CARSON WRITES: When you get angry (we all do – don’t deny it) how do you release it? Hold on, when I say “release it” I don’t mean yell and scream and punch and stuff like that. What I mean is: How do we calmly get rid of the anger? Obviously we should remove ourselves from whatever angers us, but some times that’s not enough.
How do you release anger? Do you use a stress ball? Punch a punching bag?
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I struggle with anger control so this question hits really close to home for me. Whenever I am angry I always try to remove myself and to so etching that gets all of the nervous energy out. For me I always either bike or rollerblade a few times around the neighborhood and that usually can help me get back to reality and sensible thinking☺️
he does it too! 🙂
Some ideas:
-Leave the situation that’s making you angry
-Count to ten
-Pray
-Read your Bible
-Don’t let it control you. The NLT says “Don’t sin by letting anger control you.” But I like the nuance of the ESV when it says “Be angry and do not sin;”. It’s not a sin to be angry, but it is a sin to let anger control you. =)
This keeps me from being annoyed most of the time (I still get angry and annoyed sometimes but this helps me stay good-natured): I remember that people are stupid (sorry if that seems harsh to anyone, it’s one of the first thing my father teaches when learning how to drive). But it’s true, no one knows everything and we mess up from time to time; we are all sinners. It’s harder to get annoyed at people when u remember that we are all sinners born knowing how to sin.
I’ve been known to go to a quiet place, kick the wall, throw an object, scream into a pillow or blanket or something, take a deep breath, smile, and go back into that situation. If you can’t leave, zoning out and thinking about the person screaming in a straightjacket might help. Sometimes it also helps to communicate that you are angry and rationally talk it through! Don’t allow resentment to build!
also, I’m not one to express anger so i tend to let it build, build, and build! Then something happens (usually akin to mt. st helens erupting or i’m miserably grumpy) so my issue is expressing anger in a healthy way. Not letting resentment grow. I’ve never had a big anger problem and I’m terrible at keeping grudges so usually for me, just learning to tell the person nicely that what they said or did hurt or offended me is best. You have to communicate!
also, sometimes we can be overly sensitive! Sometimes people can just be joking or having fun. Don’t take everything personally!!
Umm, I punch my bed. 🙂
But other than that, I try to calm down by reading something or crocheting really, really tight while praying.
Yeah that helps. Sometimes it helps to throw balled up newspaper at a wall. your getting the anger out and not hurting anything! I know one friend who actually threw his phone at the wall. The phone was in an Otter box so his phone was fine but his wall still( as far as i know) still has a 2×2 inch hole to show for it…
Wow, he must have been mad…
I go for a walk.
But i must say, I mess up about how i deal with anger on a daily basis. The responses on this thread are already helpful! Thanks guys! I’ll keep these things in mind as i head off to my third and final week of camp this summer 😉
walking really helps!
I get angry sometimes. I mean…I’m human. So here’s what I do.
I take a deep breath and try to clear my head. When I’m mad, I don’t think rationally, which isn’t the best.
But the thing that helps me the most is prayer.
I pray something like, “Lord, I’m really angry with _____ person/situation right now. Please take this feeling from me, and change me to have a humble heart.”
And then I do my best to forget about it.
And then, a few minutes later, I realize that I’ve relaxed.
For me, holding onto anger is a form of pride: for example, let’s say I’m going to be mad at my cousin, because she annoyed me by doing something. I’m going to stay mad, because I have every right to and it makes me feel better about myself, because I feel like I’m better than her. Ouch. Pride right there.
I always have to submit my human sinful mindset to God so I can become more like Him, and less like me.
I listen to music. (though that’s not something particular to when I’m angry) Also, sometimes I find it helpful to write out how I’m feeling, no matter how bad or wrong it may sound. Just get it out honestly. Sometimes, I just think it through. Then I set the topic aside for a while to let my emotions settle down. After that, thinking it through can be much more rational and calm and I can work things out. I’m probably not the best person to ask about this, though, as I tend to be pretty level-headed when people offend me.
Running laps around the yard or neighborhood helps to run off the tension. That’s what I used to do a couple years ago. Nowadays, I go up in my room and write [things I usually regret]. But when I’m mad, I can’t think straight. I usually end up doing or saying stupid things I regret later. So I would say do something to release the tension (punch your bed, do jumping-jacks, run laps), and when you’re tuckered out, sit and pray and think through the whole situation. Don’t try to do anything while you’re angry – there’s no way to go back and fix something you’ve done that you wish you hadn’t. When you’ve calmed down, prayed about it, and are level-headed, then you can go back and address whatever made you angry/annoyed in the first place.
Walk away from the situation. If you’re mad, the best thing to do is not to engage in an argument. Walk away. Find a place by yourself, think it out, pray, then maybe find a close friend or sibling to talk it over with.
A lot of people say counting to ten works. You may try that; ten is never a big enough number for me. If you’re like me, trying counting to like 1200. That might help.
I try to calm down and think of what the Bible says/pray. Thankfully, God helps a lot.
I like to spend some time by myself to calm down, talk and pray to God, listen or sing worship music, or exercise like crazy. Like Taylor B., walking away from the situation is ideal, you don’t hurt others by doing so. Honestly, if you start your day off by spending at least thirty minutes with the Lord, you’ll have a lot more peace and confidence as you go about the rest of your day, not that you’ll never get mad but you’ll find that you can handle it a lot better because you’ve started off right with God. Just a little helpful tip!
I think for me listening to music is definitely the best way to calm down. It is just naturally calming and it gives me insight on how ridiculous I’m acting sometimes😀
When I get angry I have to keep reminding myself that I really just can’t think straight. Then, I lock myself in my room until I calm down. I’ve learned a few helpful tips too.
#1 Don’t rise to the bait! The person your mad at may be mad too, and if they are there’s a good chance that they’ll nag you and say things that you’ll want to respond aggressively towards. Don’t let them make a fool out of you!
#2 Don’t hold a grudge! I’m really bad when it comes to holding grudges. I tend to think that the only person in the wrong is the person that I’m mad at, when truthfully many times I’m also to blame. Don’t be so proud that you risk ruining a relationship just because you can’t forgive.
PS
Just a reminder, getting mad is not bad. Lot’s of people tend to think that it is, but it’s actually not a bad thing. I’m mad all the time. I’m mad that there’s slavery. I’m mad that there’s so much pain. I’m mad that there’s murder and slaughter. I’m mad that our world is so corrupted by satan! It’s not bad to be mad. (Hey that rhymed!) But it is bad to lose you temper and hurt others in your anger. Even Jesus was mad [Matthew 21:12-13].
I have short-fuse anger, which means it dies down rather quickly, but sometimes I just need a break. I usually just read a book or read blog posts or watch YouTube videos and by the time I come out of it I feel better and have a little bit more perspective on life. Or I read my Bible. Or I go for a run or punch imaginary things. Or I listen to Skillet, Lecrae, and Tedashii. (Listening to Skillet when you’re angry is a great way to release that anger.)
Now a days I usaly write (or more like scrawl) in my journal and listen to music. It helps me cool down and think about something else.
At one point I was so mad I punched my pinching bag till my hands bled (I still have the scars to prove it) but after that one time my dad wouldn’t let me get near it with our gloves. And by the time my hands had healed I had realized that punching the bag just made me feel worse.
I used to call my friend and he would talk me back into a good mood. Honestly, that helped the most. It didn’t matter what we were talking about the act of talking to him helped me cool down and not release my anger into something or someone else.
I hope this helps.
I know some of these have already been mentioned but here’s my list of things I choose from (when I don’t make the wrong choices…and maybe some of these aren’t the best choices either.. =P)
1) Punch the pillow on my bed
2) Vent my feelings on a piece of paper (and then tear it up or burn it..lol)
3) Vent to a friend and ask their advice or help
4) Listen to music suitable to my emotions…
These last are probably the most effective and best answers..except I find music venting to a friend pretty effective also (if its a christian friend.. ;))
4) close my eyes, tone out all thoughts, and just breathe….
5) Pray!!!!!
6) read scripture applicable to the situation
7) PRAY!!!!
How about scream on a pillow
I am a sinner, and I can get VERY angry and annoyed! In some cases I get so negative and try to blame and argue with people. I don’t recommend that method! Currently, I’ve found playing the piano (that is, moving my fingers as fast as possible up and down the keys) to help. Sometimes though, I must stop and pray, which I should do every time. I also think a punching bag would be a great investment!
Glad I’m not the only one with problems!
I do the SAME thing with the piano!!! HAHAHA! My family can always tell when I’m mad because I’ll be playing Mozart like I’m at a 80’s rock concert!! LOL…or if I’m sad…I’ll be playing 80’s rock concert like I’m at a funeral!!
That’s me all the way!
Ha, if you want a good “angry” piece to play, check out Brahms’ Ballade in G minor. It’s a lot of fun! ;P
Haha! Or Prokofiev… For organists, try Naji Hakim’s “Final” from “Hommage a Igor Stravinsky”, but this is a little off-topic…
I will have to check that out.
(Sorry for not responding sooner, I’ve been busy)
I’ve found Sarabande in G minor good for letting off steam on violin
just kidding
Lol, I’ve never actually hurt that one, is it like super chill and quiet? =P
depends on playing, you can either put people to sleep or snap your bow or strings in the first two notes
lol, don’t do that with a violin tho! you’ll break a string. Unfortunately, playing the piano at any time makes me mad. Curse the lessons forced upon me!! 🙂
Sorry for being soooo slow to respond 🙂
I wanted to learn violin, good thing I don’t have one in my possession!
one comment: GET ONE! YOU WILL NEVER REGRET IT!!!
🙁 But piano is the best!
i have to disagree, but its good some people like it 🙂 I need some of that enthusiasm…
Well, at least you like violin. You’re not completely music free!
i happen to like HEARING the piano. I just dislike PLAYING it. and i LOVE violin. 😀 I love music. so I’m quite content with my talents (excluding the piano.) why play base and treble cleft together, when you could just play treble? ;p
You’ve got more tools in your basket that way…
I want to learn violin some time (in my spare time when I’m not on the Reb.)
totally. Go for it, its awesome!!
From the comments I’ve read so far, it seems like everyone is acknowledging that it’s perfectly ok to be angry like that. It’s not. What are you angry at? Is your anger righteous? If so, the way to stop being angry is to make it right or at least try? Is it selfish? That’s a heart issue you need to repent of.
If you find yourself being angry at those around you on a daily basis, I’m willing to believe its the latter.
When I am angry I like to be left alone for like 30 mins then I reconcile to the person I am angry at.
If I get left alone to my thoughts, sometimes I can entertain bitterness though.
I totally agree.
When organizing your thoughts, that’s where Biblical truths can be remembered. It’s better than rash decisions or snapping and regretting.
True. But I think we should go to God in prayer, rather than just drown in our thoughts.
I think, that’s a given.
Hey Aaron! Fyi your friend Grace got into your Revive account…
What really? Man I am going to be so mad at her. Thank you for telling me 🙂
No need to be mad, she just changed a couple things and we started chatting this afternoon. 🙂
Haven’t seen you around in a while! How’s it going?
Yeah she seemed to enjoy it. I am going to let her enjoy it for a few hours then I will have to changed my password. What a little rascal lol maybe next time I will have to think about letting her borrow my phone. I am doing good by the way.
Lol yeah. Good! Want to chat this evening?
Yea sure when?
I’m not entirely sure what I’ll be doing tonight… my family might have plans. Would it work for me to pm you when I can chat?
Pm me here or at revive?
Revive, I’m thinking. (You’ll have to change your name back first, though. The system won’t let me send a message to ? ?, which is your current name.
Wok I will do just that.
My advice would be
1) Remember, they are most likely trying to make you angry so don’t let them know you’re angry otherwise they’ll continue to upset you.
2) This is the flip side to #1: It could just be a misunderstanding, so don’t overreact until you know exactly what they meant.
3) Pray. Not only for the other person to stop, but for yourself. For me sometimes it’s a simple prayer such as “Lord, give me the words to say.” Other times it’s something more drastic such as, “Lord, please help me not to push this person off the balcony.”
4) If you’re in public my best advice for unleashing your anger is walk. You’ve heard it said “walk it off” when you have a foot injury, but this can also be true for anger.
5) If you’re at home, I go and scream as loud as I can into my pillow. One note for this one though: It. Is. Dangerous. Don’t do this right before a performance where you’re the lead character/soloist/speaker or anything like that. It never ends well.
I take it you have experience screaming into a pillow before a performance? And btw. I totally did not mean to contradict you. I hadn’t even read your comment when I wrote mine 😉
Well, I did it a couple of days before a big performance once and was terrified I wouldn’t get my voice back, but I did (thankfully) and I never did that again right before a performance. 🙂
Pray!
And if it’s appropriate, let the person who made you angry (if it is a person) know how you feel. Of course, don’t try to make them feel bad, but it could help to talk to them.
I go into my room (if possible) and turn on some christian music, pray, and read my bible. By the end of that I am pretty calm. 🙂
Sometimes I also write a letter or email the person that made me mad. Then, I am able to fully articulate how I’m feeling without flying emotions.
I go to a quiet place and pray, and think. Then i go to the person I was mad at and ask there forgiveness (if I said something mean or nasty)
I play baseball so when I get angry or something, I’ll go practice batting. For some reason hitting something (luckily not people) eases my anger a lot.
I play baseball too, and whenever I get frustrated(especially when I’m hitting poorly that day) I go and hit it out. What position do you play?
I really play about any position. I just started catching this year (but that was really because we had nobody else to do it). I typically play left field, first base, or at one end of the battery or another. What do you play?
mainly catcher, firstbase and outfield. I’m a dodger fan what about u?
I typically like the Braves, but not so much this year.
I know this may sound weird, but squeezing something really hard (please…not someone’s neck) can release anger. I literally have trained myself to wait for 10 seconds in silence so I don’t yell at the person, and then I walk into my room and hug my pillow, grip a stress ball or something of that nature, and it helps.
I struggle with this a lot especially because I struggle with pride. Here’s my 5 Step Plan to Releasing Anger (Towards People) made on the spot.
1. Pray
Ask God immediately to humble you, because we don’t often have righteous anger.
Ask God to show you your sin.
Ask God to forgive you for sinning and getting angry.
2. Ask
Why am I angry?
Was I truly in the right?
If so, does it matter so much that I have to get angry?
(You’ll hopefully find that anger isn’t worth it; it’s definitely not the best route to go.)
3. Talk (to Yourself)
My dad tells me this often: “Talk to yourself, don’t listen to yourself.”
When you listen to yourself, you’re only going to hear lies. When you talk to yourself, you give God an opportunity to open your eyes to the truth.
4. Communicate (to the person you are angry at)
Tell them (respectfully and humbly) why you are angry.
Accept correction.
Ask for forgiveness.
5. Charge
Have yourself prepare a game plane to avoid anger.
You know what sets you off.
You know your weaknesses.
You know what calms you.
This is what I do. It really works, if you are willing to humble yourself.
Personally, this is a big issue with me because I’m a girl with a quick temper and I often don’t think about what I’m actually saying in the heat of the moment.
What I’ve found you can do is just take a step back from the situation, take a deep breath and say “Okay God, give me the strength not to say something I’ll regret” Granted sometimes I just disregard that inner voice nicely telling me to shut up….but sometimes it works, but its not easy.
Anger is more about whats in your heart than anything else, if you are full of Jesus, you will be less likely to get as angry, although you still will sometimes. But to that point, if you are spending a lot of time with worldly things, it will be easier for your temper to fire up (believe me I’ve experienced this).
And along with those two…try not to lean on people to justify your anger. I have friends that I know I can rant to about my anger and frustration and they will assure me its a completely fine response. I’m not ragging on these friends, but when they sympathize and tell you that you’ve done nothing wrong, you’ll start to believe it as well. So if you have friends like that, I’ve had to make a conscious effort NOT to rant to them or tell them my frustrations and just take them to God instead.
God Bless- sending prayers your way
this is a huge issue in my life but I find it helpful to first pray. remember that you probably make others feel angry too. think on how you would want them to treat you. breath. put a smile on your face and have patience. that’s my moms advice for me.
I find myself getting angry quite often and I struggle with being cheerful to my family and friends. The first thing I try to do when I find myself getting angry or irritated is to pray and turn it all over to God. If the anger already flew out of my mouth and I snapped at someone I apologize to them and try to make amends. A lot of times I just ignore that little voice inside me telling me to turn my attitude around before I’ve done something I’ll regret – at the moment I just want to be angry and yell at someone – but later on it brings so much regret. Every day there is a constant reminder that I am so imperfect and that I need my heavenly Father so much! 🙂