rebelling against low expectations

Three Teens Define “A Real Woman”


Written by Philip Hainline, Heidi Reimer, and Maria Reimer at the respective ages of 16, 19, and 17.

A real woman . . .

…is glad she’s a woman and rejoices in her femininity, expressing it through her attitude, appearance and bearing (1 Timothy 2:9-10).

…does not compete for equality with men or chafe at God’s design for male and female, but delights in and understands the importance of her calling to complement man’s role (1 Timothy 2:11-12, Ephesians 5:22-24).

…values the cultivation of her mind and diligently seeks after wisdom and knowledge (Proverbs 22:17-21, 2:2-6).

…realizes her imperative need to allow the Holy Spirit to control her emotions and expressions of them (James 1:19-20).

…does not wallow in self-pity or make a habit of voicing complaints but radiates cheerfulness and joy (Proverbs 15:15, Proverbs 17:22).

A real woman . . .

…appreciates her father’s protection, and respects and submits to his authority. In so doing, she is preparing herself to exercise the Biblical role in her relationship with a possible future husband (Ephesians 5:33-6:3, 1 Peter 3:1-2).

…is trustworthy and gains the respect of those around her (Proverbs 31:11).

…restrains herself from listening to, or participating in gossip, but instead speaks with wisdom and discretion (Proverbs 11:12-13, 22, 20:19, 3:11).

…encourages and builds up those around her instead of criticizing and tearing them down (1 Thessalonians 5:11, Ephesians 4:29).

…does not have a nagging, contentious or manipulative manner in which she deals with others (Judges 16:16, Proverbs 21:9, 19, 26:21).

…is not boisterous or loud in her speech or actions but is characterized by a gentle and quiet spirit (Proverbs 9:13, 1 Peter 3:4).

A real woman . . .

…portrays chastity, modesty and reverence in her manner, and wears the ornament of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is her true beauty (1 Peter 3:3-4, Titus 2:4-5).

…is not offended by respect shown her through gentlemanly courtesies (opening doors, etc.) but cultivates the differences between the sexes that make her worthy of this deference (1 Peter 3:7, Mark 10:6).

…seeks to make God her number one desire and the Lover of her soul, knowing that only He can fully satisfy (Psalm 73:25, Psalm 63:1).

…uses her years of singleness to seek and serve God without distraction, and is content to leave the details of her future to Him (Psalm 73:25, Philippians 4:11).

A real woman . . .

…does not relate to members of the opposite sex in a flirtatious or forward manner, but instead saves all her passion for her future husband (Thessalonians 4:3-8, Proverbs 6:25, 1 Corinthians 7:1).

…holds her virginity before marriage sacred and will not compromise it for anything. (This one goes for guys too) (1 Timothy 5:22).

“A Real Woman” in PDF Format for download and print out.

Comment section is open to guys and gals on any issues pertaining to what makes a woman. Disagree with something? Tell us what and why.

Photo courtesy of Jan Karlo Camero and Flickr Creative Commons.


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About the author

Alex and Brett Harris

are the co-founders of and co-authors of Do Hard Things and Start Here. They have a passion for God and for their generation. Their personal interests include politics, filmmaking, music, and basketball. They are both graduates of Patrick Henry College in Purcellville, Virginia.


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  • Commendable qualities for Christian women!
    I was just wondering who posted the pictures to go along with the article?
    One of the virtuous qualities a woman should have is modesty, as so eloquently stated, “A Real Woman�portrays chastity, modesty and reverence in her manner, and wears the ornament of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is her true beauty. (1 Peter 3:3-4, Titus 2:4-5)”. Does the bare-shouldered bride picture that is posted with this article reflect or contradict this truth? Current fashion trends of the world embrace bare shoulders (and spaghetti straps) in wedding attire. As our culture is very sensuous, so are its fashions. Bare-shouldered dresses seem to suggest a state of partial undress. And yet, many Christians have jumped right in and compromise Christian modesty for weddings and reveal more of their bodies than would be fitting for the ” real woman” who bears the name of Christ. “Real men” would admit that bare-shouldered dresses are very sensual and provocative and challenge them to be even more vigilant to guard their thoughts and eyes. �Real women” would be wise to save the unveiling of their bodies for the marriage bed instead of tempting the male attendees of their weddings to lust after her. Should not a bride clothe herself first to please her God, and then to honor her groom by keeping herself for him alone? Should not a Christian bride�s beauty be enhanced by discretion and modesty rather than cheapened by vanity and immodesty? Proverbs 11:22 says, �Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion.� Should not a Christian groom desire his bride�s modesty to extend to every area (and occasion) of her life? Should he not begin to cherish her as his own body, covering her and protecting her even as they celebrate in the wedding ceremony?

  • Hi Alex and Brett! Very interesting blog you have here. It’s so encouraging to read. I also noticed that in your recent entry post about “A real man…” you used one of the pictures from the OIL 2006 conference that I had recently attended. Your brother Josh Harris was a wonderful guest speaker and the messages he spoke were truly convicting. It’s no surprise that his twin brothers are also fervent in their faith! Witnessing both of your religious and intellectual stances in your blog gives me hope that our generation is not lost after all–that there are young people out there who care for future generations. The OIL retreat messages were mainly focused that and prayer for our present and future members of society. Well, if you had looked through the pictures I should be in one of them towards the end next to a girl in a red shirt, but there’s like a gazillion pictures… my description’s a little vague… :[ but anyways, keep up the goodness that you have going here! It’s such a blessing! I’m definitely going to tell my siblings about it.

    God Bless~

  • This, too, is a great list…we have a high calling (or, is it “extreme”? 😉 ), and it’s not always easy to live up to it…but it’s encouraging to think that there are young men and women in our generation striving to live up to these goals and standards. Thanks so much…

  • I would like to say that these traits in a woman are very possible. Take courage woman of God, rise above the world, obey these demands of our one Heavenly Father, and through Him we can conquer the world for His crown and country!

  • wow, that is a great personal check-list for being a Godly woman!!!! I deff. have to work on a several of those areas, but it is wonderful to be reminded that this is how God expects us to live!!! Thank a lot!


  • Whoa! What a list. I have not yet met one woman who meets every requirement perfectly. I don’t think there are many out there…. And for that matter, there can’t be many perfect men either… 🙂

  • I really appreciated both of these lists because they are both broad and narrow. They are broad enough to include people of all personalities, talents, interests, and cultures. Yet, they are so narrow that only a handful of men and women live up to their standards.

  • Isn’t it great how God doesn’t allow for complacency? “Be perfect, as I AM perfect.”

    Our hope is not in achieving holy perfection, but in constantly growing, stretching, and maturing towards the likeness of Christ!

  • Yet again…excellent. I am going to print this out and put it where I can see it to remind me of my role as a woman. Do you think you guys will go into relationships between guys and girls in any of your posts?

  • That’s great, Lauren! I’m glad it inspired you.

    We most likely will post more about guys and girls in the future… But we have touched on it little already. Recently, in fact. You’ll find some a good article, question, and a lot of great discussion, by reading this post.

  • What a lovely and encouraing post, brothers.

    I am a fan of following concrete examples in women who have LIVED these traits, lest I manipulate such lists in their abstraction. Looking to concrete examples also produces a greater sense of charity and expectancy in the VARIETY of ways that God can form such graces in women’s hearts.

    Some of my paradigms include the Virgin Mary, who said an ultimate Yes! to her Lord; all of the women whom St. Paul praises for their courageous work in the early Church; Florence Nightengale, ardent healer; Clara Barton, who did the same; Susanna Wesley, who raised revolutionary leaders for the Church; and Jesse Benton Fremont, who helped her husband by fighting for his honor and contributed greatly to our nation’s expansion…

  • As I was reading William Prescott’s History of the Conquest of Mexico, I found in the appendix a document written by an Aztec mother (before Cortes) giving advice to her daughter about being a real woman. I give you the link both for historical interest and to prove that a sense of godliness transcends time, space, and cultures.

  • This is a very good reminder of what we are striving for.I think that the goal here is not to be perfect ,because we will never achieve that on earth,but to improve.To push ourselves to grow spiritually more and more each day.Only when we see Jesus face to face will the work in us be perfected.

  • Sorry Girls but IMHO YOU will never make it… alone… the only way to meet and maintain this standard is with God in you working through you because only He is perfect. Of course this dosen’t mean you will never achieve this standard it just means you won’t if you work alone 🙂

    I KNOW that I will NEVER be able to achieve the standards God has set before me in any area of my life without Him in me working in me and through me.


    James 1:5
    “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” (NIV)

  • your list is so encouraging guys.

    i agree with joshua r. we can’t do it alone. both guys and girls, we need GOD. i’m usually a really independent person, and unfortunately i don’t depend on GOD for everything, i don’t trust HIM for everything.

    we will never complete this list perfectly, but by trying it will help us grow closer to GOD, grow spiritually, grow in all areas.

    by the way i’m loving your chivalry posts brett and alex.

  • Beautiful, well written post — one that I’m printing out. I really appreciate how you attached scripture to every point. Man can say alot of good things, but it is Christ’s Word that endures through everything.

  • I tend to agree with Mary regarding the wedding attire of the modern-day bride.
    Just today I was talking with my mom about how I feel that the exposure of a woman’s
    shoulders, upper chest, and back (in public) somehow doesn’t seem fitting for one trying
    to dress modestly – in a way that will not cause men to stumble.
    I cannot wait to share my body with my husband, but personally, I don’t want any other
    man to see that much of me!
    I don’t, however, believe that women should walk around wearing only huge, baggy layers
    which completely hide their bodies’ “female identity” (which distinguishes them from men).
    George Washington’s 52nd Rule of Civility and Decent Behaviour in Company and Conversation reads “In your apparel be modest and endeavour to accomodate nature; rather than to procure admiration, keep to the fashion of your equals, such as are civil and orderly with respect to times and places.”
    My family gets a kick out of that; it seems to strike a good balance!

  • wow these are really good things to challange yourself with and for me to keep as a priority. it also makes me thankful that God gave us examples and didnt just leave us out in the open.

  • I’m not sure if I agree with this one…

    is not boisterous or loud in her speech or actions but is characterized by a gentle and quiet spirit. (Proverbs 9:13, 1 Peter 3:4)

    I agree that she would be caracterized by a quiet and gentle spirit, but its not a sin to talk loudly.

  • I just want to say that your page is really good!
    and I agree with this list.
    In this time its important to turn our eyes upon God and His word
    Be blessed

  • I noticed that the women pictured are all wearing modest dresses(except the wedding dress). I think this prompts an important consideration; should young women wear dresses/skirts as the norm and save pants/jeans for particular activities like horseback riding, snow skiing, gardening, working with heavy machinery? I think it would be a special way of indicating to ourselves and others that we are embracing a definition of femininity that is counter-cultural and Biblically based.

  • In an attempt to answer Lori’s question, the Bible says in Deuteronomy 22:5: “The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman’s garment, for all that do so are an abomination unto the Lord thy God. (kjv)

  • That is a very challenging list. May, by his grace, we, young ladies, be able to live up to it and be an example to others.

    I am so happy to see a blog that doesn’t cut down Our Father’s holy name. May He bless you 100 times for the blessing this blog is.

  • I’m not going to disagree with Kelly or Lori – I think it is awesome when girls wear dresses, and I myself wear them to church etc, but of course we already know that wearing dresses in itself doesn’t make us more Christ-like, but I think it has to do with the attitude of our hearts. If we are seeking to serve men – young and old alike in the way we dress, then we won’t be going around wearing tight/low/belly shirts or tight jeans or short shorts. Wearing dresses with a wrong heart attitude can be just as bad as wearing the low shirt, and wearing a dress with the RIGHT attitude can even enhance our modesty. However, I myself believe that if we wear what we wear with modesty and we are attempting to bless those around us, it won’t REALLY matter if we are wearing dresses. It seems to me like people reflect the attitude of their heart often in the way they dress…so, anyway…all of this random musing to conclude with – dresses are great!

    ~Lady Tai

  • Wonderful, wonderful list. It’s a big reality check for a self-righteous homeschooled pastor’s daughter here. I have still so much to learn in becoming a true woman of God. God is doing great things through you two. I can’t believe you’re just my age 😛 Keep shining for Him 🙂

  • Wow, that was super awesome! But I have a question about the first few, its like I LOVE being a girl. But, sports is one of my hobbies. I love football, basketball, baseball, vollyball. Any type, but when does it get were you arn’t being Lady like? You know? Its like God gave me these talents, so shouldn’t I use them? But that is SUCH an AMAZING this to strive for!!! Thanks!

  • WoW! What a great remminder of what God wants us to be like. I know I still need to work on a lot of things to be a women like that. Thank God he is faithful.

  • What a wonderful list! There is one point that I disagree with, however. In the list you wrote, “(a real woman)…does not compete for equality with men or chafe at God’s design for male and female, but delights in and understands the importance of her calling to complement man’s role.” I looked up the included scripture references, and I think that you used them a bit out of context. In I Timothy, it says ” I do not permit a woman to teach or have authority over a man; she must be silent. For Adam was formed first, then Eve.” The ‘I’ is Paul expressing his opinion. The scripture does not read, ‘Christ does not permit…” or something like that. Also, I don’t think it’s coincidental that woman was formed from the rib of Adam; his side. God wants woman to stand beside her husband, not behind them or beneath them. Secondly, Galations 3:28 reads “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Jesus Christ.” Although God equips each member of His family differently, not one of them are less than equal compared to another. Thank you for allowing me to express my opinion.

  • This is great! As I am going into teenhood (12yrs old)I am aware of some of the things that I’ll have to face. And, to some degree, have had to already. But sadly I don’t know very many girls my age that have very much of an interest in learning to be a “real woman.” But I still have 7 more years in my teenhood so why waste them on obsessing over the ‘latest fashion’ or ‘the cutest boy’? There is so much more fulfilment in learning to be the woman God made me to be. Anyways thanks to all who made this list! And thanks to Alex and Brett for all the hard work they put into the Rebelution!
    In Christ,
    ~Naomi Elizabeth

  • Nabeth, there is a terrific book out there called Beautiful Girlhood by Mabel Hale ( sells it the most inexpensively) that is a wonderful guide through the “teen” years. It was written 100 years ago and is one of my BEST friends (book-wise!). What a great guide it is.
    You really might want to read it!

  • Thanks Melanie, I have read that book but I should read it again. Books like that are great to revisit many times. Another of my favorites is Secret Keeper by Dana Gresh. I can’t tell you how many times I have gone to it and been encouraged, sometimes peer presher is so hard to fight against. But Dana Gresh reminds me that being modest in apearence and action is VERY important to help our brothers in Christ not to stumble (not to mention protecting ourselves!) Thanks again,
    In Christ,
    Naomi Elizabeth

  • You all need to drag yourselves into the 21st century. This has got to be a joke, right? I cannot believe that the best you young women aspire to be is a subserviant, dinner cooking, baby making machine for Jesus. Please do yourselves a favor and try to broaden your lives by living them. Pray to god, own your body and mind, and for your own sake do not believe that the above list is the ideal to aspire to.

  • In response to “baffled by your stupidity”:

    I’m saddened by your misunderstanding. You do not understand what God has called us as women, to do. I am saddened by your negative view of God’s designed role for women. It’s not that we’re to be “subservient” to men, but a helpmeet and an encouragement to our husbands, or fathers. Don’t forget, being a servant is not bad—Jesus Himself said that He came to serve, not to be served. We cannot find true joy unless we are serving God with our whole heart, doing what He has called us to do. We are not to be dinner cooking, baby making machines—we’re to raise up warriors for our King, and provide a godly environment in which to raise them. Please be sure to examine cautiously the calling of the world, which calls us out of the home, calls us away from our husbands, away from raising up strong godly warriors; which calls us to put our focus on ourselves, and to weaken the home and weaken the foundation of the family, which weakens the church. I myself am challenged by the list above, and I do believe that it is the ideal list to aspire to. I pray that God will make His call clear to the young women of the 21st century, and I’m praying for you too.
    ~Annie P.~

  • “Baffled by your stupidity” actually has a point — a crudely-worded, thoughtlessly-stated point, but a point at that. I think we would do well to ask ourselves if this view of women’s subservient role (and it is a subservient role, as gently as people try to portray it) is actually Biblical. There are conservative, evangelical Christian scholars who think it is not.

  • A real woman . . .
    …does not compete for equality with men or chafe at God’s design for male and female, but delights in and understands the importance of her calling to complement man’s role. (1 Timothy 2:11-12, Ephesians 5:22-24)

    I really don’t understand how any woman, religious or not, can allow this kind of sexism to be permitted. There is absolutely no evidence showing that men are more intelligent, more capable, or better than women. The Bible was written in times when men were thought to be all of these things. We know realize this is untrue, and thus should realize how outdated this TERRIBLE view on women is. You can be a REAL WOMAN without having to subject to being treated like a piece of property.

  • Overall, this post appears to be well-considered and Biblical. However, two of your points failed to meet the criteria of the latter in my opinion.
    1) “does not compete for equality with men or chafe at God’s design for male and female” I have never felt the need to compete for equality with men (nor do I chafe at our desigh) because God created me equal to men. The word equality is a word that measures value, and men and women are equal in value. After all, CHRIST PAID THE SAME PRICE TO REDEEM US ALL didn’t he? Our roles are different not our value.
    2) “…is not boisterous or loud in her speech or actions but is characterized by a gentle and quiet spirit. (Proverbs 9:13, 1 Peter 3:4)”
    THIS IS ANTI-BIBLICAL. The Hebrew word Halal is one of the most common words for praise used in the Old Testament (165 times, ex. Psalm 106:1) and it means to “be vigorously excited, boast loudly, rave, celebrate, to act like a madman.” Another word used for praise is Shabach (Psalm 63:2) which means to shout. These COMMANDS are never directed towards men, but are for all followers of the Lord. When Mary sang praises to God for the Life in her womb, it does not specify the decibel at which she sang them…for all we know she was praising Him at the top of her lungs in the middle of the street- and wouldn’t God have been glorified by that?

  • If that’s what a “real woman” is . . . then what, pray tell, are those who do not fit this description? Are they “fake women” or “un-women?” The idea of “real women” and “real men” (vs. what???) is not biblical. It’s ingrained into our culture, I realize, but it’s simply not found in the Bible. A “real woman” is an adult with XX chromosomes. A “real man” is an adult with XY chromosomes. There is nothing else a person must accomplish to be “real.” There are, of course, a few people who are XXY or some other variation, and I don’t think God dislikes them, either, since it is God who created them thus.

    It really is time for the Church to quit re-running “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.” It’s a secular, pagan concept. Both sexes are from earth, made from the dust, and charged with the same requirement to do justice, love mercy and walk humbly before God.

    There is only one Gospel. Christ died for us all. Christ came to atone for our sins, not to make us more masculine or more feminine. We need to take our eyes off the world, stop REACTING to the world, and start ACTING as Christians to reveal God’s Kingdom in the earth.

  • i totally agree with what Baffled by your stupidity said. I don’t agree on the role of women like that. what if God has other plans for those take for example Florence Nightingale. Her mother wanted her to learn how to arrange flowers, clean house, and get married and have kids, but God had a better plan for her. She became a nurse ministering to both men and women who were wounded from the war and being a “Lady of Light” as the young soldiers called her. She defied culture and instead defined her own. That is a real women. Who rises above what legalists say and yet also finds a fine balance between legalism and lukewarmity. She defies her culture by choosing to speak with grace on her lips and she defines her own by doing what God tells her to do. I for one know certain women in my church who are not happy being at home, homeschooling kids, and cleaning house, but they beat themselves up about it thinking they have to be this perfect housewife. They are expected to multi-task and yet not lose their temper. They are being choked of what knowledge of learning they do have by doing meager tasks like housecleaning. they are depressed and what to get out of this theology that “women should be work-horses” and the men do nothing. maybe my opinion is too extreme but i hope that someone will read this and realize that it is wrong to expect women to hold to this. Godly women is not defined by what the church says. it is God’s will in your life. You are not sinning by not marrying. You are not sinning if you have a career and are married. Marriage focuses you on your Husband. Singleness focuses you on God. I also don’t agree with the statement that there is something wrong with a women if she is restless and can’t stay at home for long periods of time. what if the husband is lazy and just gives the wife all the work to do and the child-rearing alone. that would be unfair and wrong! So see there are many reasons to not set down your own standards and except others to hold to them. that’s just wrong.

  • First of all, I agree with the list above, but I have to understand where Amy and others are coming from. I used to wish that I was a boy so that I could do the things that boys do. I totally hated being a girl because I thought, like you all have expressed, that being a ‘good Christian girl’ meant getting married and manufacturing babies. But God has changed my perspective a lot. I’m not trying to convince you all to make that list your standard because somebody put it up there, but because there are lovely, beautiful attributes in it, like “values the cultivation of her mind and diligently seeks after wisdom and knowledge;” “uses her years of singleness to seek and serve God without distraction, and is content to leave the details of her future to Him.” These quotes are not saying, sit at home and wait for a man to show up. They are saying to go out and fulfill the glorious potential God has for you! If He gave you a mind, cultivate it. Look at the women of the Bible; Abigail was a wife and a mother, and one of the Godliest, most beautiful women in Scripture. Esther was strong, courageous, influential… and married. And some of the great men of history wouldn’t have been what they were without their wives behind them. Look at John Adams. His relationship with Abigail was not a master-slave; it was a man-helpmeet friendship. He needed his wife.

    I think that we women need to remember two things about our creation: first of all, God did create us second. There is no getting around that. He puts it very clearly: wives, submit to your husbands. We can either embrace that, or we can rebel against it. But God did not create us to be completely submissive, automatic machines for men to boss around. He created us for our very own, special purpose. If everyone a man, ambitious and energetic, just imagine how chaotic the world would be! God knew that Adam needed someone to complete him. He created us because they need us. My guyfriends tell me all the time that if they have a huge emotional problem, they are more likely to spill their guts to a girl they just met than to a guy they’ve known for years. Why is that? It’s because we complete them. They are made to love and trust women. We women are the ‘crown of creation.’ Think about it. What is more beautiful that a graceful, feminine, gracious woman? I’m pretty much a feminist now, but I don’t use that word the way it is usually used. I think that we don’t appreciate our femininity enough, and we don’t revel in the contrast between us and our brothers in Christ. God created that contrast, because God is the God of completeness. Men are not complete; neither are women. God created us for each other, but He created us women last, when everything else was good, because one thing was just not good enough. Adam was lonely. And guys are still lonely, not for boxing matches and cold pizza, but for gentle, loving, listening, patient, uplifting, committed, deeply beautiful women.

  • Annie C.:
    Amen. Thank you for your comment! And yes, God did definately create us to be submissive, or second, yet God does not value men more than he values women. I too used to wish with all my might that I were a boy, and I still have a lot to learn! By God’s grace, I’ve come to where I am, and by His grace, I pray I’ll go a lot further!
    ~Annie P.~

    P.S. Now I finally know about another Annie! 😀

  • That list is beautiful and mostly very Biblical. Thank you to the authors for their perspectives! It gives me a lot to think about and aspire to. God bless the authors as well as all of my fellow “commentors” who desire to live up to these beautiful standards.

    To those who commented about the “sexism” of this article, I think that you misunderstood. Men and women are equal, absolutely! God created them to be that way. BUT, men and women are also different. They have unique roles, and God’s design is that men and women follow those different roles.

    The Bible is written by our Creator God, who designed men and women. It is not outdated or irrelevant, but perfectly true and pertinent to us today. The Bible values true womanhood and puts women in a more lovely and special position than any other religion or philosophy of our day and age.

    By “Real Womanhood” and “Real Manhood”, I doubt very seriously that the authors of these articles are implying that imperfect men and woman are gender-challenged! After all, we are all imperfect! However, by “Real” I think the author is conveying that men and women are following God’s design for their lives are fulfilling their unique roles for Biblical manhood and womanhood. In this, they are “real” Biblical men and women. Is this true?

    Now, women are not always followers, men leaders. Men are to lead in the home and the church. But there have been many excellent women in positions of earthly authority, such as Deborah and Esther. But this is beside the point. Jesus submits to God the Father (Philippians 2). Does that mean that Jesus is inferior to God? Our conceited Americanized culture often views submission as equal with inferiority and weakness. However, that is just not so. God glorifies the submission-authority design. I would encourage you to read the last couple chapters of Ephesians to understand God’s different designs for submission within the family and workplace.

    Women aren’t to submit to every man they meet. Once again, look at Deborah and Esther. They are not to follow their fathers, husbands or pastors/elders in sin. Think of Abigail. But in those areas where God calls women to submit, we should do it joyfully, as unto the Lord. We are following Jesus’ example of humble submission, and that is a very priveledged, high calling.

    I also enjoy sports, horseback riding, and outdoor activities. That’s not sinful or unfeminine. We should keep ourselves fit and active! God doesn’t want us to be couch potatoes who never see the light of day or something. But it is possible to do those things in a feminine way…not loud, rude, or obnoxious. One of the most feminine girls I know is an incredible soccer player, who played on her college team. But she values home and loves children. It’s not what you do, it’s how you do it. It’s an issue of the heart. Same with pants and dresses. You don’t have to look like a guy when you wear jeans. I wear jeans 99% of the time, but that doesn’t make me masculine! Legalism is not the answer. It’s a heart issue. I would encourage you to talk to God. Maybe you are struggling with a wrong kind of rebellion. Talk to God, and read His Word. Ask Him to help you value Biblical femininity. Without making you weak or deficient, a truly godly woman will have genunine strength of soul and character.

    I’m sorry for the long post!! Thanks again for the challenging article.

    God bless,

  • “It’s not what you do, it’s how you do it”.
    That’s so true, Keeli. (I don’t know what I would do if it wasn’t, I love riding horses, hacking blackberry vines, running, climbing trees, shooting guns…) It’s the heart that matters, and what’s in the heart will come out sooner or later.
    A gentle and quiet spirit is precious in the sight of the Lord(I Peter).

  • Thanks, Annie! I totally understand what you mean. Probably there are lots of girls like us out there, who are like, “I love the outdoors and being active…does that mean I’m not feminine?”

    I think that being “ladylike” isn’t the end goal. Ultimately, we’re commanded to be Christ-like. Being feminine IS part of His plan for us, I believe. But you can be feminine sewing, and you can be feminine playing soccer with street kids as a missionary, right? I think our culture focuses too much on externals. That includes a lot of Christians. God still looks at the heart.

    What’s a good definition of femininity? I think being a godly woman who desires to serve God. He may want her to serve Him as she serves her family. He may want her to serve Him as she works in a corporate office. As a missionary. A woman’s speaker. Sunday School teacher. Author. Government worker. But do it for Him and not for man. That’s being a true woman of God. When we’re sold out for Jesus, and we want to serve Him with everything.

  • Eric Liddle, the great runner from “Chariots of Fire” spoke of his God-given ability to run when he said,”God has made me fast, and when I run, I feel His pleasure.” Whatever true, honest, just, pure, lovely things in your life that you enjoy are a gift from God to be used to reveal His heart toward you. Simply put, He enjoys beholding us enjoy His goodness. I know a young lady who loves to run, fence, play piano, shoot hoops, play hockey, and draw with pencils. She is Godly, she is athletic, and she is lady. I enjoy seeing her revel in the things that God has gifted her to do. She is real woman!

  • Married women are to be in subjection to their own husbands; just as Christians are to be in subjection to Christ. Our husbands are to love us just as Christ loves the church and died for her.

    This is a Biblical mandate; therefore a wise young girl will choose well the husband of her future. A true Christian man will not mistreat her, he will appreciate her and the God-given qualities that she possesses. He will not lord over her and demand that she live this way or that way. In fact, he has no right to do so. Her subjection is something she gives to him; just as our subjection to Christ is something we choose to do for Him.

    Christian women, wanting to please their Lord, will live lives like the woman in Proverbs whose value is far above rubies. If you read the story you will see that she isn’t sitting at home cleaning house and making babies. In fact, she is busy not only with maintaining her household in an excellent way, but she also is running her own business. She is an excellent example to everyone who observes her and her children and her husband are proud of her.

    Christian women don’t need to yell to be heard unless there is a fire or someone needs help, or she is cheering at her child’s baseball game, or praising her Lord. But she is to be known for her quiet spirit. We are to be modest and that includes not drawing attention to ourselves in all aspects –our dress, our behavior, our speech, etc.

    I love the protection and promises that my Lord gives me when I truly submit to His goals for me as his follower. I love the protection and love of my Christian husband. I never feel 2nd class because I am not. I do recognize that my husband does certain things better than me and he recognizes that I do certain things better than him. So our home has me taking on certain roles and him others. But together we are one, and we choose to submit to Christ in all aspects of our lives. Together we encourage each other to keep walking towards eternity on the road less traveled, and that has made all the difference.

    Peace and joy to you, in Him.

  • Wow, you guys got flooded with feminists, didn’t you?

    I think they don’t understand what you meant by “striving for equality.” Speaking from personal experience, I did strive for “equality” with my husband for a little while, unintentionally. I felt it was somehow necessary to make monetary contributions to the household. Yes, I’d already repudiated the notion that God intended me to work full-time for the rest of our life (deliberate change in pronoun), but right there at first, I felt terribly, horribly guilty for coming to the marriage with debt. So, of course, I wanted to pay “my share.” I was raised to do my fair share, after all.

    That didn’t help our relationship. In fact, it made Mr. Bartlett himself feel horribly guilty because (1) he didn’t feel he was providing adequately, and (2) I apparently didn’t, either.

    And as to that nonsense about “own your body and your mind”–propagandist tripe. It’s another way of saying “be selfish and isolate yourself from other people; give no consideration to anyone else’s wants or needs; count yourself as most important.” Very unchristian, yes?

    Also, a person who works full-time cedes ownership of his body and mind to his employer for however long he’s on the clock; I can’t think of too many employers who would let you shoot heroin or watch movies while you’re supposed to be working. So, unless you’re hiding in a cave somewhere with no contact with other human beings, it’s impossible to have complete ownership of oneself (and I’m not even approaching the question of God’s ownership of EVERYTHING).

    (The problem with full-time or even part-time jobs is that you don’t get to “expand your mind” or “live your life,” either. You’re too busy working, catching up on housework, helping the kids with homework, trying to get everyone to bed, and sleeping to sit down with a good book or go somewhere, unless you deliberately shirk a responsibility or go on a rare vacation.)

    In closing, women in our Biblical role are freer even than men in theirs! You guys have to labor by the sweat of your brows (or similar intellectual exertions); we ladies get to stay home and play with the kids and make whatever we want for lunch. I wouldn’t say that’s very fair, but I guess God’s not a believer in this “feminism” thing, either.

    I’ll see y’all ’round.

  • to “a sister”: the idea of a woman having a meek and quiet spirit, as opposed to being loud and boistrous, has nothing to do with her praising and worshipping her Creator! our worship of our Savior and God should be loud and unashamed. we should be able to dance and jump and shout in praise of Him! what i think that the Proverbs verse means is that we as women should not be unduly boistrous and loud in a manner intended to draw attention to ourselves, to flaunt ourselves, to be flirtatious and openly looking for attention (and cmon ladies, we all know when a girl/woman is doing this!) theres a significant difference between a woman being loud and outspoken in her worship of God, or in simply having a good time with friends, family, or whoever, and a woman being raucous and excessively boistrous in a manner intended to draw attention and put herself on display.

  • “I myself have never been able to figure out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat.” – Rebecca West in The Clarion, 1913

    If a woman is as you are defining, I’ll gladly be a feminist instead.

    Please, think for yourselves people. Read another book besides the Bible. Educate yourselves!

  • The ideas about women expressed on this site are wrong, immoral, unethical, and damaging to womenm and girls. Those who espouse that females are subservient to males have blood on their hands.

    You are living people and as such you are not merely playing roles in life that have pre-determined behaviors.

    Seek truth and wake up.

  • Wow! I didn’t realize this was such a hot button issue! Maybe we should remind ourselves that it is still a free country. Women can get married or stay single or work or stay at home or do whatever else their self-important little selves want, but they will suffer the consequences. Currently I am single and am working full time trying to pay for college bills. Every morning when I go to work, I don’t think “Wow! I am so thankful for the feminists that made this possible”. I am not complaining, because I realize this is God’s will for me right now, but I am not against women staying in the home either. I believe that all women should prepare themselves for the possibility of single service for the Lord, but we would be trying to disregard creation if we are trying to “equalize” everything. The fact is that God made women with less mucle mass proportionately, less red blood cells(not as much oxygen being utilized for hard labor), more white blood cells(to protect them and their unborn children from more infections), and bodies not only for men’s pleasure but also to care for children. Women are more emotional than men, and although this is sometimes considered a strength, it can also be considered a weakness. It doesn’t mean that we are inferior in any way. Being more emotional gives a woman the ability to relate more easily to her husband, her children and other women better than he himself could. But I believe it is clear from Scripture that a woman is not supposed to lead, and it may be for the very reason that we are more emotional. Our God is a God of order, and He designed a plan in which someone would be in charge(the man), someone would assist the man in charge(the woman), and together they can produce and raise children in a stable environment. We women need to realize that we cannot have our cake and eat it too. If you want to be Miss Independence and open all your own doors and work hard all day and then come home to a cold apartment that you share with your cat and proceed to make your own supper and then you realize that you are completely out of food so you have to go and buy some for yourself at the grocery store and then in the parking lot you get mobbed because you are by yourself, then by all means go knock yourself out. I am not saying that it is wrong for a woman to have a car, or a driver’s license, or a job, or an education. But if you are seeking for self fulfillment in these things and are not willing to be submissive, and then turn around and wonder why you are not happy, it is probably because you are working against your own created nature. I intend to pursue God’s will for my life, and if he calls me to marry someone, I will do my utmost to make sure that he is “known in the gates”, or whatever that passage says. In the beginning, God made it clear that the woman was to be man’s helpmeet. And honestly, they do need our help sometimes!;) Behind every great man is a great woman, and I intend to be that kind of woman. Very good post..and to fellow anti-feminazis, press on!

  • “If you want to be Miss Independence and open all your own doors and work hard all day and then come home to a cold apartment that you share with your cat and proceed to make your own supper and then you realize that you are completely out of food so you have to go and buy some for yourself at the grocery store and then in the parking lot you get mobbed because you are by yourself, then by all means go knock yourself out.”

    Seriously? You think every woman who has a job also has no one in her life, has a cat, and is mugged when she shops? Seriously? My goodness, you are truly deluded.

    Fulfillment and happiness are where you find them. If your happiness relies on a man to take care of you, that is your path. Lots of us are happy in and of ourselves, and then SHARE that with the men (or women) in our lives.

    Experience the world first – then tell others what you’ve learned.

    Women can and do lead, don’t have to be doormats or shadow people. You can CHOOSE that, but no divine plan ordains inequality.

  • Pay Pay, I applaud you. “proud to be a feminist”, I don’t think that Pay Pay was saying that EVERY woman that lives alone and works outside of the home is going to get mugged. Look at her, she is currently single and works hard outside of her home. She seems pretty happy. I think that she is just saying that it isn’t God’s express purpose for creating woman. But her heart is in the place that, if it is God’s will for her to get married, she will not try to defy the laws of nature and try to be equal to him in his roll as the husband and man of the family.

    “Women…..don’t have to be doormats or shadow people” This seems to be the argument for lots of people. Another one is,”You guys need to wake up and live in the world.” I don’t think that is the issue. We do live in the world. Infact I think that we realize, (more than others) that it is hard to live in this world. And because of that if we would just stop trying to be like men or equal to them, but who God made us (women), it would be much easier.

    PLEASE, read Proverbs 31:10-31. If you look at this lady carefully you will see that she isn’t by any means a doormat. Do “doormats” consider fields and by them? Do they set about there work vigorously and are there arms strong for there tasks? But take note, she does ALL of this for her family. It isn’t so that she can be known as a tough business woman etc. Her family (household) is the number one priority in her life. And from that comes all the hard work.

    She is the role model for us in the Bible. And who would know better than the author of the Bible. Women are always saying “I can’t understand men” and vies versa. But God made us both, he is neither man nor woman, He is God. So who would know better?

    In Genesis it says “He created them, male and female He created them.” And as far as I can see that identifies them as being different. Why try so hard to be the same or “equal” when it is so much easier to just be who God made us to be? And yes, there will continue to be men in this world so that women can be women.

  • wow! This is crazy! Harris’, thank you very much for the reminder. To many of the other people who have commented, my personal interpretation of many of these verses is not that we can’t be active, healthy people! Rather, it seems to me that they encourage it! Whether physically, or mentally active, to be a good godly woman, we NEED to think, we need to be active! Does that mean that we have to go try to be like men, and be just as strong, and work just as hard, and make tons of decisions, no! I don’t think that when we try, we do a very good job anyway! 🙂 Can we still work outside, do chores, help with work, I think so! Can we study extra school, come up with our own conclusions, of course! And I believe there is a definite need for godly man and woman roles!!! But that doesn’t mean that we all have to be the exact same in the woman role, and all men have to be the same in there man role! I think God made everyone unique, and that we should, in our feminine way,:) embrace that unique gift that God gave us to be “helpmeets” which can take a lot of strength in its own way too!

  • haha I just realized that I said almost the exact same thing as Nabeth! haha sorry, just a little repeat there.:D

  • The opinions expressed here are very degrading to women and girls and to the women who think otherwise you should try to stop deluding yourselves.

  • I think this is a good list for women who are striving to be women of God. I know several people disagree and believe this list is obsolete. We have to remember that no matter how godly a person is they are not God and He will ultimatley call us to be one person or another. Some women might be called to be a preacher’s wife. Some might be called to be politicians or principles. I know that our youth pastor’s wives are increadibly strong women of God, they stay at home and take care of little children. Then I know other strong godly women who are more independant and have a career in mind that they are gonna use to glorify God. As women are called not to be like men, men are also called to not be like women. God calls us each to be someone differnt than the person before. It’s up to us to find out what he wants in our lives. Through the reading of the Bible, prayer, and godly council.

  • i fully agree with the list. That is my idea of what a Godly woman/girl should be like.
    We need more people that think that way in our world. Thanks so much!!!!

  • Great discussion about what ‘real’ womanhood is all about. It’s interesting when unperfect people try and espouse what normallcy is all about. When fallen, sinful humans look at each other as the standard, we’re bound to come up short.

    Until we begin only getting our sense of normallcy from the only human that has ever been ‘normal’, we’re always going to find ourselves arguing over our opinions and personal tastes.

    The Lord has left for us an ideal picture of biblical womanhood in His word. It is His word that we must find ourselves standing on whenever we enter into the arena of debate.

    I feel for the self-proclaiming ‘feminists’ who’ve entered into the discussion with no moral compass or eternal values that transcend the human heart. What is truth to them? Moral or immoral? Normal or abnormal? These questions are all answered in the person of Jesus Christ.

    May the dialogue continue to the glory of the Lord Jesus!

    For some really excellent articles on Godly Womanhood go to:

  • i totally agree with the list… and I know for a fact that it does work…. a lot of people say we that we can’t be perfect but what does Matt 5:48 say?? well it takes a lot of getting down on our knees daily… overall this list is great it is one that us ladies should strive to be

  • As a matter of fact, I just found this website today. One of my friends emailed me the site and I came right on it after I read her email!! It has been a wonderful experience in the 10 minutes I have been browsing through this site. (A hearty “thank-you” to Brett and Alex!)
    First of all, like many other people have mentioned, I am going to print this out and carry it with me everywhere! I have read Josh Harris’ book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”, but this will be a condensed version to carry around in my purse! 🙂
    In a world that is just going nowhere but down it’s soOOOOO encouraging to know that THERE ARE young people just like me who have enough “guts” to stand up and fight the giants!! Though I may not know any of you, it is still wonderful that I have many companions striving to be men and women after God’s own heart. And those that believe that Biblical womanhood is nothing but trash, well, we’ll see who’s right in the end. But I’ll be praying for you anyhow!

  • WOW! I know I have a lot more to learn, through God’s grace, I can become a true REAL godly woman.

  • It is interesting to read all these comments, but it is somewhat disheartening to hear all this stuff about feminism and whether or not girls should were dresses or whatever. Frankly I don’t think that what you wear is really that important and I think that modesty is not defined by whether you wear a skirt or not, modesty is an attitude. (Not that I’m encouraging people to dress indecently.) Seriously in the grand scheme of things

    I believe that men and women are equal, but I also believe that in marriage that men are meant to lead. I am not saying that this makes a women’s role less than a man’s it is simply different.

    The list is pretty good… I think that a ‘real’ women is someone who follows God with all her heart, mind, body, strength… you get the idea. She is someone who passionately pursues God and desires to please Him in everything she does. She is someone who goes after righteousness. That woman is truly exceptional.

    As a lily among thorns, is my darling among the maidens…

  • I really loved this, thannk you so much for providing such an accurate, wonderful list of qualities us young ladies should be working to obtain!

  • I just found this, a little late 🙁 but… I’m replying anyway, just in case!
    This is a really wonderful list! I have a few things to work on too…. actually, I think we should keep working on all of these points even if we think we’re doing pretty well… after all, we aren’t perfect yet! This is definitely the kind of list I hope my future husband will have for me. Although some of the verses may be a bit misquoted, these are all Biblical principals of what a woman should be.
    I particularly need to work on the cultivation of my mind and letting the Holy Spirit control my emotions- and *refraining from* being nagging and manipulative(I have problems getting my little brothers to do their chores sometimes)- and on and on…h’m I have a lot of catching up to do! But who wants to be perfect anyway? I mean, I hope I’ll be perfect in Heaven, but I prefer to have a few failings for now. (though I’m sure I don’t need to worry on that account!)

    Proud to be a Feminist, we ARE thinking for ourselves, if you don’t mind my saying so; it’s those who don’t think and get carried along in the flow with the rest of the sinful world whose lives- temporal and eternal- are destroyed. I love to read and have read hundreds if not thousands of books that aren’t in the Bible, and I’m only sixteen. I also read the Bible regularly (though not as much as I should *blush*), for
    “All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:
    That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works.”. I also plan on thoroughly educating myself(WITHOUT going to college) but I will not believe anything contrary to Scripture. I intend to be everything on this list to the best of my ability with God’s help, for the rest of my life, and ENJOY it. Also, “fulfillment and happiness” can only truly be found by following God’s will for your life; without him, all meaning is empty. Also, we are meant to learn from the mistakes of others so that we don’t HAVE to go out and experience the wickedness of the world for ourselves. I prefer to stay safely at home where focus is where it should be and priorities are fundamentally right. You are right that “no divine plan ordains inequality”. God does not call us to be unequal! However we ARE different from men and therefore our roles are different. We must accept that to be able to use our abilities for the best. Women ARE NOT placed in authority over men. The example in the Bible of Deborah is irrelevant because the only reason she had any power over them was as a judgment for their wickedness and she had to go to battle with them because they weren’t brave enough otherwise(lol). How would you like that??? Subordination does not mean inequality. In fact it shows a great deal of willpower to voluntarily submit to another’s will, as Jesus did.
    “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” (I Corinthians 11:3)

    Benjy, we are not saying that women are subservient to men. Those who say so are misunderstanding our descriptions. The things we are saying come straight from the Bible, which if considered closely will always be found to be the most moral and ethical book in history. If you would realize that women living by these standards are not “damaged” but releasing their full capacities in what they were created to do- may I challenge you to seek TRUTH (in the Bible) yourself and wake up to the glorious possibilities? Those who walk in the false light of deceit spread by the feminists are blinded to truth; “And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.”(Matthew 15:14)

    Glad to be an Atheist!, please, if you don’t agree with our most basic doctrines, you can’t understand that God’s word is more precious than life to us and therefore I would beg of you not to use slang and swear words regarding our wonderful Bible- ever read it? You should! It’s amazing!- at least on this website where we expect to find safe language. Thank you!

    And yes, I aspire sometime to be like the woman in Proverbs 31… down to the very last child! well, it doesn’t really say how many she had but… I’d guess 6-18?

  • “I feel for the self-proclaiming ‘feminists’ who’ve entered into the discussion with no moral compass or eternal values that transcend the human heart.”

    Feminism is the belief that women are equal. Feminism does not proclude morality.

    As for your “wonderful Bible” it is a book folks. Get out and find truth for yourself. If it leads you back to this book, there you go. If it leads you out into a wider, more complicated, less sheltered, patriarchal world, all the better.

    Your comments prove the point that your ideal woman is a brainwashed, subservient, lesser creature. Enjoy.

  • OK, this is amazing. I read the first couple, and thought, how can I ever live up to even this? I mean, I am proud to be feminine, but I have a friend whose Dad was born to irritate me. When we’re playing touch football, and I don’t catch the ball once, he says “It’s not your fault God made you malformed, it’s not your fault you’re a girl”. That makes me get really mad, and I’m telling you, I have to bite my toungue, because when it comes to subjects I feel real stong on, I’m a born debater. And I’m often tempted to throw an insult or two, more than likely something as stupid as “God made man first, but then he had a better idea” of course then he’d add something equally stupid like “No, he just didn’t want someone telling him what to do”. I really can get downright spitful. But I’m totally anti-feminist!! And what about not being loud ? you hit me hard there, I am naturally such a bubbly, laughing, sometimes boisterious person! But how would I change that? -Gracie, Black Diamond

  • Gratzi: The things your friend’s father says are wrong. Even if he’s teasing it’s entirely insensitive. I applaud you for biting your tongue and not arguing back. You need to know that he’s wrong but still respect him as being your elder.

    Also, being bubbly and laughing is not wrong at all. Being loud and boisterous (whether you are male or female) often reflects a lack a consideration for those around you. One method that we have found helpful for eliminating certain behaviors (e.g. vocal pauses such as “um” or “like”) is to when we’re at home have our family “buzz” us (or even fine us $0.25!) when we use those words so we become aware of how often we do it. Once you become aware of when and how often you do something it’s much easier to cut back or eliminate.

  • Gratzi

    This man will never know that what he’s saying is wrong unless someone points it out. It is neither rude nor disrespectful to say something. Being an ‘elder’ does not constitute being a better. You don’t need to shout at him to make the point: a mere ‘that is totally disrespectful’ would suffice. And if anyone tells you that’s unchristian: well, it just shows why I’m not one.

    And what on earth is wrong with saying ‘um’? It’s considerably less irritating that the act of pointing out that someone’s saying ‘um’!

  • Comparing the comments on the ‘Real Woman’ page with those on the the ‘Real Man’ page, I was not surprised but much annoyed at the difference in tone. Why is it so great a firecracker to call women to higher and greater things, and easy to set a high standard for men?

    As a lady who abhors feminism and pities her Brothers who are continuously belittled by it, I take issue with this disparity… to me, it sounds as if the message of some of the commentators is this “Women are perfect and superior, and how do you dare to imagine otherwise? but men… well, you know, the poor things need all the help and bossing they can get.”

    Is this the attitude of the angry persons? Or is it worse yet- do they simply refuse to notice than manhood exists? Brothers- there are ladies who value your Christian manhood as much as the feminists despise it. Take courage!

  • My first reaction to this was anger. I’m a girl. I don’t need a guy to do ANYTHING for me. I would be perfectly fine by myself. I’m not saying that I abhor the idea of marriage, and everyone needs a little help every once and awhile. I’m also not a diehard femminist. I beleive that there ARE things that a man may do better at than a woman. BUT a woman does not need to be under the direction of a man. A single hardworking woman could make her way just as easily as a man. And she could do it in a way that would be in accordance with her values and with Christ.
    “I am not saying that it is wrong for a woman to have a car, or a driver’s license, or a job, or an education. But if you are seeking for self fulfillment in these things and are not willing to be submissive, and then turn around and wonder why you are not happy, it is probably because you are working against your own created nature. I intend to pursue God’s will for my life, and if he calls me to marry someone, I will do my utmost to make sure that he is “known in the gates”, or whatever that passage says. In the beginning, God made it clear that the woman was to be man’s helpmeet. And honestly, they do need our help sometimes!;) Behind every great man is a great woman, and I intend to be that kind of woman. Very good post..and to fellow anti-feminazis, press on!” ~Pay Pay
    I agree with what you/she are/is saying, I really do. But I can’t bring myself to think that I was created to stand behind a man with my children and help him reach his goals in life. I have independent goals that can be reached with or without a husband. Children, a husband, and the life you have described can be part of my life, or anyones life–it just doesn’t have to come first and foremost.

  • If you believe in the Bible, this is for you–so that you can learn to live out what you believe. If you don’t believe in the Bible, then why are you arguing?? This post was obviously written for girls that are honestly trying to walk out what God commands us to do. And I think we could be having some much better conversations over this subject than going around and around in circles about why or why not we should be our own independant little selves; stuck in our own bubble and unwilling to serve those we were given to serve…I’m sorry I sound so harsh, but that is honestly the way it is sounding.

  • WOW! that is so awesome and little do i know once i started reading this i realized how much of the things i do that i shouldnt be doing! i have so much to work on! i didnt realized how much of an expectation Christian guys had for girls! thank you so much!

  • A real woman should not strive to equality with men? God made men and women equal, though they have differant roles in the world. And yes, a woman is made differantly emotionally and physically then men, but God’s design for woman is not to always be wearing dresses or sitting around sewing. And when you say, a woman should not be foward with men, may I remind you of Ruth and Naomi? Maybe you should do somemore research before giving a narrow minded definition of women

  • I am wondering why all the pic on here are of white women? One of the ways that Satan has moved to tear apart Gods women is to make women who are of Dark-Skinned ethnicity to feel like we can’t be “PURE” somehow as I was growing up a “fair lady” always meant WHITE, BLUE EYES, LONG BLONDE HAIR”. Well, I have been going to blogs and sites on this subject for a while now and i must say how the implicit racism and classism goes unnoticed. Do you think that only girls who look like Rupunzel, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty are going to heaven? What only skin as “white as snow” is consiered more feminine than olive tomes, all the way up to black as the night sky?

    The reason why we have this problem is not because of feminism, but becuase false associations were made regarding femininity.

    I am a real woman. But I fear that I may be the only person that ever belives so. =(

  • Dawn: As your sister in Christ, I need to point out that Alex and Brett have no intention of belittling you as a woman because of your ethnicity. Although I am far from blue eyed blonde hair (I am brown eyed dark brown hair), I do not think that the authors are in any way saying that one has to look like a fairy tale princess to be a daughter of the King. A ‘real’ woman is a woman who strives with her whole heart to serve the Lord, and does her best to bring glory to Him. A real woman is not determined by her outer appearance. She is determined by her heart and actions.

    To “Benjy”– I feel it is vitally important to set you straight on several issues: In what possible way can having high standards for a child of God be [and I quote] “wrong, immoral, unethical, and damaging?” It is apparent to me that these high standards I have read can be just the thing to start a revival revolution in this entire generation of teenagers! So, remind me, how can challenging a godly teenager to do what is beautiful in God’s sight be in any way immoral, unethical, damaging, or wrong? Also, I am afraid you have taken the “sunservient” idea out of context. It is not that women are supposed to be subservient to men, but rather we are to seek to serve others as Jesus served others.

    “And There is no Santa Clause either”- You are completely wrong about some assumptions you have deduced from your reading of this article. these “brainwashed” women you have spoken of are nonexistent. And in their place are women of God. Women who are servants as Christ was a servant. Women who love the Lord with their whole hearts. enjoy.

    “Steve”– Thank you so much brother! As your sister in the Lord, it is great to know there are guys are out there who are striving to serve God with their whole hearts, and who care enough to think about the things of the Lord. I am praying for you, brother.

    ~ Kirsten A. Gruber

  • What a grat list to compare myself to! I will definitley be working on a gentle and quiet spirit. Well, awsome post! ”

  • This list is beautiful! Certainly some things to strive for as a young woman.

    I have to join in the discussion and give my two cents: I think that many people have misinterpreted:

    …does not compete for equality with men or chafe at God’s design for male and female, but delights in and understands the importance of her calling to complement man’s role. (1 Timothy 2:11-12, Ephesians 5:22-24)

    Women are definitely equal human beings to men!! Both men and women are made in the image and likeness of God, and as created human beings, we are completely equal. But when it comes to the intrinsic ROLES of men and women, they aren’t equal. They are two different genders, so how can they be completely equal?

    Here’s an analogy: you have an apple and an orange, which are both fruits. Both are as perfect as they can get, so they are equals AS FRUITS. However, they are DIFFERENT KINDS of fruits: one is an apple, the other is an orange. They can NEVER be equal in this way…it’s impossible for an apple to be the same as an orange. If it were, it wouldn’t be an apple!!

    It is the same with men and women. Men are not “better than” women, and vice versa; we are both human beings created by God. However, a man can never be a woman, and vice versa. Women should not try to be men, because then we are denying the feminine gifts that God gave us. We should rejoice in our differences, we should celebrate and thank God for our feminine qualities. Sure, I think that women can be just as successful as men in the business world, if that’s what they’re called to do; they can make just as much money, they can be just as smart, etc., but we should still remember that we are ladies and we need to act like it. As a college student who is hoping to have a career in arts management and music (if I don’t get married and have kids first, that is!), I will be competing with men for jobs, I will be working with men, and there is a chance that I might have a superior position over men. But that doesn’t mean that I am the same as a man; I only have the same position as a man. It also doesn’t mean that I am subservient to them, but it means that I treat them like brothers in Christ; I dress and act modestly; I don’t abuse my business position by acting arrogantly superior; I still serve them as my neighbor; I see Jesus in each one of them, and treat them as I would treat Him: with respect and Christian love.

    It’s all in our attitude. It’s not a sin to be a successful businesswoman. What IS sinful is to abuse whatever gifts or powers we have been given, or to use our gifts for the wrong ends or reasons, or to neglect our children if we’re married. I believe that a woman’s first priority should be her family and children, but if she doesn’t have that, then by all means, go to college and have a career and see the world and use your singleness to glorify the Lord! I think a single woman should be busy and accomplishing things that she wouldn’t be able to do when married. That’s definitely what I’m doing! However, when I meet that special man and have children, my career time will be over and it’ll be time to start the career I’ve always wanted: being a mother.

    This subject is so deep…we could go on discussing it for years. But I think some essential things for girls to remember are this: I am a lady, and I should dress, talk, and act like one, no matter what situation I’m in; the man is the head of the household, but that does not mean I am his slave; I need to treat every guy as a brother in Christ.

  • To “not be boistrous or loud in our speech” does not mean to be a “doormat” but rather to express your opinions in a way that people will listen to them.Most people will turn off if you start yelling what you think in their faces.However,if you merely state your opinion and the thoughts behind it you will probably get them to listen, at the very least,and agree at the very most.

  • Wow…controverisial(sp sorry) subject!

    In repsonse to Lori (she was of the opinion girls should stick with skirts becuase pants are guys clothes, and yes I know that was a while ago), pants may have been guys clothing, but only in certain cultures. In every picture you ever see of men in Jesus’s time, and of Jesus himself, they wore these dress like outifts (to me it looks like really long t-shirts with scarves tied in the middle) and that was considered acceptable guy clothing. Today, that is considered women’s clothing. I think that it depends on the culture you live in as to what cross-dressing is…I don’t beleive it ever says in the Bible that girls have to wear tubes on their lower halfs, and guys have to wear a tube on each leg that connect up at the waist. Just a thought…

    Also, if we are supposed to be very feminine, and un-man like, doesn’t that kinda contradict the Bible telling us to be like Jesus/God? Jesus was a guy after all…(feel free to chew this idea up and spit it back out, it’s just a random thought I had.)

    Thankies for reading!

  • This is awesome. I know I have a ways to go. Thanks for putting the verses next to it! When we are commanded to walk differently than the world, its always put to the extreme. This is not that hard to strive for! I’ll keep this in mind for years to come!

  • Realy these are the true views and also as i found in my opinion that the women are human beings, and constitute half of the human population on the earth. They have been treated as weaker sex in all societies of the world. They are discriminated, maltreated and oppressed everywhere. Amidst the plenty of literature on women studies this work is unique which imparts valuable information extracted from various authoritative sources
    The word ‘woman’ is a symbol of eternal mystery and enchantment, as if it is not enough that she is flesh and blood, but that she must be something higher than what she is. Woman, it seems, was created to make the world more beautiful and man more ardent in his appreciation of beauty. This mythical idea found expression in the poet’s memorable lines:
    Not God alone has created you O maiden,
    Man has completed your being by giving you
    Beauty and grace (of his hearts’ desire).
    And that description of man’s creation of woman culminates in the statement:
    Your femininity, is half your womanhood,
    Half is the imagination of men.
    What she: A woman’s home is still her life and soul. She makes her home beautiful, bears all responsibilities of her family and meets the demands of social life, balancing her own workload all the time with domestic duties. She is also the mother of her child. With all this work the woman carries on her struggle for emancipation, for nothing is ever attained without a struggle.
    Janani hai, maon bhi hai, palan har bhi vo hai, mamta ki chhaon bhi vo hai. Aanchal jaisi pyar ki gode bhi usake pas hai. Dard ki dava bhi vo hai, muskilon ka sathi bhi vo hai. Rakshak vo hai, shikshak vo hai, Jeevan ka aadhar bhi vo hai. Some one wrote about her life and her presence in these words: There comes a time in every woman’s life when she has to take a close look at herself. Not at her circumstance, not at what she did, not how unfair life is, or not at whom made you do it. She has to just look at herself in all her glory and imperfection. Have you ever admired a woman who has been through changes in her life? The answer could be in our minds never, we never mind it. A woman who has endured the most unusual life is someone of wisdom, someone who has been chosen by God to go through things that have made her stronger. That woman could be my mother, sister, aunt, in-law, stepmother, niece, grandmother, great-grandmother, neighbor, friend, or co-worker, etc. That woman could be me. Women are the carriers of life, not the channels of death. Let’s build and encourage each other. Pass this to all the women in your life. Encourage and Love, Forgive and Forget, and trust that the woman that receives this will be touched in some way. Further, I will say about her nature in these Hindi lines-
    Krodh ki jawala vo hai, khushi ka aanand bhi vo.
    Sagar se gode bhi vo hai, aakash ki chhaya bhi vo hai.
    Shakti ka Bandhan bhi vo hai, kamjori ka karan bhi.
    Prem ki pyasi bhi vo hai, yauvan ki udasi bhi vo,
    Bhooke ki roti vo hai, pyase ka pani bhi vo.
    Ran main vo , kaushal main vo, chhal ki maharathi bhi vo hai,
    Yuddha kshetra main vijay ore har ka karan bhi vo hai.
    Bhavukata ki jar bhi vo hai, trapti ka sadhan bhi vo,
    Fashion ki deevani vo hai, lajja ka aakarshan bhi vo.
    Jal main vo hai, thal main vo hai,
    Gagan main bhi fahraye jhanda vo hai.
    Pani jaise shitalta usamain, again ka tap bhi vo,
    Badalon ki chhata bhi vo hai, varsha ki booden bhi vo hai.
    Garibi bhi vo hai, ameri bhi vo hai, har mushivat ka dherya bhi vo hai.
    Sunderta ki apsara vo hai, sapno ki rani bhi vo,
    Vipadaon ka pahar bhi vo hai jeevan ka aadhar bhi vo.
    Aurat hai, Bhavuk hai, sunder hai, kamjore hai eslia vo lachar hai. Kintu in sabke vabjood vo taran ore palan har hai. Vo nahin hai to kuchh bhi nahin hai. Shanti bhi vo hai, uttejana bhi vo, udasi bhi vo hai, prasnnata ki abhilasha bhi vo hai. Jahan dekhu vahan tu hi tu hai fir bhi tu kahti hai main kamjore hun. Shayad ye teri mansikta hai. Tu kamjore nahin hai kyon ki to paramarshdatri hai, disha nirdeshak hai, to shikshak hai to vo hai jo koi nahin hai. Thanks to all.Nsingh .

  • I have a Q. May I know the author of the picture called ”Girl with Lamb” on this blog and the page where you found it? It’s important for personal reasons and I would be incredibly thankful if you could give me this info. Thank you in advance,

  • I don’t have the time to read all the above posts, so forgive me if I echo, and reecho, other peoples words.

    As much as this is a list for girls to shape their lives after, it is also a list for us young men, and men, to find our future wives by. For I don’t believe God is going to place your wife in front of you and you are going to know -as if hit by a sledge hammer- that this is the women that you will spend the rest of your life with. However, we have to be constantly looking for not only the women that completes us -Genesis 2:18- but for one that has qualities as stated above. May I warn that this doesn’t have to be done by dating, nor even courting, one of these days you will meet the women who completes you, yet if you aren’t aware, praying, and waiting, you might just pass her up, and marry somebody else. I don’t really have the time to go in depth on this topic so if you wish to read more, watch my blog, I might post something in the next week or so.

  • A Girl Called Reggi D:
    You’re right that culture determines what is men’s clothing and what is women’s clothing… and in our culture, Pants means man, Dress means woman. If your vision was temporarily blocked and, at first, all you could see of someone was her skirt, you wouldn’t wonder:”is this person a man or a woman?”, nor would you automatically think ’twas a man. You would naturally consider the person to be a woman. Only recently have women started wearing pants, and it gets very confusing BUT if I want everyone to know I’m a girl(and I do), I will wear a dress. And so, I hope, will every other girl who”…is glad she’s a woman and rejoices in her femininity, expressing it through her attitude, appearance and bearing.” That, by the way, would go under “appearance”.

    And you also said:…”if we are supposed to be very feminine, and un-man like, doesn’t that kinda contradict the Bible telling us to be like Jesus/God?”
    No, it doesn’t. The Bible never contradicts itself. We should strive to be Christlike in character, but we’re not supposed to LOOK like He did- after all, we don’t even know what He looked like- and we certainly don’t need to dress like Him. And it’s the character that counts, not the behavior under different circumstances- for instance, every man is not called to act as though he had ultimate authority over the Earth as Jesus had. But if that man’s character is Christlike, he would behave in the same way under the circumstances. We are not men, but if we were I hope we would act like it. I’m not sure I said that very well-did anyone understand me?

    And, by the way, you spelled “controversial” right except for an extra “i”.(controverisial)

  • “Tabitha”: Please know that when I say this, I mean it with complete respect. In no way do I mean to criticize your opinion, because I respect the fact that you are taking a stand; and that is something for which I commend you.
    However, I do need to point out that your basic premise is slightly incorrect. While it is correct that in our culture in this period of time, only women wear skirts, it is not correct to state that it is only acceptable for men to wear pants. Skirts have not been the exclusive apparel for women in the western world since the 1930’s, and that is a fair piece of time. Also, some modern cultures deem it acceptible for men to wear skirts (e.g Scotland, Africa, Arab countries, and India). That does not mean that the men are unacceptibly dressed; in that culture (in that specific period in time) that is acceptable, and by the Bible’s standards, that is modest. (Reggi D was correct when she described how Jesus probably would have dressed.)
    The basis of what women should wear should be based on modesty, not culture’s definition of what to wear. If a girl were to wear a mini skirt, and another girl were to wear a pair of pants, which would be more modest? Obviously the girl who is wearing the pants. But the other girl is still wearing a skirt. So does that make her more modest than the girl wearing the pants? No. Of course not. We should strive for modesty, not whether clothing fits into categories set by our culture’s atandards.
    And once again, in no way do I wish to be contentious. I respect your opinions Tabitha, and I do not intend what I said to be a jab at your beliefs.
    To the authors of this article: Great Job!!! You all are doing a wonderful job and I thank you so much! God be with you!
    ~Kirsten A. Gruber

  • To Kirsten
    Modesty is partialy based on culture. The definition of modesty is an unwillingness to draw attention to yourself. If one went to the middle east they would need to dress diferently then they do in the States but does that mean that they were not modest before. There is a base line that god expects us to upholed, but it is never a sin to go beyond. In most western cultures if a person is wearing a skirt they are asumed to be a women and not a man. I am not critisizing(sp?) anyone who wears pants: I wear pants when it is more modest then wearing a skirt, like when I play my cello or ride horses.

  • Nicole:
    I’m very sorry if I sound a little confused…I got a little bit lost after the second sentence. Would you please clear some things up for me?
    1) Do you mean just a few week visit to the middle east? Or do you mean living there for several years kind of thing?
    2) Also, what do you mean by baseline? Do you mean God wants us to uphold a certain standard of modesty, and it is not a sin to go farther than that said baseline? Or am I interpreting that incorrectly? I think it is true God has a baseline for modesty: namely, we women respect ourselves and our brothers in Christ enough to cover ourselves up appropriately. But if for some reason, someone wishes to go beyond that baseline of moesty, that is completely fine. If someone is unsure of just how modest to be, it’s always better to cover up more than necessary.

    You are very correct in saying in most western cultures only women wear skirts and men do not. That is true. I completely argree that in most western cultures women wear skirts and men don’t. However, I think what we disagree on is whether or not it is alright for women to wear pants other than the times when it would be more modest to wear pants instead of a skirt. As far as I’m concerned, as long as they do not draw unnecessary attention to the backside, are not very low- cut and/or exceedingly tight, and they follow God’s standard for modesty, they are alright to wear.

    Once again, thank you to the authors of this wonderful post. It is inspiring on all counts!

    In His Service,
    ~Kirsten A. Gruber

  • okay, so it took me like two weeks to read all of these posts (off and on). i read all of it, from the people who think girls should always wear skirts and never go to college to the people who think girls need to be equal and the same as guys. and this is now my opinion–i think that within a marriage the woman should submit to the man. if the woman married a good Christian guy like she should have, then the guy will respect her and her opinion and not totally rule over her. If the girl is not married or in some kind of guy/girl relationship, then i think girls can be equal to guys and do the same stuff as them. they can go to college, get a job and such.
    Oh, another thing i think is that once married i think it is okay for the woman to keep working but once she has children she should stay home and watch them (unless financial problems force her to work, then its completely fine)
    I also think girls can wear pants whenever they want, it is soooo much more convienient and comfortable and in some cases more modest than skirts. I do wear skirts sometimes though and i enjoy it too.
    Last thing–this site is a Christian site and this article is for Christians, so i don’t think non-Christians should even be commenting; of course they’re not going to like it–it is a list for Christian women
    Okay that’s all, and all the bickering aside, it was a good article, very challenging.

  • I didn’t have time to read all the comments, however the list was great for those that see themselves there. Also the feminist comments were great for those that see themselves there. The scriptures and studies I have done, and the conversations I have had with my God or Higher Power, have bought me to the conclusions that it is our choice as to how we view a real woman or man. We are the creators of our own world. Let us not judge each other and say you’re right or you’re wrong. What works for one does not work for others , that’s all.
    My God loves us all. We are all perfect, otherwise we make him imperfect. He allows us to choose what we want to experience here on earth so we can learn and better know what kind of a world we really want to create…
    One of wars over who’s right or wrong …(“my religion is the only true religion.”) (“We’re the only ones that interrupt the scriptures correctly.”) (Convert to Muslim or Islam or Christianity.”) (“ You shouldn’t wear that or do this cause you’re making it hard for someone else who is weaker than you.”)
    Allowing for all of us to be our brothers or sisters keepers by giving and receiving that love that we all desire.
    Unconditional Love
    We… as perfect beings, use our thinking to choose what we think we want. A lot of times we choose something that doesn’t work for us. We then know what doesn’t work for us. That is the blessing of learning. We can choose again… allowing for the creativity, and learning’s until it does work for us. And eventually we will find the working. That is the beauty and fun of this planet. This Universe is run by perfect natural laws… And with that there are set-up natural consequences. It’s perfect!
    I choose into the belief… that we have learned that what we all really want is Unconditional Love 4 All Now.

    There has been a lot of comment as to “wake up”. I believe there are many people of this earth that are awake and now know the answer to living a working life is… to key into… the Universal Unconditional Love 4 All. Allowing as God of Higher Power knows the flow of Unconditional Love. Go inside deep inside where all the answers really are. You are the Creator of your own world… join me in the creation of Our World Being one with the flow of Unconditional Love 4 All.

    Whatever your belief there is a Higher Power for us now. It is the Unconditional Love that we all desire here. Feel and create Unconditional Love now … by just being who you are… The…” I AM THAT I AM”.

    Hugs 2 you all, Lori

  • Kirsten
    Sorry It took me so long to respond. I meant if you were to live over in the midle east for an extended period. We agree on the baseline issue. About pants, I’m don’t know exactly where I stand on that. I wore pants my whole life (except at church) untill I was 14. I’ve worn skirts for three years because my dad wants me to. I do think that it is more femenin to wear long skirts then to wear pants. I think that whether anyone wears pant or skirts is personal conviction. I think I sounded bossy in my last coment so sorry.


  • Nicole:
    That’s okay. I have been very busy myself. I understand. 🙂
    I agree with the comment about the middle east. If someone were to live for an extended period of time in another country that has a very strict dress code, they should definately dress like they do (as long as it always modest) in that country. It is respectful to them.

    I know exactly where you’re coming from with the skirt issue. When I was in seventh grade, I and my twin sister Elisabeth had visited a church where the women members wore only skirts. Out of respect for their denominational belief, I had started wearing skirts almost all the time, until nineth grade (at this time my sister and I were attending a different church), when I saw that I could wear pants and still be modest (as long as the pants are not immodestly cut and are not very tight).

    I totally respect your opinions, and I completely agree that it is a personal conviction. And you definately did not sound bossy, so you have nothing to worry about. 🙂

    In His Service,
    ~Kirsten A. Gruber

  • This was amazing to read. It was definitely a reminder of what God wants me to be. I’ll definitely be asking God to help me be this kind of woman. It was a very challenging post. Thanks for sharing it!!


  • When I first read this, I was sad. I want to be everything a woman of God is in these beautiful verses. It is so encouraging! Thank you so much for posting this.

    Love Lauren

  • Great list! But, as others have mentioned, the wedding dress pic. contradicts the principles of modesty set forth. I really think you should remove it!
    God bless!

  • This is a great list! Thanks so much for posting it! I still need to work on a lot of things to be a women like that. Thanks again!
    In His service

  • Hey guys,
    Before I start, great site! I’m really liking it. But all this discussion really has got me thinking. I agree with many of the things on that list, but I think that the thing about striving for equality with men could be differently worded. Contradict me if I’m wrong, but I think what they are trying to say is that men have a role and women have a role, and women shouldn’t be trying to take on men’s roles. I don’t think either role is of more value than the other. And I’d like to recommend a book called Girl Talk by Carolyn Mahaney and her daughter which is a mother daughter book about biblical womanhood, it addresses a lot of the things people are having disagreements about here, such as the meek and quiet spirit thing.
    Grow in grace!

  • For me, trying to appear girlish, by wearing modest clothes, by looking like a girl, is hard. I don’t like today’s styles in clothes, so I wear what is modest and comfortable for me. I don’t like many of the things that most teenage girls go crazy over. I hate shopping, I don’t like wearing skin-tight clothes because I think they show a bit to much, I don’t care about dating, I don’t care what people think of me, I am athletic and strong, not delicate and fragile. The guys I know appreciate that I’m not crazy about that stuff. They say I’m not truly a “girl.” On the outside, I look like a girl. My attitude and actions would say that I’m different. I don’t mind being different from people. I still act like a girl, in the sense that I dress in a modest, femenine way, I try to be understanding, I try to be gentle and caring and not act completely like a tomboy. Yet some don’t see that side of me. They don’t see that I’m still sensetive, even though I may act tough. I guess I tend to act fierce (not quite the right word) when I’m cautious or fearful. What am I afraid of? Sorta hard to figure out sometimes…..

  • I’m also not afraid to tell people not to gossip. Sometimes I can be timid to speak up when I see something is wrong, but for the most part I ask that my friends think about what they are saying. Would they want someone to talk about them in that manner? It’s so hard to see people fall away from their walk with Christ because of the wants of the world. In my own opinion, girls need to realize that purity counts. My friend asked me a few years ago if she was weird because she didn’t want to kiss anyone until she was standing at the altar. I told her that her decision was a pure one, and that she would be blessed in the end for waiting. Her future husband will certainly love her all the more for her decision. There are only a few I know, including myself, who have made that same decision. I’m so glad that it is worth the waiting!

  • I’m replying to all those feminest who talked about how “degrading” this is, When I was 9-13 I was very much a tomboy, I wanted to do every thing myself in order to prove that I didn’t need anybody else, that I was just as strong as any boy. I now am so thankful that God has shown me the truth of what being strong is, it is standing up for what you know is right no matter what. I had bought into the lie just like the feminests who responde that we as women have to prove our equality,here is a quote from Peter Marshall, the Senate Chaplain in the 1940’s:

    ” It was 1900 years ago when Jesus Himself a baby deigned to be and bathed in baby tears his deity… and on that night, when that tiny child lay in the straw of Bethlehem, began the emancipation of womanhood.

    When He grew up and began to teach the way of life, He ushered woman into a new place in human relations. He accorded her a new dignity and crowned her with a new glory, so that wherever the Christian evangel has gone for 19 centuries, the daughters of Mary have been respected, revered, remembered, and loved, for men have recognized that womanhood is a sacred and a noble thing, that women are of a finer clay… Wherever Christianity has spread, for 1900 years men have bwed and adored.

    It remained for the 20th century, in the name of progress, in the name of tolerance, in the name of broadmindedness, in the name of freedom, to pull her down from her throne and try to make her like a man. She wanted equality. For 1900 years she had not been equal, she had been superior. But now, they said, she wanted equality, and in order to do the she had to step down.

    And so it is, the in the name of broadminded tolerance a man’s vices have now become a woman’s.
    20th century tolerance has won for woman, the right to become intoxicated, the right to smoke, to work like a man , to act like a man, for is she not man’s equal?

    Today they call it progress, but tomorrow, they must be made to see that it is not progress.

    No nation ever made progress in a downward direction.
    No people ever became great by lowering their standards.
    No people ever became good by adopting a looser morality.

    It is not progress when the moral tone is lower than it was.
    It is not progress when purity is not as sweet.
    It is not progress when womanhood has lost its fragrance.
    Whatever else it is, it is not progress!

    Our country needs women today who will lead us back to an old-fashioned morality, to an old-fashioned decency, to old-fashioned purity and sweetness, for the sake of the next generation if for no other reason.”

    I pray that I may be one of these women! I am proud in my Lord to be able to say that my highest goal in life is to be a godly wife and mother, that is a woman’s highest calling!Maybe I have been deluded into this thinking, but I have a joy and assurance in Christ that I am doing His will. And I am doing it for His glory! Feminists, what are you doing it for? Freedom? Ian more free in Christ, then I ever was or could be when serving myself, His Handmaiden, Laurel

  • This is a wonderful list for all young Christians to reflect on, and I think it is great that it as well as inspiring so many, it has also led to some debate and challenging. I am a great admirer of this website and offer the following with the greatest respect: What has been put forward here does not strike me as a comprehensive list for a real Christian WOMAN – it is a teenage wish list for a sweet christian teenager (and please don’t get me wrong – the world could never have too many of those!) I am very struck – and saddened – by the failure to include Proverbs 31:10-31, pretty much in its entirety. This is the true model of the ADULT Christian woman – a PARTNER in marriage who runs her household with firmness, kindness and wisdom, and whose managerial skills, business acumen, and many other accomplishments do not threaten her husband but bring him great honor and respect. Feminism and Christianity are not mutually exclusive. God needs ADULT women to guide their familires and be his warriors in the world. This site has some terrific material about contemporary culture encouraging people to be stuck in adolesence – let us not contribute to that by stressing an image of the perfect Christian woman as being unnecessarily child like.

  • Alex and Brett,I really need a reply.This friend believes that she is in love with him.He is a very good christian young guy. But theres is not much of a chance of them ever meeting.She can’t get her mind of him.I try to remember that when the time comes God will bring me a husband.Advice needed. yoursister in Christ , Hannah

  • Wow, a wonderful article! Sounds difficult, but we can only do our best through God’s grace, and in God nothing is impossible!

  • This is so TRUE…This is really inspirational to me…God bless all who read this and I pray that every girl who reads this will apply it to thier lives…

  • hey this is my first time looking at this blog and It has really made me think about myself. I was also wondering about this.. is not boisterous or loud in her speech or actions but is characterized by a gentle and quiet spirit. (Proverbs 9:13, 1 Peter 3:4) Because I tend to be pretty loud and outgoing.

  • I think that several of the verses were taken out of context. I encourage all of you to look up each of the verses to see what they say. I don’t think these verses were used correctly.

    I have been a believer since I was four and raised in a Christian home. I believe we as women should try our best to follow the instructions God gives us. In most of these verses you should realize(guys and girls) He is talking to both sexes. If you look at it this way it is not like the men do not have some of the same guidelines to follow.

    One other thing I believe, women are equal to men as it states in the Bible(Galtions3:28). In a marriage you should always work together in everything, including money, jobs, kids, ect. The man should always listen, love and protect the women. Listening is very important. Women should be able to voice their opinions and stand up for what is right! Never hesitate to do what you believe is right.

    When men and women are equal the women or man should get to choose what they do. Stay at home or working, college or none. It is a ‘Liberty Garden’ issue. God gives us a choice. That is one of the things that makes Him so great. God gives us that freedom as individuals to choose, regardless of our sex.

    We have the same rights as men. I encourage women to stand up for themselves and have their own opinions, not the “perfect” ones, but their own. I have known some women where their husbands trample then underfoot and trash their dreams and hopes. This is wrong and we should stand up for ourselves. My point is work together in relationships and stand up for what is right.Women being independent is ok. Read the verses too if you have time, it may clear some things up.


  • My goodness…we need to take a look at ourselves. Are we really glorifying the Lord in these arguements (regardless of sex)? I really appreciated posts like “the writer” because she/he realizes Who and what is important in life. I grew up in a family in which both my mom and sister’s dreams and desires were to be a wife and mother. If they are happy, then I am happy. However, I really feel called into the ministry. I’m actually going to seminary this fall to pursue a master of arts in crosscultural studies, which will enable me to work with womean and children who have been involved in the sex industry (prostitution, sex trafficking, rape victims, etc.) This is what the Lord wants me to do. This is who the Lord created me to be. I want to help others who are abused, neglected and oppressed for my job- regardless if I’m married or not. And actually, I really do want to get married because I desire to have a ministry partner. Sadly, my mom and my sister don’t seem to be happy for me. I think they will only be happy with my life when I get married. Even though this has made it very difficult for me, I’ve realized I really only need to make sure my plans are in tune with the Lord…and not my family’s. I guess what I’m saying is that God made all humans, male and female, different. We should all strive to live a life glorifying the Lord. For some that means staying at home as a wife and mother, for others it means serving the Lord for my job and in my personal life (friends, family, and hopefully a husband). Be who the Lord has made you to be! Live a life radical for Christ!!!

  • Hey Hannah
    My one question is- How old is your friend?
    If the age is under 20 My advice would be try to keep the relationship platonic.
    One of my good friends who is 16 got involved with an older man who seemed to be a christian butt she ended up pregnant and married. DO NOT RUSH INTO A RELATIONSHIP!!!!! My Dad and I have an understanding that i will not date until I’m 16 and then only if he is willing to meet my family and be around them, I refuse to be used as a man’s trophy.

  • All I can say is WOW! I have read through some of these comments and it’s just sad. This is a definate chalange and it seems impossible (which is personally why I think there are so many negative comments) but we do need to strive to be women, not girls who wish they were guys. I myself am a jean, and hoodie wearing back woods girl. I believe you can become a woman without turning into a “Little House on the Prarie” idea of women, or your up-town woman always running around in fancy dresses. There is a happy, modest, feminin medium. I agree with this post completely, it is definatly hard to accept that I am not even close but it is something to strive for. I Thank you for having such a straight forward and TRUE blog!


  • This is a great post! I really appreciate the boldness it took to post something like this.:) I was surprised to see so many negative comments one here though.:( Its too bad that so many girls have given up even trying to work on cultivating these Godly principals in their lives. I would encourage you girls ( the ones who don’t agree with this post) to get out your bible and look up the verses mentioned with each principal!! Oh… and only through God working through us can we be the Godly young woman God wants us to be! Ask HIM to help you each day . You WILL make mistakes and fall… but like my Pastor says if you are trying with Christ’s live a set apart life then God will bless you and you will fall forward- not backwards!! Thanks again for this post!!!

  • Well there are allot of comments!!!! And allot of different views.
    There are two extreams here. Let me give you my take. As others have stated men and woman are distinctly different (I can’t believe that girls ever question it!!!) and we have different roles though we are equal in Christ.
    In a marrige relationship the man’s job is to love, respect, and cherish his wife and a woman’s job is to respect, suport and submit to her husband(Ephesians 5:22-32). God also chose us as women to represent the church as men represent Christ. Marrige is a holy and beautiful thing (though some people are not called to be married). It represents Jesus’ love and devotion for us. Though our future husbands will not be perfect like Christ, they are the head.
    Femaninity is a beautiful thing that is to be cherished. Now I know that all girls are defferent and there are tomboys out there. I personaly like going hunting (I like the time to think and be in nature), I also like playing sports(with feirce agression), and other “guy” things. And I struggle very much with being quiet and gentle (think breaking out into singing random show tunes) and it is something God is working on but I know that I can still be myself and be feminin.
    Also to Lori (I know that’s going back to Oct.) your whole thing is a little new age, well actually very new age. We are not perfect beings. We are sinful people who have a sinful nature (Romans 3:23). But we have been cleansed through the blood of Christ and through the cross we are saved. (Ephisians 2:8) Apart from Jesus and his blood (Hebrews 9:22 “without blood there is no forgiveness of sins”) we can NOT be saved.
    Though I do agree that we should love all people, but there is an absulute right and wrong! What if I went up and slapped someone and when they asked me why I did it I said that it was “right for me”? That would be pathetic, and a lame excuse. Is murder “right” for some people? NO!!!!! Absolutly NOT! God has a standard of truth and of holiness that we all fall short of.
    All religions can’t be right. Some religions believe in one God, other’s believe in many Gods, and some beleive there are no Gods. They can’t be all right. It’s like saying that 2+2=4 and 5 and 9.
    Also to what you mentioned about people arguing about their religion being the only way, well I believe that Jesus is the ONLY way to heaven. Why? Well because Jesus himself, said so, He said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life, no one comes to the father except through me” (john 14:28). As I stated earlyer, Jesus, the cross and the blood shed on the cross is the only way to heaven and to God.
    I am sorry to make this so long but I felt like I needed to say something. I am trying to say this with love and kindness and not with hate and anger. I am saying this all because there might be someone reading this who doesn’t understand Jesus and his amazing sacrifice on the cross and I love you all and want you to come to Christ who it the only way to heaven. Let me tell you that a personal relationship with Christ is the most amazing thing ever!!! Trust me, this comment is based on love. I love you all!!!!!!
    In Christ,
    P.S. I love the post!!! They are so helpful and I will probably print them out and put them on my wall of something.

  • Hey Brett and Alex,
    I just wanted to say that this has been extremely helpful and has helped me to become more of a “real” woman, one that is pleasing in God’s eyes. Thank you so much!

    Your sister in Christ,
    P.S Keep up the good work!

  • a good friend of mine sent me an email that said ‘ a woman was not taken out of a mans foot to be walked on, neither out of his head to be superiour, but out of his side, to be his equal, under his arm for protection, and beside his heart to be cherished.’ I think that is a good expanation of a Godly woman, in the sence that, we should not let men use or abuse us, or let them be our superiors, but we shouldnt think of oursleves better than them, and try to take controll. We should be at his side, encouraging him, and and instead of doing things to glorify yourslef, like going to work(or something else like that) because we want to show everyone we are just as capable as men, but if we must go to work, that we should do it to glorify God by serving our husbands. And we should let our husbands take care of us(even if its as simple as opening doors etc…) and we should love our husbands with an unconditional love, and stay near to his heart! now im not saying at all that, it means we have to let men rule over us, or let them define who we are. But what i am saying is that we should hold ourselves high, and consider oursleves pure and lovely, but do as jesus did, and serve others! hopefull that wasnt too confusing…

  • Hey Brett and Alex,
    WOW!!! This is amazing! I’m SO ezcited that I can use this as a constant daily reminder of how God wants me to be a Real Woman. Thank-you, thank-you, THANK-YOU!

    Your Sister in our Precious Jesus,

  • when i was younger, i imagined a real woman having a sort of quiet strength and self-confidence in her step. this list is good, one i’ll be sure to strive for! =)

  • Alex and Brett,
    thanks for posting this! It really helps me out a ton, and it really reminded me how I should act toward guys and to keep my eyes, mind, heart, and soul focused on God!

    Thanks again and God bless!
    Your Sister in Amazing Christ,

  • I really like this post, and agree with nearly all of it. I definitely believe that man and woman are different. People who claim they are not are foolish. It is obvious that males and females, from an early age, are very different. But on the same note, every individual, whether male or female is different. And this individuality is AMAZING. That God has provided us with so much and in His inifinite wisdon, made us in His own image. This said, I don’t believe all females are meant to be housewives. We all have different purposes. I definitely feel that parents should not neglect their children in pursuit of a career. But at the same time, I don’t believe this means giving up a career for either of them. If a woman or man is working in a profession that glorifies God and still allows them to enjoy and care for their families, then good for them. I come from a house where both of my parents work- but my mom’s job is in a school so she has the same hours as we do and she did not begin working full time until we were in school. And both of my parents have weekends off. I think it is more important for both parents to provide emtionally, spiritually, and physically for the children. And if this means a woman going to work so that her husband can aid in the emotional and spiritual part of this upbringing as well, then that is fine. In response to the submission: we should honor our fathers(as difficult as it maybe) and all they provide AS WELL AS our mothers.
    And someday, if we are married, then a woman is not the slave of the family, She is not subservient in that way. Rather, the male and female will have different roles in the family that help to raise thier children in God’s image and to strengthen their own marraige. To each person, God has given gifts. To each marraige, distribution of decision making, money earning, housekeeping, childrearing, etc is provided by God-but it is the couple’s job to work it out to best glorify God. A woman who is completely miserable-whether working or at home-does not lend herself to a happy marraige. And please, as others have warned, avoid legalism.

  • Before I start, Alex and Brett this is a GREAT site. Some of the replies are sad.:( I saw you guys in Denver this May!!!:) A women is someone who listens to God’s EVERY word about our duties. And responding to Becca, i agree with you 100%!!!:)

    May God Bless Your Heart,
    Sam Hart

  • Altough some of the wife of noble character lines were left out, (Proverbs 31) This is really nice to have all of the verses in one place.
    I live in Eugene, OR where feminism is thriving as are (Hippies, peace and love,) and these verses do not degrade me or woman at all. People (christians) need to not fight amongst themselves. Proverbs 20:3, It is a man’s (or woman’s) honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.
    if a man ever uses these verses against a women to gain control than that’s not cool. So women do not need to fear that if they are looking for a man of character.
    Also, Believing in God is not about picking and choosing the commandments/verses we want to follow. thanks

  • WOW!!!! I read this and then printed this out right away. it will now hang on my wall as a reminder… thanks guys!!!! 🙂
    God bless you!

  • Sometimes I kind of get the feeling that “no one really cares anymore if a girl acts like a lady, so why try?” So it’s encouraging to know that these kinds of standards are still appreciated and expected in today’s society.
    (May I have permission to post this on my xanga, with credits of course?)

  • great post alex and brett!!!

    I going to add these to my “future wife” list, its not often you see ladys like this and it is refreshing when I meet them. I think it helps guys to want to treat them like ladys unlike “tom boys!”

  • So I’m more of a tomboy than a “pristine girly girly.” So what? Just because I don’t wear white gloves, big hats, and drink tea with my pinky up, and let men use me as a doormat…does that make me unladylike? I think not. I don’t agree with the feminists, because I believe it’s just as wrong as shovenists. As far as women shouldn’t be loud or annoying, but quiet and submissive? I disagree. Sure, they shouldn’t be annoying, but hey, neither should men! And loud, I don’t think I’d grant that to just the men, but I think there are times and places for certain things but it seems to me this discription of a “real woman” is written by shovenistic men who want quiet, pristine, super feminine women who submit to their every command. No thanks, and good luck finding a doormat in my opinion. As for me, I’m saving myself for marriage, I’m not dating because I don’t intend on getting married anytime soon, and I have a shy nature but can get loud if I’m with a lot of that so unattractive? As well as my love for sports and music, and guitar and skating…yeah I don’t like to sit around and play with dolls, sorry if that makes me less appealing now. But, honestly, the roles of women have been so highly misconstrued and it’s a shame, in my opinion, that women reach out to these 1800’s pristine tea drinking women as “true women” when infact a “true woman” should be defined as her willingness to depend on God, seek his truths, maintain her purity and modesty, but also be able to speak for herself, to stand up for herself, and to not get walked all over and keep their mouth shut all the time. Sorry if any of this was taken hostily, for that was not my intent. But it does somewhat annoy me. I’m not a girly girl, but I am a true woman of God. Enough said.

  • I agree with what a lot of others have said that “a meek and quiet spirit” does not mean a door mat or a pushover!! Also, a lot of us girls have outgoing personalities and would have to be someone completly else to be able to even come near being “meek and quiet” if it meant we had to walk around with our heads hung and not talking. I think God gave us all different personalities so he could shine through us like different colors of glass on a window and people could see diffent colors of him through us. I don’t know if that makes any sense or not, but that’s the picture I have of it. All we have to do is look at nature to see that God likes variety. All that said, I really appreciate the description of a real woman! I just think that we interpret what God has to say about Godly women as one mold that God wants to pour all Christian women into and not as him wanting us to let his light shine through the different colors of our personalities. Also, for those of you who are so fired up against our roles as women to submit to men, just remember that that was not God’s plan. It is a result of the fall and part of the curse the whole world lives under. Men have their consequenses too; this is ours. I don’t know if all that was very clear or not, but anyway.

    Thanx for the blogs, Alex and Brett. It appreciate them!!

  • I- a young woman, a Christian, a sister, a daughter, possibly a future mother & wife- am not offended when I hear the God-given standards for me and my sisters. GOD IS GOOD, people, and we must keep this in mind at all times, in all situations.
    Emily Dickenson has a great poem that illustrates what I mean:

    “Not one by Heaven defrauded stay
    Although He seem to steal,
    He restitutes in some sweet way.
    Secreted in His will.”

    His loving hand and All-Knowing will is orchestrating our lives in such a way as to BE GLORIOUS EXAMPLES of His Divine Providence. If you refuse to trust and love this Indescribable God we serve, it’s not a question of RATIONALITY or LOGIC, but a question of THE HEART CONDITION. You CANNOT argue someone into the Kingdom of God. So, fellow Rebelutionaries, while we are called to pray for and speak the Truth in Love to those who do not see the Truth, sometimes there are situations when there isn’t going to be any visable response; indeed, it may seem like they go even further in the other direction.

    But, we must “never give up on doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a good harvest, if we do not give up.” (Gal. 6:9)
    Women are not “subservient,” or “Shadow people.” “DIFFERENT” DOES NOT = “UNEQUAL”.
    “DIFFERENT” = “SPECIAL.” We are glorious examples of a mysterious yet amazing Way of Life. I do not care what others may say; I do not blush about being a Jesus Freak, and though there may seem to be little logic in this way of life, there will be a reward for obeying My God to the letter (out of LOVE for Him, not be confused with legalism).
    I will embrace the beautiful role my Father gave me, because He knows best, and I have found this the True way of Joy. Do not lean on your own judgment, but that of God, Who is All-Knowing (Prov. 3:5,6).

    I delight in my God’s commands:
    “The law of the Lord is perfect, revivng the soul.
    The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple.
    THe precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart.
    The commands of the Lord are radient, giving light to the eyes.
    The fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever.
    The ordinances of the Lord are sure and altogether righteous.
    THey are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb.
    By them is your servant warned; IN KEEPING THEM THERE IS GREAT REWARD…
    May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in Your sight,
    O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” (Psalm 19:7-11, 14)
    God, make me a True Woman, holy and pure, for Your service and for the edification of Your Body!
    Love from a Sister in Christ,
    Rebecca Audrey

  • This is an amazing article! I love the message. I read a lot of older books that have mature, Christian women that i want to model my life after. I have often thought that in this culture a lot of women are missing out on some of the most beautiful things about being a woman. Things that used to be held in high standard are now looked down upon. Being a ‘real’ women as the article was saying does not mean that you are beneath men in any way! we just have a different role that we need to step up and fulfill.
    Also, i am NOT saying that we need to start wearing skirts and dresses all the time and simply stay home and take care of children… No, it is different being a woman/girl now. But we need to take the standards of character and model ourselves after them!
    Thanks so much for the article! It’s cool to see that many other girls have the same dreams I do!

  • I also find it interesting at how this post was interpreted rather than directly quoted.

    “…uses her years of singleness to seek and serve God without distraction, and is content to leave the details of her future to Him.” from (Psalm 73:25, Philippians 4:11)

    Well I looked up Psalm 73:25, Philippians 4:11,
    and these are what they are..

    “Whom have I in heaven but you?
    And earth has nothing I desire besides you.”

    “I am not saying this because I am in need,
    for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.”

    Interpretation…read the whole chapter, and who the book is written to.
    Not to say there’s anything wrong with those particular interpretations,
    for they don’t perceive women as weak,
    but they are yet someone’s interpretations.

    The bible did not say “…uses her years of singleness to seek and serve God without distraction, and is content to leave the details of her future to Him.”
    But rather it was someone’s summary and view of it.

    So ladies that truly believe all of this anyway,
    don’t take a blog’s word for it, seek God’s word. And study.
    Don’t take everything so lightly.
    There are many things supposed to be looked into.

  • That is a GREAT list!!! I have alot of work to do. I can’t wait to encourage other girls to read this list and vesit the entire blog! Thanks for posting this page!

  • You poor, pitiful sheep. Reading a book of fairytale and legend and modeling your life after it, instead of thinking for yourself and defining your own path…that’s the way of a weak follower. Say you’re strong, all you want, but you will never be strong until you find your strength within, instead of in a cult of jesus freaks.

  • I really like what “Not Brainwashed” had to say, and it really got me thinking about Romans 12:1&2: “Therefore, I urge you brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to OFFER YOUR BODIES AS LIVING SACRIFICES, holy and pleasing to God–this is your spiritual act of worship. DO NOT CONFORM ANY LONGER TO THE PATTERN OF THIS WORLD, but be TRANSFORMED by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing, and perfect will.” Basically, God doesn’t want us, man and woman alike, to follow the world’s ideas of fairy tales or even how the world spends their time; instead, God wants us to be a living sacrifice for him, and he wants us to allow him to transform our hearts and minds.

  • This is the best way to tell which girls are “A REAL WOMAN” and which ones are not. I know it’s hard to find “A REAL WOMAN” now days. Girls dress way too trashy now days. They think they have too show off their bodies just so they can get “the guy.” A christian guy doesn’t look at what they have so to speak. He first needs to know if shs is a christian. And then he should fall in love with her personality, not her looks. The looks are just a plus the a great personality. This is what I personally am look for in a girl, and yes I know i’m not gonna find a girl with everyone of theses things, but I can try, and need to try to find a girl with as many of the things a possible. We should and need to be praying to God that he will help us in our search for finding a mate. While doing so, not knowing 100% who she is, we need to be praying the God will help her find us, and that God will protect her and help her keep herself for us in a relationship. I believe God will show me who she is when he feels it best to.

  • My heart has hurt deeply while I have read a lot of these comments. First of all, Alex and Brett, thank you for this! I will strive and be strong in these attributes. Second, I am so sad for the people such as “not brainwashed” and “proud to be a feminist.” I have found that when I try to make my own path or “own” myself, I mess up BIG TIME. Like, WOW, can I blow it! That’s because I am a filthy sinner who should get what I deserve: death. I am not having a lack of “self-esteem,” I am simply stating facts. But, hallelujah! I don’t have to depend on myself! I don’t have to die (meaning separation from God), because of what Jesus did for me. I want to be beautiful in HIS sight, and follow HIS plan for my life. If I don’t, I am going to be trapped in my lifestyle of messing up over and over again. But I’m not! That doesn’t mean that I don’t mess up, it just means I DON’T HAVE TO! And when I do, I can be forgiven forever! If the fact that I have to depend on Jesus and people who are more experienced/smarter than me, makes me a doormat, than I will gladly be one!
    The other thing I wanted to say was about happiness. Someone posted about happiness, and how you can find your happiness in whatever you want. Yes, we can find happiness in a lot of things, but how long does it really last? Jesus can give you JOY that lasts forever in whatever situation you are, trust me, I KNOW! I haven’t had an easy life, and I am thankful for that because I have discovered that I need Jesus to make it through. Without his JOY I would be depressed and desperate when things went wrong. So, please think it through! When everything else fails, and life is crashing down around you, look for happiness. You won’t find it. If you find something that makes you happy, relish it because it won’t last long. If you don’t want to live this desperate life, seek the truth, and if you honestly seek to find if God is real, YOU WILL FIND HIM.

  • I am a real woman, and I am none of that. I will open my own doors. I will not “obey” man just because he’s man. He is my equal, as I am his equal. This list of “real woman” stuff is just crap. You guys are trying to brainwash teens. What the world needs less of is fundamentalists trying to preach the bible (a bunch of stories), but a bunch of teens who just want to stand up and do the right thing. Get off your pedistals and stop preaching. Stop trying to get recognized for just doing what you’re supposed to be doing. Nobody likes a braggart.

  • Wow! the Lord is really with this website. May he Bless all of you in your Stand for Truthfulness, and Purity in this dark world. I love this summary of Godly attributes for women. This is exactly how I would want my little sisters to grow up, and I hope it is someone the Lord will bless me with as a future wife. A woman like Proverbs 31.

    May the Lord bless you Philip Hainline, Heidi,and Maria Reimer, For posting this. I also want to thank those who did the post for. A Real Man. I can’t remember your name’s but may the Lord Bless you as well. For he surely knows them.

    As for Alex and Brett Harris. Thank you for starting something and taking a stand for the youth of a back sliding nation, and may our Lord and blessed Saviour Jesus Christ, Help you accomplish Mighty and Hard things for this Nation and World. I hope you have a wonderful time at College, for I know that the Lord will bless you there.

    And to those who helped get this web page rolling and still keep it rolling thank you. For wow what a ministry you have.

    For those people who put time into getting on this website and submitting your comments, may the Lord richly bless your lives.

    Do Hard Things.:)

  • I agree with Jordan W. completely and wholeheartedly, in thanking the authors of this incredible ministry!
    Also,to the ladies that think the task set before tham too difficult, remember that nothing is impossible w/ God, the Author and Finisher of our faith.
    God bless you all in your battle for truth and purity. This is the fight we have been called to!

  • Amen To Cassie!!! It is sad to see girls tearing down other girls who are searching for a better way. As Christians we are commanded by God to be separate from the world. To say that we are weak for following Christ is wrong. Do they know how HARD it is in today’s world to stand for your faith? It is easy to go with the world’s way of thinking and conform, but what is hard is to stand for God. Praise God for Christian men like Alex and Brett who are willing to stand for Jesus Christ and His standards (and the Christian girls who are doing the same). Keep it up guys!!
    I also want to say that our youth group is getting together this fall to read the book and do the study guide, as a Bible study. We are looking forward to seeing how God will use us as we seek to glorify Him. Thank you for all the work you are doing! And for encouraging Christian youth!!

  • Yeah . I really do think qualities of a real woman is more than just about your outer appearance, but more about what is on the inside . Becoming a Proverbs 31 woman is another factor . Becoming a woman after God’s own heart,&as a teenager, I think girls these days care so much about what people say, we forget about what God wants… As a girl, we must learn to chase purity…&I think we all have something to work on, to keep your purity, stay true to yourself&be a woman worth fighting for 🙂

  • WOW! I am very inspired by this list, I have been struggling with all of these things lately and I am thankfull that this list is out here; I will print this out and ask myself daily if I am a model of this list.

    BTW: I am in the process of reading y’alls book, I am so thankfull that I am not the only teen out in todays culture that is sick of the low expectations! Thank you very much for writing it!

  • Brett & Alex good blog to post. I am trying my best to be a Proverbs 31 women but I like all the other things. May God give me and all the young women of this world the courage and strength to perservere and continue to go strong. Hey maybe this will be our challenge to “Do hard things”. Its is not easy to humble yourself but God makes everything possible.

  • i definently agree with all this, and i nkow that if i want to meet thoes expectations, i have a lot to work on… i just looked at the modesty servey, and relized that i am much less modest than i would like to be… i am now wondering if people thought i was older than i am because of the way i dress, or the way i act… i was homeschooling, and had been for 7 years, when my mom put me in school fo the firs tim since grade 2, and, even thoght it was a christian school(though it should not have been called that), my self-esteem was way don, so mom brought me back home. i relize now that even thogh i tried not to, i brought back a lot of the bad times with me in the way i dress and act, and i am so sorry for causing any one problems. do you guys have any advice on how to break old habbits? thanx a bunch =)

  • This is a great list! In today’s society girls have lost their desire to stay pure for their future husbands and for God, because of the worldly influences at school, on tv, and sometimes even at church. This past summer i had been feeling as though i hadn’t been living to my full potential as i could have. my youth pastor had given my youth group a summer challenge which was basicly to buy and read “Do Hard Things” ,and at the end of the summer to do… a hard thing. Anyway, i have always known that the world’s standard for a girl and God’s standard for a girl didn’t agree with each other but i thought there’s really not much i can do about it, that’s just the way things were. so, my project was to start a Bright Lights biblestudy group for girls ages 9 to 12, it is a biblestudy to show girls they CAN be strong and mature for the Lord even at their ages and to help them find their purpose. I have always wanted to serve God and do something for Him, and “Do Hard Things” has really given me the extra encouragement i needed, Thanks!

    P.S. yesterday was my first time teaching and it was definitely tough but it was sure worth it… through this time of learning, not only did i find my purpose, but now i will be helping girls find theirs too!

  • even though I’ve read those verses and heard those encoragements again and again, it’s so powerful to have it all at once. Thanks ya’ll!!

  • Dude if I find a girl like that I’m as good as married. haha 😉 Seriously though… all I can say is TRUDAT !way to go guys awesome work on another great discussion.

  • Ps to all the people who think that Alex and Brett mean that a man opening a door for a woman or a woman being “submissive” means that they are somehow being treated wrongly, thats not what it means at all. A man should just give proper respect to the female sex and i’m personnaly sick of the lie that the world tries to cram down or throats (especially hiphop artists) that treating Women with respect is somehow belittling them, or that slandering them makes you more of a man. Nothing could be farther from the truth.Women should be treated with dignity and respect no matter what.
    Pss I am voting FOR Sarah Palin to all who might accuse me of being a hater.

  • Hey i think this list is great and that it really gives me something to make an effort for. However i have one concern about submitting to male authority. Not to sound overly feministic, i think males and females should be treated alike. Women need to respect men but not submit to authority necessarily. But this list is something to try and live up to!

  • I was just introduced to therebelution blog a couple weeks ago, and I am continually suprised with the AWESOME Godly lifestyles Brett and Alex live by. May God bless all of you who strive to live this way!!! I think this list isn’t about us knowing we’ll never be perfect like this but more about us realizing we should strive to be perfect like Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount. Women and men should recognize how we can be “real” and make it their goal to honor God by doing so.

  • I’m not sure I completely agree with some of the things on this list. Especially these: “…does not compete for equality with men or chafe at God’s design for male and female, but delights in and understands the importance of her calling to complement man’s role. (1 Timothy 2:11-12, Ephesians 5:22-24)” Ok I’m not a super feminist or anything, but I do know that guys and girls are both human beings, and no matter who was made first or second or whatever, we should both be somewhat equal. Of course girls and guys are complements to each other, but that doesn’t mean a woman can’t be a CEO if that is her strength. It doesn’t mean a woman can’t be a leader if that is her strength. The fact is, no matter if you’re a boy or a girl, people have different strengths, and I think the most important thing is that we use what talents are given to us. Some women, like me, are gifted with a want for knowledge and a great capacity to understand it. So why shouldn’t I work in a “man’s job” to make the world a better place? I know f I was purely a stay-at-home-mom-husband-helper, I would be miserable.
    “…appreciates her father’s protection, and respects and submits to his authority. In so doing, she is preparing herself to exercise the Biblical role in her relationship with a possible future husband. (Ephesians 5:33-6:3, 1 Peter 3:1-2)” The father thing I agree about, because after all he is your parent, but obeying your husband like you do your father is ridiculous in my opinion. He is not your father, and he never will be. Like I said above, he is another human being just like you. And one woman already pointed out that we came from the side of Adam, which means that we are on equal footing with him. I think it is very healthy for couples to cooperate, compromise, and work together on the same level, as a relationship which is dominated by one person is not really a relationship at all.
    “…is not boisterous or loud in her speech or actions but is characterized by a gentle and quiet spirit. (Proverbs 9:13, 1 Peter 3:4)” Well, as everyone knows, there are many different personalities in this world. Just because a woman has a stronger personality and is loud doesn’t mean that she is not a woman or is flirtatious (I know lots of girls like this). I think it is wrong to thrust this expectation on all women when not all of them were created that way.
    As a Christian girl myself, I find that this article is helpful overall and has nice goals. I just don’t think that those interpretations of the bible are correct or fair to apply to women, and I don’t think I’m being unreasonable and blind by saying that.

  • I am Free. Wild and Free and a Woman. God created me in the likeness of the I AM. No one can take that freedom from me. I was created to fight and to stand firm, no man can do it any better. I am not subservient nor am I second. I do not possess a different role nor a different passion for my Lord. I do not need a list to tell me these things and if you do I suggest you pray for more than a simple list of out of context guidelines… I pray that you seek your own freedom and that you find it in our Lord. Galatians 3:28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Never forget it. Christ never distinguished between the sexes and neither does God. I am Free and so are you.

  • Hey
    thanks ya’ll fora freat article (as always) but may I suggest that when promoting modesty you use modest pictures? It doesn’t make sense to one minute tell girls to dress modestly and the next to post a picture of a bride in a strapless low neck dress. Other than that this is a great article. I appreciate what you say about women having a special and different role form the men, it’s not any lower or unequal- just a different role. That is something the world would LOVE to earase. THanks for taking a stand

  • thanks so much for this post. it is a real encouragement to me. however, while I understand the importance of the father being the protector, I’m one of theose girls who doesn’t have a father. My own dad is not a part of my life and he is the LAST person I’d go to to ask about whether he approve s of a guy or not. so, what I’m asking is, what do I and other girls like me who don’t have dads do as far as this is concerned?

    besides that great blog posting!

  • This is so true, and this is why Proverbs 31:10 says,

    “An EXCELLENT wife who can find? She is FAR more precious than jewels.”

    Young, single men out there: Guard your heart against the lust of the flesh. Ask yourself this:

    “Am I worthy of a woman like this–as described in Proverbs 31?”

    You fill in the blanks/answers…we have a GOOD Savior!

  • Woah.
    I had no idea that feminism was such a touchy subject!
    This blog is like a war zone.
    Oh, and great site Alex and Brett!!!!
    Love it!

  • Wow, some of these comments are so negative! For you feminists out there, I don’t think you realize what a joy it is for young women like myself (and others I know) to submit to a man. That is when I have the most joy because I know that I am in the position my Lord and Savior has called me to. I apologize if I have come off too strongly on my beliefs… but I cannot apoligize for at least sharing them with you.


  • One thing i don’t understand is why everyone thinks that the strapless wedding dress is immodest. Can someone please explain this to me? It fully covers her bust. Are shoulders showing really that bad? I honestly think that idea is outdated. You can still dress completely modestly without covering yourself completely. I think that the wedding dress is beautiful and not provocative at all.

  • Ooookay……wow. To tell you the truth, I was just the same feministic-independent-don’t let any boy stop me-kind of gal. I wanted to be an archectect(spelling?) and live on my own and go as far away for college as possible. All I can say is that God has truly changed my heart. Infact, there is no way I could have come to this belief on my own. It was a work of the Holy Spirit guiding me to God’s will for my life. If you think that this list exemplifies a life of drugery and having babies, hold it sister! Florence Nitingale may have left the role of a mother and subservient wife, but she became a servant to God which is an even higher calling. And she’s not the only one. So did Mother Theresa and others. Don’t think I am narrow minded. I plan on going to college and getting a Phd. I alsoplan on getting married and having a very large family. And if it’s God’s plan, homeschooling them. I plan on being a well educated, smart, loyal wife who loves her husband and realizes her biblical position in the relationship. In the mean time, I will serve my father and my Lord to the best of my abilities, spending my time in waiting with God use to further the Kingdom of God. No where in the Bible does it say, “Don’t educate your wife, for she is merely a dumb beast.” NO! In fact the Virtuous Wife in Proverbs 31 was said to “speak wise words” and she is “respected by the people”. No does it say that being a tomboy is wrong: “She does her work with energy and her arms are strong” in verse 17 and again “She is strong” verse 25. There is nothing wrong with being athletic and strong. What is wrong is when we strive to be like men and want masculinity more than a strong femininity. Deborah was a warrior and a judge! But she was also a wife and maybe even a mother. God called women to be warriors of a different kind. A warrior of words and of love. After all, the strongest weapon you have is the word of God, and His love. God has called us as women to be an example of his love. Mothers can love like nobody’s buisness. It is said that a mother’s love has no bounds. Is this not true also of God?
    Therefore, my sisters in Christ, I urge you to not fall to the demeaning standard of feminimity that exist today. All they want is to be the same as men. Why should we be? God made us as women. Why change his perfect creation that He has made in the likness of himself? Ask yourself this question, “Why am I striving to be equall or like a man/boy? And in reality is this reason helping you in the two greatest comissions as Christians?: Drawing closer to God, and showing the world His love. In truth, nothing else matters. Not you outlook on life, femininity, marriage, children, education, anything.
    Be strong in who God created you as: A woman. And to be honest, would you really rather be a man? 😉
    Here are some resources you might find interesting:
    1. Set-Apart Femininity by Leslie Ludy
    2. When God Writes Your Love Story by Leslie and Eric Ludy
    3. Authentic Beauty by Leslie Ludy
    4. Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge
    5. Generation Esther by Lisa Ryan
    I hope I haven’t offended anyone or stepped on any toes. May God bless you and keep you.
    Jeremiah 1:6-8

  • “Second, I am so sad for the people such as “not brainwashed” and “proud to be a feminist.” I have found that when I try to make my own path or “own” myself, I mess up BIG TIME. Like, WOW, can I blow it! That’s because I am a filthy sinner who should get what I deserve: death.”

    And at the same time you’re feeling sad for people like me, I’m feeling sad for you.

    Also, to an above comment (probably left in 2006 or something, haha, I’m so late to the game) that states women and men display differences in behavior from an early age… that may be true, but observe the different ways in which adults communicate with babies. I just don’t understand how people can accept that these are inherent differences between the genders in personality/temperament and not at all socially constructed; that women are meant to be gentle, nurturing, etc. If that were true, wouldn’t all cultures have developed along those lines, and how do you view cultures that have a different take on what it is to be men and women?

    I know they’re nonchristian and so all of this doesn’t apply, but… I’m just curious!

  • Hey Thank you som much for posting this. this is the first time i got on your site. The way you define a woman is a beautiful picture of the proverbs 31 woman. I have been struggleing to know what a true christian woman is becuase many of the girls my age are confused about it. they think being a woman is being sexy but that isn’t true. I hope many other girls my age get on this site and see this. it is what all young women should strive for and like many saints before us we can accomplish it with god’s help thanks again


  • Hey! Thank-you for posting this! I’m a film major and some-day I’d like to see women in film valued for their character and not just for their sexual appeal. It’s really encouraging that someone has made this first step! Thank-you very much:)

  • Thank-you for posting this! I’m a film-studies major. I have a desire to see how a true woman in the eye’s of God are to be desired in film some day. I’m so thank-ful that someone has started this movement! God bless this ministry!

  • “A woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” – Proverbs 31:30.

    Its time for the women of God to step up and take a stand against what the culture has defined us as!

  • This is truley inspiring! I am so glad I came across this article. Our culture today has portrayed many things about women entirely different than what God wants. Many girls need to see this!

  • Great list but i gotta work on the whole “quiet” aspect of womanhood! I’m a bold girl with a voice….silencing my tounue in a tough thing lol

  • And i really didn’t think the wedding dress was inapropreitte at all. I look at myself as pretty conservative when it comes to my dress – however i read a few comments and thought “hey I’ll throw in my opinion ” 🙂 I mean, I only wear burmuda shorts in the summer and leave strappy tank tops for layering under “sleave” shirts, but I think its totally ok to wear pants. Like one girl said, its about the heart, wearing a dress with the wrong attitude is just as bad as the low-cut top. However, if you feel like God’s calling you to wear dresses – I would NEVER discourage that at all!!! In fact, i do respect you for that! I know its totally hard for me some days cuz I wanna save my first kiss till marriage and people are like “Are you KIDDING me???” – and of course I’m not, I feel like thats what GOD requires of me. So I don’t think dresses define modesty, but if you like them – go ahead and wear them!!!!

  • Re: the above post – A neat thing to consider, though, is, can someone tell if we are a man or a woman from across the parking lot? Yahweh has distinctly separate roles for males and females, and He doesn’t like the mixing of the two. It’s a wonderful thing to stay as far on the “safe” side as we can – obey Him as much as we can, instead of as little as we can!

  • Wow I scanned through everyone elses posts and some of them made me laugh while others made me frown. On the whole dresses vs. pants thing I have two things to say.
    1) I wear pants. Some situations it is more modest to wear pants. Example: if you saw me working on my pulling tractor (yes I have one) in a skirt you would have a problem.
    2) I wore skirts for an entire month. When I went on a missions trip to Haiti all I wore was skirts because you are considered a woman of the night if you wear pants.

    Pants and skirts are not the issue it is the heart. Am I wearing my pants because it is more comfortable or because I am trying to make a statement. Same goes with dresses. If you want to see how guys (all sorts of guys by the way) see pants I suggest you read the modesty survey.

    On the whole subservient thing.

    There is a head of a company, a head of a church, a head of the army, a head of our country etc. There has to be a head of the house. That doesn’t mean the rest of the church, country etc. isn’t important: it means they have different roles. Presidents have advisors by the way so that doesn’t mean a woman can’t give imput but bottom line the desicion rests on the president and a good advisor won’t nag him about the decision after it is made. Now that i am done with my soapbox- great job I love this it will probably end up on my mirror.

  • I don’t know if anyone has already pointed this out (too many posts to read lol) but Jackie Kendall, author of How to Avoid a Bozo and Lady in Waiting talks about 1 Peter 3:4, “…rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.” She says that “quiet spirit” doesn’t exactly mean “quiet personality or mouth” but rather an “content spirit”. Like, she’s just not anxious for anything. I just thought that was interesting. Btw, I highly reccommend her books! She definitely challenged me with Lady in Waiting to depend on Jesus instead of waiting for my life to begin when I get married! Thanks for the post!

  • Irina H. F. I know it has been awhile since you posted but in case you check again. . .
    That must be really tough. I can’t imagine life without my Dad. Do you have any uncles or Grandfathers that could be there for you? If not Im sure your youth pastor would be more than happy to give you advice. And Irina remember God is the ultimate father.

  • Good list. I was encouraged to see that I already meet some of those characteristics (ex. enjoy chivalry from a guy), but I also see I have a few things to work on.

    Thanks for posting this list.

  • This is great is sets a great example!! Like alot of girls my age that are new Christians you wonder how far is too far for being modest and kind, or what are we supposed to live up to. Thanx for this!! 🙂

  • Response to Natile:
    A-Plus on saving your first kiss! That is something I think everybody should strive for!
    Glad you think that way. 🙂

  • Thank you so much for posting this… it is so easy to get caught up in the feminist movement that you don’t even realize that you have. Thank you for the reminder to the woman God made me to be.

  • I’ve always wondered what a true woman of God had to do in order to be just that – a true woman of God!
    And this list has helped me out SO much! Of course, it’s not possible to fulfill EVERY single requirement but that doesn’t mean that we have to stop trying!
    Thanks for posting this Brett and Alex – Soli Deo Gloria!!


  • Wow!
    This article is so true and encouraging to us girls out there striving to be Women after God’s Heart! Such a great reminder for us to keep on trying even when it seems much easier to just give up and do what the world wants and expects.
    Thanks for posting this!


  • Thank you so much!
    So many of my friends are so concerned about outward beauty and not concerned on the inside. Even my friends at church are that way! It’s so hard some times to focus on what we should! But hey I’m a rebelutionary, I can do hard hings! Thank you so much for posting this and saying what a real woman of God should be like. I know I have plently to work on!

  • OMGoodness! This is eyeopening! I have been sorta wondering what to look for in a girl, and this answers it. Lol, I hope I don’t find a girl that meets all of these standards to soon… My mom wouldn’t be too happy about me wanting to get married at age 15!

  • I am a 15 year old girl and I LOVE this list. I know this is a touch subject and I can tell by the comments. I have to disagree with the feminists. God doesn’t want women to be doormats. We are so special to Him. He has given us a special purpose. No, He doesn’t consider you less then men. The women who model what that list says are TRUE women. No independent feminist can compare that. Thank you guys for allowing the TRUTH to be shown.

  • Tessa writes ‘ And one woman already pointed out that we came from the side of Adam, which means that we are on equal footing with him. I think it is very healthy for couples to cooperate, compromise, and work together on the same level, as a relationship which is dominated by one person is not really a relationship at all.’
    I read an article on this very subject.’
    God does disginguish the differences clearly, if He didn’t why would He have created two genders other than just one? I think in a perfect world the two united would create the perfect reflection of Christ, we are not complete without theother, of course this is impossible for anything perfect in a sin-cursed world, but that’s getting a little off topic.
    Para-phrasing I quote:
    “Woman was not created out of the head to rule over Adam, as Athena was with Zeus in Greek Mythology, nor was she made out of his feet to be trampled on by him, but of his side close to his heart to be loved and protected by him’. That cleared up a lot for me, I used to cry at night thinking I was inferior, despites the verse in Galatians about equality. I think the entire issue is pride.
    We do not want to be under ANYONE’S authority, we want to be independent, self-reliant, free and wild, a mind of our own.
    Our pride convinces us we don’t need anyone, to submit ourselves is to lower our standard of humanity.
    TO think such things is an insult to Christ, did He not submit Himself to the Father with ‘Thy will be done’?
    I leave you these thoughts….

  • Wow this is a great list I have a long way to go. A perfect example of this is in the book and movie Sense and Sensibility.

  • Veary good. i think that woman should read that and try to follow is as best they can and the same thing gose for the “Real man” articla.


  • this is awesome, i have a long way to go! i have a question for anybody though, what do u think true love is? (like between a guy and girl) how do u define it? and do u think its too young to be in love at say 14 years old? and even if the guy doesn’t love you back right now, maybe he will later? is it okay to love sombody alot right now at 14 and, besides God, he’s all i want. he’s such an amazing christian guy and has showed me who God is, and tries to live like the true guy post talks about. but how do you handle it? idk just somthing i’m struggling with right now but nobody seems to talk about it much where i live. so does anybody have any thoughts on it? any help would be awesome!!!

  • A real woman . . .
    …does not compete for equality with men or chafe at God’s design for male and female, but delights in and understands the importance of her calling to complement man’s role. (1 Timothy 2:11-12, Ephesians 5:22-24)

    A real woman . . .
    …appreciates her father’s protection, and respects and submits to his authority. In so doing, she is preparing herself to exercise the Biblical role in her relationship with a possible future husband. (Ephesians 5:33-6:3, 1 Peter 3:1-2)

    I agree and love everything written on here, except for these two.
    I believe women are equal to men. We should not have to “complement” them but work with them instead. We should not rule over them but instead work together. Why should we be looked at then anything less then their equals?
    Second, i completely agree that a real woman should appreciate her fathers protection and respect his authority but should she really submit?
    I mean if it is for her own good yes, but if its something that is not. Not all fathers have their daughters best interest… does that mean that the daughter should still submit? And saying that it teaches us to exercise our biblical role to our possible future husband…. why should we have to submit to him… again he will not always be right does that mean that we should submit? Why should we submit if we know it is not right? why should we hold our voice?
    that is really all i have to say… thank you for letting me say my opinion

  • i absolutely loved this! i printed the .pdf and hung it in my room so i could read it and remember how to make myself a better woman for god as well as my future husband. thank you so much!

  • This is really great. I an a 14 year old girl and I agreed with you on what a real woman should be. It made me relize that I still have a lot to work on. It’s sad though that there are so many people out there that don’t understand. I’ve been reading a really good book called SO MUCH MORE by Anna and Sophia Botkin. It’s a really good book for girls about submision, modesty, how to deal with feministic ideas and views,etc.. I also read DO HARD THINGS and it is my favorite book. Thank you guys for sharing your opinoins on what a real woman should be, it’s nice to know that there are guys out there that care. It’s also nice to know that there are still girls out there trying to live up to these standards. I don’t know how many times that I thought that I was all alone. Thanks again Alex and Brett God bless! Rachel

  • Jessica, I had the same problem with you in the ‘ Not all fathers have their daughters best interest… does that mean that the daughter should still submit? And saying that it teaches us to exercise our biblical role to our possible future husband…. why should we have to submit to him… again he will not always be right does that mean that we should submit? Why should we submit if we know it is not right? why should we hold our voice?’ why should we have to submit? I am blessed with the best father in the world, and if anything happened my world would fall apart, I know only a few girls are blessed with father’s such as mine, for me it is a joy to submit to him, because he has my best interest at heart.
    I believe in circumstances such as the one where you stated, where the father is selfish, and disdainful to his calling as a leader, we should continue to respect and honor them, as they are our father…however if they told us to go and murder someone I don’t God is saying that would be okay because we are being obedient, am I being clear? Where what they ask is clearly in line with scripture, we obey, however I may be wrong on this point, if they tell us to do something completely contradictory to the Word, we are not obliged, but I REALLY don’t think I am mistaken on this point.
    THe next point of ‘why should we submit to our husbands’ (I am not married) I was speaking with my mom and said “I don’t think in my marriage vows I will promise to submit to my husband, what if he asks me to do something against my conscience? Then I would be breaking a promise.’
    She wisely responded ‘Then you will know how to find the right man, if you can say ‘I can submit to this man’ because you know he has your best interest at heart and is a wise and godly leader why would he lead you wrongly.’ and of course as wives we will have an IMMENSE influence in their leadership.
    How’s my logic?

  • Hey belle, I was reading what you said and I don’t quite agree but I understand what you are saying. You’re right, not all fathers have their daughters best interest in mind but as daughters we are instructed to obey our parents and when we get older and marry we are then supposed to submit to our husband. Of course God would never want us to do something that goes againsts the scripture in order to be “obedient” to our authority. Acts 5:29 says”… We ought to obey God rather than man”. But if our father (or husband) tells us to do something that is not against the Bible and we don’t do it just because we don’t want to or it’s not our idea we are wrong. When I get married someday I will promise to submit to my husband and I will try to do it gladly, even when I don’t agree with him (unless he goes against the Bible) because he is the leader of the home. You also asked why we should hold our voice. Now this is just my opinion but I would say that mostly we should refrain from correcting him ,unless of course he is unbiblical, because of respect. There may be certain cases where we can politely go to him and ask him why he is doing something a certain way or why he said something but I don’t believe that arguing with your authority over something isn’t respectful. This is what I think. Thanks for taking the time to listen. Let me know what you think! Rachel J.

  • Sorry, I messed up in a sentence up there. I meant to say that I don’t believe that arguing with your authority over something IS respectful, not isn’t! Rachel

  • Rachel,
    I was just asking the questions as what I thought was an echo of what you were asking! But oh well, I’m glad we can agree. I don’t think we should question his leadership neccessarily in a snappish way, however I think that if he is doing something you think may be unwise, but out of submission you ‘say nothing’, because he’s the leader and he must know what he’s doing.. I think as wives part of our role is to play their ‘conscience’ (not that we are guilty for their sin, but as an advisor, and give OUR view) That’s my opinion, not to mention we are to complement them by being the ‘better half’ 🙂

  • Belle, I’m glad we agree too. I understand now but the first time I read what you said I didn’t know what you were trying to say. Thanks for letting me know!

  • Thanks for the awesome post!

    A true, Godly woman is one who has completely abandoned herself to Her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. A wise woman once said,

    “A woman should be so hidden in Christ, that a man should have to seek Him first to even find her.” I believe this with all of my heart.

    Abandoned. Take a moment to relish the savor of that word. Nothing else, just my Lord.

    The old Irish hymn “Be Thou My Vision” puts it this way in one of its stanzas, “Thou and Thou Only, First in my heart, High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art”. That’s the kind of devotion He desires and deserves from us, as both true women and men.

    Keep up the good work and thanks again!

    In Christ Alone,


  • I really like what you guys – and all the other teens working with you – are doing. It’s great. I really need to get my youth group “up and running”.
    Just a quick note, though, about a few things: I, like others, do not exactly agree with some stuff.
    Firstly, women ARE EQUAL with men; we just have different roles. What you do does not make you worthy; the fact that you are a creation of God does. True, women were not created first; they were created for men. But, also, men were incomplete without women, and women complement them perfectly: thus, both genders receive equal honor. So, no, we should not strive to be LIKE men, but, certainly, we don’t have to stand for being treated like lesser beings, like many women are in Islamic/Hindu countries.
    Also, I’ve read some stuff about the ‘gentle and quiet’ sprit issue: Stacey Elderidge, I think, said that it doesn’t just mean having a low voice and such, but having a peaceful spirit that trusts in the Lord! A happy, content spirit! I know lots of girls who don’t always use their ‘inside voices’ and are still very attractive.

  • Hey, Alex and Brett, thanks for what you are doing with this website! I greatly appreciate this list. It was an immense blessing.

    To all of you feminists out there:Why are you arguing with us? It seems as though ever post by a ‘feminist” has been ‘degrading’. the very thing you are complaining against!!! If you feel as though you must share your opinions please share them nicely.

    Once again thanks for this website.

    God bless!!!

  • WOW!! I have allot of growing to do to measure up to that.
    Sometimes I worry that I’ll never be “good” enough to become someone’s wife, that I’ll never be able to measure up to the expectations that are put on a wife.
    I’m praying with God that He’ll help prepare me and this list was very inspirational!

    Thanks for sharing it =)


  • Wow! I looked at the list for a real man and thought ‘He sounds great.’ Reading this one I realized I’m not quite as perfect as I would like to be. I pray God will help me to be the woman described because her beauty shines beyond what a flirtatious woman’s would. I’m going to read this list often to inspire myself to became this ‘perfect’ woman! I want to be completely pure and beautiful for my husband!

  • Thank you so much for encouraging guys and girls to be pure and to stand against the tide in this world! The modesty survey, the real man, and the real woman articles are very helpful and also inspirational! Brett and Alex – God bless you

  • Thank you so much for that! It is something that I think every woman needs to be reminded of. We tend to forget that our true beauty is on the inside, not the outward appearance. Thank you!


  • Wow we girls have some pretty high standards to live up to but then again so do the boys:) U guys gave me my next project 🙂

  • I agree with the above list. Real Men will not treat their wives as doormats, but as companions. I believe it is not wrong for a woman to go to college, nor to work while being a mother and wife. My mom did it, and I’m on my way to M.I.T.

  • Wow this is a really interesting list and I am Glad you posted it!!!!!

    P.S. You may want to keep an eye on the comments they can be kind of rude sometimes.

    Thanks! 😀

  • I really apprecaite this list!! It really helps me to keep focused on how I should be as a godly young woman.
    Thanks 😉

  • wow! that was great! i just recently turned 13 and am starting to have to make more choices about my life. thank you guys for giving me this to grow off of.

  • Hey Alex and Brett,

    I was wondering if you guys are going to do a confrence here in Oregon? I live about an hour away from Portland, and was just wondering about it. Thank you guys so much for writing your book also. I’m only half way through it, and love it already. Its changed me already. You guys are so encouraging to me.

  • This is a lovely list, although I disagree with the one that says “does not wallow in self-pity or make a habit of voicing complaints, but radiates cheerfulness and joy.” Because not every woman need be cheerful at all times, it is those who think deeply and sometimes rather depressingly, that many times bring great things to the world. Everyone deserves to be themselves, and if you are a pessimist or a realist, then that is who God made you and that’s what it’s best to be.

  • # Baffled by your stupidity Says:
    January 24th, 2007 at 11:58 am

    You all need to drag yourselves into the 21st century. This has got to be a joke, right? I cannot believe that the best you young women aspire to be is a subserviant, dinner cooking, baby making machine for Jesus. Please do yourselves a favor and try to broaden your lives by living them. Pray to god, own your body and mind, and for your own sake do not believe that the above list is the ideal to aspire to.

    I agree 100%. The list has good intentions, but it is so… down-putting.

    • You’ll be happy to know that I, one of the original authors of this list (Maria) also wishes this was a joke! It is a source of shame and embarrassment to me now, and I’m horrified that people are still reading this and taking life advice from it, and feeling bad for not living up to it. I’ve had 18 years to change and grow since I helped to write this list…I’m now very few of the things I listed, but still a very real and more importantly, happy woman.

  • Be intelligent and discerning. Read the verses that inspired the definition of a real woman. Read the verses around the quoted verses, and then read them in context with what was happening back when the verses were written.

    I am no longer a teen. I was blessed to meet a real man and he married me. Together we seek to do God’s will daily. As a wife I sometimes like to reflect upon Proverbs 31:10-31 (as a husband he ponders Ephesians 5:25-30).

    Some people have mistaken the idea that the ideal woman in the Bible is retiring, servile, and entirely domestic. Not so! This woman is an excellent wife and mother. She is also a manufacturer, importer, manager, realtor, farmer, seamstress, upholsterer, and merchant. Her strength and dignity do not come from her amazing achievements however. they are a result of her reverence for God. In our society where physical appearance counts for so much, it may surprise us to realize that her appearance is never mentioned. Her attractiveness comes entirely from her character. The woman described is this chapter has outstanding abilities. In fact, she may not be one woman at all- she may be a composite portrait of ideal womanhood. Do not see her as a model to imitate in every detail; our days are not long enough to do everything she does! See her instead as an inspiration to be all you can be.

    Fight the good Fight!

  • I do agree with all qualities except we do need to realize that sometimes some of them are impossible for an individual in their own personal circumstances. The one about a woman appreciating her fathers protection is one that I would agree with and love to do but for some girls it is impossible. They may not have active fathers in their life or the fathers may not even want to have that role in the family. If that is the case unders whose authority do we submit to next to God?

  • Callan brings up an interesting point. I know a good christian girl who is a great friend of mine who is in this situation with her father. I want to help her, but I am not sure how other than to tell her to pray about it. If anyone could help me, I would appreciate it. 🙂

  • That was really nice but………..I was hoping for more. I noticed under the “real men” section, they have a lot more definitions than women do.

  • Josh T.
    I can really feel for your friend, it is really difficult to be in this postion. My own situation with my dad has already affected how I look at guys and it caused me to become a self proclamed feminist when I was younger (I still have some views that some would call feminist). It has taken me a long time to put my views under the authority of the bible and to change my heart. But in my opinion, the best thing for a guy in your position, as her friend, is to first pray that God will change her fathers heart and that her heart will be protected from the lies of modern day feminism, and then simply be a good example of what a godly man is. I didnt have a good example to see up close until I was about 14 and it would have helped me so much if I had had it sooner. Hope this helps.

  • I am a Christian, and fully agree with the principles of modesty and womanly roles. I do, however, disagree with some of the commentators who maintain that women are to be subservient because they were ‘created second.’ A friend tried to use that with me recently, too, and I looked at him and asked; ‘So, since the animals were created before man, does that make men submissive to them?”
    Actually, if you look at the pattern of the Creation, you will see a succession of complexity, beginning with the less complex/developed creatures, and ending with the creation of humans which are the most intricate and complex creations of all. Note that in this succession, women come in last. Think about that for a minute.
    There are Scriptures that outline the role of woman in relation to men, particularly in the New Testament. It would be far better to use those Scriptures to defend the Christian woman’s role than an arbitrary theory arising out of Creation that is contradictory to man’s superiority over animals.

  • Hi Alex and Brett. I have three sisters and no brothers, and I have to say that I don’t think that girls should have to compete for equality with boys, because we are no better than them, we are simply different. Just my opinion on the matter. But it’s a twelve-year-old guy’s opinion, soo……..

  • i dont think its right that a girl could be called “imodest” because of how she dresses yes i do agree on a limit but a little cleavage never hurt anyone

  • oh so very true…..if only it weren’t so hard 🙁 no fun at all!!!! but those are EXTREMELY good things to use to define a “real woman” thank you so much for posting this!! 🙂

  • I don’t think that ‘hard’ has anything to do with this. It’s not sexist, and yeah, immodesty is about how you dress. Girls shouldn’t wear clothes to show their bodies off so that guys will like them- or for any other reason. I don’t find a problem with anything here, and I really don’t think that it is a bad thing to be “gentle in spirit” or serving. We are supposed to serve, guys are included. This stuff is from the bible, and the bible DOES NOT LIE. I know from experience that if you dismiss any part of the bible, you start to dismiss all of it! That’s not a mistake we can afford to make. ~

  • Hey Alex and Brett,

    This is a good list. I discovered many goals on the list while reading the Bible and I have aspired for a long time to live up to these standards. But I feel uncomfortable doing so at the same time. I enjoy and appreciate many difficult and time-consuming activities, such as physics and chinese, and I want to become very good at both. I want to spend my life in these subjects. Can both you agree that there is nothing ‘ungodly’ about desiring to become good at other fields? I want to become a godly woman, but at the same time devote my energies to these fields so I can use these skills and be accomplished in them. I don’t see how I can do that if I just get married and have kids, although there is nothing wrong with doing that. I hope you understand how I feel on this.

  • I don’t know if anyone is really commenting on here, but I’d like to quickly add my thoughts.

    I think this is a good list. Becoming a wife and mother isn’t necessarily on the top of my priority list because it’s not one of those things I’ve always dreamed about doing. I plan on pursuing college, maybe graduate work, and a few years of career under my belt before starting a family. I believe strongly in God’s plan for family as the cornerstone of society, but I also believe that he wants us to be fully mature and skilled for marriage.

    I don’t consider “career” to be a bad word. A career is often times a form of ministry! I believe God does call women to careers sometimes, and if he has called you to that, I’d encourage you to go for it! Many Christian mothers I know have employment and are able to serve their communities and families in this way (some are self-employed, in fact, which is something I encourage many young ladies to undertake).

    From my experience, part of being a “helpmeet” is understanding your husbands needs in terms of work. Many times wives who have career experience can better help their husbands in this way. Also, many mothers go back to work after their children are grown, so I don’t see a problem with that.

    One thing I liked about this list is the encouragment to use single years for God! It is my greatest goal in life to use all my passion and energy while I’m single to the glory of God and the advancement of his kingdom – far before marriage, although I know that is a sacred institution.

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  • I love seeing all these verses together in one page! The printout is definitly going on my wall as a reminder of what to aim for in my life. I have always treasured all of these verses, though at times they can seem overwhelming. This is one of the things that being a Christian is hard to perfect, but is a goal in our life. Our womanhood, or manhood, will not be perfected until the day we meet our Savior. Just like we will not be righteous or all-loving until that day. But, it is a goal, and a great day-by-day reminder of who you should try to be. The Psalms 73:25 and 63:1 clearly shows that God is against the norm of today’s culture. Most of the girls I have ever known have one desire. It is not to know and love God, but to attract guys. They swing from one ‘relationship’ to another, looking for love all the while. It is a great reminder for girls to make God their one desire and Lover-He is the only One who can satisfy our longing for love

  • Thanks so much for posting this! I have been having a really hard time with some of this myself. The role of woman in military conflict is something that trips me up. I really want to go into the air force but am feeling conflicted about how biblical this is. I realize that for a woman to hold a position of authority over a man is wrong but am confused as to how this would play out in the military. Any insight on this would be a great help. ~ Kyrah

  • Hey guys, great list. While I am in a season of singleness and am focused on ministry right now, I pray every day that I will find a godly woman like this. And girls, if you think that living up to this list is restrictive or narrow or dorky or something, you should know that plenty of serious Christian guys out there do find a woman living out these ideals to be extremely attractive! Obviously, I’m not advocating you follow this list just to impress guys…the spiritual rewards and increased intimacy in your relationship with God for adhering to many of these principles is a tremendous reward in itself. Keep up the great work ladies, we men are praying for you.

  • Dear Alex& Brett :
    First of all, thank you so much for this article! By far it is my favorite on y’all’s site 🙂 I have a really quick question –> (and i know you both are extremly busy, BUT) There is a t-shirt contest going on at our homeschool group. I would love to use as much of this article that I can on the t-shirt, with the actual scripture underneath in italics. I can not give my real e-mail out, so therefore you can e-mail me the go-ahead to the e-mail of my comment, but it will not get to me 🙂 so sorry – security. But you can leave me a comment below mine (please).
    thanks ever so much!
    MUCH love in christ —
    abby Inns

  • Wonderful. So good to see clearly God’s will for a true woman. One question, about the “quiet”? I just would like to know what that means really? For example, what about passion God gives us, not romantic passion, but passion for the Lord’s work and wanting to reach out and spur others on?

  • hey Anna 🙂
    I’m certainly NOT alex or Brett, but I think I might have an answer:
    This is talking about how you portray yourself to the outside world. Are you characterized as someone who is boistrous and “loud” in what you wear, say, and act? This isn’t just talking about speech. If you have a passion for other’s and for a particular goal, you do indeed need to speak out — but in a way that does not portray you as loud or boistrus. So sorry if this is sounding all mixed up, 🙂 hope it helps!
    <3 Abby


  • that’s really hard! to speak out loudly for Jesus, but to not speak loudly about yourself. i’m definitely working on that! thanks Alex and Brett for posting that! it really helps to know what i should strive to be as a woman of God.

  • the fuuny thing, is a “real girl” is all of that which is living a biblical life style. thing about that. so a girl that apels to right and gody men or teenager is a girl that lives by a biblical life style.

  • the fuuny thing, is a “real girl” is all of that which is living a biblical life style. thing about that. so a girl that apels to right and gody men or teenager is a girl that lives by a biblical life style. and that true. really. hey if ya’ll don’t belive me look at a girl who lives a culture life style: feminest Por-choise and like pregnate before marrige

  • This is a great way to check the list of what we, as women and sisters of Christ, are to do not only for ourselves and the others around us, but for God too. He is watching everything we do and wants us to be the best that we can be while still honoring Him in all that we do and say. These “Three Teens” are great guidelines for every girl, though many who do not know Christ may not understand. Yet they are still good enough for, in my opinion, all girls and women to comprehend. Although some of them are difficult, if I might say for example the verse: “…uses her years of singleness to seek and serve God without distraction, and is content to leave the details of her future to Him.” (Psalm 73:25, Philippians 4:11) It is not that it isn’t clear in the instructions, but I don’t know how to live without somehow being ‘distracted’ by the people and things we see around us. This, I believe, is much harder nowadays than it was some thousand years ago, yet it’s still the same situation.
    As reading through some of the comments above, I realized that I am not the only one in this world striving to be the child of God that I was created to be. But it is still not a piece of cake; you’ve gotta actually try to be who you really feel God is calling you to be. He made you the way you are, yet the world has a great influence over our lives through TV shows/movies, music all the way to our friends and family. But with God’s help, perseverance and patience, we can be who we are meant to be.
    Unfortunately this is easier said than done. If you’re a really bad procrastinator, as I am, then you’ll find it more difficult to actually start what you plan to and it’s not always easy to do it. But that one little push by a friend, from family or the Bible can really help you get going. Also, if you find it hard to stay focused on one thing for a long period of time, also like me, keeping on track with what you intended to strive for in the first place will also be a challenge, but: “…with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26)
    I’ve believed this to be true for most of my life, yet it always seems to get me that I want to do something on my own; to see if I can really have independence and true success away from God, though I know in my heart that I cannot. He is the only thing that can lead me to my full potential and fulfillment; but I am the only thing blocking my way and path to doing so with Him. I know that I’m not the only person out here who feels like this, even though it seems like it where I am at this point (emotionally and geographically, lol) and hopefully this has helped somebody…
    [I’ve never actually posted something on a website or anything before…I hope this wasn’t too long or too outgoing for anyone. It’s simply my opinion and I figured that I could, at least once, get it out there. But to ask just one question: how can I change in a way that I am closer with God and become “A Real Woman”, yet still keep the relationships I have with my friends in order to, someday, show them the light?]

  • This is beautiful!!!!! makes me think how i act escpecially around the opposite sex and if i am striving to be honoring to God and hopefully my future marriage.
    Just wanted to say a little about what some ppl have said about the wedding dress not being what they think it should. I am not saying i think they are wrong in any sense. I think that throughout time cultures have changed. That is why girls don’t wear dresses and skirts everywhere they go now. I think it is important that girls can wear them and make themselves feel pretty. That is important. Some people may not feel comfortable showing their shoulders in a wedding dress. I think that if they have questions about it they should ask some men and ask if it would cause them to stumble. If some say “yes” then do something about. I think with a strapless it depends on the cut,style and how the girl wears it and also what her motive is.

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  • Php 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
    “REAL WOMAN” and “REAL MEN”, Christian bothers and sisters… We all have our work cut out for us… Now lets act.

    About that wedding dress… Ever heard that kind of wedding dress be called “the bath towel look”? Sometimes putting things in a humorous light helps people see the problem clearly.

  • “…uses her years of singleness to seek and serve God without distraction, and is content to leave the details of her future to Him.”

    I think that a lot of girls (I’m speaking for myself as well) worry about having the perfect husband and when or where they are going to meet him instead of leaving these details up to God. It is a good idea to remind ourselves that we can’t take control of our future, no matter how much we want to, that is a job that only God can do-and I am so thankful for that, for I know that if I tried to control my future it we all end up in a mess. (:

  • I dont like the idea of the words “real men’ or “real women”.This ostracises and causes despair and hurt to people who feel they dont fit into those standards/catagories.
    What would they then be called “not a real woman”?

    This is part of the reason why some people dont like Christianity is because some of things said can be extremely damaging to some people.

    It is the same as when large weight women say “big girls are REAL women”-it then causes hurt to naturally thin women because they feel belittled or shunned or ‘less then’,confused etc.Vice versa can happen when the media only promotes thin women as the ‘ideal’ woman and larger boned women as ‘fat’ or repulsive etc-this then causes hurt and self-doubt etc to the larger weight women.
    So instead of saying “A Real Woman” is can you please change it to “A guide for being a woman” or “A guide for women” or something else if you can think of something better idea.

    Also this verse that you put is twisting scripture
    “is not boisterous or loud in her speech or actions but is characterized by a gentle and quiet spirit. (Proverbs 9:13, 1 Peter 3:4)”
    The bible does not say that a woman must have quiet speech-it said for her to have a Quiet spirit-ie:not being contentious,domineering and bossy etc.
    Some women have outgoing personalities and speech which is loud and so do some cultures.They’re spirit is quiet/contentious though.
    Also some situations call for loud speech.
    i feel its important to point this out because when scripture is taken out of context/twisted (unintentionally of course,i mean no offense) it can sometimes actually lead to suppression of women instead of good.

  • Does it not bother anyone that we”re not allowed to be equal to guys? I love my femininity and I dress modestly and all that stuff. I believe in the differences between men and women… but to say tht we are not equal violates our rights as humans and its says in Romans 13: 1-7 to submit to govewrnment. So kudos to dressing modestly but in reality women can be just as important and worthy as men

  • Dear Rose, while reading the post that one trait took my attention and thought of the same thing. We are called “the weak vessel” because women in general are physically weaker than boys. I believe that it meant that in we shouldn’t compete with them in the things that they were created to do(e.g. leading a family). It definitely didn’t mean that we are lower to man.

  • More power to your elbows. May the Good Lord bless you abundantly for putting this together. I hope more young women will read this out of their own volition.

    Instead of looking what the media portrays as a modern day woman.

    Wow this is simply a master piece.

    Thanks for sharing

    Very Best Regards
    Kenneth M-W

  • A godly woman would not be ashamed of the Lord! She would act out & make a scene for the Lord & his glory & great power & honor! That’s all I have to say.

  • I agree with these attributes. I want all of them to be eminent in my heart and life, but know that that is not yet the case. I am rather shy and quite often people forget I’m in the room, and yet I do not have a gentle and quiet spirit, not a wit! I wish I did. I’m okay until something I don’t like happens, but then….watch out!

    I’m revealing this about myself to help the ladies realize that a gentle and quiet spirit does not mean that ladies shouldn’t talk often or above a whisper, like I, but rather that what they DO say should be edifying, patient, not unnecessarily disagreeable, and not be drawing attention to themselves.

    I would also like to speak to the ladies who don’t like the idea of being under/submissive to/subject to/whatever…to men. From what I understand from God’s word we are equal in Christ, but not equal in our respective roles. Let me explain. When we get to heaven God will reward His children according to their deeds. He won’t reward men more than women or vice-versa, He will reward them according to their deeds. In heaven I think we will be totally equal. On earth, however, we are not equal in every way. For example, some of roles that I believe women should not engage in but which are biblical for men are:

    1)preaching in church
    2)teaching or leading men in the workplace or elsewhere (young boys are okay)
    3)leading a household,

    The main scripture I can think of for these points is:

    1 Tim 2:12 But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet.

    Any of those three points would be exercising authority over men/a man.

    I would also add that I think women in this world [especially my country, the US 🙁 ] today aren’t looking to be equal to men, they seem to actually want to be superior. Like one lady posted, more standards were given for the men than the women. How than could anyone say that we are asked to be doormats or domestic machines when we are asking more of the men than two GIRLS and a guy are asking of us? If we want the men to follow their looong list, it is only fair and right that we try to follow our shorter list! Do any of you skeptical ladies not want the guys to behave in a “real man”ly way?

    Clearly the guys aren’t out to brainwash women. The women who posted this already wanted to do these things. They desired this lifestyle of their own accord.I want to follow it of my own accord as well.I think it would be impossibly to try to brainwash us into meeting these goals, anyway. The ideas listed are so “out of this world” and against our very nature that only God’s guidance could make us wish to follow them.

    I’m not trying to start a debate or saying that because I want to do this it’s easy…..I’m saying it’s WORTH IT! Please don’t put down the men because they find these feminine, Godly characteristics appealing. I respect them for finding good character more appealing than other things….

    Sorry this is long and perhaps a bit confusing. For once things are clearer in my head than on paper! 😛 Anyway, “thank you” to the people who used the verses to define real women. I hope I will grow through reading and re-reading them!!!

  • This can seriously convict you, and if DID convict me, and I think it convicted all who read it and made them want to work hard, or at least that’s what it did for me. I definitely will be working on this and praying about it. Amazing wake up call!!! Thanks so much!

  • I’ve had the honor of knowing several girls that measure up to this standard: it is both possible and incredibly God honoring.

  • Although this post is a few years old. I also have to comment. First I applaud attitudes of the young people on this blog regarding following Christ rather than give in to peer pressure of the cultural modern times. And I find most of the posts written with wisdom, class and maturity.

    As for the this post on what a real woman is I tend to have mixed feelings. One one I agree most of those lists. On another hand I do feel some of it puts pressure on some women to perfect. The reality no one will be able to meet all those standards listed all the time as we are all human. I say this having read other blogs on similiar topics regarding godly women or godly wives and can’t help feel that they sometimes put too much pressure on themselves to be this perfect woman or wife and some of the lists they mention almost sounds rather sugery sweet and nauseating. Women don’t have to perfect saintly figues to be good christian women those who strive to be good and follow christ try to improve any imperfections and learn from their mistakes but excepts that they’re flawed like everyone else.

    I also wanted to make points on some of the statements on the list. Regarding fathers, believe both male and female should respect the authority of both parents as in children obey your parents and honor thy mother and father. Even in adulthood people should still honor and respect their parentsts, however parents should cut the apron strings and accept the fact that their grown children need to figure out for themselves what path god wants to them to take and use their own god given talents in whatever calling that’s giving to them. They may stumble sometimes and go on the wrong path but they should trusts that they can find their way back on their own terms. Other words adults should leave their own lives in following christ. I say this because I have read many articles that seem to single out unmarried daugthers and fathers but say nothing about sons or the mothers role in authority which always kind of bugged me. Women shouldn’t have lessor roles in their parents eyes pluss both mothers and fathers on co-partners in parenting “joint heirs’. Her relationship to her husband is not the same as her father’s only in that his job is to love privide and protect her.

    Having read all the comments I wanted to add my two cents that those as well. First to those who complain of the photo of the bride in the strapless wedding gown, I see nothing immodest about it. Many women can look classy and elegant gowns that show bare shoulders. I see this as part of two extremes where women dress too revealing and those who take modesty too far in looking for immodesty in something that is completely innocent. There is needs to be balance where women can look sexy yet in a classy way rather than trashy. As long as the cleaverage is showing than bare shoulders shouldn’t matter. Regarding Keeli’s comments on ladylike, I disagree being a lady should be great goal to have because it’s so lacking in soceity now, but being ladylike has evolved from the victorian era. Rather than rigid rules a lady now can play sports, wear pants, let their hair down and have fun and basicly seek in goals she choses. Being lady today is more about attitude and character and holding yourself to certain standards and and code of conduct along with self-respect, self-dignity and self-worth.

    As for those who say this topic is sexist and others who think women shouldnt’ try to be equal to men both are wrong. First women are equal to men under god, the law in worth in value. They have equal rights and acess in education, workforce, protection and other organizations in society. There shouldn’t be any discrimantionin society. However I agree they are not entirely the same, we have many differences and these makes the sexes complement each other. I even go as far to say there is no absolute equality due to biological differences. Men are physically superior in strength and builit, women get pregnant etc. there are certain areas where the two sexes shouldn’t compete because of these differences. As for marriage, I feel very strongly that many people take the bible out of context to put too much restrictions on women that weren’t there. First I have to disagree with Faith of the equal under god and unequal in roles idea. Husbands and wives have equal but some differing roles. The husband is the spiritual leader that mean he has duty of lead the wife spirituality in following christ, not authority to rule over her and the wife submits to this type of leadership but she’s not subserviant. Women was made by Adam’s rid to be equal to him and by his side. The husband is to love his wife as he loves his own body, they are one flesh and joint heirs. In other words they are equals in marriage with different roles. Submission doesn’t mean mere obediance, but to voluntarity yield oneself to another out of love. Husbands are also to submit to their wives’ needs and wellbeing, as Jesus submitted when he died for all our sins, he willingly makes sacrifices for her and sometimes puts her needs ahead of his own. submit to one another out of reverence. We should all submit to the needs of others as brothers and sisters of christ be it relatives, friends, neighbors etc. As for gender roles, a lot of people see the “Leave It To Beaver” type of lifestyle as bibical but that’s not true. Some mistake the keeper of the home to mean housewife when the Greek word oikorous means guadian and watcher of the home, one who watchers over her household affairs. Paul was referring to housewives of that time who were neglecting their housework by being idle visiting homes and gossiping. Plus many bibical women did work. Lydia, a purple seller, Deborah, leader judge, Priscilla, tent maker and taught the Apollos, plus the Proverbs woman who had her own business, hired servants. Whether a woman is a housewife or a working wife and mom her first priority is her family, if she works she needs to find the right balance between her job and motherhood including making sacrifice(working less hours, working from home). However children do grow up and women then have more time to concentrate on their careers but still shouldn’t neglect her marriage the same goes for husbands. Also people wrongly believe housework and child raising is the mother’s work but husbands have responsiblits in the home too even if that means diving the housework and sometimes tending to the children if the wife works. I lastly disagree with Faith that women can’t have authority over men at all. Many believe that verses are referring in the home and church(I have my own views on the church though) but women can be bosses professors who teach men in college. Deborah was a leader and judge and proved women can be leaders in society.

  • I disagree with the part in the post where you said that women should not strive for equality with men. We were created differently and women should be in submission to their husbands (as all Christians should be to each other) but this does not mean that women are less important. if anyone can find a verse in the bible which states otherwise then I shall be very surprised.
    Also, the post states that women should have a ‘quiet and gentle spirit’. I agree with this but I don’t think this means that women should be quiet people. It’s great if a women is loud and fun to be around, so long as they are not angry inside.

  • Just wanted to leave a thank-you for posting this and for choosing to stand up for your faith and beliefs. You (Philip, Heidi, and Maria) make a really good point, and I speak on behalf of all us ladies when I say “Thanks so much”. There’s no way that I would ever be able to stand up for something like that; God’s working in me every day, though, and when I find helpful posts like this, it encourages me to become bolder and bolder in my faith and ministry. Thanks again for writing such a profound truth.

  • I wish all girls could be like that. When I go into the mall, I see a lot of inmodesty. A teacher once told me “to bounce my eyes”. When I see something inmodest, I just look away. But sometimes it is really hard. I’ve been trying to look at a girl for what she is, instead of her outside appearance. Thanks!

  • I love this!!!! I just turned 13 this past June and have been thinking a lot lately about the differences between the way I sometimes want to live my teen years and the way God wants me to live my teen years. This is an amazing post and I think it truly defines who Christian women are called to be. This is definitely how I want to live now so I can live the way I need to in the future! Oh boy, am I gonna need God’s help. (I’m so excited!!!)

  • WOW!!! I have a LOT to work on!!!!! I am going to share this with the girls at my youth group!!! Thank you so much for posting this!!!!!

  • As a girl, I always hated being compared how a woman should be when they stated “a gentle and quiet spirit”. I was never quite considered “gentle” because I grew up with only brothers, and with a mom that was often very busy. So, loving sports and adventure is what came naturally. And as for quiet, I used to be very shy, then grew out of it, to become this opinionated, bubbly, humorous person. “Gentle and quiet spirit” made me insecure. But looking into the Bible, I’ve found that the translation from “gentle” comes from “meek”, or humble. So, women aren’t called to just sit there painting their nails and such because it is “gentle”, but we are called to be humble! Plus, the translation from “quiet” comes from “peaceful”. And every one of us is called to have the peace of God! So if there are girls out there that think they aren’t real women, know that God loves us, no matter how loud we are! We ALL should be humble and peaceful. Correct me if I’m wrong with these translations, because I’m definitely not a Hebrew scholar! 🙂

  • Wow, I just read through both the girl’s and guy’s list and couldn’t help but wish for that. So many times girls are looking for “Mr. Right” without making sure they’re God’s version of a “Mrs. Right.” This was so encouraging to see both guys and girls striving to be the real man or woman they were always meant to be. If you haven’t already done so, I’d encourage you to keep these lists close at hand as a reminder and to continue to add to them as you’re reading through the Bible (I know that’s been really helpful for me.) Encourage these characteristics in your brothers and sisters, affirmation does means more than you know.

  • Wow, this is an encouragement! Although I know for a fact, I will never be perfect or a complete “real woman” but it is something to strive for. I have never been a super quiet or gentle kind of girl, it’s just not how I am. lol It is sometimes hard to act “lady like” or “proper”, and I don’t think that it is necessarily wrong to be like that, but this list is something I should try to strive for. I am really encouraged by this. Thanks. God Bless.
    ~Rose <3

  • Why is it that the man’s version is all about him being able to be a strong leader and a contributing member to public society, but the woman’s one is all about her being timid and unhearable (where as a man isn’t a real man unless he is capable of speaking up, a woman isn’t a real woman unless she is silent? Even if she would make the same good points as a man?) and all about her precious verginity? How come I didn’t see anything about the sacredness of a man’s premarital virginity in “the real man” blog?

  • First of all, this is a really great article! Thank you for posting it here! I really enjoyed it.

    Secondly, I am NOT a feminist; I am a Bible-believing Christian teenager (and a member of the forums). However, I have a bit a concern with “A real woman …does not compete for equality with men or chafe at God’s design for male and female, but delights in and understands the importance of her calling to complement man’s role. (1 Timothy 2:11-12, Ephesians 5:22-24)”

    It’s always been my understanding that women are men’s equals, though we are very different in our roles. Eve was taken from Adam’s side, not his foot or his leg. I do believe that women are called to be under man’s authority, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t equal to men! (That also doesn’t mean that guys can lord over us and rule us with an iron fist, by the way.) I get the second part of what you are saying, about God’s design for male and female, and a complementarian view of marriage. I totally agree!! I’m only concerned about what seemed like an implication that you view women as inferior to men. Women can be equal, yet still under man’s authority. I think that’s the beauty of God’s design for marriage!

    Thanks for reading! I hope this makes sense… 🙂

    In Christ, Jessica

    P.S. I love the image from Wives and Daughters! That’s an awesome movie! 🙂

  • hey. i am both happy, and also a little upset and
    embarressed at myself, but up untill recently, i had a completely
    wring veiw of women. i wont go into any details, but i used to
    think that “good” women were women that pleased you, and that were
    beautiful on the outside. however, i have recently changed that
    veiw, and i now sincerely beleive that a good woman is a woman who
    will stand by your side, no matter what trials occur in your life.
    that is the kind of woman that i want for my self, and think that
    that is what other guys should be looking for in a woman. once
    again, if you have any queestions or comments on my posts, shoot me
    an email at one of two email addresses. [email protected] or,
    [email protected] thanks. and remember: I Tim. 4:12! it is
    such a good verse!

  • I am in the middle of Brett and Alex’s book, Do Hard Things. Although I’m 19, almost 20, I’ve quickly begun realizing through reading it that I’ve got some growing up to do, and some challenges and fears to face. I’ve also been learning a lot more about my relationship with God and the importance of His word.
    My best friend just got into a relationship with this guy. They’re two very good people who I’m extremely happy for. But through it I’ve realized that through my past years of rejection and abuse through dating I havnt got the right understanding of women and relationships.
    That understanding is starting to change, by God’s grace. This list is very helpful. To guys out there, there are girls out there like this. And although it seems hard to believe (even to me), there are also guys described in the corresponding list out there.

    Thanks for the help, hope, and encouragement.


  • Hi Alex and Brett,

    i loved the real woman post. it helped alot in a lot of ways.. but i’m still stuck, how do i treat a christain gentleman that i email? i have permission from my parents and his, and i’ve prayed about it, and got the all clear but i’ve never emailed a guy before. i treat him like a guy, not a future husband. he is a good friend but it feels like i’m missing something, i don’t know what..


  • Okay, I have a question about this. I agree with most of the things on this list. Most of which I need to work on. However, there is one I’m not so sure about. “a real woman is not boisterous or loud in her speech or actions but is characterized by a gentle and quiet spirit. (Proverbs 9:13, 1 Peter 3:4)” I looked up the verses in my Bible and I’m still confused. See, I’m naturally a very loud person. I always have been. I’m loud when I talk, when I sing, even my laugh is loud. I also play volleyball and I’m extremely loud on the court. Is that really a problem? Can I still be a “real woman” and be “real loud”? Some of the most Godly women I know are also some of the loudest women I know. Whether at sporting events or just plain having fun. I don’t see how as women, we’re supposed to be quiet all the time…? It’s just not me. I believe that God designed me with my loud, outgoing personality and I don’t see it as a problem to be loud. I mean, obviously there is a time and a place for everything and I can very easily be quiet when needed. However, as a general rule it is not something I practice. So again I ask, can I be a “real woman” and still be “real loud”?

  • Dear Miss Donahue,
    I have a naturally outgoing and loud personality like you, and so I figured that I could somewhat relate to your ‘problem’. As women, we were created to be meek and quiet. I know that for some of us, that will come easier because our personalities are more quiet and shy, but we cannot blame our boisterous and loud tendency on our personality. For instance, my Mom is very quiet and yet has a lot of wisdom and she is able to communicate this to encourage or admonish a fellow sister in Christ or her daughters and yet, she does it without being loud. however, unlike my mom, I am just the opposite, I will speak whatever comes to mind and rarely think twice about whether it is offending the listener. When my mom would try and talk to me about it I would just reply with the reason that I was just naturally loud and there was nothing I could do about that! Just because I was ‘born’ with that or was just ‘naturally’ loud dosen’t mean I can’t try and being more careful about when I laugh or talk to be more quiet. My advice to you would be to try and the next time you are going to talk or sing or even be around someone else (including your family), try and ‘make it a general rule’ to be meek and quiet. I’m not saying that you can’t laugh or talk, but do we really have to answer to EVERY thing one of our friends says? or every time someone says something comical do we really have to laugh THAT loud? or when your singing ( in a group especially:) do we really need to make our voices the ONLY one heard?? I am not perfect in any regard concerning any of these matters, but because of Christ, I have overcome some points in which I was definitely not meek and quiet, and would strongly encourage you to talk to your mom about this matter, she will be able to help you understand these verses better and encourage you. Most importantly I strongly encourage you to talk to your Heavenly Father, he knows everything about you, your strong points and your weak ones and will be by you every step of the way as you seek to become more like the Meek and Quiet woman. I pray that this advice will help you as best as I could write it and would love for you to comment if it helped you. Thank you and God bless!
    A fellow sister in Christ, Miss Hannah D.

  • Miss Hannah D.
    Thanks for the advice. I understand what you’re saying, but I guess I didn’t really explain myself well… I don’t have a problem with keeping my mouth shut when I know I shouldn’t say something. And I always try to think before I speak and I can listen well to others. But I guess here is my main question, why can’t I laugh at everything I think my is funny? I mean, if it isn’t an inappropriate joke or anything and its just a good clean joke, why can’t I laugh?

    I am extremely close to my pastor and he has been a family friend for a long time. I actually call him Uncle Tom. Anyway, I spoke with him about this and he explained it to me very well. The way he explained it was this, that the women who are “loud and boisterous” aren’t those who are naturally loud in their speech, but more so those who have an arrogant way about them. They desire attention and they have “loud” actions to get that attention. They might be silent yet their actions are louder than any words ever could be. I tend to agree with this view because I simply do not see that being loud is a sin, or that it is wrong in any way.

    I understand that sometimes I need to hold my tongue more often, and I will try to do that. But in the same sense, as a general rule I still don’t see the wrongfulness in being loud. I enjoy running around the house with my 3 year old little brother, and we can get quite loud sometimes. Also playing outside, or singing in my car… All of these things I can become quite loud, but truthfully, I enjoy these activities more when I can just let go and be free and enjoy the voice that God gave me!

    Thanks again for the advice, I hope I explained my view better. 🙂

    In Christ, Lauren

    • you if you have to hold your tongue, so does the man. being loud isn’t a sin for either gender. it’s best to get advice about being a woman from an actual woman, not a man. if women are seen as unpleasant by telling men what to do, shouldn’t it be the other way around too?

      • Hey, I’m one of the authors and I thank you for pointing out some of the disgusting sexism that this piece is full of. It was written 21 years ago when my sister and I were locked in an oppressive patriarchal religion. Happy to say that we are out now! I have asked to have this article removed, we’ll see what happens.

  • Wow I totally agree… If all girls could strive for such virtues, the world would be different! I can only hope that my own life reflects them… Thanks so much for posting the list; they have been really helpful as I examine my life and try to become more like Christ. Thanks for the encouragement!

  • Lauren D.,
    Yes I understand you position very clearly now, and even better as you explained what your pastor said. It was very encouraging. (P.S: I also have an almost 3 year old brother and we get loud too:) And also, I hope you don’t think that I am some peaceful, quiet easy going girl…. because on the contrary I am just like you… Thanks for replying.
    In Christ, Miss Hannah

  • Wow this is good stuff:) It’s pretty hard to live up to all the standards, but God will help us. The one that appealed to me was: “A real woman…does not relate to members of the opposite sex in a flirtatious or forward manner, but instead saves all her passion for her future husband.” And “is content to leave the details of her future to God.”
    But about this one: “A real woman…does not compete for equality with men or chafe at God’s design for male and female, but delights in and understands the importance of her calling to complement man’s role.”
    I do sports and try to improve my physical condition. During that, I compete with guys. Is this what is meant in this verse?

  • Noah,

    I am a guy, but I think I can still answer your question.

    In sports, I don’t believe that you would be competeing with a man’s role. After all, what is man’s role? Generally speaking, it is to lead. I think the “A Real Man” post covers a man’s role in more depth. Man is to lead in battle, lead his family, and lead a church. Those roles are not to be held by a woman.

    However, in a family, a man’s wife is his partner. They are not equals, but they are partners. The way my parents described it to me was that each person has different traits to bring to the table. One is not complete without the other, but they are certianly not the same. As a leader, the man has the final say on a decision and his wife is called to honor that decision.

    Once this difference in roles is established, then it becomes easier to see that the one is not to infringe upon the other’s position. For example, woman is not to compete for her husband’s role of leadership (which is very common nowadays). There is a mutuial respect for each other. Each one supports the other. A man protects and provides for his wife and family. His wife maintains an orderly home (I am pretty sure Proverbs talks about this. I’ll have to look it up later.).

    Anyways, I was just trying to lay out a few differences between the roles. They are entirely different. As sports goes, if your just haveing fun and getting some exercise, I don’t think your competeing with a man’s “role”.

    Definately talk with your parents about it to see what they say.

    I hope that wasn’t confusing! 🙂

    A brother in Christ,


    • That is sexist. A woman can be a leader and a man can be her partner. the man should not have the final say, because that’s stomping over the woman’s authority and putting the man in the position of superiority over the woman. what if the man’s wife can lead and provide better for the family? what if the man is okay with the wife being in charge? why cant they both be in charge and have the finally say. If women and men are not equal are you in fact saying that women are inferior to the man?

      • Hey, I’m one of the authors and am thrilled to say that this list is awful, and I thank you for pointing out the disgusting sexism that this piece is full of. It was written 21 years ago when my sister and I were locked in an oppressive patriarchal religion. Happy to say that we are out now! I have asked to have this article removed, we’ll see what happens.

  • I new i was gonna need some work, after i read the guys one! Seriously tho… whats the best way to help myself not to give up, any ideas?
    Jenna 16

  • Jenna – the best way not to give up is to forgive yourself for not being all of these things all the time.

    According to this list I am a terrible woman –
    * I am a public school theater teacher and often at the end of a long day I come home feeling distressed and aggravated and will vent to my husband: so much for always radiating cheerfulness and joy.
    * I am also responsible for building and painting sets and often come to school dressed in jeans and a t-shirt so I am ready to power drill and saw and sand: so much for expressing my femininity at all times.
    * I also spend a good deal of time shouting over crowds to be heard during rehearsal, dancing, and am generally enthusiastic and boisterous in class: so much for a gentle and quiet spirit.
    *I also demand to be paid as much as my male counterparts: so much for not seeking equality.
    * I wore a strapless dress at my wedding, I dated a little before I married the man God intended for me, I am currently 6 months pregnant and wore a swimsuit in public to get my exercise this morning: so much for modesty in all things
    – Good grief, it is amazing I can be considered a Christian woman at all!

    I find it disturbing that the authors indicated that maintaining your virginity until marriage goes for the guys too, implying that none of the rest of the list applies to men. Interesting.

    • Hey, I’m one of the authors and am thrilled to say that this list is awful. It was written 21 years ago when my sister and I were locked in an oppressive patriarchal religion. Happy to say that we are out now! I have asked to have this article removed, we’ll see what happens.

  • I like a good bit of this list, but I pray that my two daughters will grow up to be Godly women like Deborah the teacher, leader and judge of Israel. Or, maybe the first proclaimers of the Good News, the women who witnessed the resurrection and, at God’s leading, spread the news. Or maybe Aquilla, who along with her husband, instructed the great preacher Apollos in the faith…

  • Wow, what an amazing post! Just reading this helps me to understand that without God, we girls could never be everything on this list, but with Him all things are possible!

    God bless you!

  • This is wonderful… but I, in my imperfections, will never live up to this list. This is the definition of a women as good sees her, yet us on earth will fail again and again while striving to reach these goals. So, rather than letting this be our goal, if we make God our goal, I think that’s the one overarching quality a real woman has to have: to want to love and seek God with all her heart. And despite our failures, that’s perfect in God’s sight.

  • @Annie C….Okay, I know this is way out of date, but I wanted to thank you. For my whole life I have struggled with the issue of “women submitting to their husbands” and becoming that perfect little housewife. I have to admit, I think it’s sexist and unBiblical and unfair for men to have all the power and women to have nothing. But the way you put it, that although women were created second and are supposed to submit to their husbands, it is an illustration of the church loving Christ, not an oppression. I think that what women need to remember is that the world would be nowhere without us. Look at all the powerful (and evil) queens in history who have changed so much. Look at Abigail Adams, Florence Nightingale, JK Rowling, even first ladies like Eleanor Roosevelt and Martha Washington. Women are NOT powerless. Yes, in history we have often taken a backseat, because the men have shoved us aside, but they would be nowhere without us. We truly are the “crown of humanity,” and not because we make nice homes and nice dinners, but because we have maturity, strength, intelligence, beauty, and wisdom that men do not and will never have. All you troll commenters, let go of your hate. Yes, the list is a bit sexist, but it contains references from verses written in the times when women were oppressed. Our job is to take those verses and transmute them into modern times – where women love others, have strength of both mind and body, are gifted with the wisdom and power to change a world, a school, or a life, and – dare I say it – can do any stinkin’ thing that men can do, if they so desire, and most of them better.

    🙂 God be with you.

  • this is very challenging. i wear jeans and tee shirts almost every day the only time i wear dresses are when my ma shoves me into one on Easter. IS THIS CONSIDERED IMMODEST? i love the way i look but if its for God of course i will change but i think any guy should love me for being me. My bff is pentecostal (wears dresses dont cut hair etc.) IS SHE BEING MORE MODEST THAN ME? this article mainly talks about the earthly look WHAT ABOUT OUR HEART? IS IT WRONG TO SAY I LOVE YA TO A HOBO WHEN MEANING IN CHRIST? i like the wedding gown it looks modest and my view is it can look like that if it isnt to flashy.

    Promise me , o holy women of jerusalem not to awaken love until the time is right
    -Song of Songs 2:7

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  • I have a question about the “quiet” issue. I am a naturally quiet person, but I am not afraid to speak my mind when I feel like it is nessasary.
    When it is written in the Bible, “a real woman is not boisterous or loud in her speech or actions but is characterized by a gentle and quiet spirit. (Proverbs 9:13, 1 Peter 3:4)” does it mean woman have to be quiet all the time and never speak up for themselves? I am very confused and if any one could clear this up for me it would be wonderful. I have read prevoius comments on this matter, but I am still confused.
    God Bless!

  • Proverbs 6:25
    A real woman should also be captivating. Her quiet confidence and beauty, her natural sweetness and purity of heart and mind and body create an impression on all men of every type, because a real woman is someone that deep inside, every man desires, even the worst of all men see something so desirable in her, yet their lifestyle denies them the ability to understand how to treat her. We should delight in our ability to “Captivate” but not flaunt it because that ruins the real captivation.

  • To Sarah Elizabeth,
    I fully understand your dilemma, I am exactly the same as you, really quiet, but hard pressed to remain silent when there is something on my mind. Maybe you missed some of these other little definitions. they may help you to understand the time and the place for sharing your thoughts in an appropriate manner for a real woman.
    A real woman…
    …values the cultivation of her mind and diligently seeks after wisdom and knowledge. (Proverbs 22:17-21, 2:2-6)
    …restrains herself from listening to, or participating in gossip, but instead speaks with wisdom and discretion. (Proverbs 11:12-13, 22, 20:19, 3:11
    …encourages and builds up those around her instead of criticizing and tearing them down. (1 Thessalonians 5:11, Ephesians 4:29)
    God Bless You Sarah, dont be afraid to share your God given wisdom or your well cultivated mind!

  • As a Christian woman who strives every day to be a better person and Christian, this article made me cringe. A lot of those verses were taken out of context and a lot of the interpretations are flawed. I’m not saying I know everything, but there’s more to a woman than being a mousey, modest, shadow of a man. There is nothing wrong with a woman holding a job, doing “masculine” things, and (oh, heaven forbid!) speaking her mind. I believe God intended women to be equal with men. Men, you want my help by being modest? Then I expect you to also be modest. You want me to be a knowledgeable, God fearing woman? Than don’t get offended when I speak my mind and every now and then prove you wrong. I decided to look up in Strong’s Concordance what “help meet” means. Basically, it’s just a different way of saying “one who helps”. The Hebrew word “ezer” is also used to describe God. God doesn’t do anything and everything he can to make us happy and comfortable; he helps us when we need it. God is a leader, but also a helper and if I am to live a Christ-like life, then the way I see this is that women can lead, but should be willing to help others (including men) when needed. The Proverbs 31 woman is a working woman who dresses fabulously. Go re-read it with a different mind-set and you just might see that. Men, if your job doesn’t pay enough to keep your family in a comfortable living situation, you’re sinning by being prideful when you won’t let your wife go out and work. You want the help of a women, but you’re too prideful to accept that help. Women, you are not inferior to men the way some Christians say, nor are you the object the world says you are. Put on your big girl pants (yes, pants…they’re more modest than skirts), and be the equal to men that God made you to be.

    • Ya know…that list did not at all say that women are to be shadows or that we are under men. It didn’t hurt or insult us or take away our rights. I will say that I love pants but only when they ‘re modest (sometimes a skirt can be more modest then a pair of pants). Of course we’re equel in God’s eyes – we are his children- but he also created us differently with different roles. Does this mean that women can’t have jobs, of course not ! However, it does mean that we are to embrace our roles and not be ashamed of them! Please do not criticize a woman who quits her job so that she can raise her children herself instead of paying a nanny to raise them. For that woman, I have respect.

      • but what if that woman doesn’t want to have children or get married. its like a double standard. truth of the matter is that we are not equal. I believe that it shouldn’t always be a man being the head of the house, going to work and providing for the family. women can do that too. and vice versa.

        • Here is what I believe, Mika, that we really are equal in the eyes of God. He made us and loves us. He doesn’t prefere one gender over the other. I also believe every person has a choice ; you can decide to get married and have kids or you can decide to go for a career or do both . If a woman doesn’t want to get married and have kids, that’s fine. Not all people are destined to be married. Paul wasn’t. You can most certainly do something else for God’s glory if He’s calling you to do that. However , there is nothing wrong with the former option, and being a stay- at- home mom is nothing to be ashamed of. I have just as much respect if not more for women that take the responsibility and care of their own kids seriously because it shows that they are more concerned with the health and happiness of their family then they are to being known in the work force. However, for the single , working moms out there that are supporting their kids and themselves, I take my hat off to them too because they are also concerned with the happiness and health and future of their kids and must work to ensure that. If finances are good and the mother is not compelled to work to help take care of bills and such then there is no other reason for her to work other than if she is doing something that she loves, as long as her family is not neglected. If you want to have a career and a family , cool, go for it, but just take precaution that the family is not being neglected.

  • Following research several with the weblog posts on your web-site now, and I certainly like your way of blogging. I bookmarked it to my bookmark web site list and is going to be checking back quickly. Pls check out my web website too and let me know what you consider.

  • I like that you mentioned these characteristics. In general, I agree with them, and I thank you for posting this. However, there was one thing that caught my eye and made me question something. It is this:

    “…is not boisterous or loud in her speech or actions but is characterized by a gentle and quiet spirit. (Proverbs 9:13, 1 Peter 3:4)”

    Does this mean that we as women cannot be loud or excited? I know a beautiful girl who is loud and crazy but she has a beautiful spirit and a really special relationship with God.

    I would appreciate if you got back to me. Thanks so much!

    In Christ,

    Rachel =)

  • I would like to thnkx for the efforts you have put in writing this website. I am hoping the same high-grade web site post from you in the upcoming as well. Actually your creative writing skills has inspired me to get my own web site now. Actually the blogging is spreading its wings quickly. Your write up is a great example of it.

  • make blog out of the company or…

    a specific product and publish it online. in that way, they get free advertising and when the blog becomes popular businesses will sponsor them.affiliate marketingsome businesses use people to let their products be known. a product is introduced to pro…

  • Does your site have a contact page? I’m having problems locating it but, I’d like to send you an e-mail. I’ve got some recommendations for your blog you might be interested in hearing. Either way, great blog and I look forward to seeing it develop over time.

  • Hi there! This is kind of off topic but I need some guidance from an established blog. Is it very hard to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty fast. I’m thinking about setting up my own but I’m not sure where to begin. Do you have any ideas or suggestions? Many thanks

  • god has made us to bring him glory and to be a help meet,we sould charish this job,even tho im onley 12 yrs old my mother has already taught me how to be a proverbs 31 woman…im not very good at it yet,but i know that i should try my best to do what god desiened me for.. also i want to thank alex and brett for writing’do hard things’ and setting up the modesty survey,i would also like to thank the guys for letting me know really what it is that they think about certain articles of clothing ect… thank you alex!!!!!thank you brett!!!!! and thank you guys!!!!!

  • Thank you for creating this. I am only 11 years old so I will have plenty of time to study this and become “realer”.

    Can someone tell me how to print this thing from a laptop?


  • This website has male pride written all over it. Since the Fall, men have usurped God’s authority and have set themselves up as ‘lords’ over women – the other half of God’s creation. This is nothing but idolatry and it’s an abomination to God! You disregard the teachings of Jesus and flaunt your own man-made agenda. How dare you put yourselves between women and their real Lord, you ought to be ashamed of yourselves. God shares His glory with no one!

  • i have a word of advice to all of y’all. build close relationships with your mom,you need it , especialy if she is a christian,and a “real’ woman. It helps to become a real woman if you have a real woman to look up to,build a relationship with her built on trust,loyalty,and Jesus Christ. Be with your mother,she can show you,and teach you how to be a real woman. Tell her your secrets,be best friends,show interest in her projects,and she’ll become interested in yours,trust me ,im still buiding my own relationships and there are some bumps on the road,but push on. And never give up. Even if she gives up on you,just remember as cry alone. Jesus loves you,he’s with you know,never forget that

  • this is just a beautiful guide line to follow! dear ‘Syd’, that is so awsome! you are so young,i think it is really cool that you are on here,how did you find out about this website at so young an age? i am younger myself,12. i found out about this site when i read the book ‘Do Hard Things’ that a friend gave me. how did you?

  • @ Moz, what do you have against the Harris brothers? I’ve been to their conference, read their books and have followed their blog for a couple years now and have never found anything contrary to the Bible. I don’t think this post is meant to say that men are lords over women, or that they should be. check out their post about a real man, they hold themselves to just as high of a standard!
    As for “flaunting their own man- made agenda”, did you notice the scripture references backing up everything they said in this post? They didn’t make up what they’re saying. Saying that they are putting themselves on the same level as God is a wrongful accusation, especially if you’re only saying it because you don’t like the way that their blog defines godly womanhood. Perhaps you have a different definition you would like to share? That might be a better approach then attacking Alex and Brett.

  • I think it is great that people are still commenting on this, years after it was posted! ^_^ It just shows how truly important a message it is. Thank you for posting this! I appreciate it because it is calling women to stand up to their full potential femininity and to live a godly life. I think that when women spend time striving to bring attention to themselves, it is time wasted that could be focused on God. But when, as a girl, you read scripture, and see the role that God has privileged women with, and strive to honor that role, I think it brings so much more glory to God! And when you live a feminine lifestyle, as opposed to a gaudy, boisterous one, it protects you from so much junk that you could get caught up in if you follow the general trend that defines what makes you acceptable to the culture.
    I am printing this and putting it up on my wall! Thanks again!

  • Question from an artist who cares nothing about the war between the sexes one way or the other: the picture of the girl with the little white deer, it looks like a Waterhouse painting. Is it?

  • I didn’t know if i should comment because most of the comments on here are pretty old but I saw that the last wasn’t all that long ago, so why not?

    It’s pretty sad to see women arguing over what they are allowed or not allowed to wear. You’re not seeing what’s really important here. (But while on topic, I think girls and guys really have the same standard on this – guys are usually just as covered, if not more so, than girls in my opinion. But really, we should all seek to please only God in how we dress, and if we do that, I don’t see how this could be a problem. It’s all about your heart and that reflects on your outside manner and style.)

    First of all, we (men and women) are equal to God. We were created equal, but it seems many people misunderstand most of the points that have been put up. This has been said by other commenters and explained better, but the main point is; we are equal with different roles.

    Those who’re all “be independent, own your body blah blah”, there is no such thing as an independent person. It doesn’t exist. You’ve also misunderstanding being “submissive” and submitting to authority. (Probably from all the BDSM filth going around, but I’ll get to the ‘s’ word in a second). READ Galatians 3:28-29; “In Christ’s family there can be no division into Jew and non-Jew, slave and free, male and female. Among us you are all equal. That is, we are all in a common relationship with Jesus Christ. Also, since you are Christ’s family, then you are Abraham’s famous “descendant,” heirs according to the covenant promises.”

    And read the WHOLE passage here:
    21 Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. (Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.)
    22-24 Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.

    25-28 ***Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.
    Ephesians 5:20-28

    Anyway, if you’ve read the blog post on men being gentlemen, I think we women can offer the same courtesy to our husbands (as men are supposed to be gentlemanly towards every woman!).

    Ladies, our husbands are supposed to love us and treat us as Jesus himself does his church.
    Read Philippians 2:5-8 5
    “In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
    6 Who, being in very nature God,
    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
    7 rather, he made himself nothing
    by taking the very nature of a servant…”

    Should us ladies have trouble submitting to a man who considers himself a servant to us? We have to submit to one another. We are “one flesh”.

    I won’t say that I didn’t find it scary when I first read about having to submit to husbands, but people tend to ignore verse 21 of Ephesians 5 entirely, as well as the verses after. After I did a bit more research (as you can see), it clears things up.

  • I wanted to make an observation about the second point (where it talks about a woman’s “calling to complement a man’s role”). The Hebrew Old Testament term sometimes translated ‘helpmeet’ actually has a meaning more along the lines of ‘coworker.’ Therefore, if women are called to complement the man’s role, men are also called to complement the woman’s. They work and support each other TOGETHER, as opposed to the woman doing all the ‘complementing.’ Just wanted to point that out 🙂

  • I really love this True Women list even if there is some controversy over it. It’s sad though that almost all of the comments from the girls on this list are full of controversy while all the comments from the girls on the “True Men” list are full of praise. Don’t get me wrong , I love the True Men list, and like many of the girls that commented on that page I really appriciate True Men of God. Girls, why must it be like that though. Honestly, I did not find anything sexist in this list or any thing that degrades us. Also, a True Woman is called to be a feminine woman and not a feminist woman. After all, Christianity is just about the only religion out there that actually gives women respect and honor. So….let’s try to be true women who seek and long for God above all else and be the ladies that God intended for us to be. I for one, will try to rise to the level of True Woman.

  • Point six is troubling. For starters, I’ve read of several accounts in which a woman (18 or older) is not allowed to go to college, or get a job or do other things a legal adult should be able to do. Why? Because her family believes she is under her father’s authority until marriage. This is wrong. Second the idea that women should submit to their wives can be equally misused. Paul also writes about the husband loving the wife and Christ loved the church. Christ served and humbled himself. That sounds like mutual submission to me.

    I would suggest a better title be, “Some opinions of what a real woman: some based on dubious hermeneutics”

    • Thanks for commenting, Miles. I would agree that this represents the biblical interpretations of the authors — and each person needs to look up the relevant Scripture passages and decide for themselves whether these listed items truly follow from God’s Word.

      • Just fyi, at least two of the authors managed to escape the religion they were raised in, and now completely disagree with the entirety of this article.

    • Only point six is troubling? I am very glad to see that at least one person commenting here has a problem with this horrible article. I am one of the authors and managed to escape the oppressive religion I was raised in. I apologize for writing this.

  • A female/woman needs to remember that she is created for the man. The man was not created for her and does not complement her (she only complements him, which exposes the lie in the marketing of complementarianism). She also needs to remember that her value is about 1/2 of a man’s value (she is not equal).

  • since the biblical woman needs to not be boisterous, does this mean she cannot be bubbly and cheerful?

    • Absolutely. Being cheerful is ok, as long as she can keep herself in check and does not become silly. She should constantly modeling her behavior and attitude on the Lord Jesus. PS that was sarcasm. I am one of the authors. Managed to escape the oppressive religion I was raised in, and now completely disagree with this entire article.

  • A forward manner means outgoing, basically. According to this article, a woman should be responding to the men’s advances, not the other way around. I am one of the authors of this article, and happily managed to escape the oppressive religion in which I was raised. I now completely disagree with the entirety.

  • HI Alex and Brett, I’m one of the three authors of this article. I am respectfully requesting that you remove it. My sister Heidi and I managed to escape the oppressive religion in which we were raised, and now stand strongly for gender equality.

rebelling against low expectations

The Rebelution is a teenage rebellion against low expectations—a worldwide campaign to reject apathy, embrace responsibility, and do hard things. Learn More →