rebelling against low expectations

How can I be humble in disagreements?


ANONYMOUS WRITES: In my youth group we’ve been having a fairly heated discussion and we’re planning to take up the subject again next week. And here’s the deal, how can I be humble when Sunday hits — especially if I disagree? Also, how can I focus on loving God better (through this conversation) and not get lost in theoretical fluff? Thanks, y’all!

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are submitted by real rebelutionaries who are looking for godly answers to tough questions and lively conversation with other young adults. You can join the conversation by commenting below. If you'd like to submit your own discussion question, email us at [email protected].


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  • Try not to have the attitude of “you’re wrong, I’m right, and I’m going to prove it to you.” Try to understand where the other people are coming from, realize you can learn something from their opinions, and be willing to apologize if you hurt someones feelings. You can shove your opinions down people’s throats all you like and it may not win one soul for the Lord. That should be our mission as Christian’s (and I’m not saying it isn’t already yours). Just be loving, and, if you are proved wrong, be willing to graciously admit it.
    Keep shining

  • This is a very good question! I struggle with the same thing. My tip is to just focus on God’s Word and His truth. Fill your mind with scripture and meditate on it. When people disagree with you on things like this, you will typically find yourself in the Word more often searching for answers. Be open as you read the Bible and form your opinion based on God’s Word. If you do this God will bless you for your efforts. Just remember that we can all be wrong and God is the one who is all truthful. Seek Him to find the truth.

    As for being humble, respectfully give facts from the Bible and realize that everyone is in different stages of their relationship with God. There have definitely been times when we were wrong in different areas. Remember those times and ask God to help you humble yourself.

    Hope this helps! Sometimes my sentences just get jumbled together when I’m tired, so this might not be very eloquent. Ask if this sounds confusing because I can probably explain it better later.

  • Honestly my advice is if you think you can’t be humble about it, and if it isn’t edifying, stay out of the discussion. Why? 2 Timothy 2. In this challenging chapter, Paul urges Timothy to avoid useless arguments:

    “Remind them of these things, and charge them before God not to quarrel about words, which does no good, but only ruins the hearers.”
    ‭(‭2 Timothy‬ ‭2:14‬)

    “Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels.”
    (‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭2:23‬)

    Theological discussions are beneficial, but arguments are not! Our goal should be edify and encourage each other, and when we must disagree, we should do so with a humble and gentle spirit:

    “And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth…”
    ‭(‭2 Timothy‬ ‭2:24-25‬)

    Our job is not to fix people, even if we are right – God does the work! Our words plant the seeds and God grows them and leads them to repentance and “a knowledge of the truth.”

    So if you do get involved in this discussion, remember, gentleness is key. If the words you say build up and encourage your fellow believers, you’re on the right track! And remember And I highly recommend you read all of 2 Timothy or at least chapter 2. Paul’s advice to Timothy is so relevant to us younger believers!

    I’ll be praying for you! This is definitely a difficult thing to navigate. Remember that no matter the outcome, 2 Timothy 2 reminds us that God may still lead those in the wrong to a knowledge of the truth! Praying for those who may disagree with you may help you to humbly trust the end result to Christ.


  • Whenever I have disagreements with someone, I try to identify where they are right. Often, things may sound wrong to me, but in some sense they are actually not far from the truth. Then I determine how significant of an issue it is. Am I just pointing out their error for the sake of being right, or is it really something that needs to be addressed? In a church that disagrees with a lot of my beliefs, I’ve had to learn to let some things go, even if I know a person’s wrong; pointing out every mistake won’t edify or help them.

    There’s an attitude component to being humble and also an outward component. The only why I can hope to have a humble attitude is to realize a couple things: (1) I’m a wretched sinner saved only by God’s incredible grace, (2) I’ve been wrong about so many things so many times, (3) I am dealing with a brother or sister in Christ who is trying to follow Him just as I am. When I dwell in the scriptures, bow before God in prayer, He will build humility in me; I cannot make myself humble.

    But there’s also the outward component, which mainly expresses itself in gentleness. How can I be gentle and kind when I disagree with someone? As I said before, identity and affirm where we both agree. Compliment where they reason and use scripture well. Avoid making statements about them, and focus instead on directing them to scripture. Use statements like “I think,” “It seems to me,” “See if you agree,” “As far as I can tell, this verse seems to be saying,” “Consider it this way” rather than “Obviously” and “You’re wrong.” Admit that you could be wrong.

    As I said, I can’t make myself humble. The more I try the more proud I get at how humble I am. Rely on God, and always keep His grace at the center of the conversation!

  • This is a short thought, but sometimes truly listening to other people helps being humble a lot. You will be surprised at how much you learn from their perspective, and it will help you to 1. see where they are coming from and 2. possibly find out where YOU have been wrong. If it is turning into an argument, get out. While I certainly don’t know what the topic is, theological arguments over the finer points of theology have split up churches and ruined relationships so often. Watch where you get prideful, pray for humility, and pray that the Lord will make this discussion edifying to the church. Ask Him to teach you on Sunday, to show you what the Bible has to say a bout this subject, and to make it a topic of healthy discussion, not of meaningless arguments.

  • Don’t get emotionally involved. Because once emotions flare up it becomes more about how we feel then actually thinking about other’s arguments and making good points that may prove our view. Also remember to be gracious. Everyone is at a different place in their walk of life and when someone doesn’t see something just like you do, it’s a perfect time to show Christ-like love and grace.

    There may come a time where you will just have to agree to disagree about something and that is perfectly all right!

  • Well, this isn’t any easy thing to do. I get in “debates” and “heated discussions” myself, and find that I can’t humble myself by my own strength. The way I have had to do it is just this: I humble myself by listening to their points, and agreeing with the true parts, also agreeing to disagree is a solid way to do it. I myself, believe there is only one way to heaven, but have had many discussions with people who believe you get to heaven solely through works.

    I am sometimes pretty stubborn, so when I get into heated discussions, I PRAY! I have tried to humble myself by my own strength, and failed have several times! Only Christ gives me the power to love my friends AND enemies, and still disagree with them. I have to ask for God’s guidance in what to do and say, so that i am disagreeing in a loving way.

    I would definitely encourage you to spend some time with God and ask for His guidance in humbling yourself, I would also encourage you to look in the gospels where Jesus disagrees with the pharisees, yet is still demonstrating love! Hope this helps!! -Isaac K.

  • I think it is good to have rational discussions if their is a solid leader to oversee it. It is always best not to get defensive. Be respectful at all times. Questioning the opposing peoples’ viewpoints for an explanation is good, but unless their view is supported by scripture and not just opinion, it shouldn’t be accepted as right. You need to be prepared and know your stuff before you get involved. That should give you confidence. has an enormous amount of right information on any subject. Everything lines up with scripture even for the “gray areas” that people want to continually debate.

    Study scripture and ask godly adults their opinions. It is always helpful to get another perspective.

    To His Glory,
    Mrs. Jean

  • I would definitely pray about it, and ask for God’s help. And also, make sure that your heart is in the right place. Sometimes in a debate, I find myself just wanting to best the other person, rather than just explain and debate respectfully on why I have the opinion that I do. And that’s when I start getting prideful. So I pray that God would give me the right heart attitude before I go and do the debate.

  • Personally when I get into heated conversations (which is a little more often than id like to admit) I have to remember that even if Im right, winning the arguments isnt as important as keeping a friendship. I also have to keep my pride in check (just like Amelia said) because when doing things out of a bad attitude or mentality it just drives people away from you.

  • I basically agree with what everyone else commented. 🙂
    I want to highlight that praying for humility is so, so important. It has literally changed my life! Being humble (in any circumstance) can be very challenging, but when you pray continuously that God will give you a sense of humility, He won’t withhold it from you!
    Also, keep in mind during the discussion that boasting in your points/knowledge and being snarky will NOT get you anywhere. It just makes the other people more mad and ready to prove your points wrong! That might not be the case for every situation, but it is for the ones that I’ve been in.
    Be willing to listen to their points, and DON’T interrupt them. You’re not Donald Trump. (Okay, sorry, I couldn’t resist that joke.)
    Finally, remember who you are and who you represent. Treat these people the way Christ would treat them in the situation.

  • You already have some fantastic advice here! I’m not sure if you’re a reader and it’d be tough to read the whole book before Sunday, but the book Tactics by Gregory Koukl is amazing!
    The whole book is on defending what you believe in a godly, humble, yet effective way.
    As someone who loves a good debate, I found this book to be very informative and helpful. It’s certainly one of my top favorites! I’d highly recommend it for you!
    One general theme or “tactic” it shares is to argue with questions. Ask the person how they arrived at the conclusion they have stated; forcing them to defend themselves. If you’re confident you’re right or there’s an error of logic, ask questions to help them recognize their error. say “Have you considered…?” and then share an alternative.

    Anyway, in addition to everythign that has been said, just thought I’d throw this out there. 😉

    • I love that book! recently bought it and it is SO helpful and relative. I have tried using its ideas and it works beautifully, as long as you are careful to keep your tone in check (many of those sort of questions can seem to personally attack your debater, especially if they are particularily defensive, like some people can be)

  • Do your best not to get frustrated and angry. Keep your emotions in check and calmly state what you think. People will always disagree with you its just how you choose to react that decides how the argument will go. And listen to everyone elses advice as well these are some really smart people!

    • Thanks for asking, they actually delayed it until yesterday and I was gone so I missed it. I really appreciate all y’all’s advice though.

  • This goes for all disagreements you might be in: first, make sure your don’t get disrespectful. Don’t totally just blow the other person off, even if they are the most annoying person you have ever met. Second, examine both sides of the argument. Entertain the thought about the opposing argument being correct. Third, don’t get mad. That leads to being disrespectful.

rebelling against low expectations

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