real Woman” list written by guys? It would seem more of a fair perspective if it were. 🙂

  • Excellent and very challenging…it’s nice to know there are guys out there like this 🙂 I’ll be sure to pass this on to my brother.

    I’m also looking forward to the standards for a real woman…

  • wow…thats awesome! I hope and pray the Lord has a man like that in my future. I hope and pray I can aspire to be “A Real Woman”

  • Wow, what a wonderful list! I can’t wait to see Part 2.

    I really love reading your blog…thanks for the great work you’re doing to encourage other teens to live a Godly life!

  • Joel, I agree with you that a man may be defined in any number of different ways and does not necessarily fit into a list. However, I personally see this list as a great overview at least of what a man is by biblical definition. Each man is going to have his personality shown through certain traits more than others, but I think the list definitely has many things we can strive to add to our character, though we may not be “defined” by every single one. Does that make any sense?

  • thanks for posting this. I am going to print it and put it in my journal, for sure.

    Can’t wait for the “real woman” list!

  • First time reader, directed from HSD.

    Your blog looks amazing and professional.
    I have a sure feeling I’ll be back here again.

  • Thank you for posting “A Real Man.” It’s wonderful to see people caring about how they should live before the Lord. Thanks again!

  • Thought some here might be interested in knowing that Rebecca Chandler is now Rebecca Hainline. She married Philip Hainline, Lori’s next younger sibling. Philip authored the Real Woman List, which has been combined with the list compiled by the Reimer sisters. Together, they make up “Three Teens Define “A Real Woman””.

  • Wow, I can never live up to that but it sure will be awesome to pursue it the rest of my days! That was a great blassing!

  • Good luck guys! But I did read the ladies list and boy I have some work to do! Hopefully these lists will encourage a more Christ-like generation!

  • it’s a tough list, but it’s true.
    glad to know that there are some guys out there that know it takes a lot of work to be a real man. unfortunately, too many guys out there don’t try hard enough to live up to GOD’s expectations. a lot of guys i know think it’s too hard, but no one can be perfect. GOD knows that we’re all sinners, and it’ll take a real dedicated man to fit into this list.
    brett and alex, it’s encouraging to see that you guys are searching for ways to live up to GOD’s expectations.


  • I’m so glad that we as young men and women can encourage and challenge each other
    to be the kind of young men and women that God wants us to be.
    After all, a “real man” is one that fully embraces the roll that God has given to him, and
    a “real woman” is one that fully embraces the roll that God has given to her.
    The Bible contains the only guidelines that we can know have stood until now and will
    continue to stand forever and which have not and will not be changed by the values of any
    society. They are eternal and unchangeable, ordained by the Creator.
    Why should we listen to anyone but the Playwright regarding our respective rolls in this
    great drama?
    I certainly realize that nobody can ever “play their part” perfectly (especially me), but at
    least we know where to go for directions!
    Thank you so much for providing a place to share and talk about such things; I am sure
    that it greatly pleases God.

  • Congratulations to these two young ladies for taking time to seek God’s will, instead of conforming to the world’s opinion of “real men,” which is usually summed up in three words: hot, macho, sensitive. And I certainly congratulate Mrs. Hainline in following through on the wisdom she found!

    I came here through a link from “Ladies Against Feminism,” and I am pleased to see that young folks (though you’re not too much younger than I am) aren’t the total “wash” one is frequently tempted to think you are.

    Bless you for your stand on this issue. You know you’re right on when someone tells you you’re being “narrow-minded” for holding to God’s Word!

  • How often do I personally forget that real masculinity comes from the heart not from actions. You can tell if you’re a man by the state of your heart. Keep up the good fight , men.

  • Excellent.

    The definition of a “Man” has been watered down and perverted throughout the years by the world’s opinion. But God’s Word holds true.

    Thank you

  • Mhh….that is really good!!! I always think of traits I want in man, and those are alot of them! I love Titus 2. It dicribes a real man! Thanks for putting that up!

  • Woot! you guys are right on the money. I will wait my whole life (if I have to) for a guy like that. That is truly what a man should stive to be.

  • Man, I first read that and I cowered, thinking of my own failings, and I never wanted to look at it again. Then I realized that it was my fear of accepting correction that needed to go, so I carefully looked it over again.

    I praise the Lord for such a great compilation of Bible verses on this subject!

  • Today was the first time I logged on to this site and I was very impressed with what you guys are doing here. Do you know who that family is in the pic you posted in the blog? I was surprised to see it and wanted to know if you put it in there on purpose, using those two young men as examples, or without any particular reason. In case you didn’t know, that is actually the Cherryholmes family. They used to be a part of my homeschool group. Those boys are two of the nicest, most gentlemanly young men I know and they both love God. They fit the description of a “real man” as you have described it here. If you put it there on purpose, all I can say is I totally agree. If you didn’t, it’s funny how God allowed you to choose a picture of two “real men.” Thank you for being a blessing through this websight! God bless.

  • I always need a reminder of what I’m supposed to strive to become in this world…a REAL man!
    Thank you!

  • In other words…. the majority of these verses have nothing to do with being a male, much less a “real man.”

  • That is a wonderful “real man” list! As a sister and a daughter I am very proud to say that my brother and my dad are “real men”!
    Thanks for the Godly encouragement and challenge to young men and women!

  • What about the men who are godly but are witnessing and develloping a friendship with worldy guys. Is it wrong to burp around other guys or tell disgusting stories. I mean that could be part of witnessing? Tell me what you think, Ladies or Gentlemen?

  • I was so blessed to read this! And to see that it was not man’s preference that was backing it up, it was the Word of God that was the backup to these thoughts! God bless your ministry!

  • ouch……

    I definatly have alot of work to do in my life and im gonna need GOD’s help (alot of it too)…
    Guess i gotta put the Armor of Christ on and get rid of some sin!!

  • I love this list! I have the Pdf version on my wall next to the “Real Women” these are both excellent!

    I have to laugh(not mockingly, but sincerely) at the guys who are questioning burping!

    A real man,”…has no desire to be gross in order to impress other men. He doesn’t burp, swear, or tell disgusting stories. (Proverbs 13:5, Ephesians 5:4)”

    The word used in Proverbs is loathsome(to loathe; to dislike greatly, extreme disgust). Ok, so they are streching the verse a bit, but from a girls point of view..burping is disgusting, and in my case, causes me to loathe it. Whenever I see a guy acting like that, I class them as immature, and try to avoid them. I may be extreme, but to answer your question “could it be part of witnessing?” I will answer with several questions of my own. Why would you use it? Where is the gain? What does it prove? How can it express godliness?
    Your sister in Christ,

  • to “Thought”: its wonderful for a guy to try to witness to friends, but theres no need to lower yourself in order to witness or build a friendship (unless u were a missionary in an ancient arabic culture where it was an insult not to burp after a meal haha). as Christians we dont need to conform to the standards of the world, even in order to witness. and heres my opinion simply as an 18 yr. old girl- ive been raised with 4 brothers and no sisters, so im definitely not overly-sensitive when it comes to burping, gross stories, etc. (ive heard it all over the years lol), but that kind of behavior by a guy in public is still a turn-off to me. like it or not, most girls find that gross, whether theyre used to it or not.

  • A real man doesn’t burp? And you want to be taken seriously?
    If you believe that “God” created people in his image, and burping naturally happens as a result of gas building up in one’s system, then aren’t you denying your “God”liness if you don’t burp? If “God” created you, didn’t “he” create burping?

    Lack of logic.

  • I believe the list refers to restraining from burping that is unecessary. Like when guys have burping contests. Of course it’s natural for us to burp and God made that for our comfort so we wouldn’t have to deal with the pressure that builds up in our bodies. It isn’t necessary for guys to let everyone in the room know who can burp the loudest. It is showing self-control and maturity when they make it as quiet and unoticable as possible.

  • Hello!! I agree with LB & john, This article makes a whole lot of sense to me.

    Keep up the good work. AND GOD BLESS

  • Wow. to much to handle. It is really hard to do all of that. Well i guess we just take it a step at a time. Well I really enjoyed it.
    ~Stephen Field

  • Hey, what if you have just about given up hope of finding a man that even fits one charcteristic of that list? If there’s even one guy that fits two of thosethings Ill be impressed. But Ive given up hope about finding even one. So if you have encouragement please give it. I really am depressed about the way my generation acts like.

  • Emily: Take courage, sister. There are young men out there who meet nearly all of the characteristics on this list. We know several of them. And this big world, there are many. In fact, I think it is safe to say that there are many on this website itself. 🙂

  • This is a wonderful list! If there are men like that… well, that’s encouraging! Just keep waiting on God’s timing, right? Actually, I HAVE met young men like that… I visited BJU in March! They have quite a few 🙂 and they ALL open the doors for the ladies! It was an incredible experience *wistful sigh*…

    jbtaylor says, “most of these verses were written for Christians of both sexes.” well it was nice to point that out! now we girls can print most of this list out for ourselves too!(lol) I hope we all realize that being a “real man” or a “real woman” has to do with being the person God created us to be rather than, for instance, just being a male. I’m sure most girls will agree with me that men are male enough already- they don’t have to work on their “maleness”- so that’s not what this list is about. It’s about being a Christian rather than a nonchristian or immature or cowardly. It’s about growing in Christ and being a responsible adult and a faithful servant and a Godly head of the household, someone whom your wife can look up to and respect. It’s about being “set apart” for God’s purpose and relying on Him and acting as He would want you to. It’s about being “salt and light” and “redeeming the times, for the days are evil” and embracing the leadership position and responsibilities God calls men to.
    And NO, this is not about any one person I know… just in case any of you girls were wondering! 😉 I have high ideals, y’see.

  • I haven’t read what makes a godly girl yet, but am very impressed by what I’ve read here. I have not discovered the right guy yet either, but am finding guys who meet more and more of these criteria the more I am around sincere Christian guys. It is extremely encouraging to me as I wait for God to show me the right one. And guys, we girls really do take notice when a guy acts/behaves with these qualities, especially as it often shows his Christian heart. Thank you to all you Godly men out there for setting an example for our generation and the younger guys, as well as raising the expectations for what a girl should look for and expect.

  • Tossed on a Link from LAF:
    Wow. You guys really have something worth fighting for here. Believe me, i’ve been searching the web for a good couple of years and only recently started stumbling onto all these wonderfully God-fearing sites. The Holy Spirit is with you and “i feel a change in the winds, says i”

    A young lady who is proud to NOT be a feminist.

  • i wish there was such thing as a “REAL” man but what the world is comeing to today there will be a very slim chance as this will be true to fine one of the discrption of this list!!!!!!!!

  • I dunno, myrandia… there seem to be a few in my church! (Well, maybe not allllll those characteristics….)

  • “He is polite and shows women honor in everyday things such as opening doors, etc. (1 Peter 3:7)”

    The HUGE problem here is unseen.
    In the dating world you have 2 spectrums: “Nice guys” and “bad boys”
    the female attraction to the bad-boy is not of any importance to my point so I will jump straight into the Nice-guy TRAP.

    Guys think “women want a ‘nice-guy’…ok, I will be th NICEST GUY and treat her SO WELL that there will be NO REASON for her to NOT like me”

    So the guy goes ahead and is totally nice to her. OVERLY nice. This behaviour is repulsive to women because they cant help but ask themselves “why is this guy being so nice?” In one case I know of a guy that was dating a woman whom he considered “way out of his league” so his indifference towards her attracted her: they dated.
    He got insecure about the stability of the relationship so he figured that treating her really nice would ensure that she would stay with him.

    She dumped him saying “You’ve changed. you’re not the guy I was attracted too.”
    his response: “Im sorry, what have I done wrong? what do you want me to do to make it right?”
    her response: “THAT! that right there is what you’re doing wrong!”

    “nice guys finish last.”

  • Hey Mark,

    I know some times it may seem like, “the nice guys finish last” but, then if this girl left that guy, that could be just a way Gods saying, hold on wait a minute, it’s not my timing yet, just wait for me. She might not have been the one.

    I know in our youth group, there are a few girls that just can’t stand it when the guys open a door for them, or stand up, and let them set down, but there are still a few of us girls that like it. Women should enjoy being women. My brother says to me somtimes I just don’t understand i open a door for a girl, and they just glare at me. I keep telling him just keep doing it cause i know i like it, and i know there are other girls out there that do to.

  • I think some of what you’re saying Mark is attributed to your perception of that kind of guy being weak. There is a different between being nice and being weak. Weak is not having integrity, honor, or credibility, or being lazy. You get the point. I seem to remember some other historical figure who was pretty nice… Oh Yeah! His name was Jesus. And he is the model we’re supposed to follow. Whenever you find yourself asking questions like this, go back to the bible and look at Jesus’ actions. It certainly can’t hurt.

  • so where are these young men hiding? why am I the one sitting here stuck with a broken heart?? all the guys I know just hurt me… is there really one like that? I don’t know if I can believe that. With all the pain I’ve gone through, how do I know that there is seriously a guy like that and one for me?? Why would I deserve that kind of guy?

    just thoughts…

  • There is a remnant, Crissy. I know, because I’ve met a lot of them. They aren’t perfect, but they are striving to be real men and making very real progress. Ultimately, girls aren’t supposed to put their trust in any guys and guys aren’t supposed to put their trust in any girls — you’ll always be disappointed. But you can trust God living in guys who are striving to follow Him and girls who are striving to do the same. 🙂

  • …has no desire to be gross in order to impress other men. He doesn’t burp, swear, or tell disgusting stories. (Proverbs 13:5, Ephesians 5:4)

    …expresses himself with intelligent words rather than using “street talk”. (Proverbs 17:20, Titus 2:6-8, 1 Peter 4:11, Ephesians 4:29)

    I appreciate you writing this, it’s a good idea. Almost all of your definitions of “A real man” have a ton of truth and goodness in them that I think God would be pleased with and are Biblical. However, I personally am troubled by parts the above two defintions.

    Such as, “doesn’t burp” and “street talk”. To me burping is a very natural occurance, both men and women need to relieve that from their stomachs. Yes, it is gross when people do it right by you or make it purposefully disgusting, but I seriously don’t think that would make them less of a Godly man. Maybe that defintion would fall under personal preference for a girl when making a thought out list of what SHE personally is looking for in a husband. I in fact have made such a list of standards, but some of them are my own personal preference, desires that God has specifically placed in my heart.
    As a note, I of course agree that swearing and telling impure stories are not God pleasing.

    As for “expresses himself with intelligent words rather than using “street talk”, in my opinion that would fall under personal preference also. I hold this view point for the reason that I know young men who love Jesus and strive to follow him who from the inner city and use street talk. I spent part of my childhood in the inner city, in fact my parents were the pastors of a small inner city church so I know what street talk is, some is bad if used with explitives but regular street talk is just another way of communicating. Yes, it would not fall under “intelligent speach”, but it’s not wrong and by the way, there are a whole lot of people how aren’t learned in the world who love God and don’t speak intelligently, mostly underprivaleged people in America and all over the world.
    Poverty Fact from:

    Nearly a billion people entered the 21st century unable to read a book or sign their names. source 3

    I understand some times “street talk” can annoy and some times when used it’s coming from people who know how to speak intelligently, but I seriously doubt this act makes them less of a man.

    A Child of the King

  • This is so encouraging. And I really understand how all you disappointed sisters feel. I feel the same way. Thanks so much to all you guys who love Jesus more than any girl; you do us girls a big favor while you’re at it.

  • in reply to frannie’s comment,
    Thank you! I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH WHAT YOU SAY. In many cultures it is POLITE to burp after a meal and it is not polite to let a woman enter through a door before a man, men have to proceed the woman in order to check for danger! I have no problem with “street talk” that is completely a personal preference. In many ministries it is vital that the christian workers know the local “street talk” in order to communicate.


    …has no desire to be gross in order to impress other men. He doesn’t burp, swear, or tell disgusting stories. (Proverbs 13:5, Ephesians 5:4)


  • I’ve found that being disgusting and rude is not a quality I would want in any of my friends. I’ve had the hardest time trying to find what I labeled as a “true” friend. Someone I could rely on, someone to be there for me when I need them most, someone to listen, offer a helping hand, to guide me, and to just be a friend. Most importantly, not to care about what the world thinks about them. I found that I was looking to hard, and instead of trying to find that friend, I could be that friend. My goal for my life is to live in God’s standards, with His guidelines, and to be positive to all around me, and to be able to offer a listening ear or a helping hand at all times. These goals don’t seem very high, but they are definietely hard to maintain. People will never understand why we choose to follow God. John 3:17 (?) “For I chose you out of the world, therefore, since the world hates me, you also will be hated for my sake.” (Not an exact translation!!!) So why are we timid? Just step up to the plate and let God lead!

  • These are all admirable traits (hypothetically), and we as men should all strive to achieve them. I have known several solid gusy like this, and I am astounded that girls pay them no attention. At all. I am by no means perfect myself, but I also notice that even when I have my act together, character doesn’t mean crap to girls. I still keep being a man of God as my goal, but I frequently give up on the kind of love all of you like to fantasize about. In my experience, the guy’s character has nothing to do with getting girls. They connect with whoever gives them the biggest emotional rush, regardless of virtue. Maybe someone else has a different viewpoint.

  • Also, what’s the deal with no long hair? Since when did being a Godly man have an accompanying fashion prerequisite? I would have to say that Sampson was pretty studly and he HAD to have long hair for it to work.

  • Way to pick and choose, don’t forget your bible also wants men to rule their women as property, keep them sequestered and ignorant in the house, and to stone their women to death if they speak in church(at that time temple as Christians just Copied their rules and early scripture from Judaism). If that is a real man i am proud to be a non-believer in such a hypocritical sect. Not to mention i am happy to say my father and i have figured out to be a good man without blindly following the rantings of superstitious ancients who thought burning bushes gave commands and that trumpets can bring city walls down. Think for yourselves for once, but be careful you may just realize that religion is all about controlling the weak minded.

  • Hey there, Mr. Wow… Would you mind showing us where the Bible says that men should rule women as property, keep them ignorant and sequestered in the house, or stone them if they speak in church? Because I’ve read the Bible many times, and I’ve never seen those verses. Neither has anyone else I know. If you’d like a Biblical view of men and women, I’d encourage you to read this post. Thanks for commenting. 🙂

  • Just an interesting fact. Were any of you aware that through out history, wherever Judaism and Christianity went, womens rights improved greatly. Study your history and you will see that Christianity (and the men and women who followed it closely) always led the way in both culture improvement and scientific advancement. Those who follow the tenets of Christianity have always been the heart beat of life in this world (not including those who used it for political gain). Of course, you better read your history quick, because it is being rewritten by those who hate God and hate those who love him. The Bible tells us in Corinthians that all that we build in Christ will be tested by fire. If you want to live for Christ, then you better be ready for fire. If you are going to stay pure, then you better be ready to be tested by the fires of persecution and trial. Make firm choices and hold on to your faith. God bless all of you!!!!!!!!

  • This made me break down in tears, thinking of my short-comings when looking for a Godly relationship, or a Godly boyfriend [future husband]. Made me realize that these, all the things I Want in a relationship, all the characteristics I want the Man of God I marry to have, have been watered down and perverted by the worlds standards.
    Thank you for opening my eyes.
    I’m scared to read the “A Real Woman” list, but I can’t wait for it.

  • Thanks for the list, although I think that real men do burp and tell gross stories sometimes, and can still be godly. I mean, God made slugs, and they’re pretty gross. Add to list the joy that God gifts to a godly man, Psalm 126:2&3.

  • Hm. Interesting list. These are some high standards. I’m not too sure about the theological accuracy of the burping scripture reference- I thought everyone burped! (Oh no, maybe somethings’ wrong with me then!)

    I think that as long as this is held as the apirations of a young man, then this is good. But also, it needs to be recognized that godly young men won’t live up to this list 100% of the time. I do think young women deserve the bes, but at the same time, those “best” are being formed. I doubt that one will ever find a young man that exhibits all of these. As long as he’s growing in these areas, I think that this is fine. Good work.

  • While I think this list has noble aspirations, its also important to remember the context of the scripture you pull it out of. In many Asian cultures, it’s good manners to burp, and by not doing so a young Asian christian would be insulting his host, which is also against scripture. Don’t forget that many of the allusions and mannerisms in the Bible are cultural, and while it’s possible to translate most of these to everyday life, it’s also impossible to expect the bible to be a cookiecutter stencil you can push onto any culture. Think of the motives behind the statements and translate these, instread.

  • I think reaching for the highest expectations is what God intended for us. All of those qualities that were listed for real men are amazing I think, and I wish that I could meet more guys who had even half of those. I think that it isn’t as rare as we might think though to find a guy who possesses many of those gifts from God and who truly has pure intentions and a Christ-like heart. I would respect a guy even if he sought to live after a couple of those on that list.

  • I want a husband that has athoritie over me in a way that I can be respected in love.Alex and Brett,I have a friend who has been praying for a good Christian husband.There is a guy who is a christian and is pashionate about the same stuff.They’ve never met.She is 13.And he lives in Atlanta,and she is moving to Indiana.Do you have any advice?-your sister in Christ, Hannah

  • Yeah, I used to be that guy until I realized that women liked to talk to me them go out and date the jerks. I became a jerk myself and was much happier

  • Frannie and Jessica:

    The reason why belching loudly [and making a show of it] is improper is because it shows a great need for the young man to be the center of attention in a group of people. Yes, you are correct in saying that in some cultures burping after a pleasant meal is polite. However, if the culture in which you are living does not specifically express this tradition in day-to-day life, it is probably best left undone. It otherwise shows self-centeredness and a need for constant attention (because if a guy burps overly-obnoxiously loud on a regular basis, the realization of his apparently starved-for-attention-attitude seems makes itself crudely known).

    Burping is definitely NOT the problem. As someone mentioned above, it is a God-made process necessary to relieve uncomfortable pressures in our digestive systems. Making a show of belching, however, is rude.

    Of course, that issue is not JUST limited to burping. Many things can become an issue in our lives when used by us to constantly be the center of the limelight.

    Also, (in response to the men-should-walk-in-front-of-women-to-check-for-danger statement) that sort of thing is VERY rarely necessary in America because we do not live in a culture that shows the need for the protection of women everywhere they go. America, for the most part, is a very safe place to be. Nearly all of us females can walk out the door of our houses, or walk out of a grocery store, and not worry that we’re going to need protecting everywhere we step. However, I do agree that in some nations where there is political unrest, I could see the need for a man to go ahead and make sure it is safe.

    In His Service,
    ~Kirsten A. Gruber

  • 5k3pt1 { :

    It sounds as if the kinds of girls you describe are not the kind of girls you would want to be around anyway. However, that is not the point I am trying to make. Perhaps you should rethink the scenario of “going out” with someone. Then you wouldn’t have to worry about finding the “right one,” because when it’s time, God will show you who they are. Being brothers and sisters in Christ until that time ensures you don’t have to deal with the hurtful rejection one feels when a date goes sour or when there is a painful breakup. Until such a time as God brings us together with our husband or wife, we should focus our attention on Him, and focus on hearing His voice, and His direction. Getting to know Him better, and growing closer.

    Hair length is a relative and culture-based thing. Almost all Old and New Testament men had hair that we would consider to be “long.” There were some extremes, such as Samson, who was a Nazarite at birth. Most Nazarite vows include such things as 1) Drinking no wine [including products made with grapes]; 2) Abstaining from touching a dead body of any kind [even a close relative’s], human or not; and 3) Refusing to cut the hair or shave the head. In Samson’s case, his mother did not even drink wine during the pregnancy [and back then the wine would have been more sanitary than the water, since the wine was fermented] and made a solemn covenant with the Lord to not shave baby Samson’s hair when he was little. At the other extreme, there were the four men who Paul took to the temple in Acts 21. They shaved their heads with a vow to God. 5k3pt1 {, are you planning to take one of these vows? 😉

    In His Service,
    ~Kirsten A. Gruber

  • Oh, puhleeeeaaaase! I admire most of the attributes on this list, and find them attractive in men. I believe, however, that people can have many of these attributes without believing in God or even the Judeo-Christian concept of God. I also believe that religious people, specifically Christians, do not have the market cornered on morality or ethics.

  • Kristen:

    I don’t recall ever mentioning ‘going out’ or finding the ‘right one’. I was simply stating my observations. I appreciate your input, and generally agree with it.

    However, I do not think it wrong for guys and girls to date. It shows you what qualities you really do or do not want in your future spouse, and gives valuable experience with the opposite sex. As long as you don’t make it too serious it shouldn’t be a big deal. I also still think that Christ should be our first priority.

    My point was that (correct me if I’m wrong) girls, Christian or heathen, are emotionally driven. Having good character is a bonus but will not get a guy anywhere if the girl isn’t already emotionally attracted to him. If he doesn’t “make her heart flutter”, to use corn-laden language, he is essentially SOL. It’s similar to the way guys work. A girl can be as nice and Godly as possible, but a guy needs to be physically attracted to her for it to work. That’s just our M.O.

    All that to say, don’t let girls be your motivation for being a man of character. It doesn’t work. If you aim to be a Godly man, God better be your only motivation for doing so.

  • 5k3pt1{: We don’t censor anyone… Certain posts get thrown into the moderation queue, whether because of length, links, or certain trigger words. As you’ll notice, your comment is up. 😀

  • So far I have read one post and I already love what you guys are doing. They are really high standerds and that is what we all need to strive for. I am looking forward to reading the post on real women. It should be very interesting to see how much us girls should strive for!


    By the way, I really am thankful that my friend told me about what you were doing.

  • This is quite a high standard being requested. And all the better for hight of the bar! Every standard is based with scripture, so as far as I am concerned, there is no arguing with it. I think it is wonderful that it is a standard that was composed by girls. It really seems that a lot of the standards included are not even looked for by girls in popular culture. A lot of the comments have been encouragement to girls that guys like these do exist, but I think is is just as important that the guys remember that there are girls out there with these standards.

  • A real man…..

    adheres to all these rules, yet wears his hair long, lines his eyes with dark mascara, and listens to punk, grunge, and shock rock.

    He protests against the war and against the murder of forests.

  • B — “absolutely perfect”? you won’t meet him, ever. The only perfect man to ever live is Jesus. You can meet a man who’s striving, and working towards being more Christ-like, but don’t search for Mr. Perfect, cause he doesn’t exist. (David was an adulterer, Moses had a deadly temper that eventually kept him from God’s promise, Isaiah pretty much whined, Peter denied his Savior, Saul/Paul killed people before coming to know Christ, etc. we’re all human here)

    I apologize for my somewhat vicious pessimism (it’s what I do 🙂 devil’s advocate), but your man will be just as human as you are. And to Hannah, you won’t be worthy, because on our best day, we’re not “worthy” of the worst this world has to offer. That’s why grace is an amazing factor in our Christian lives. Don’t let it discourage you! God help me, I don’t want a guy who makes me feel as if I have to work to deserve him, or I’m somehow not good enough because I’ve made more mistakes or haven’t achieved as many “list qualities” (and vice versa). The running theme of the Bible is God looks at the heart. (1 Samuel 16:7)

    Can I throw out a warning? (to whoever happens across this in the coming months and actually scrolls to the bottom)

    These are great lists to challenge ourselves with, and measures for the Christ-likeness of someone you’re pursuing/want to pursue/be pursued by. But no one will ever meet all of them, or even meet most of them, perfectly. So yes, don’t settle and all that, but don’t demand perfection. Just someone who loves their Lord more than they’ll ever love you. Everything else will fall into place. (again, the heart)

    (side note to guys: few things are more attractive than a man who isn’t afraid to step up and lead, and who openly worships God. A desire to serve Christ and respect for women are givens, as in absolutely required. Of course, 5k3pt1{ has a point: “All that to say, don’t let girls be your motivation for being a man of character. It doesn’t work. If you aim to be a Godly man, God better be your only motivation for doing so.” You should desire to be Christ-like so as to best serve those in your life, but this desire kinda circles back to God. He’s pretty great, isn’t He?)

    Oh yeah, and look up the verses. As people have noted, the comments that go with them are not verbatim from the Bible, and most of the references from both lists apply to both sexes.

    I love how much debate has gone on in the 2 years since these were posted. It’s all us newcomers that keep stirring things up 🙂

    Do Hard Things. Play Rugby.

  • Just a thought i wanted to put in here. Now should it matter what a girl wants in a man? Cause if you noticed they used all Biblical references. That would tell me thats what God wants from us Men, and if a girl is not attracted to a Godily man then wanted that be considered unequally yoked?

  • Great post!

    I know this doesn’t have a scripture reference, but I like to aply it to all the guys I meet, it goes something like this: “Whatch how a man treats his elders, children and animals. It’s a great way to find out about his values.” I can’t remember exactly where I heard it, who from or when, but it sure has stuck with me for a while!

  • Really good, let us girls make sure we honor the list the things we ask for and wait for those guys to come along. Not settle for less or seek only those who look the part but if we want or ask for a certain thing then be patient as God brings him to us. because those who “seek beauty lose love, but those who seek love, find beauty…”-?

  • RSH

    I agree completly with what you said. God didnt create us to follow a list of expectations, he made us to live a life of adventure with him as our guide, protector, and companion. Now that is not to say that we shouldint strive to live up to these expectations, I think this is a great post, but to be a good man you have to be close to God, not from striving to live up to a peice of paper. Get close to God and these thing will come after, not before.

    That’s not to say that once you get close to God you will live up to all these things(NO way) but like my Dad likes to say, “a dog on the hunt doesent know it has fleas.” I think we get bogged down sometimes into thinking that the whole point is to bless us, if God wanted to bless us he would just kill us, and we would be with him in heaven, like John says “to die for me is to gain”, and this to me is a list of things to do if you want to be blessed. When its not about us being perect, that will never happen, its about living our lives with God.

    One other thing I would like to thank the girls who made this blog for being interested in trying to help us be Godly men, but it cannot come from you. You cannot ever fully understand a man, just like I(as a man) will never fully understand a woman, God made us differently. Men need to learn what it means to be a man from other men, just as women need to learn from women, that doesent mean that we are totally segregated, or that you cannot offer advice or instruction, but you cannot tell a boy how to become a man, or tell him completely what a man is. no girl, or woman can not fully understand the heart of a man, what it means to be a man. So I appretiate the effort you put into it but you cannot turn a boy into a man, that needs to happen from another man, hopefully his father.

    If anyone wants to know what it means to be a man, and how to be a Godly man, I would strongly recomend the book “Wild at Heart”. John Eldridge is a man who I believe was brought up to preach this message, just as Alex and Brent were brought up to tell how to do hard things(Loved your book by the way guys, awsome). Now even though this book is more for adult men who have lost there heart, it can show you the path to manhood, by showing you what makes up a man, you will be able to be a man. (sorry i dont know how to create a link hopefully you can copy this and paste it in the search box)

  • All you guys who say it’s going to be difficult to live up to this list, it will be. But then, we’ll be “doing hard things,” right? 🙂

  • Wow, I’ve only meet one guy with half these qualitys, and he hapens to be my dad! I can’t wait ’till I find a guy that lives like this! =)

  • This is convicting. I love how it comes straight from the Bible. Jesus was the only one who could and can fulfill all of these attributes, but as D. Hayes says, we still need to attempt to stick to these “doing hard things” 😀

  • I love it! The terms of a real man and it comes from the bible. It gives you th right idea on what young ladies like myself should be looking for!

  • I’m so blessed to actually know some guys like that. They are very dear to me as brothers and encouragers in Christ, and fellow workers in God’s kingdom. Guys: DO NOT give up! You may not immiediately see the fruits of your labor, but there are still those of us who appreciate you more than we can say.
    Your grateful sister in Christ,

  • I like how the “Real men” have pictures of actual men, and the “Women’s blog” has pictures of 1800’s Stepford wives. That’s not shovenistic at all?

  • Wow, it’s amazing to see how many people are still influenced by what God has said through these girls. I agree that part of this had some opinionation thrown in but they were trying to target the guys motive not the action (I’m talking about the burping part, the long-hair vs. short hair part, and the opening-doors part). The key point is respect and humility. As for those atheists who choose to post your comments, why bother? But, like everyone else has said, very nice work. Keep on glorifying God.

  • I’m very impressed with this list, and that’s exactly what I will be looking for in a husband when I’m older, since I don’t believe fourteen is a good time to get too serious! So, to all you guys aout there, you’ve got quite the challenge going, and in the meanwhile, we ladies will be having quite the challenge ourselves. Romans 12:1&2 can help get you motivated for this: “Therefore, I urge you brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God–this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of you mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing, and perfect will.”

  • This is a fine list, useful for young women when evaluating a possible suitor.

    However, it isn’t terribly helpful for young men; quite the opposite. A real man will never use a woman’s list as the standard for his character. Young men, if you want to know what a real man is, ask your fathers, your uncles, your grandfathers, your pastors. Ask the man God sends to you to be a father to you if you have no father. Ask God yourself. Take the question to His Word and ask it there.

    Please, please, please do not check off every item on a woman-approved list of good traits and conclude this makes you a real man. A woman needs a real man for a husband, but she cannot make you a real man or even determine for you when you have become one. To become merely what she requires is to miss entirely the becoming of what she ought to have.

  • WOW! praise the Lord. I think all men should do such a thing. I agree that the all around purpose’s for me is to glorify the God that created Him, and everything will come after that.

  • This is incredible! When it is time for a lady to look for the man God has provided, this kind of man will stand out in contrast to the man the world wants for you. All men should seek to follow Christ’s example and follow the Father’s guidances in The Bible alone.

  • Hey people I’ve got a question.. I’m a outgoing person and, quite by accident girls think I’m flirting with them and I get asked if I like them, I don’t flirt on propose (at least 80 percent of the time) I’ve tried to back off and be less outgoing, but I felt totally empty inside and became depressed for like a whole day! Now to the object of the paragraph, I’ve heard everyone I know tell me that its impossible to be good friends with girls except your wife, I refuse to believe this but I don’t want to hurt my “sisters” in christ at the same time. What shall this poor fellow do?
    ~Distraught Friend

  • Amos S: I just read the list and it is good. I have been working on my list since last year after a pretty hard break up of a 4 year realationship (3 yrs of which I was engaged). Honestly God is what helped me get through this hard time. My friend bought me the books by Joshua Harris “I kissed dating goodbye” and “Boy meets girl” they really helped me visualize what God wants us to be like and how to act with our brothers and sisters in christ. In my opinion of what I have learned you can be good friends with the oposite sex, just make sure you dont lead them to think otherwise. Girs are very sensitive beings they think with their emotions alot so be careful with things you tell them, they may be hurt if they think you like them and you really don’t. I have guy friends at church one of which is my bestfriend (ofcourse he is 17 & im 23 so we definitely dont like each other). I make sure that my attitude does not lead men at church to think otherwise. Amos I dont know your age but if you are aleady a teen for sure I recomend for you to read these 2 books by Joshua Harris they have great advise and scripture. God Bless.

  • To Amos; Hey man I totally agree with Brenda, If you have not read the I kissed dating good bye, by Josh Harris I would totally recommed it to you. I myself work at Chick-fil-A, and a lot of the people I work with think I am weird bc I have never gone out with a girl. A lot of them are saying just what you said. Its hard to be just friends with a girl. But let me tell you, it is hard. But through the grace of God we can prevail. I think if you, can read the book, it will help you be a outgoing person, to the opposite sex, without making them feel like your flurting.

    And as to the other book Boy meets Girl. I just bought it like a month ago to read it, and my Dad wanted to see one night, and he hasn’t given it back. But I heard it was really good, which is not a surprise to me.

  • That list sets a very high bar. Hopefully I’ll be able to jump it someday, and stop failing miserably. I’d like to help you, Amos, but I can’t. I haven’t had experience with that sort of thing.

  • To “the dead”: where’s the Scripture reference for all that stuff? The things on the list have references to the Scriptures, but I don’t think the Bible says anything about grunge and anti-war efforts. If you find Bible passages that speak positvely (or at all, for that matter) about the things you listed, let me know.

  • WOW… i realy hope i can find a guy like that, i deffinently KNOW a guy like that… and i realy like him, but i dont know if he likes me.. totaly off subject, enyhew… ya, this is great!

  • this is amazing. every single guy on the planet needs to read this about 50 times. i so hope God blesses me with a guy like this. like i said, amazing.

  • WOW. Well, you jst ruled out a LOT of the guys I know, including the ones who have expressed romantic interest in me. where do we find these guys? i already know several good, christian guys. unfortunately, most of them are my cousins. It seems that I cannot find a single guy that’s at all interested in me that’s also a christian. any words of encouragement?

  • To Ladies:
    Seek God and He WILL bring you and godly ‘real man’ to marry. Don’t worry, rather wait on the lord. There have been many young men who have sought my heart BUT they were not seeking God and there lives didn’t line up with the Word of God. God commands us not to be yoked together with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14) That means we are not to marry an unbeliever. God wants us to obey Him and helps us to obey Him. So do give up.
    Also check out 1 Corinthians 7:32-35. Being single is a blessing, being married is also a blessing. So be content with the season of life you are in. (1 Timothy 6:6)
    Read Proverbs 31 and let God work in you. now is the time to prepare for raising a family. Instead of worrying about getting married and who your going to marry, learn to cook, bake, clean, take care of kids, and to take care of your self, ’cause how can you take care of a family if you can’t take care of yourself? And something else to think about, if you don’t make your bed each morning, put your clothes away, and brush your teeth then you ARE NOT READY TO RAISE A FAMILY.

  • I Don’t know but I was checking on some of the bible scriptures quoted. To me it seems like they don’t coreespond with the text or somewhat.

  • AJL, it’s probably because y’all use different Bibles. I for one use the KJV, and the NIV (which I call NonInspiredVersion) is very different from the KJV. There are entire passages that are not the same in any manner.

  • I think this is the important I have heard in awhile. there are some scriptures, that I am going to print this off and tape it to my wall. I wish everyone one would look at this.
    Guys i think this important stuff these girls are telling us. I say we should try to follow as much as we can.

  • Great list!!!
    I have to say, it seems impossible to find a guy like that in this messed up world. But I’m trying as hard as I can to keep my focus on God and his plan for my life, so I won’t get tangled in the sin of the world. Guys, DON’T GIVE UP!! Whether girls like or dislike you when you strive to be Godly, only means that she may not be the one for you. He will bless you with your future wife when He knows you are ready.
    I am homeschooled and most of my friends are at my church, but even the guys who claim to be Christians don’t even seem to be striving to be Godly! In fact, many are making horrible choices and ignore those who are trying to help them. I don’t know how, or when, I’ll meet my future husband, but I definitely hope he matches most of what’s on this list.
    Oh! And I’m very proud of all the guys who have complimmented this list! Yay! God Bless You!!!!
    His Faithful Servant, Carli

  • i use this as a “ideal husband” list – a set of guidelines that I want my future husband to have and grow in. Thankfully, lots of my guyfriends are amazing at most of these, and are only lacking in a few… Guys from SGC, Titusville: Thank you so much for being the best friends in the world. You respect and encourage me daily. Thanks for being a “real man” I love you, bros!

  • Wow. It really makes me redefine all the ‘silly’ little things that I (and many girls I know) always thought were important in a man. Whether he was handsome or organized (I confess— I’m a total organize freak!)… looking at this list makes me re-realize that it’s the heart that matters. His character, his love of God. Those are the things that matter. I just want to thank all the young men out there willing to try to be this “real man”. Thank you! With God’s help you can make it!

  • I was looking through this and I saw a comment by frontiermike I belive, and it said that in our history wherever Christianity and Judaism has gone, womens’ rights have improved. I would like to point out, and not very happily, that this hasn’t exactly been the case. I am an avid history learner, and I have followed Christianity from early European times until now. I have noticed that women did not gain rights until the “enlightened” thinking that came relatively recently (when you consider how long the world has existed). I am a Christian myself, and I am not trying to say that we as Christians oppress women, but I would like to point out that women have not had many rights wherever it went. I am not saying that we are like the Islamic countries, for their oppression of women has been intense in the past, but Christian society has tended to treat woman as a more subservient being to man, even like property (also in the relatively recent past). And sadly to say, these views haven’t been changed by Christian thinking, but by those “enlightened” people. I believe that this is because the Bible is sometimes misinterpreted and has been taken much too literally than it was intended, and that power has been abused by some in the church (as this does happen, we are human and therefore sin). But the main point is, no it is not correct to say that where Christianity went, women’s rights followed. I know this doesn’t really have to do with the topic of the article, but I thought it was necessary to comment on that comment.

  • Wow this is such a great list. Girls we need to really be praying for our guy friends and Guys you need to be praying for your girl friends, because it can be so hard to be a leader in this world. dont believe the lie that you as an individual dont make a difference in the world, because WE DO.

  • This is such an awesome reminder. Definitely putting it on the wall. Praise God! And Happy New Year’s Eve- sounds like a good resolution;)

  • Hmmm, well, i think each blog should not be declared specifically for a “man” and for a “woman”–but simply for both. Why shouldn’t a woman also “take leadership in a self-sacrificing way”; why shouldn’t a man also be “quiet” sometimes? I think each gender can take from each description.

  • I think that there are very few men nowadays that could live up to that standard. I can only think of two or three that come very close to qualifying.

  • I like how all of these came from scripture and is not somebody’s personal opinion.

    A real man….
    1. …is a protector of his loved ones.
    2. …has loyal friends
    3. …isn’t afriad to express himself and doesn’t care what others think.
    4. …can establish a connection with almost anyone
    5. …is adventurous and lives life to the fullest
    6. …has options
    7. …smiles
    Being this kind of man is emotionally exhausting. But it is SO worth it. I agree that a real man builds others up because only an insecure person would demean another. These are just my opinions and I have right to them as you have a right to yours.:)

  • I have been making my list of who i want my guy to be for years and now i find it neatly written in a printable format. YaY. Maybe I should take this with me on dates. lol

  • I define a real man as

    1 Caring
    2 Loves his family
    3 is on fire for god because i have learned my lesson for going out with someone that is not on fire for god and he started to call me rude names like the B word and he also was just a jerk towards me. You should come to Maine for one of your tours

  • Thanks for posting this up! This is very encouraging to see that two teen girls wrote this!!! I’ve read the True Women one and it is challenging me!! I know guys who are trying to live up to this standard and those who are not. One could only imagine what the world would look like if all the men lived up to this standard and the women lived up to God’s standards???


  • Some of these things girls could use in there lives too. I know that I could be doing better in some of those areas myself.

  • Good to see I’m not the only posting forever after this article was written. I read through those qualifications thinking that those girls must have read my mind. Only, they put them down on paper a whole lot better than I do! Are there still guys like this out there? Personally, I haven’t met too many, but if there are still any guys trying to follow God’s will, then I believe there must be some that meet this list.

    Beautiful post, and I can’t wait to read the “real woman” one.

  • Reply to Alex:
    I know people at Church who date before they are ready, (as in middle school) This one girl gets heartbroke almost every week. My advice: BE FRIENDS FOR A LONGGGG TIME FIRST!!! You don’t need a lovey relationship at such a young age! Both of my best friends are guys, but I don’t have to date them to like them!
    And anyway, what is a defination of actual dating when you don’t have your liscence?
    One of my friends came out in the summer and we went on a bike ride for about 3 miles together. It wasn’t a date; it was somthing fun to do with him!
    I am in homeschool middle school, so I don’t know what it’s like to have a boyfriend/girlfriend at public school. Could someone tell me what that envirement is like?

  • so, if this is what defines a ‘real man’, what defines a ‘real woman’? There has got to be a lot of similar characteristics, no? Since we both share the same bible?

  • Wow, nice list.
    On the question of burping; Why are people making such a big deal of this? What I think that those verses are talking about is that men should not be rude in an unnecessary manner (So it wouldn’t apply in Asia.) We also should not be trying to be the center of atention. Rather we should bring glory to God with our actions.
    I also agree with Daniel Hayes response to “the dead”. (Although I also enjoy rock and metal.

  • I dont know if I can find a guy that wonderful. Guess Ill just have to pray about it. I wish more guys were that Godly. We have so many boys at my school who just dont respect girls. Its really sad. But I do see a few guys that strike future promise and intrest if they just stay with God.

  • wow, i love this post, the guys i trully hold close to my heart and who mean the most to me, try so hard to follow these things and put God first 🙂

  • Great post! Can’t wait to meet a man like that.
    Just wanted to make a quick comment on what Rissa replied to Alex back in February was it? I agree with Rissa. I too am homeschooled, but my Dad often works with teens and preteens who go to public school who are brokenhearted because they dated way to early. I think that courtship is the best way to go and only when you are ready to get married. Often when you date in middle school you are dating just for fun; I personally think that is a dangerous thing to do. Alex, try reading Alex and Brett’s older brother’s (Joshus Harris) books, I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Boy Meets Girl. It really helped me understand all of this better. I loved them! Thanks! 🙂

  • Wow! I’m glad there are guys out their that fit this listI just hope there are more who can learn from it.

  • Hey Rissa,
    I’m replying to your comment back in Feb. I thankful don’t have a boyfriend at such a young age (middle school grade 6) but a lot of my classmates do so I can tell you and outsiders view. (I also go to a public middle school and wish I was home-schooled) You pretty much say hi to each other and some times sit next to each other at lunch and talk. Unforchenitly most people at my schools have phones so they probably talk on the phone to. Its not very exciting and as one of the guys at my school says, ” What’s the point. Where are you going to go out? Chucky Cheese’s? ” It is very true. I also agree with you about the point of dating if you can’t drive.

  • Wow this is a great list. A perfect example of this is in the book and movie Sense and Sensibility.

  • wow this is such an amzing atricle!!!! i love it, there are soooo few guys out there like it though sadly, but those who do strive for this are the ones who i hold close to my heart. i have a question for anybody though, what do u think true love is? (like between a guy and girl) how do u define it? and do u think its too young to be in love at say 14 years old? and even if the guy doesn’t love you back right now, maybe he will later? is it okay to love sombody alot right now at 14 and, besides God, he’s all i want. he’s such an amazing christian guy and has showed me who God is, and tries to live like this post talks about. but how do you handle it? idk just somthing i’m struggling with right now but nobody seems to talk about it much where i live. so does anybody have any thoughts on it? any help would be awesome!!!

  • Wow that was really great. I’ve read the “real women” one too and it is very hard to live up too. I’m praying that it will soon become easier for me. Answering Jenna’s question, I’m sorry that you are struggling with this and I hope that you can get more advice on this. Someone could possably be in love at 14 years old and he may not be a bad guy but at 14 years old you are not ready to get married so I suggest that you be careful, don’t jump into anything and always be in prayer. Hopefully you have Christian parents and you can seek their advice and follow their guidlines. Do you go to Public school? I will be praying for you.
    I’m 14. I can’t wait to meet my future husband and I hope that he is trying to live up to these standards. Thanks to everyone who helped to post these. I love this website and I will stay in touch. Rachel

  • rachel, thx that helped :),and yeah i agree i’m not ready to get married now, but its not that far away. and ya i do have christian parents, i’ve gone to a private christian school all my life but this year is my first year in public school, and i go to a gr7-12school. ya i’m not jumping into anything, and i don’t date neither does he, to stay focused on God. but its just kindda hard, i do think i do love him tho and do wanna be with him…in the future. but only if its God’s will, i guess i just dont know what to do right now… he is an amzing guy though and desires to put God first in everything in his entire life and has taught me alot about God 🙂

  • I’m glad I could help. Sounds like you are doing everything just fine. I have started to relize that I am noticing boys more. I think that we are at that age where it just kind of happens. I can not , nor do I want to date until I am older but there is nothing wrong with noticing them because it’s just gonna happen, just so long as we be appropriate. God bless you, Rachel

  • This is such a good list!!! It is hard to find a guy (or girl) in this world, but having these lists can keep you accountable. The guys list (for girls) can help us look for a guy that has these standards. The girls list (for girls) helps us to mold ourselves into having these qualities. I have just finished printing these lists out and have hung the girls list up on my wall, and the guys list is in my journal. 🙂

  • That’s really kewl. Thanks for writing that. I will remember this list when I’m evaluating a guy. It’s good to know what to look for when choosing friends or boyfriends. I don’t have one and don’t plan to have one for a while but when I do, I’ll come back to this list. Thanks again. You guys have some good insight. 🙂

  • Wow. My thoughts written on a blog. Without me telling anyone. Cool. Can’t wait until I meet a man like that.

  • I just found this and I found it very amazing.
    It describes EXACTLY what I want in a future-husband.
    Until a few months ago, I thought all guys were the same.
    They only had one thing on their mind, (And I don’t mean God) and they all had their pants down around their ankles.
    But I’ve had my eyes opened to how amazing so many Christian guys are!
    Now I know not all guys are out partying all night or roaming the streets with pants that are three sizes too big.
    I now actually look foreword to meeting my future husband and I know who ever he is, he’ll have a huge heart for God and we can spend the rest of our lives praising God together!
    Thanks for sharing this!


  • i really appreciate this article. i have always been praying for a future husband with all of these characteristics, and it is encouraging to know that there are others who agree with these statements regarding a “real man”. keep up the good work, rebelution team!

  • Wow that’s great to know. I often wonder what kind of things a girl wants from I guy and its very encouraging and challenging to read this list and know that girls don’t just want the jocks in nice cars, but that they want sensibility and gentleness from a guy. Thankyou for the article

  • This is really lovely! It’s great to see what I should be looking out for in my future husband. This list is also great because it has Scriptures to back it all up and shows God’s perspective on it. I pray my future husband will be this kind of man.

  • I def know what to look for now. So many things in the Bible guys at my school dont listen to………..are you guys sure men like this actually exist? Lol! Def gives guys some ‘hard things’ to do!

  • It’s so hard to find real men these days. The guys at my church make me sick sometimes at the appathetic attitude! When I’m ready to ge married I want a man who has a purpose in his life and didn’t spend his teen years just “hangin out”!

  • Love what you guys are doing. These aren’t even HIGH expectations, these are completely reasonable. This is what we all should strive towards, bros. May God cause all of you to grow in wisdom, knowledge, stature, and in favor with God and man.


  • Wow.
    I can’t say I’ve met very many of these.
    But you know what?
    I have 5 younger brothers that I can encourage and help build up to be godly young men. I have the chance to help God to put 5 more out there!

    Thank you for being such an encouragement!

    p.s. I think I’ll put this on their wall!;o)

  • That was really good. It sorta helped me in a way.
    I’m new to this site and that was very encouraging.
    But there’s one thing I’m not sure about. There’s this boy who shows an interest in me all the time and he fits all those scriptures but I don’t know if he’s for me..

  • You guys are amazing. I’m reading your book and it’s great. I posted this on my profile and I really like it. It’s sad how people will try to look beautiful to cover up their insecurities.

  • I just hope that guys will use this as a personal checklist and not as a tool to judge others. The same goes for women.

    This list definitely moved me in my journey in loving Jesus.

  • I agree with this list, and makes me hope that one day I will meet a godly young man like this. Good to know that they are out there! L)

  • This describes the exact type pf man I won’t to marry and sevres as a reminder that he is out there!!!

    God Bless.

  • After reading this list, it gives me something to strive for and to be for my future wife. Thank you so much

  • Strive to be the best you can.

    Think about this:
    Run this race called life with God as your focus and be all that He has destined you to be. Your path will take you to places that your parents never went, and to places some of your friends won’t want to run. It is not their path but the one God gave you. And when you are running so hard on your path, focussing on God.. Only then, glance to your side for a split second and see who is running alongside you… More often then not its the ‘real woman’ running next to the ‘real man’.

    Fight the good fight!

  • Wow! I wish I knew more guys that defined these descriptions! But I know they’re out there, I’m just waiting and praying. It’s such a faith boost to see all these comments from other teens that have these values! Thank you so much! God Bless You!

  • I think this gives us guys something to think about and to possibly add to the “Do Hard Things” list. Remeber, if God is at the center of your relationship with the person you are dating/going out with, it should work out as long as you don’t get serious. Just keep it fun like a bike ride, or a movie with friends.

  • this is so awesome! i think ive found one of these guys . . . maybe. he’s a Christian and VERY sweet and about 99.999999999% of that describes him . . . Daniel 1:4, too 😛

  • This is a GREAT resource for Dad’s to share with their daughters on what to look for in a guy. I plan on doing just that. (Also plan to share it with my two sons who will be challenged to live up to this) Thanks Lori & Rebecca!

  • WOW…that is the ULTIMATE description of a young man for God!!! Definitely the kind of guy I want to marry!!! God bless all those who are striving to become this man!!! I’m praying for you, brothers!!! I hope there’s one like this about women! I wanna read it!!!

  • I really liked the ‘Real Man’ article. And it makes it seem like there really are guys out there when they are described as the guys we should strive for in the Bible. 🙂

  • “…You’ll see that religion is for the weak-minded.”

    Ummm… no. It is not. Do you think it’s easy being a Christian? Going against an entire culture? And I would like to ask you: Where do you think your mind came from? Nothing?

    Furthermore, Christianity is not just religion. It’s a relationship.

    I might have been an athiest, but I don’t have enough FAITH for that. I now know God personally, and know he is there. For you to know he ISN’T, you would have to be everywhere and know everything for all time. You have far more faith than I do. 🙂

  • this article as i see sends a reminder to us guys of what God wants from us and not what humans want and that we should reach Gods goals for as it shows in this list of examples and verses.

  • These actions that a man must have are very simple, but it seems in this generation that most men go out of their way to accomplish the foolish and wrong ways. This website is a real blessing, and I hope to become a Man of God in all my actions, and not fall into what the world wants me to follow. With God He can make US into the Men He Created US to be.

  • Men, let’s rise up and embrace our true purpose as “children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which we shine like stars in the universe as we hold out the word of life-in order that we may boast on the day of Christ that we did not run or labor for nothing” (Philippians 2:15-16). My thanks goes out to the two ladies who wrote this. Thank you for giving us a womanly (and biblical) perspective on true manhood.

  • There are A LOT of great Bible references and examples to support what a real man is. But, I have a little bit of my own thoughts to add to this. These are my guidelines that I follow when dating and looking for a future husband. (I don’t know how familiar anyone who reads this is with the Book of Mormon, but I will just say, the Book of Mormon is another testament of Jesus Christ.) In Alma 48:11-13, 17 it says;
    11. And Moroni was a STRONG and MIGHTY man; he was a man of a PERFECT UNDERSTANDING; yea, a man that did not delight in bloodshed; a man whose soul did joy in the LIBERTY and FREEDOM of his country, and his brethren from bondage and slavery;
    12. Yea, a man whose heart did swell with THANKSGIVING TO HIS GOD for the many privileges and blessings which he bestowed upon his people; a man who did LABOR exceedingly for the welfare and safety of his people.
    13. Yea, and he was a man who was FIRM IN THE FAITH OF CHRIST, and he had sworn with an oath to DEFEND his people, his rights, and his country, and his religion, even to the loss of his blood.
    17. Yea, verily, verily I say unto you, if all men had been, and were, and ever would be, like unto Moroni, behold, the very powers of hell would have been shaken forever; yea, the devil would never have power over the hearts of the children of men.

  • It’s really encouraging that there are men out there that care and strive to be all who God wants them to be! When you look at the world they portray men as being gross and consumed with themselves, but it’s nice to be reminded that that’s not true and that there is a man out there that would be a good partner one day.

  • All of these qualities are awsome and I will definetly be putting them on my ‘Prayer Requests For My Future Husband’ list (I know it sounds kinda wierd, but I didn’t know what else to call it). But, the problem is that I on’t even think that such a man can exist. I REALLY REALLY REALLY hope he does, but I feel like all the guys I know and see around me are the ‘teenie-bopper, boy-band’ type. I know that I shouldn’t be getting discouraged, I’m only fourteen. But even my parents say that I’ll be waiting for this guy for eternity. Does anyone have any advice?

  • Jade,

    Take courage, because men like this DO EXIST! I know many of them who live up to the vast majority of the requirements on this post. But I think it is also important to keep in mind that no one is perfect; you will never meet a man who fulfills all of these qualifications perfectly. However, God is raising up a remnant of young men who are striving for godliness, who are not afraid to defy our cultural norms and serve God. So don’t despair. God is very capable of bringing the right man into your life at the right time.

    One more thing (and I’m totally preaching to myself here). I know from personal experience that it is so easy to get overly focused on how I think the guys should act, or on the “‘prospects” around me. But as single young women, that is not where our attention should be. Yes, we should use discernment in evaluating the young men in our lives. But our primary focus and goal should be to grow in how to be godly women who are worthy of Real Men. I think it’s very possible that the guys are wondering if there are any Real Women left! So let’s try to do everything we can to live up to how God’s Word says WE should live. And ultimately, it is only by the Grace of God that any of us can become more like Jesus.

    I know it can be discouraging when we see so many bad examples all around us. But Real Men do exist, and God is not limited by the odds.

    Hope this helps. God bless you.

  • My wife and I have four sons 10,11,12,14 – we are raising four ‘real men.
    They will go to Liberty University for college.
    So be encouraged another generation is on the way. But be warned only ‘real women’ will be allowed to court our sons.

  • Jade,

    I know that men who even just try to live up to these standards are hard to find,but they are out there. I happen to know a few guys who I am honored to call friends and who are living examples of that list. It may be hard sometimes ( I’m waiting for that amazing girl myself,and it can prove to be discouraging at times ) but they’re out there. And if you strive to please and honor God,and a guy notices that and adores it,it will be one of the most awesome things that can ever happen on this earth!

    And its also nice to know that these standards areactually appreciated by women. 🙂

  • Wow,its so encouraging to know from all the comments that teen guys actually care about this stuff and try to live up to it, i hope my future husband reads this haha =)

  • These verses are great! I just have a question…

    #10, “…treats his sisters and mother with respect as he would treat a prospective wife” – the reference verse of Matthew 25:21 doesn’t make sense to me. Matthew 25:14-30 is the parable of the talents. Please help!


  • Does anyone here have any past experiences with dating? I am writting a book and i would REALLY appreciate and good out comes of this system.
    ~In Christ Alone~

  • cant live up to that but will certainly try. thank you alex and brett for your book, its an amazing inspiration and challenge!

  • Just a q. on the purity quotes…is it okay to have sex with the person your going to marry if that the only person you have sex with?

  • …doesn’t pride himself on being knowledgeable in the sinful ways of the world. (1 John 2:15-16, James 4:4, Philippians 4:8)
    I’m homeschooled and i don’t pride myself ( maybe a little bit? ) on NOT being knowledgeable in the sinful ways of the world. 🙂
    I’d like to add more scipture to this great blog on what is “a real man” ( think Christian man).
    ” hear, my son, your father’s instructions, and forsake not your mother’s teaching,” Proverbs 1:8
    Sometimes it takes “a real man” to do this simple thing.

  • This is great!!!! I’m telling you, Guys like this do exist! I’ve seen some!
    I think also, that a true man, is a true gentleman:) they can be kind and respectfull and retain their manleness at the same time:)

  • the reason men are jerks is because of women Men have been trained that way
    women send a message: if you treat me like poop, ill spread my legs but if you have respect for me , ill dump all over you

  • Wow, thank You Hannah, Rev. Solovskoy, & Mitchel for the encouragement. I can’t tell you how much I apreciate it!!! God Bless You Alll!!!

  • Hey Alison P, I am also confused. The scripture Matthew 25:21 does not go with the man treating his sister and mother like a prospective wife! i was really wondering if that verse was in the bible, so could someone figure this out??

  • I find it hard to describe what a “real man” should be like. As you know, everybody is individual, and God created everybody differently yet equally. I think what i could describe as “real” would be following what God says, and this does not just apply to guys, it applies to girls to. And to just clarify what some people have said in the above comments, it does say in the Bible that sex should be saved for marriage, not outside of marriage. Check out some Bible references like 1 Corinthians 6:13 and Ephesians 5:3.
    Well, going back to the topic of a “real man” I think its good when a guy sets standards for himself, and its also helpful when girls do that too. You don’t want to stoop too low, or become involved in a relationship where the other person in that relationship may pull you down from where you stand. For example, lets say that you were a strong Christian and all, but you dated a non-Christian, they’ll just pull you down. Its like a 5 foot person standing on top of a bench and a 6 foot person on the ground, now which is easier, the 5 foot person puling the six foot person onto the bench, or the 6 foot person pulling the 5 foot person onto the floor? The answer is quite obvious.

  • I agree with all of those descriptions of a real guy. I think that the most important thing for a guy is to be honest and accept correction. About the burping and all, I think it is fine as long as it’s not to loud and disturbing for the girls. Personally, I say, act and speak as intelligently as you are able! Hopefully, lots of guys will try to be more “real”. Good luck.

  • a real guy is someone who loves you the way you are. He wont try to change you to his liking

  • Ha! Love the photo of Atticus Finch! He is my definition of a real man! This is a great list. I could never give myself to anyone who didn’t at least have the potential to become this kind of man. My brother has been really encouraged as well. Thanks so much!

  • I like the men’s one, such a shame the women’s one is nothing but a giantic clump of rubbish about submissive, docile and quiet. Nothing about fighting for what you believing or having an opnion. But the boy’s version is very good, no suprise there.

  • I read this about a year ago and saved it to my favourites list. Now I’m back to print it out…. it really blesses me!

    “A real man …doesn’t put others down with his actions, attitude, words, or his strength. But on the contrary, he affirms and builds others up …” I love that. I have quite a few boy-friends who build you up and encourage (even if you’re losing points for the team!!) and others who whinge at you and laugh if you make a mistake. I definitely admire the ones who help and encourage you. It shows a lot more strength and masculinity than the ones who think they’ll prove theirs by putting themselves above you.

    Thank you so much for this, it blesses me every time!

  • from Perth, (west australia) and just recently found out about this site, both real man & real woman pdf’s are on the family toilet door, (family of 5boys & 5girls:) and has started a few great conversations! ‘my’ book is doing the rounds. Thanx!

  • I’ve been really trying to look at a girl for who she is. I’ve been wishing for a relationship, but God has shown me I wasn’t ready. I wouldn’t have been a really good boyfriend, and have been looking at her outside appearance more than anything. This list really helps, because I know what girls want! I am at a lost in a girl’s mind. Thanks!

  • hey this is awesome! defiantly things to keep in mind when looking for a “real man” i have a question for anyone, do u think that dating in high school is okay?

  • For all the guys that will read this, I offer you encouragement. I am a young single woman who notices real men. Yep; I notice you guys. I look for qualities described above and literally jump up and down when I see them. I notice gentle and Christian young men who aren’t flirting with me in the first five minutes of knowing me. I notice guys who aren’t staring at me (By the way, guys, I know you may think we’re cute, but don’t stare. It is so rude, ungentleman-like, and is a HUMONGOUS stumbling block for the ladies!). It is such an amazing relief to be treated like a lady; to be treated like your sister; to be protected and for our purity to be valued and not played with. Us girls are sick of status quo and notice the real guys in our realm of influence. Press on; you are appreciated, valued highly, noticed, looked for, and actually desired. My biggest dream is to someday marry a great man like the one described here. I’m only 14, but I notice these things. And I’m looking. I’m not looking for a boyfriend, mind you, but a real man. I notice you guys in a sisterly way and really appreciate your efforts to protect me and yourself. I love your efforts more than you know. God bless and I hope you this has encouraged you to press on! -Emily

  • Jen, this is for you! 🙂

    You asked if dating in highschool is OK. Well, Jen, I don’t think so. I think that dating at a young age is not only foolish and unnecessary, but actually dangerous. Young people are inescapably foolish and inexperienced, and we don’t know most of the time what we’re getting ourselves into. I also believe that God gave us purity and expects us to hold onto it until He sends us the “Right One”. Dating is not the way to preserve your purity.
    You say, “I date to get an idea of what I like and what I don’t like”. I say, “Know what you like. Pull out your Bible and make a list. Decide NOW what you will and will not allow when guys come knocking!” Jen, I wish I could emphasize enough on how dangerous dating at a young age really is. Dating just gives you a taste for roast when you the oven isn’t on yet. It’s dangerous. Also, all the “breaking up” and “hooking up” reinforces more of a short-term commitment attitude than one of a long-term commitment, in other words preparing for divorce. 🙁
    Unfortunately Jen, I believe the best option for us youngsters (HeHE! 🙂 is to wait until we are prepared for a long-term relationship (marriage) and NOT to start stoking the fire right now. I believe we should wait until we are old enough and mature enough to HANDLE a spouse and money and a home and kids. We should not be trying to heap these responsibilities on ourselves right now; rather we should be PREPARING ourselves for what will soon come.
    Jen, if you’ve understood nothing so far, I think this will break it down for you: 🙂
    1. Don’t date. Stay pure and focus on your relationship w/ God for right now.
    2. Prepare yourself for marriage, which is God’s plan for most people.
    -To prepare for marriage means not to practice it, but to work on the character that is desirable for marriage.
    3.Wait patiently for the One god chooses to send you. When you think you’ve found him, keep your head! 🙂 Make sure a lot of wise counselors and advisors (AKA PARENTS!) are involved.
    4. Stay close as ever to the Lord!!!!

    Jen, I hope this halfway answers your question!!! I know it’s a lot to stomach. Check out “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Josh Harris and “Before You Meet Prince Charming” by Sarah Mally. They explain it better than I do! Anyway, God bless, Jen; you will be in my prayers. Have a great day! :)-Emily 🙂

  • This is a GREAT list! 😀 haha I think that most girls dream of a handsome prince charming to sweep us off our feet from the time we are little girls, but as we get older we kind of go for the first guy who seems interested, losing faith in God providing a “real man”. I think this list is a great resource for girls and guys to look at, and the “real woman” is great for guys and girls to look at. Wonderful post! I absolutely love to see guys being real men, just for the fact that our culture is so backwards so it’s nice to see real men of God.
    God Bless!
    ~Rose <3 😀

  • Emily, thanks a lot! That gives me a lot to think about for sure! That makes a lot of sense! I have another question. I know you said dating in high school isnt good, but in general, do u think that a Christian dating a non-christian is ok? A lot of people seem to say its not. But what if he believes that there is a God and Jesus, but hes not a full Christian, is it okay then? Im not sure why it wouldn’t’? unless he’s preasuring you to do stuff, but if hes not why wouldn’t it be ok?

  • Jen,
    I’m so glad you would like to continue our conversation! 🙂
    Anyway, I hope I can answer this for you in a clear and understandable way. 😉 I have a hard time doing that!!! 😀
    Well, I know I’m coming across as a dooms-day preacher or something here, but no again for this question! 🙁 I believe that when Christians date a non-Christian, it is dangerous and actually will slowly diminish your faith in Jesus. You see, it happens like this: Chris is a Christian, and he REALLY likes Amy. But Chris knows that Amy isn’t a Christian. Well, not a strong one, anyway. Well, Amy thinks Chris is kind of cute, so when he asks her out on a date, she accepts. After all, it’s just a casual date, right?! Chris has a really fun time with Amy at the movies: she is SO funny, and she seems like a pretty good person! So Chris and Amy go out to dinner next week. And the next week. And then every weekend. And before Chris knows it, he is emotionally attached to a girl who has honestly no clue about Jesus, His love, His guidelines, or, frankly, the whole gist of Christianity. Chris knows that he doesn’t want to marry Amy because of these reasons…but with how attached the two are now, he could not IMAGINE breaking up.

    Jen, truthfully, I’ve seen it happen way too many times. The Bible says to not be “yoked with unbelievers” (2 Corinthians 6:14). That means to not get emotionally or physically involved with them, and ESPECIALLY to not marry them!! I know this isn’t exactly what you were talking about, Jen, but hopefully it will help you to better grasp what I’m going to say next! 🙂

    Jen…your specific question was “But what if he believes that there is a God and Jesus, but hes not a full Christian, is it okay then?” I really don’t think so. For one, why waste your time in pleasure-only relationship when it is not going to better you, better him, or further God’s kingdom? Secondly, you and I both know that since he doesn’t really “get it”, his beliefs are really just going to drag you down, discourage you from the kingdom of Christ, and ultimately will influence you negatively.

    Another scary thing to consider is how dangerous dating someone who believes there is a God and a Jesus but doesn’t truly get it is. (OK, that was a run-on sentence! :)) Jen…even muslims believe that there is a God and a Jesus….but do THEY get it?! Goodness….that is a very real and scary thing you must consider when tempted to date an unbeliever.

    To conclude, Jen, let me just say that you don’t have to “date” anyone to find a mate. That IS why you’re wanting to date, isn’t it? Really, you do not have to jump through all these hoops to find a great guy. Truthfully Jen….just look around you. Look in your church. Perhaps you don’t have the advantage of knowing a lot of outstanding guys…well, the Bible has many great examples of godly men…and guess what? The exciting thing is that these men did not “date” anybody to find their godly wives!!! They simply looked around, prayed for a great gal, and waited for God to do His stuff. That’s what you have to do. It’s not easy (all of the time), it’s not always fun, and sometimes you WILL get discouraged (i.e: “I’ve been waiting FOREVER and he’s STILL not here!!!! :(). Trust me on this, Jen….I and thousands of other girls have chosen to wait for a godly husband instead of dating to “find” him. Wait on the Lord, Jen–He has FAR greater plans than we do!! 🙂

    Anyway, this is dragging out longer than I meant for it to! I apologize. I hope that explained it pretty well to you…if it wasn’t clear or if you have any other questions…please let me know and I will do my best to try to answer them! 🙂

    In the mean time….don’t waste your time dating an unbeliever. You deserve far more than that. Remember that if you DO choose to date an unbeliever that emotional ties get involved VERY quickly…a “casual date” turns into a long-long commitment at the alter. So, the point is….DON’T DATE AN UNBELIEVER.

    God bless you Jen and I hope you have a marvelous day!!! You will continue to be in my prayers! 🙂 In Christ Alone, -Emily E. Rose

  • I love these! Although I can’t wait till I meet my future husband, I have decided I’m probably not going to date in high school. In HS, we’re still discovering who we are, and building a strong relationship with God. I believe that once we’ve done that, and once God has prepared my husband in the same way, then he will bring us together. That is so freakin awesome, and I am really looking forward to it.
    I have the “A Real Woman” list hanging in my room, and my favorite is the one that talks about how a real woman saves all her passion for her future husband”. Just thought I’d share and inspire.

  • emily rose! sorry for the long wait before i replied again, hectic schedule right now! you had alot of really great points there and they made alot of sense! I do agree with you on what your saying but the things is,i do love him. things probably wont work out and i probably wont marry him but how do u want away from someone you love? we’re not dating offically yet but idk things seem to be turning towards that. but how do u let go of someone u love jsut because theyre not a christian yet? they could easily become one…i know “missionary” dating isnt the best but it does work out sometimes?

  • Wow, this is just awesome. I’ve been searching for some biblical stand point as too what a man of God is too look like, and this is truely something to look to in order to become the young man of Christ I need to be. Thank you so much Lori Hainline and Rebecca Chandler for taking the time and encouraging young men to be of nobal character. God Bless you two!

  • AMEN!! My father and I have often had talks about ‘the right kind of man’, and one thing he has always told me is NEVER settle for less. Don’t compromise! If its God’s will for you to be married, the perfect man at the perfect time is waiting for you. Don’t be discouraged, remain steadfast on the Word and always stay accountable to your parents!!

  • reply to rissa: a relationship in public middle school is
    VERY different! the two kids say they love each other, but
    unfortunately it is only for sexual favors. and yes, i am
    completely serious! i know this, because i am a 8th grader, and
    have wittnessed it first hand. email me for any questions;
    [email protected]

  • wow..this is such a great post! i know six guys like this.
    one is my dad, my youth pastor, my sunday school teacher, my coach,
    and two guys my age. it is VERY rewarding to see men be “real men.”
    i know i often criticize guys who act immature and do stupid things
    but i have to remind myself that the shoe can be on the other foot
    and it applies to girls too. @jen-i dont mean to be rude or
    anything, but i was reading your posts and wondered if i could
    share my thoughts…it’s true that it’s hard to let go of someone
    you love just bc they arent saved. this past summer i was in a
    relationship with a guy and we were seriously considering dating.
    while he is a christian, he wasnt as strong as i was and we werent
    on the same path. i was physically attracted to him and wanted very
    much to date him but when i considered that i would be lead away
    from my savior bc of that relationship i backed off and we ended up
    not dating and we arent even very good friends now. but i had to
    trust GOd that it was the right thing to do, even thought my heart
    and thoughts were with that guy for several weeks after we called
    it off. missionary dating is just as dangerous as burning yourself.
    yes, there have been cases where it worked out but there are just
    as many(and more) cases of it NOT working out and either one or
    both people being hurt emotionally, mentally, and physically. look
    at the examples in the Bible: samson was from a strong, God-fearing
    family yet he “went out” with a nonbeliever (delilah) which
    resulted in him being held captive by the Phillistines for the rest
    of his life. can you be attracted to nonbeliever’s? YES! but we
    have to fight against it and pray that God will take the attraction
    away because it isnt His will. now you can pray that person will be
    saved.(you can even witness to them!) and who knows…a few years
    down the road, you might end up marrying him after he is saved.
    that does happen and because we serve an AMAZING God, it could
    happen to you. but we must trust Him to bring the right, saved
    person into our lives at the right time. is it worth a few years of
    happiness with an unbeliever versus a lifetime of joy with your
    Savior? i know trusting him with that area of your life can be
    difficult. it has been for me and still is, but He is gradually
    sharing with me the blessings that will occur when i just wait on
    His timing. i hope this helps and you dont mind reading my random
    thoughts. 🙂 i’ll be praying for you and God bless! <3

  • Wow!! I was so impressed by this list. Thank-you so much for putting it up. I can’t wait to meet a guy like this! I’m only 13 and have my eyes sets on God. I know that he has perfect timing. I’m printing this list out and keeping it for future reference. I’ll keep on praying for my future husband, wherever he is. Thanks guys!
    Another sister in Christ

  • Julianna-wow! thats alot to think about! thanks so much for your thoughts! they are very much appreciated! i guess its just really hard trying to stand up for things about God when i dont have a single christian friend. haha that may sound really weird but there are none to be friends with that are my age since i live in a small town. I will defiantly keep that in mind and try and do that. cause i know that its not the best. but idk its just hard i guess haha. i did end things with him in june cause it didnt seem like what God wanted. but idk i wasnt strong enough and gave in again a few months later and got back together with him cause i missed it so much. and now im at the same place i was last june not knowing what to do haha. and if i do end it then am i just gonna get back together with him in a few months? cause that seems rather pointless. so its not jsut ending it, but its makign sure i dont fall back into it all again. but thank you, alot! God bless you!

  • AMEN! What a great article! I just want to encourage you to NEVER settle for less, set your standards and don’t lower them…Stand firm on the bible and ALWAYS be accountable to your parents. I know that for me, it is always great to know that you can go to Mom or Dad and tell them what’s on your mind and your problems. But, don’t despair… wait patiently and when the time is right, God will send the ‘perfect’ spouse your way. May you be blessed and encouraged as you continue to walk faithful in the steps of our LORD. God Bless!

  • Sorry, I noticed that my other comment was just added about 8 up from this last one. I didn’t see it when I was last on, but I realize now that it was awaiting moderation. I’m sorry for the repetitious commenting..
    NOTE to Alex and/or Brett Harris: if you could remove my last comment, the posting on December 16th 2010, that would be greatly appreciated. Thank You!

  • hey emily rose, i second the motion on ur first comment! 🙂 guys, please dont stare!! because when i see a guy has cute eyes for an uber long amount of time… well it can kinda be a stumbling block… anyway thanks all who are striving to be real men and women! keep it up! 🙂

  • Jen- sorry it took so long to get back. its been nonstop for me! but yes it is hard when you live in a small town. i myself live in a VERY small one and it has been a constant struggle to find good friends who live close by and i can do things with. up until about a year ago i had about three friends and those werent even very good ones. i got plugged into an awsome church and that has helped tremendously! being strong in a relationship has never been easy for me and believe me i speak from experience. i was friends with someone and had to end it for various reasons and it has been so hard to keep to that commitment as she is having a hard time right now. the only way im surviving is giving it to God. unfortunately, i dont always do that and suffer the consequences. something i’ve had to work on these past few weeks is also the whole dating thing and waiting for the “right guy to come along.” i know that God has someone for me who is perfect and will come along when it is the right time and not on my terms but on His. is that hard? heck yes!!! but it’s a never ending process that brings His heart ever closer to yours. (i got that from a movie btw. i’m not that smart) and like i said the small town thing is rough. but if you want, you can email me at [email protected] or facebook me if you ever need a friend! hang in there, trust Him. He wants the best for you, just let Him!!!

  • I guess I personally would describe a real man as some one who will take the time to notice when his family is struggling, who will give them the best of his life after god himself. One who will do all he can to teach his children and lead his family in the right way. If I took the time to sit her and say every thing I thought was a real man you would be reading for hours. I could go on and on. I would not say that I really have a ‘Real man’ in my life.

  • WOW amazing this article will really encourage me in the long run of my adult life cause this is really showing me how a young man really should act its not by what TV says about young men this is the true reason THANK YOU FOR THIS ALEX AND BRENT IM YOUR BIGGEST FAN AND HOPEFULLY YOUR FAVORITE REBELUTIONARY!!!!!!!

  • So…question. About the whole rejoicing in our godly roles thing. How do you accomplish this in the workplace? Where I work (A fast food restaurant) I work with some decent, normal guys. However, I do most of the heavy lifting. I know being a girl isn’t defined by letting guys carry things, or being a guy isn’t merely defined by serving a girl in that matter. Still, how do you say you’re a lady without coming across as old-fashioned and they rebuff your expectations and look down on you for what they consider to be narrowmindedness?

  • I wish i looked at this blog sooner, this is so convicting. I hope someday i will find someone, even a little close to that and i would be happy. But i haven’t read the girls one yet… o’m a little worried:)
    Jenna 16

  • WOW!

    Thank You so much for having this here. This will help me in finding the right guy. So I can feel right by knowing that he is what God wants for me.

  • On behalf of all self-respecting, decent, God-fearing men, I want to reassure all the girls here that there are guys like myself who hold ourselves to this standard. We realize how truly valuable you are as a woman and that we don’t deserve you. but we want to do everything we can to make you feel like you are valued. We should make you feel beautiful inside and out and if someone doesn’t do that, kick him to the curb. You’re too good for him. We aren’t perfect, so please spare some grace, but us real men are doing everything we can to be the best man for you. because you deserve that and more.

  • I really enjoy reading what everyone has to say about these things, and I keep recognizing the names of people I’ve heard of (but never met) in the comments! I loved reading these lists; I’ve been writing a list of qualities I would like to see in my husband, and it’s a daunting task! It’s been coming along very slowly, as I’m trying to pray about and find Bible verses for everything I put down. I am very aware that no guy will be perfect, but my hope is that my husband will be striving for God and seeking Christ with all of his heart. And writing about my dream guy has made me want to start studying more about who I should be, and what kind of qualities I should cultivate in myself. 😛

    Emily Rose, I really loved the advice you gave to Jen. 🙂 Thank you for sharing! 😀 I also would like to say that I agree with what you said about when boys stare; my first reaction is to get as far away from those guys as possible! I wish that guys would try harder to see our inner beauty. I know this can be really hard for them, though! And one way we can definitely help with that is to dress in a way that not only ‘covers us up’, but also doesn’t call attention to our bodies. Recently, one of my friends told me that ‘good girls don’t dress like bad girls’. 😀 I really liked that! It can be very tempting to dress like a ‘bad girl’ even for a few hours.

    Alex and Brett, I’d like to thank you for what you do! It has been so encouraging for me to have contact with like-minded teens on your site! It often seems like there aren’t any godly teenagers out there. Your blog helps to remind me that there are. 😀

    Thank you so much! In God’s Grace,

  • I am glad that I have observed this blog. Ultimately anything not a crap, which we understand quite usually. The web site is lovingly maintained and up to date. So it really should be, thank you for this welcome transform.

  • i think in this world it is a one in a million shot on finding a man like this. i hope everones man is this one.Please keep posting stuff like this. i think every boy should read it.YOU BOYS THAT ALREADY HAVE ARE AWESOME! KEEP BEING A GODLY MAN PLEASE ENCOURAGE OTHERS TO BE THE SAME! 🙂

  • Amazing! A truly eye-opening article and a thought provoking, faith building blog. Thank you for posting. Its sad to see that many, even those who claim to be Christian, fail to pursue these qualities with God’s help, for His glory; often, its easy to find people trying their very best to ‘fit-in’, seem cool and forget the things of ultimate value: their relationship with God, their heart and character. My prayers that Christian men are encouraged to follow these guidelines and for Christian women to also be inspired to lead lives of such purity and holiness that God expects of us.
    Thank you again for posting, God bless you 🙂

  • to you boys who have read this and PROMISE to follow these things just so you know im single christian country and 12! if you so much hold my hand without my permission i will drop kick you half way to vegas. i work at a funeral home i have connections to make you”permenatly dissappear” dont push it. HAHAHAHAHAHAH! sorry im not that mean, but my fate for you would be SO much better than my dads 🙂 i love yall (as bros in christ) and hope im lucky to meet one of yall someday

  • you guys out there should live by this!!! if i am correct,every girl wants a man with every one of these qualities. i have’nt yet but i hope to find a man like this!!!

  • One of the comments previously was, “you can tell if you’re a man by the state of your heart”
    that is so very true, but it is so very hard for those outside to see the state of a mans heart, or a woman’s, for that matter, if only we all stopped trying to hide.
    if only there were more “real men” and “real women” in this world. and in this town. It all starts with one, that’s our challenge.

  • wow! this is so great! i cant wait to pass it on! such a different view from what the world expects of men…… and i’m sure the reaL women one will be to!!
    thank you!

  • Wow! Amazing!
    Totally, different from the everyday “street style” around us.
    One of my favorites:

    “A true man values his purity as much as he values a young lady’s purity. He is not ashamed to live and act differently from the world in order to guard himself. (1 Thessalonians 4:1-8, Ecclesiastes 7:26)”

    I see too many young men going the opposite direction, and it is very saddening.
    Lord have mercy.

  • These are all so true I never even thought about it until now! I’m also very pleased that you guys made this website. If you hadn’t made the books I would neer have started a girls group in my town. thank you for inspiring me and teaching me

  • This is great for both guys and girls to look at. For us girls it shows what a wonderful man of God looks like and that they are out there! Therefore, we shouldn’t EVER settle for less than God’s absolute best!

  • This is a great list! Sometimes it seems like there really aren’t any guys out there like this at all. And it’s nice to be reminded from this page that there are! Keep trying to follow God and be different from this world’s standards!Even if a lot of girls don’t seem to appreciate this kind of a guy, there’s girls out there that really do!
    – a sister in Christ

  • It’s amazing for us teen gals and guyss to know these. 😀 It made me realize a lot of things. That God really has purposes for us in mind, and that He will never let us settle for less. this post is one of my favorite blog post ever! Thank You so much, and may God bless you always! 🙂

  • I’m so thankful that it is possible for guys to be like this….because of Jesus.
    Honestly….often I get really discouraged by the lack of true men out there….
    And I know that us girls need to do our part to…we’ve been cowards long enough.

  • I believe some of the things on this list and a few things on the Woman’s list can be for BOTH GENDERS. not just one. BOTH.

  • I know there are men out there like this because I married one! However, I would just add that, while you should set your standards high, you need to remember that your future spouse is a work in progress just as much as you are. So don’t look for perfection, you will just be disappointed. The husband God has for you may burp on occasion and still need a little growing in maturity. 😉

  • While I certainly agree that a lot of these are excellent qualities, I also agree with Traci below that “lists” like these can really become a trap. We should be looking for what God says is best for us, which may or may not measure up to a “list” a couple of people come up with. (Ironically, I find, that in this case it is a couple of girls defining manhood – sorry, but is there just not something slightly wrong here? Shouldn’t it be God Himself, and perhaps older Godly men who’re the ones telling young men what is true manhood?)

rebelling against low expectations

The Rebelution is a teenage rebellion against low expectations—a worldwide campaign to reject apathy, embrace responsibility, and do hard things. Learn More →