rebelling against low expectations

How should we relate to members of the opposite sex?

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ANNA WRITES: How do I relate to Christian guys as a sister in Christ? I want to encourage the guys around me in the Lord, but I also want to maintain a respectful distance to honor them as brothers, not boyfriends.

Also, this question works both ways! How can guys relate to girls as their sisters in Christ?


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are submitted by real rebelutionaries who are looking for godly answers to tough questions and lively conversation with other young adults. You can join the conversation by commenting below. If you'd like to submit your own discussion question, email us at [email protected]

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  • I only go out with groups of friends to keep away from the sort of temptation one-on-one might bring. Also, I try to only talk to my guy friends when other people are around, just to avoid being or even sounding flirty. As a rule don’t do/say anything you wouldn’t to your biological brother. Anyway, that’s what I do, hope it helps!

  • This is a good and tough question! And one that I don’t have all the answers to…I tend to be drawn toward a guy’s company as friendship often more so than a girl’s. I live with 4 brothers, so I’m more used to boys and the way they are than I am girls! So I’ve struggled with this same question a LOT! I’m also incredibly social and can sometimes come off as flirtatious…So here’s a couple things I try to keep in mind and have helped me…Hopefully some of them can help you too!
    1) think about your brother (idk if you have one…but hypothetically speaking if not). Treat your brother in Christ like your brother! My mom always tells me, “If you wouldn’t say it, or do it to or with your brother, then don’t say it or do it with ___” *insert name of guy friend.
    2) treat all of them the same! Don’t give special attention to one guy! If you find yourself doing that, ask yourself why you are giving that one guy special attention. If you are treating all the guys remotely the same, it will eliminate a lot of the issue of them seeming like a boyfriend!
    3) one of my friends loved me enough to point out that I come across as flirty with the guys sometimes. So, I asked her to PLEASE inform me somehow when she caught me doing it because I didn’t want to be that way! she would kick me in the shin under the table, whisper in my ear, give me a “look” etc…And I REALLY appreciated that!!! It helped me not to be more guarded with my words and actions..!
    4) Do just what you said! “Encourage them in the Lord!” if you are encouraging them by asking how their personal time with God is going or asking how you could be praying for them (for example) then I doubt you’ll have the issue of being seen as treating them like boyfriends!
    5) Lastly, as always, seek the Lord! Your heart seems to be in the right place! But, as girls who are made by God to naturally be attracted to guys, it’s easy to let that get out of hand at times. So make sure you are always seeking God in the way you are interacting with the young men around you and to seek God with your heart and ask him to help you! He will! I promise!

    Hopefully this has been somewhat helpful!

  • “Rebuke not an elder, but exhort him as a father, and the younger men as brethren, the elder women as mothers, the younger as sister with all pureness.” 1 Tim. 5:1

    There ya go. Treat guys as brothers, gals as sisters, at least as long as you’re in the friendship stage. Simply make friends, whatever their gender, and treat them with the love of Christ, keeping Christ as the center of your relationship.

    I think opposite gender friendships are important, cause I know the girl I want to marry one day I hope is gonna be my best friend, and that means I’m gonna have to have to some friends that are girls. Plus, those friendships with the opposite gender help us overcome our shyness and probable natural awkwardness with them!

    So, basically, treat them as you would any other member of the body of Christ. Love them, place them first, and treat them as you would want to be treated. “In honor preferring one another. Not slothful in business, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord.”

    P.S. And don’t overthink it!

  • Hey Anna! I met a girl whom I can really relate to that I might want to end up marrying when I get older (it’s amazing how God works) Right now, however, I want to just be friends with her because of how I feel Christian teenage relationships should happen. But I couldn’t stop thinking about how I should go about our current friendship. So I prayed and poured out my thoughts and feelings into an article on relationships, titled The Pursuit of Marriage . Though the article is on relationships with the mindset of pursuing marriage, I feel it might be helpful in answering your question. Here’s an excerpt from it:

    With the small amount of life experience I have, and from watching & listening to what wiser people have to say, I finally came up with the system I feel will work best for relationships – specifically middle school, high school, and Collage & Career relationships. In it there are 6 chapters of friendship:

    Casual Friendships
    We start with chapter one of the relationship: Casual Friendships.

    I feel that we should have as many casual friends as possible, of both genders. We need to be polite here, and very courteous to our casual friends. Here we evaluate how these friends react to different things that other friends do. We see that if they become defensive when someone touches them, then it’s important not to playfully push them. If someone takes playful sarcasm too seriously, than we need to be careful with how we talk to them – things like that.

    If however, they tend to be more easy going, than you know it’s okay to be sarcastic around them to make them laugh and feel included. Here you adapt to the person, to not only help them like you, but also to reflect Christ.

    Good Friendships
    Than the next chapter is Good Friendships.

    Here you know the person pretty well and you would include them in group activities of like 10 people or more. For example, my friend Evan invited me to the movies with him and his group of about 15-20 people in it – both guys and girls.

    You can be more relaxed with how you treat your good friends. If you’re outside the movie theater, near a Subway, you can say, β€œhey, let’s grab a few subs before we go in” and it wouldn’t be weird.

    Good friends don’t always have each other’s phone number, and normally just interact at school and/or church when you both happen to be there. This is true for both guys and girls, as is casual friends.

    Great Friendships
    The third chapter is Great Friendships.

    These are the friends you really know well, almost like siblings. Once again, this chapter is absolutely fine to have with friends from both genders, guys and girls. You feel you can share some deep stuff with your great friends, like school and family problems. You can tease each other, laugh together, and just be yourself, while not having to worry about what the others will think. You know these friends have your back and you have theirs. There is mutual trust.

    This chapter is perfect for growing closer to friends of the opposite gender, without the need to answer to a boyfriend or girlfriend or commit a lot of time just to make the person feel happy in the relationship. A Great Friendship can go on for years. And that’s the best place for high school guys and girls to be in. Eventually, you feel comfortable to ask for advice about deep topics over text or to the side, in youth group. You become like what brothers and sisters should be, in family. It’s love without romance. It’s support without exclusive commitment. It’s trust without heartbreak. It’s accountability without controlling each other. It’s great!

    You can read the rest of the article @ http://www.thesoldiersofgod.com/the-pursuit-of-marriage/

    Hope you have an amazing day!
    Trent Blake

  • So Trent, I am a 13 year old girl. I have this best friend who is a guy. We know each other really well and can share anything with each other. We have only known each other for less than a year but it feels like it’s been so much longer. He’s really cool and we both like each other in a way that we could end up marrying one day. We’ve decided to be best friends and not date until later in highschool. Everyone is saying we should just go ahead and date since we like each other. We want to wait until later because we will be more mature then and be able to maintain a good relationship. We both have prayed about it.Do you think this is the right choice?

    • You go, girl! I’m not Trent, but I absolutely think you’re making the right decision! You’re never gonna look back and say “I wish we’d started those romantic thoughts earlier”! This is a great time to continue learning about him and cementing that friendship! So you stick to your guns, Alia!

    • Hey Alia, thanks for asking! πŸ˜€

      I’m going through something very similar. I think waiting is absolutely the best thing you can do. And if he feels the same way and is not just following your lead, that’s a very good sign. It shows maturity.

      Being 16, myself, I feel that even in the later years of High School we’re not yet ready for marriage and though we might be able to handle romance, it’s not very healthy being this young. The fact is, less than 2% of high school relationships continue through collage. So why give away your heart to someone who you will most likely not (statistically) marry?

      Almost every one of us at the time of the relationship feel that the person we are attracted to is “the one”. But normally it doesn’t work out. So while it’s good to hope and pray for it to work, it might not be good to give yourself away emotionally until you’re old enough to marry and are practically engaged. Typically that doesn’t happen until your 20s or 30s.

      But! With that being said, friends from the opposite gender can be some of the best, most supporting friendships. So don’t be afraid to “friend-zone” your guy friend relationships. πŸ™‚

  • Friendship, gender non-withstanding, is a two-way street, both ends have to uphold a certain code of conduct to work (mutual respect, interest, etc).

    Seeing as I am a person with no brothers, IΒ΄m not quite sure how you treat a brother properly. However, I think of all my guy friends as brothers, in the sense that thinking about being in a romantic relationship with any of them is just… strange. I believe that long as IΒ΄m following all of my own basic views about what it means to be in a God-honouring friendship (like honesty, loyalty, respect, accountability etc.), and being modest and not flirty, it turns out that friendship with a guy is great fun and not a big drama of crushes back and forth.

    The flip side of that is that my guy friends have a gal friend (girl friend, female friend ?? ). For me, it means that they also have to uphold a basic God-fearing friendship on their side and more than them not flirting with me, respecting gender differences as something unique and good, not something to poke fun at (“you ___ like a girl” meaning girls are weak).

    Hope this helps! πŸ˜€

  • Honestly, guys don’t really over think it the way girls do. When a guy hugs one of my gal friends she literally FREAKS out and says “OMG!!! He hugged me!! Do you think he likes me? He could have hugged everyone, but decided to selectively chose me!! OMG, its a match made in heaven. God must have destined this, I have to go talk to my parents about it…” I know that not every girl does this, but be honest, some ladies think that a guy likes them when they get a hug. But it aint like that, sorry.
    Being a girl that has never been really attracted to a guy, I think that some of our guy problems stem from our flaw to overthink. If you’re close with a guy friend, I think that its totally cool to hug him when you greet him or say goodbye.
    Don’t fall into the trap of legalism where you make a list of rules of dos and don’ts. Legalism in guy and gal relationships probably stems from our flaw of overthinking. Instead of following a list of rules, live by a principle. Ask yourself, if Jesus would be standing right here, would I be proud of what I’m doing? Don’t draw a line, walk a path. Walk a path that would glorify and please our Father in every way:)
    DON’T OVERTHINK IT. PLEASE:)

  • There’s nothing wrong with being good friends with a member of the opposite gender. If you don’t have any close friends of the opposite gender, how can you plan on marrying your best friend??? ;P Some of my closest friends are girls. I see nothing wrong in texting/emailing them either. I mean if you’re a girl and you never text guys, that portrays all guys as monsters who will flirt with you behind your parents’ back at every opportunity. But that’s not who we are! There are some guys that just want to be friends. =)

    His slave,

    Josh =)

          • Wow. If I hadn’t come across the rollicking Reb’s and Rev’s, I really don’t know where I’d be… Keep it up, everybody! Monsters or not, you’re the best!

          • Thank you! But we wouldn’t be where we are without your serious poems pertaining to cake… πŸ™‚ (really, your poems are the best!)

          • Thank you, Rhyme-y Mimey! (Probably shouldn’t call you that, but it’s better than the other name…) I didn’t know my poems were so influential! Maybe I should be more careful what I write… πŸ™‚

        • No, we aren’t. Silly boy. C’mon, you know your sister, and Lauren, and me. We’re not monsters, are we? And we’re girls! (Should I really have asked that? Hmm…)

          • Well, I’ve got four sisters to add to the count of non-monsters, and then there’s the other gals on here. I’d say you’ve got a pretty good list of non-monsters here.

          • I’m sorry if we’re offensive to you, Matthew. I’m fairly confident that Brett is alright with this though. It’s a fairly accepted part of the Reb’s online community.

          • Look at it this way, at least it was Sam who mentioned it. He brought the French Toast Monster down on himself!

          • It’s true!!! Run for the hills y’all!

            Oh wait, this is a logical something-or-other that has a fancy name. But saying this makes guys all monsters (which, I assume, you mean to infer) is like saying that because all cats are furry animals, all furry animals are cats.

          • Oh. Well, you’re not a monster at heart. And like Disney taught us, what you do doesn’t matter, it’s what your heart is like. So I guess that means you’re okay. (So this is why I didn’t watch much Disney growing up…)

          • ikr? We’re learning why not to listen to Disney. Which is very important, because I’m sure you didn’t know that before, did you?

          • *adopts naive little boy’s voice* Why, no! Who’d have thought? I mean, I’ve got to change my whole dating plan now! My plan was just to wait until I saw a girl in desperate peril, pop out and save her against all odds, which would cause her to instantly fall helplessly in love with me, and our twue wuv would wast fowever. Now what will I do…

          • Well, I’m in the same boat! I was just going to wait around in the tower my dad built onto the house and wait for a knight (or some random dude, I’d be willing to settle) to come and defeat my fire-breathing dad so we can ride off into the sunset together. I have no idea what I’ll do now!
            Oh wait… there was Uncommon Sense…

          • I think we should just put one person’s name on it, because I think that two friends’ names on a *relationship* book (or conference poster, or whatever) wouldn’t look very normal…

          • I saw this and started laughing right when something bad happened in the movie Tia’s watching. The bad guy was just sending his armies out and said, “Rohan is ready to fall” when I cracked up.
            But back to the point, I think people would figure out that it’s a combination… and really, you should write it. I don’t have time!

          • Ha, ha, I’ve never been in a relationship either, so no. πŸ™‚ Besides, I wouldn’t have that much to say. “Yo, ‘s’up? Dudes and miss dudes, use common sense, ask your parent’s advice, and listen to the Holy Spirit. Peace. Out.” πŸ˜›

            Okay I don’t actually write like the whole “peace. out” thing. Not sure why that popped into my head tonight…

          • Just add about five thousand words to it and we’ve got… still not a book. Yeh, let’s scrap that idea. I can normally make an idea fit the word count assigned me, but I can’t make your statement fit a book. Even my essay experience can’t do that!

          • It’s okay, I think the Bible pretty much says that much. I mean, we see Adam get his wife special delivered from heaven, we see Isaac have a servant find his among his cousins, we see Jacob accidentally marry one sister, then marry the other, we see Ruth go propose to Boaz in the middle of the night, so I’m pretty sure the Bible has enough to say about how to find a wife. There’s enough systems in there to fill a book!

          • Whoever said we look to the Bible for examples must have, as my dad says (having grown up in/near Detroit) been smoking something real good that day!

          • And don’t forget the men of Gilead being told to go kidnap whichever girl they wanted from a festive dance going on in Judges. Or David, who killed 200 Philistines in order to get Michal.

            P.S. That’s an awesome quote. I like your dad’s quotes…

          • Oh yeah, can’t forget that one!

            Yeah, my dad sure is something. I’ve got a few other quotes that you haven’t haerd…

          • Oh, I can’t wait to hear ’em! But I probably need to head out now! I gotta get up early, and I need to practice piano before bed. So, g’night! Might talk to you again in a PM or something before bed.

          • ok, I’ll try to put together some and message them to you. πŸ™‚
            Wait, you play piano? I learn something new every day…

          • It’s always so weird when somebody upvotes a comment while I”m looking at it…

          • What, they don’t stand up to analysis? What sort of views are they trying to teach us!

          • Wait, I can’t believe it! You mean disney isn’t teaching us truth? Like, in Tangled, big burly outlaws with blood on their mustaches aren’t really soft and cuddly at heart? Wow, I never would have known…

          • Or that Flynn Rider really wouldn’t be the best husband ever?! I’m learning all sorts of things tonight!

          • I didn’t know until now! How will I know who to marry now? Oh my goodness… I would try the Sleeping Beauty idea, but… no. Just, no. Same problem with Snow White… I’m starting to run out of ideas here!

          • Yeah, I would recommend against the whole “wait for a random dude to come kiss me” method. It leaves quite a bit of room for failure…

          • Yeah. Well, nobody’s taken the wind out of my sails yet on the “dance with some prince for five minutes and fall in love with him and know that you’re meant for each other and then run away and make him look for you and get married and live happily ever after” method. This one I’m sure will work!

          • While I haven’t watched the movie, I can guess which one that is. Yeah, sorry to rain on your parade, but that’s got some ill-advised techniques in there too. Like some serious problems.

          • I guessed. But I don’t watch princess movies. For the exact reasons we’re satirically criticizing them for. They’re incredibly dull and make very little sense!

          • Well, seeing as you grew up with brothers I wouldn’t expect you to have watched princess movies. We didn’t watch most of them, but once in a while we’d borrow Snow White or Cinderella from the library.

          • Yeah, my mom would watch those with the nieces while we guys and my nephews would go find a war movie (The Rat Patrol) or a good western to watch. You can’t watch a full movie with no violence whatsoever! There has to be a fight somewhere!

          • I agree! I haven’t seen The Rat Patrol, would you recommend it? I can’t stand chick-flicks (except for a select few, which are actually realistic and fun because they’re old-fashioned but still you can see a lot of how people act today anyway. And my sisters who don’t like to watch violence can watch those with me, so they’re worth it).

          • Yeah, the old like 50-60’s ones were very good. That was probably the first old show I used to like. Combat! wasn’t bad, and it seems like there were more, but I don’t remember what they were. The Rat Patrol had occasional mushy-gushy moments, but for the most part, you could go five seasons in a row and never see a female actor (which in a war movie, to me, is a huge plus.)

          • Oh really! Thanks for telling me about them! I’d really appreciate a movie *without* a girl… that always turns out bleck.

          • Yeah, no offense, but I like those too. I don’t mind girl actors, but if the directors could cut out all the stupid romance (I wouldn’t mind a good romance sometime), then I wouldn’t mind it so much.

          • Sam, you just committed a fatal mistake. You admitted you watch it. We thought you watched it. Oh, but watching for the mice is explainable at any age, so never mind. πŸ™‚ (Now I really want to watch Cinderella again!)

          • Hey there! This conversation makes it pretty clear that you know each.other in person… Idk if that’s public knowledge.
            I’m deleting this comment as soon as one of you up votes it to let me know you saw this. πŸ™‚

          • Haha! Yes, the mice in that movie is like the only reason I am semi-ok with the fact that mice apparently dwell in the same house that I dwell in this year. πŸ˜‰

          • Oh yeah, they ended up dancing for longer, didn’t they? I’m thinking of in the Rogers and Hammerstein movie where they were singing that (really pretty but still a little loco) song about “Ten minutes ago I met you”

          • When I read this I started laughing so hard! Probably not a good thing since everyone else is asleep…

          • My sister says to tell you that he didn’t date her for that, he was trying to get her somewhere and then ended up liking her.

            .Yeah, I’m showing her this conversation. πŸ™‚

          • Yeah, I know. But still, officially the only reason he was hanging out with her was for his property. Plus, the whole movie is over the course of one day. So, they meet, fall in love, and etc. on one day. Really??

          • Tia says to tell you it was two days… πŸ™‚ (I think it’s pretty cool that you two are going through me to discuss Flynn Rider.)

          • If she could, she’d be on here. Parental age limits…
            Yes indeed, it’s crazy! And she was more clarifying for the record, not defending it.

          • I’m still mot entirely sure how it went. I’ll tell you about it through Revive when I’m back… either today or tomorrow.

          • yeah, when I first started getting really involved on here, I tried to control myself and be the really mature adult, but I quickly lost hope in that aspiration and here I am. πŸ˜‰

          • Hi Taylor B.! Thanks! I didn’t realize I had been gone long enough to be missed. πŸ™‚ Life is hard! Haha! But seriously, life has been really busy and really rough lately, but trying to dwell on God’s promises and truths. And school has started back for me, so trying to get back into it. I know you have been really busy, as well.

          • This week has been insane. I’ve been leading a team of 8-12 year olds for a youth discipleship and evangelism ministry at my church, and I while I have worked with others as an assistant before, I had never realized the work you have to put in there! I’m exhausted today, and my week’s not over yet! πŸ™‚ But God is faithful!

          • Yeah, it was really encouraging today to have kids come up and recognize me and parents tell me that their kids had come home and talked to them about what I’d said that day. It helped me know that God is using me, at least in a small way, for big things. πŸ™‚

          • Really? I assumed you loved French toast before you joined, being the French Toast Monster and all…

          • I’ve got a soft spot somewhere in my hard heart that’s Sam-sized. πŸ˜› Besides, *you* didn’t want me to stay alive! *huff* πŸ˜‰

          • Ah, okay! Poor deprived Sam… here, this should help. *hands Sam three precious slices of French toast*

          • I know, right? That was so magnanimous of me. πŸ™‚
            Well, aren’t you going to thank me?!?! πŸ˜‰

          • We know. I already answered the question yesterday, we’re just having fun now. We’re all friends from over on Revive cutting up a little bit.

          • True. Okay, so I admit that girls are not monsters. There, happy now! But you know me, and Sam, and your brother so you should know we guys aren’t monsters either!

          • Yeah, we do too… although from this conversation you might not tell it. These guys are my adopted brothers. (as in, my “online brothers”)

          • Who’d have known I’d be explaining how someone’s my adopted brother but online? That was weird…

          • ME TOO!! πŸ™‚ I love @programguy:disqus and @disqus_oMHOgFTIn3:disqus !! THEY ROCK!! And of course my sister @mimeforjesus:disqus

          • This online family is AWESOME!!! Wish we could all hang out in person!! Once a year or something. Probably not, but it would be nice!! πŸ™‚

          • Where is Lauren, anyway? Tell her she’s missing out on a great conversation over here!

          • She had a busy day and I don’t think she’s online right now. But man, this would be a great(er) convo with her in here! We’re missing one of the family!

          • Oh… ok, well we’ll just have to make sure we have our next one when she’s around next time. πŸ™‚ Tell her I miss her, will ya?

          • True, true. There’s you, and Sam, and Josh, and Joe, and my other brothers, and @disqus_I0CVhoqWL2:disqus (he seems like a cool dude) and all my friends in real life… yeah, I think y’all are good.

          • I wish I had a buddy to hide in the corner with me… the one time we both darted for the same corner it got a little awkward. I need another gal to hide with!

          • Oh, cool! πŸ˜€ I didn’t know that… (now the question is, did Sam know that?)

      • WHAT ARE YOU SAYING OF COURSE WE AREN’T MONSTERS RRRROOOOOOAAAAAAAARRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh wait, that’s not helping my case…. ;P

    • I agree with you completely!!! One thing we do about the texting/emailing thing…Just to be protected, my dad always knows when I’m privately communicating (FB message, text, email, etc) with a guy! And he has full access to my facebook if he wants to read the messages! Not that he doesn’t think my guy friends are trustworthy, it’s just one way of protecting me! And again, he doesn’t always read the messages, he just always knows about them…This really helps me to be held accountable!! Besides, if I”m messaging a guy something I don’t want my dad to read, then there’s probably a problem!

      • No, that’s cool! I’m not saying we should be completely unsupervised or anything, my dad will occasionally read my messages as well. =)

      • Yep. I have to ask my dad before I talk to guys on the phone, which seems annoying at times when you have to make the kid leave a voicemail and then listen to the voicemail and then text him that you have to call him back later and you have to wait for your dad to get home to ask him if you can call the kid back, but it’s really wise. I want no secrets from my parents that might end up leading me down the wrong path.

    • I agree 100%! It frustrates me when people act like teenagers aren’t supposed to talk to each other… but then somehow you’re supposed to get married eventually. Like, what??

      • I know right! My small group leader has often told us that as girls, we should only be close to other girls. I think the idea is because if it’ll be awkward to hang out with guyfriends after they’re married (though that problem would be solved if you and your husband are both friends with the other guy and his wife!). But I’m thinking, “If you’re only friends with other girls, how are you gonna eventually find a guy to marry??” And it really bothers me that society doesn’t accept that a guy and a girl can just be friends. Wouldn’t it be beneficial to have friends of the opposite gender, at least so you can learn a bit of how they think in preparation for marriage?

        • Yeah, sorry… ;P SO much work to click on my profile and click the “follow” button. Do hard things, Josh. Do hard things.

          • I haven’t been. I took a break for a few months because internet was becoming too high on my priority list, kwim? I’m doing ok though! This week I’m transitioning to a new 2-day-a-week, homeschooler-slash-private school. I have some friends in it, but the workload is REALLY intense. I’m excitedly nervous. πŸ˜‰

          • It’s good to take a break when you need to. πŸ™‚ Wow…I have no idea what that means, lol, but it sounds cool! I’m sure you’ll do very well.

          • Thanks… I sure hope so! Basically, it’s a homeschool co-op that meets twice a week, but the atmosphere is more like a small private school.

  • “Treat younger men as brothers … and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.” -1 Timothy 5:1b-2 NIV

  • I have learned that women are more emotional and men are more visual. So I would say, to encourage your brothers, dress modestly. It may seem stalkerish, but I notice when a girl takes effort to dress tastefully and modestly, and that really encourages me. It encourages me, because they are obey God; they are acting wisely; they are protecting themselves; they are thinking of their brothers; and they are encouraging men to look at them in a different way – personally not physically.

    • Thank you so much for inputting from a brother’s point of view. I think it very important to be knowlegable from sides of a brother and sister relationship and that both the brother and sister consider each other as such and make a concerted effort not to cause one another to stumble for any reason whatsoever. In fact, I was once talking with a fellow brother and sister in Christ and we were discussing the pointlessness of junior high dating. Anyhow my sister and I mentioned that most of the times that girls date at such a young age is to fill some kind of emotional void. Our brother mentioned that most guys that date at a young age is mostly because of a visual/physical attraction to the person. Again supporting the point that girls are more emotional while guys are more visual. For all the sisters out there, consider that we are very emotionally influenced. Recognize it because it’s a reality. So girls please be practical, it’s probably best to stay away from chic flics and love songs; as superficial as they may be they feed those emotions and it’s better to stay away from those things. The best advice I have been given and would like to pass on is to pray ( and this applies to guys as well ). Pray for God to guard you heart and mind and cleanse of all impure thoughts. That He would make us completely pure in every way. The Holy Spirit in us gives power, love, and a sound mind. Love and a sound mind, that’s brother and sisterhood. Our brothers and sisters in Christ are supposed to be just that brothers and sisters that help you grow in your relationship with God the Father. Also one last thing, guys out there correct me if I’m wrong, but guys don’t mean any more of what they say than exactly what they said. So don’t read into things they say or do. If a guys sits near you at church or school or whatever and there were a bunch of empty seats elsewhere it means absolutely NOTHING. Maybe possibly that they didn’t want to look like loners sitting all by themselves. But they don’t mean anything more than what they say or do.

      • True, sometimes. We can have double meanings sometimes. I also overthink as well, which is usually a characteristic of women. At least that’s what I have been told form other girls.

        In addition, girls, if you suspect something, ask the guy. They may not know that they are acting that they like you, or know how their actions are affecting your emotions. If you don’t and make assumptions, it can cause serious damage that could have been avoided.

        If you’re like me, also, you’ll feel compelled to sit or talk with someone who is alone.

  • This is quite the topic! I have a question though and I need a guy’s opinion. So, my dad has a rule that any guy who wants my number has to ask him first (even if it’s purely platonic friends!). That’s really hard for me because I have guy friends who I would like to be able to text with, but if I ask them to ask my dad first, I feel like it makes it look like there more to our friendship then platonic friends. What do y’all think? Does it make it awkward or anything?

    • Honestly, I’ve thought that before. I email a couple guys, and with emailing them, I have to send it to my mom as well. But it’s only for accountability, not because she’s worried about every single guy I come in contact with. I’ve had that thought of giving guys the wrong idea when I state that rule, that maybe I was reading too much into their friendship. Which, has never been the case for me. But don’t compromise your standards because a guy might think it’s awkward. It probably will be awkward, especially if the guy’s not familiar with that rule (I’ve heard of it in other families too, so I’m not the only one!). But in the long run, you’re honoring your parents, and ultimately honoring God. Besides, who knows – one of your friends may think that there’s something more and that would be a way for you and your parents to be accountable in that friendship. But you don’t have to present it like, “So… um… this might be a shocker, but you’ve gotta ask my dad first… *wince*”. Just state it as it is – and don’t apologize for it! Your parents just want what’s best for you and are doing it how they think is necessary. πŸ™‚

    • If it makes you feel any better, she hardly ever talks to me about emails that she reads. When she does, it’s 99% always “Lauren, you need to do this, you’re being too ____”, or “Lauren, So-and-So is trying to do this for you, don’t do ____”. So yeah, don’t worry about it. I do have a very close relationship with my mom, and actually she’s kind of like me a lot, so… yeah.
      Haha, actually now that I think about it, the first time I ever had to email a parent was when I started emailing this one girl back three years ago maybe. Her parents had that rule that whoever their kids email, they had to send it to *both* of their parents, too. I felt only slightly awkward, but we didn’t keep up the correspondence and all she really wanted to do was talk about sewing and cooking (*cough* not my cup of tea at all *cough cough*). So I was good. πŸ˜‰ Aaaanyway, I enjoy talking to you too! Maybe when you go to Summit, you can drop down sometime and finally meet everyone. πŸ˜‰

  • As a girl, I don’t at all alter how I act around guys vs girls. I’m extremely tom-boyish, because, well, my only friends for the first 8 years of my life were boys. I actually understand them better than I understand girls. The only thing I do different is call the guys ‘dude’, ‘man,’ ‘bro’ or any other assortment of things that guys call each other. My parents know I’ve got quite the bubble, and am not afraid to tell someone to back off if things get weird. I’ve got a very close guy friend who may as well be my brother, and we frequently Facebook and email. My parents trust me in this matter, and don’t feel the need to oversee any conversations.

    I’d say instead of hugging, just fist bump. Keep a respectful distance, like you would with a girl you don’t know all that well.

  • What do you do if there is segregation of the sexes at church? At my church we have a guys pew and a girls pew I’m fine with sitting with guys because I’m home schooled. What should I do?

    • I’ve never heard of a church doing this; I think that’s a very unhealthy practice that your church has, and it sounds like it’s rooted in very deep legalism about gender roles and/or sexual purity. I would advise you to talk to the pastor and elders and tell them you don’t think this is right, and if they give their reasons and cite Bible verses to support it and you still don’t feel it’s right, you should find Bible passages that show opposite ideas and come back and go over the counterpoints. I think it’s important for members of the church to engage with the pastors and leaders of the church if there’s something they’re doing that you don’t agree with, because my pastor has really humbled himself and thrown away a lot of legalistic restrictions from people going to him and saying “I don’t see this in the Bible”. Other than that, you shouldn’t disrespect your church by breaking their rules and sitting in the wrong pew, so I would advise you sit in the girls’ pew or maybe find another church that doesn’t segregate. I’m homeschooled too, and I’ve always had an easier time interacting with girls than boys (I’m a boy) so I feel you.

        • It is not a practice our church has I have a friend who said that he would ask the guys why they don’t sit with the girls. Honestly I don’t care if they don’t sit with us. What should I do?

rebelling against low expectations

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