rebelling against low expectations

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Free To Be Modest


The following article by Nancy Leigh DeMoss is excerpted from the transcript of a May 2005 Revive Our Hearts radio program.

Before we get into the specifics of what’s right to wear, what’s wrong to wear, what looks modest, what looks immodest, we need to lay a foundation. I’ll tell you the starting place for all of us has to be answering this question: “Why do I live”?

What is my purpose in life? You know the answer: to glorify God. “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” That’s a foundational principle in life and we should come to the place where we can say, “My purpose in life is to please God rather than to please others.”

We have to come to the place where we recognize that our ultimate purpose, our supreme primary purpose for living is to make God happy.

[And] that affects everything about our lives, including this matter of clothing. It affects our motives. Why am I wearing this? Why do I like this outfit? Why do I like this look? Is it because I want to fit in? Is it because I want to be accepted; I want to be cool; I want to be popular?

You see, if I determine to live my life for the glory of God—that will affect why I wear what I wear. It will make me think about what I wear, not just go to the store and pick up whatever is the current style.

The Principle of Ownership

The principle of ownership means that my body does not belong to me. It’s not mine. Now, in the last thirty years we’ve had a huge emphasis on a woman’s right to her own body. It’s your body, you do what you want to with it.

Some girls have taken that philosophy to the extreme and have abused their bodies with eating disorders, with substance abuse, with drugs and alcohol. It’s my body; I can wreck it. I can trash it. You know, how sad to think how cheaply some girls consider their bodies.

But to recognize the principle of ownership is to recognize that my body is not my own. It’s not mine; it doesn’t belong to me (1 Cor. 6:19).

You know what, it doesn’t make God happy when you and I take these bodies He’s given us and give them to somebody that they don’t belong to. An immodestly dressed woman is giving away something that doesn’t belong to her. This principle of ownership means that you and I are not free to dress in any way we please.

We’re accountable to God. He owns us, and if you’re not a child of God that’s a principle that you’re not going to like. In fact, you won’t like any of these principles if you don’t belong to the Lord.

But if you are a child of God, you will find great comfort and security in the fact that you do belong to God, that your body is His. It means that you can trust that God will take good care of His property. It also means that you have a responsibility to take care of it.

The Principle of Lordship

Jesus is Lord over all. Ownership, then Lordship. Romans 14:9 tells us: “For this very reason Christ died and returned to life so that He might be the Lord of both the dead and the living.”

You know what it means when we say that Jesus is Lord. It means that God has the right to regulate every area of our lives, including what we wear.

So I want to ask you, “Who runs your life? Who’s your Lord?” Most of us would say, “Jesus is my Lord.” But when it comes down to what you wear, who’s your Lord?

Are you governed by fashion? Are you governed by the culture? Are you governed by your friends’ opinions or are you governed by Christ and His Word? Who is your Lord? You see, you and I are not to be enslaved to anything or anyone other than Jesus—to have any Lord other than Him is to be a slave.

The women who have adopted the world’s philosophy of fashion and clothing are not free. You’ll never be truly free until you’re free to do what God wants you to do regardless of what anything or anyone else dictates to you.

Closing Challenge

Could I ask, based on these principles, “Are you willing to make whatever changes may be necessary in any area of your life, including your clothing, in order to live out those principles, to live under the ownership of God, under the Lordship of Jesus Christ and as a citizen of the kingdom of heaven?”

Additional Modesty Resources
  • The Responsibility of Modesty (Part 2): Excerpted from the survey results, a 22-year-old Christian man shares an insightful analogy explaining the responsibility of women to protect their brothers in Christ.
  • The Purpose of Clothing: John Piper explains both the negative and positive messages God communicated by clothing Adam and Eve after they fell into sin.

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About the author

Alex and Brett Harris

are the co-founders of and co-authors of Do Hard Things and Start Here. They have a passion for God and for their generation. Their personal interests include politics, filmmaking, music, and basketball. They are both graduates of Patrick Henry College in Purcellville, Virginia.


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  • That was a great article. I don’t know how you find all this stuff. Thanks for posting it here. It is much more desirable to dress modest when I remember that ultimately doing it for God’s glory! 😀

  • I have been so blessed by your articles on modesty. Thank you so much! I’m hoping to do a post a little later today to link to these. I really appreciate the balance that’s been conveyed here. God bless you guys! I’m really looking forward to the Valentines Day release!

  • Guys, I have a question, when a girl dresses modestly, but acts immodestly do you still have the same moral struggles in your minds? And what exactly would you classify as acting immodestly? In my youth group were the girls and guys are very separate, like we NEVER talk to each other, and I would like to get to know some of them, but I don’t want to be flirtatious. I would be grateful for any response.

  • Grace: The Modesty Survey addresses the issue of whether girls can dress modestly but still be immodest because of their attitude and behavior. While the issue of what specifically constitutes flirting hasn’t been discussed (and will vary widely from person-to-person) many of the text responses from the modesty survey describe what individual guys see as immodest behavior. Just wait till Valentines Day! 🙂

  • That was a magnificent point that often I think girls ignore. I really liked the “Responsability of Madesty – Part 2” as well. It is so true. Our aim should not be “How close can I get to the line and not get in trouble?”, it should be “how can I best serve others and bring glory to God?”

    As a music group called “Nevertheless” says in the bridge of one of their songs:

    “We try to come as close as we can to what we
    can’t and not get caught, but, instead, let’s turn
    and run towards the light!”

    Let’s run towards the light!

    ~Lady Tai

  • I love the emphasis that Nancy Leigh Demoss puts on why we dress the way we do!! As a girls who claims to dress modestly (and my dad supports that claim :)) I have to say my whole reasoning behind it changed several months ago. I have to say I disagree with dressing “for a guy(s)” not matter if you are dressing modestly or not. We girls need to dress for Jesus, and as another girl commented (different post) and said (this is paraphrase) what I wear shouldn’t draw attention to me, but instead it should allow others to look past me and see Jesus. Dressing modestly helps the men around us see past us, but if we don’t take care how we dress, people won’t see past us because we are wearing clothes 2-sizes too big (frumpy) and 10 years old (out of style). *Note: not everything 10 years old is out of style, but there are some things that just didn’t keep up with the times :).

  • Great article. Nancy Leigh Demoss has a booklet also, called “The Look, Does God Really Care What I Wear?” I highly recommend it. My mom and I went through it last year and really gleaned a lot. 🙂

  • Great article! I am really enjoying the posts on modesty: they have been really helpful to me. 🙂 I am so excited about the survey coming out in 6 days! 😀

  • This is a response to Grace’s comment up above. Grace, I’ve spent many hours thinking of those same things. I finally posted on my blog about my thoughts from the research I’ve done on modesty. That research led me here and I have been very impressed with how this website has done with this subject. They have not said that dressing is the only thing that modesty is about, but it is part of it. How we dress sometimes affects the way we act. If we think about dressing to please God, we also try and think about making sure we also behave in a way to please God. Otherwise, we are canceling out the first decision. I’m not as good a writer as these boys are, but you can read my thoughts here:

    Brett and Alex, I’ve been praying for this survey since I found out about it. I think that God has placed me in a position to be a leader to the youth girls at our church specifically to show modesty. It has always come back to that whenever I talk to them. Not just modest clothing, but also modesty in behavior, speech, and thoughts. It is the way Christians are instructed to be in the Bible though it is never exactly put that way. Philippians 4:8 is one of my favorite verses during this time. It helps in how I see everything, from the way I dress to how I speak and act. Being a Christian isn’t easy sometimes, but I’m sure glad we have the Holy Spirit to help us out.

  • It’s been such a blessing to read about modesty! I first heard about your website through another home school classmate and he just point blank asked me if I valued modesty. I was rather taken aback since modesty hasn’t really been a huge conversational topic (especially since most girls complain about their shirts being too long!) and he pointed me towards you guys.

    It’s been such an encouragement to read your practical advice and also taking comfort in knowing that there still are true believers out there with high standers! It’s a very difficult battle to fight against pop culture on your own and it’s been really beneficial to read your blogs. I first started taking Modesty seriously on my own after I read your brother’s book, “I kissed dating good-bye.” Prior to that my parents instilled the value of having high standers for my behavior and appearance but recently I’ve been slightly discouraged and confused as to how to keep my standers so high. Thank you guys so much for the renewal of my standers and the refreshing encouragement!!!! May God’s blessing continually pour down on you and your family!

  • Thanks for the challenge at the end. I find myself all too often fallimg into the trap many other christian girls and women fall into. We all desire to be loved and cherished (read Captivating by John and Stasi Elrige), and when we see the immodest, blod women getting attention while we are wallflowers (quite literally) it really is a struggle to remain modest. I would just like to encourage all the guys out there, make friends with the girls at your church. Take the time and thought to compliment us when we look nice.

    As girls, we spend alot of time trying to look pretty, and that’s not a bad thing, cause God mace us to be beautiful (Captivating). But, as Christians, we are to remove stumblng blocks for our brothers. it is really hard to find a good balance betweem modesty and beauty. I know you guys appreciate modesty (just look at all the guys who responded to the survey). I would just encourage you to enbcourage us in our struggle with that. Just one or two kind words can be enough to keep us true to our commitments. Ii realize that our main support on this must be through our personal relationship with Christ, but just as we can help you in the way we dress, so can you help us in this way.

    And girls, I just want to tell you, I was really depressed the other day, and then I recieved this letter. I opened it (i love to get mail), and it was a love letter! and it said “I have loved you with an everlasting love.” I was so encouraged by my own personal love letter. To think that God though about me, and knew I was going to read this when He wrote it!
    Always remember, you are truly beautiful, because you were made by God, and God never makes mistakes, and He never makes anything bad.


  • You are wrong. Women do own their own bodies and promoting the idea that they don’t is both shocking and so completely bizarre.

    I hope that all of you start thinking about what you’re saying and what’s being said to you.

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    Apparently you can unlock Motorola mobile phones simply using the IMEI number, cutting out the need for a USB cable to link your phone to your PC. Just used it with my razr v3 and a rokr e1, and it certainly works, but what do i do now with an unlocked phone?
    It’s for sale at 5 Pounds (UK), and i was wondering whether anyone had used it before. Sorry if i’ve posted in the wrong section!. Please Help!!

  • That Principle of Ownership is awesome… if a woman is violated, the violator is not only responsible for violating the woman, but he also is held responsible to God for sinning against His child and His property.

    I am glad that we don’t have to be in bondage to this world an its fashion… i am glad that we are free under Christ’s blood.

    ~Elisabeth J. Gruber

  • Cycler-

    Hmm… read your bible lately? If you aren’t a christian at all, then, to tell the truth, you wouldn’t understand anyways. There’s a verse about christianity seeming crazy to nattrual/unspiritual men somewhere.

  • Wow! .. can I just say Wow!!!
    That was amazing!!
    Everything I read or hear about modesty they give you rules, and say everything that is modest and everything that isnt. They are all basically list.
    But you totally didnt do that!!! and they way that you approached it was different. And it made more sense to me then all the other things (aka. lists) I’ve heard about modesty.
    It was really convicted!!
    Your sis in Christ,

  • (I’m Elisabeth Gruber’s twin, if anyone is wondering why we hahve the same last name)

    Isn’t it just so overwhelmingly wonderful that we can serve a God as wonderful as Him? I mean, we don’t have to be in slavery to the world and it’s fashion and it’s concepts. That is so wonderful!

    Cycler– obviously, Christians and yourself do not seem to see eye to eye (based on several of your opinions in other articles). How is it that women own their bodies? Did they gather the materials to create their own bodies? Do they have ownership papers for themselves? I DON’T THINK SO. You see, all of us–yourself included, do NOT own themselves. The Lord owns us. We were created by Him, and belonged to Him. But when we royally messed up, we were taken by satan. And he had this big plan to kill everyone forever. BUT–we were bought back by Jesus. He loved us so much, he traded places with us. His love conquered the bonds of sin and death! We don’t have to suffer forever because of what he did for us!!! Don’t you want to have that kind of love? And if telling you about how God owns us isn’t enough, there are written accounts of it. In black and white. On paper. It is in the Bible look in the books of matthew, mark, luke, and john. Four accounts written by different guys who were there. (I ask this in the most respectful way possible: Do you havae any proof???)

    ~Kirsten A. Gruber

  • I really think that guys should be equally responsible. I know tons of women who get turned on by men who go topless when playing sports. If Christians guys knew that we thought of that as such, would they cease playing football topless when we’re around?

    Would they stop showing the band of their underwear?

    (Personally neither turns me on. But I’m just saying, if the roles were reversed–could men do the same for us? Or are we malleable objects? Do you love us with the love of Christ when you fill in the survey and put in your names, or is this just for the sake of your own purity?)

    Would they stop messaging a girl everyday, leading her on and playing with her heart when he’s not actually interested?

    Would they stop discriminating the plainer looking girls?
    (There have been plenty of Christian women who end up with non-Christian guys simply because Christian guys tend to go for looks)

    And so on, and so forth.

    I love Jesus, but the stench of patriarchy here is overwhelming.

  • Hey MY Lim,

    I know people say that this modesty survey and petition is putting too much pressure on the girls and none on the guys. That did cross my mind too. At first.

    I think though, if you look at the majority of good CHRISTIAN guys out there they are not as “immodest” as the girls. Sure, they may be able to play football with out a shirt, but i really don’t know any girls who say that this is a stumbling block for them. I know there are some who stumble, but is it the fact that the guy doesn’t have a shirt on, or the way some guys act (and flirt) with girls when their 6-pack is showing? 🙂

    And also, with the other issues, such as the boxers showing… how many Christian guys do you know that leave their underwear hanging out? Not guys that go to church or bible study, but guys who are truly following after the Lord. I know that some may, but none of the MANY Christian guys I know do this. Some that go to church and christian schools do, but I can tell a difference between them and the guys who pull up their pants. And as for a stumbling block, the only stumbling block I have ever faced when seeing a guys boxers showing some sort of unnessisary sarcasim. 🙂 (or fake an illness) 🙂

    And the messaging, to “lead girls on” Again, i know that it may happen, but I doubt that you could say that most of the Christian guys you know do this. Yet I can say that the majority of Christian girls I have known dress immodestly, whether out of innocence or stubborness or maybe a twinge of selfishness because they are tired of shopping for loose jeans, I cannot say.

    For me though, I look at Joshua 1:8 which says, “choose ye this day whom you will serve, but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” To me this says, I cannot change the way some people act, even if they call themselves Christian. I cannot choose who they are going to serve, but as for ME, I need to serve the Lord, which may mean, overlooking the fact that some guys dress and act provocitively, and instead of getting the “speck out of their eye” I have to “get the log” out of mine.

    I know that this was hard for me to gag down at first, but when I see my older two brothers making an effort to keep themselves pure and pull their pants up or leave their shirt on, or not show partiallity to the rich and beautiful girls and I see their friends doing this too. Wow, it seems almost imperitive for me to do my best. This doesn’t mean I am always perfect, but at least I can try, instead of waiting for others to change the way they act for me to start trying.

  • OOPS!! That verse in Joshua is not Joshua 1:8! It is Joshua 24:15!! SORRY!!
    Also, I wanted to say that I think that guys should wear a shirt, because I know this could by a stumbling block even if the guy is not acting flirtatious. 🙂 I guess I just think that we, girls, need to try to do our best in making an effort to dress and act modestly. 🙂 I am sorry if I sounded to harsh before! 🙂

  • this is great. this week, I’ve been in a Shakespeare camp at my church, and just yesterday, our director reminded all the girls about being modest, especially because firstly: we’re moving around alot, second:we’re doing romeo and juliet (cleaned and cut) and we don’t want to create temptation.

    and it’s not just girls who have to be modest too. guys, PLEASE stay away from those huge pants that show your boxers and the super tight jeans. I know those may be ‘in style’ but there is no way they’re ‘in style’ on the modesty factor.

  • Thank you guys so much for doing this modesty survey! I had always known modesty was important, but had never realized how much. When I read some of the comments about how much guys appriciate modest girls, I felt so encouraged I almost cried. And I’m not a big cryer. Once again, thank you for what you do!

  • All I can say is that I LOVE the modesty survey! Sandra said exactly what I would have wrote if I had commented first! But I actually DID cry! I was SO encouraged to try to dress and act more modestly. I never knew that there were so many guys out there that apprciated modest girls. You will never know how much this helped me. 🙂 I have told my sister and friends about the survey. My sister was very encouraged as well.

    Thank you ever so much!

  • Girls need to be aware of what they’re wearing and what it makes others think of them. I have read many books on modesty and the modesty survey. And now when I see girls at church and youth group wear things that I know are so not good for all the guys, I want so badly to take them aside and tell them to cover up! For the guys’ sake. When I see Christian girls wearing revealing or immodest clothes I think ‘don’t they know not to cover up?’ When girls are flaunting their bodies it makes me cringe to think what they’re doing to the poor guys! I wish all Christian girls would know that their clothes make a difference in what people think of them. A certain girl in my youth group wears tight revealing clothes all the time, and other girls my age don’t enjoy her, beither d othe guys. I certainly would like her much more if she would cover up! It’s even worse when she’s making sheep eyes at all the guys. Disgusting. Well, anyways. To all my sisters in Christ: Respect our brothers in Christ. Make sure you’re not tempting them to think of other things. Know that how you dress will make people think of you in a certain way.
    You Sister in Christ,

  • I just want to thank you guys for posting the modesty survey. I’ts really nice to know what guys think and that they care.

  • Thanks SOOO much for the modesty survey!! it really great to know what you guys think. THanks so much!!!

  • yah Kara Beth is right thats really cool……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  • Hey guys, my mom found this forum and encouraged me to read it.

    My parents have always taken an active part in the way I dress, but I don’t dress the way I do because they MAKE me. I wear what I wear because of my OWN convictions.

    Not too long ago, a family friend approached my mother and said she appreciated the way we Smith girls dressed. She said it gave her hope that there were still girls out there who cared about modesty. To me, that was one of the best compliments I’ve ever received and it made me even more mindful of what I wear in front of her sons or anyone else for that matter.

    I care about MY boys, as I refer to the group of guys that we hang around with. They’re like brothers to me and I would hate to know that I caused them to fall.

    Elizabeth, you’re so right about wanting to take girls aside. I have seen girls who are so “pumped” about their so-called “Christianity.” They’ve invited me to their church not realizing that the tight clothes they wore or the immodest way they acted tore down the very gospel they were trying to spread.

    It’s good to know that other girls care about this topic. This forum has been very encouraging. Thank y’all so much!


    “Modesty doesn’t mean covered. Modesty means concealed.”

  • Thanks so much for the modesty survey! It’s sometimes so hard to act like a good, modest, Christian girl in today’s world. Fashion and society are constantly contradicting the standards of morality and modest dress. Reading what guys thought about modest girls is very encouraging and I will try my very best to continue dressing with modesty, because after all that is true beauty:)

  • Do guys really, truly appreciate modesty? Some of my Christian friends where revealing shirts and skintight jeans, but they are still extremely popular with the guys, both Christian and non. Sometimes it seems like I should dress like them to fit in, but I also don’t want to cause my friends that are guys to struggle. If guys could express approval to modestly dressed girls, it would be much easier to persist in this mode of dress. Then again, I know it isn’t “manly” to comment on a girl’s clothing. Actually, that would be pretty awkward.

  • Ooops–I didn’t mean to submit that yet. I have a question, too. If you pass a girl like in a store or on the street, and she smiles and then averts her eyes, would you, as a guy, perceive that a flirtation or shyness?

  • I really liked the modesty survey. I know I really don’t think about what I guy would say about my outfit. I get sort of depressed when I try to go shopping, and its hard to find something that I can wear with out having to fix it. I was also really encouraged by the answers from guys. It seems almost like there are no more guys left in the world who would notice a girl who dresses modestly. I was definatly encouraged by how many there are:)

  • Im really excited about this topic. Thanks for being brave and discussing it. I am always frustrated at trying to buy clothes that are fashionable but modest. Maybe the fashion industry will catch on. When I searched “modest clothing” I either got clothes that looked Amish or Muslim. Where are all the Christian entrepeneurs????
    Looking forward to learning more!

  • I think its really great that people have decided to tackle the topic of modesty. The thing is, in todays day and age, dressing modest is hard. Not just because of other peoples judgement, because the definition of modesty is so unclear that its really hard to understand what true modesty is. Knowing that other people out in the world care as much about modesty as me really makes me encouraged. I see so many people walking around today that don’t dress appropriately, and sometimes i see more of them than i really wanted to. I enjoy the fact that everybody in my family and around me encourages modesty, because its a lot easier to flow with the crowd than against the crowd. But then again, i think that flowing with the crowd can apply to way more than dressing modestly. I just want to thank Alex and Brett for writing the book “Do Hard Things” I just started reading it yesterday and im already almost done!

  • thanks you for all you guys do:)
    this is a tremendious help to us:)
    I was really starting to think that their were no guys out there who cared if a girl was modest 🙂
    I’m so glad there are 🙂
    I also feel as if there are only a few of us left with real standards……not to be negative or anything, but I’ve heard some of my friends asking their Dad about an outfitt and then their mom and they both have differant oppinions!
    I’m shocked to see how many womans standards are going down! it seems as if they dont care at all!!!
    I really appreciate it when I hear a Dad complimenting his daughter on how she looks so nice on a sunday or how she dresses so modestly.
    I don’t have a Dad to tell me that in the home. And I think it means so much to us girls when a guy compliments us on how modest we are or how classy we looke or something…..and we don’t take it to mean they like us or anything its just refreshing to hear that:)

  • Im so glad that yall did this survey!! I am always worried that something that is modest to my friends, my mom, and me actually isnt to guys! now i know kind of how guys see certain clothes!! i no alot of people who go completely by if they feel uncomfortable in their clothes with no thought to how the guys see them in their clothes! i cantwait to show this to them!!!

  • I very much so agree that modesty is very important for chicks, but I also think that we need to keep in mind that modesty is also important for dudes. I cannot go into public without seeing a dude who has shorts on but decides to put the waist and belt 1/2 down his thighs. In my opinion that’s certainly not modest, and I think of that guys future wife and how she would feel if her husbands butt was hanging out of his pants for the whole world to see. Yes, they have boxers on, but it’s immodest for chicks to have their underwear showing, so why should it be any different just because they’re men? Both genders underwear share the same purpose, to cover up what’s meant to be covered up. Also, another topic that I believe is related to this topic is physical purity. I think that dressing modestly is a big part in purity. If girls are wearing low cut tops and showing a lot of stuff then are they really being very pure? In my opinion they are not. If they’re showing everything to everyone they pass then what’s left for their future husband that’s special? In a christian magazine I have they have a section where christian guys answer the question “What do you want your future wife to be like?” (not exact wording, sorry, forgot.) Many of the dudes had somewhere in their answer “She has to be a virgin”, to those of you guys who are reading this who this would be somewhere in your answer also, if a girl was still a virgin, but didn’t dress modestly would you still consider her as a possibility for your future wife? Would her virginity still matter to you if she showed all of her business to everyone?


  • O and Katelyn, as a response to womans standards going down, I agree with that. Some women are deciding that they’re getting too old, so they lower their standards for their future husbands, and say yes to the first guy that asks them to marry him. This is a huge factor as to why so many marriages end in divorce.

  • Kaiti i completely agree w/ u. We girls really need to pray about about our future husbands waaaaaaaaaaay b4 we get 2 that point in life. O and katelyn, I know wat u mean when u said, it feels great when a guy compliments ur clothes (if they’re modest:)). It’s sooooooooooooo encouraging to no im not alone in this fight! im so glad that there are guys out there who actually care about modesty!

  • This article is sooo right our bodies belong to God and we should use them the way he wants us to. He doesn’t want us to use peircings or tatoos so Thats why I don’t want my ears peirced.

  • How do we know if we’re being too modest? It seems like anytime I try to do thge right thing, like dressing modest, even my chrisitan friends tell me that I’m going overboard. Shouldn’t a girl keep guys from falling into sin? THen why does everyone say that it is okay to show what I’ve got? How much skin is too much? I just want to please God, but even christian girls i look up to say that they don’t want to hide their feminity. Shouldn’t a woemn show her differance by her clothing?

  • Oh, the joys of being an ex-Christian! I could cry with joy knowing I never have to deal with this bull$h!t again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • @ “Free At Last” — Sounds like you had a bad experience with legalism, and got tired of the endless discussions surrounding just about every aspect of Christianity. May I just say, please ‘don’t throw the Baby (and your Maker) out with the bathwater.’ I’ve been there, repeatedly: so weary of all the rules and different opinions…that’s not the abundant life Jesus had in mind for you, when he died to recue you out of darkness and bring you into His glorious kingdom. I recommend: Get away from forums such as this for awhile (as helpful as they are to some of us at certain times; there’s a reason I return to them, but too much time on them and I feel thoroughly annoyed), and into authentic and grace-filled community– and spend time alone with Jesus, too. A lot. Ask him to show You the all-encompassing, all-satisfying beauty and Truth of Himself, and for his promised joy and ‘easy yoke’. Read His Word for yourself, and ask Him to help you see the bigger picture, and what He wants to say to you.
    Google “Mark Driscoll, Religion Saves” to hear a message I think you’ll love (he nails religious rules and you’ll laugh lots as he does). After many years of struggle, doubts, and questions (and also amazing growth and healing, and having Jesus carry me through things like an eating disorder, depression, and a broken engagement), I can say with deep conviction that He is wonderdul. And He does offer freedom (that no one can take away), the only kind that lasts, because He’s paid your debt in full. He lived the life you should have– for you, died the death you should have– for you, saving you from hell–if you accept Him — all because he loves you. Walk away from that kind of love, of broken, bloodied, torn-up Jesus on the cross, who WANTED to suffer for the joy of offering you peace and forever togetherness with Himself, and you’re walking away from the most sacrificial, true and deep love ever. Don’t let the secondary issues and dialogue (or actions, etc) of yet-imperfected people keep you from experiencing intimacy with the One that really matters and satisfies. His love and acceptance, already complete and secure, are based on Jesus’ righteousness and not ours; this is where freedom, to live in joyful response, is found.
    With love and prayer from a hopeful sister

  • Well, i think it’s quite important what I’ve read here,I’m 23 and I try to dress as confortable and modest as it is possible, but, in spite of that, I’ve noticed men are attracted to me, specially for my body, I’m slim, God gave me a well proporcionated body, God did it, I mean, I don’t try to show myself off, but my male classmates keep looking at me in a sly way, one of them is about 45 and the other one is about 27. Although I do my best not to flirt with men,I’m a human, sometimes, I must confess lately I’ve been attracted to a non christian boy who has been trying to get me to like him since last year, he’s my classmate too, I have been weak a few times, so I would ask you to pray for me to resist temptation, but talking about my classmates, they make me feel so bad, they hurt me with their way of looking at me, it’s pretty awful, I don’t know what to do about it, I feel underestimated, down, when men just like me for my beautiful body, rather than for who am I.I try to be friendly to them as to my female clasmates, but it’s hard for me to do it.
    Well, this has sth do with men too, I kind of began to like a teacher I had last year, so I kept staring at him while he teached us, it was for a short time, but he took notice of it, so now he likes me, I feel ashamed and guilty for it, it’s quite my fault he likes me, he’s around 10 years older than me, I have behaved very bad for I have been far from the Lord these last years, I’ve tried to fight with my own strenght, but, it doesn’t matter how much I struggle, I end up messings things up, like this one.What should I do?

  • This is ridiculous. Girls should be brought up to love themselves and have self-respect and to know about the world, then they would not need a load of men telling them how they should look.

    Also ‘rebelution’ is a horrific neologism.

  • I 100% agree with Attica. Girls should be free to be themselves and not have to listen to what men have to say about how they should look.

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rebelling against low expectations

The Rebelution is a teenage rebellion against low expectations—a worldwide campaign to reject apathy, embrace responsibility, and do hard things. Learn More →