rebelling against low expectations

Three Reasons to Choose Forgiveness Instead of Bitterness


She’s just so perfect.

The thought ran through my mind as I scrolled through my friend’s Facebook page.

She’s so pretty. So smart. So godly and wise. On her way to such a great career. Can’t she ever just seem normal?

But, in spite of all that perfection, this friend hurt me. She initiated our relationship, but then didn’t contact me for months, and wouldn’t respond to my efforts to reach out. She’d been too busy for me when I was going through a rough time and needed her prayers and support.  I know she didn’t intend to hurt me, but her actions still stung. I thought of her as a friend, but then realized I wasn’t a priority to her at all.

Both things—her “perfect status,” which made me feel like I couldn’t measure up, and her actions toward me—were like baking soda and vinegar in my heart. A sizzling explosion of hurt, resentment, and bitterness.


It’s an emotion no one wants to admit they have or, if they do acknowledge it, it’s something they never want to talk about.

Why such an unpopular topic?

Well, frankly, because it’s ugly. It shows the worst side of us. It’s a hard pill to swallow and leaves a nasty taste in our mouth.

But, if we’re truly honest, I think we’d all find a little of it in our hearts. I didn’t want to think I was bitter toward my friend but, as I dug down deep, I realized my attitude toward her was anything but loving.

Now, I was caught in a trap. Every time we talked, I was trying to prove myself and — shamefully enough — almost trying to make her feel the same way I felt. I confess that I wanted her to feel like she couldn’t compare to me. Like she wasn’t as good as me.

It’s a vicious cycle. Because, you know what? After I acted that way, I didn’t leave the conversation feeling victorious, but instead, more defeated.

I was undoubtedly bitter toward my friend.

And something needed to change.

One day, when I was feeling particularly hurt, I wrote this in my prayer journal:

“Father, forgive me. I have such bitterness in my heart toward Ashley*. Forgive me, Lord, and take it away. Pull up this destroying root in my heart. Help me love her as You love her. Let me not compete with her or compare myself to her. You made her to be exactly who You want her to be. And You made me the same. Help me rejoice in her successes and think only loving thoughts toward her.”

*Not her real name.

I have to admit, my bitterness didn’t go away immediately. But it was the beginning of freedom.

I’ve now come to realize that what I was bitter about was petty and small, compared to the deep hurts many carry.  Those caused by severed relationships, broken promises, shattered trust, or unspeakable betrayal. This kind of pain is much harder to release, but doing so is especially vital if we desire to walk the road of true freedom.

As I brought this bitterness to God, He taught me three important things:

1. It only hurts yourself.

My friend didn’t have any idea she’d hurt me. At least, I don’t think she did. My attitude was only hurting me—my relationship with God and my relationship with her. It didn’t accomplish anything. Bitterness, though it can be brought on by valid circumstances, is pointless and futile. It only leads to more anger and, eventually, regret.

2. It takes time to heal.

I was upset at my friend because she had hurt me. I wasn’t about to deny that fact, or try to stuff down my emotions. Doing so would only cause more bitterness. I couldn’t expect the pain of the situation, or the facts, to automatically disappear. It takes time to truly forgive and let go.

3. Forgiveness is a choice—not an emotion.

Remember how I said my bitterness didn’t end right away? I had to choose to let it go. Choose to love her, because God loves her, and if I truly love God, I cannot not love her.

Love and forgiveness are sometimes feelings and then actions but, more often than not, they’re actions and then feelings. As we choose to let go of our bitterness, God will fill us with His love and give us the feelings in time.

This isn’t easy, however, because we’re by nature “feelings” driven people. We base our reality on our emotions. But feelings are fickle and contrary. The answer is not to stuff them down or deny their existence, but instead, acknowledge them, and day by day, minute by minute, relinquish them to God.

The Love That Sets Us Free

However, in the end, no matter what we do, there is only one thing that can truly set us free from bitterness.

The love of Jesus.

It was because of love that Jesus died to forgive us, and it is only because of that love and forgiveness that we—flawed, sinful human beings—can even hope to offer it to one another.

Forgiveness is hard, no doubt about it.

But it’s the extravagant love of Jesus Christ, poured from His body as He hung on the Cross, that now fills our hearts. Breath-taking, awe-inspiring, humbling love.

We have the ability to offer that same love to others. How amazing is that?

We don’t deserve it. The person that hurt us doesn’t deserve it.

But we have it all the same. And Jesus is asking us to give love, no matter if we think that person is deserving or not. We probably won’t feel like it. Our flesh certainly won’t want to. But it’s a choice, remember? A choice that brings beautiful rewards.

Today, I choose love. I choose forgiveness. I choose to let go of my bitterness, so Christ’s love can fill me to overflowing.

Now, I have a question for you.

What will you choose?

Share Your Thoughts in the Comment Section!

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Photo courtesy of ITU Pictures via Flickr Creative Commons.


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    • Thank YOU for reading! I’m so glad you enjoyed it!

      Lovely profile picture, BTW! So great to be able to put a face to a name! 🙂

  • All very true Sara! Thank you for writing this!
    I’ve heard it said that being bitter is like swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die.

    • Wow, I’ve never heard that, but there is so much truth there! Thanks for sharing, and taking the time to read it! 🙂

  • Bitterness is an ugly thing, and it can destroy relationships. Thank you for your insight! Great writing!

    • Aww, thanks so much for reading! And, you just might want to keep an eye open for another article in the next few weeks! *wink* 🙂

  • This is a great article! Sometimes it is hard to love people that hurt you, and to not compare yourself to others. Thanks for sharing it with us!

    • Thank YOU for reading it, Tim! It means so much to me that you would take the time to do so! 🙂 And yes, you’re right… it IS hard, but like I mentioned in the article, forgiveness and love is amazingly freeing!

      Thanks again! 🙂

    • Aww, thank you so much for your kind words, Moriah! I’m so glad it was a blessing to you! 🙂

      • Yes. 🙂 I had a situation with a friend very similar to what you described. I have found this to be true in my life: Bitterness has a bitter price. It only gnaws away at your own heart, multiplies your misery, and causes wounds to fester. So much more sweet and freeing to forgive so that we can be forgiven–as we have been forgiven! {Matt. 6:12 } Just like you encouraged! Whenever I struggle with unforgiveness/bitterness in relationships, I try to remember that as well as what the Word of God says about love keeps no record of wrongs. {1 Cor 13:5}

        • Amen! You put that beautifully! So, so true! I love what you said, “Bitterness has a bitter price.” I’m sorry to hear you’ve gone through a similar situation, but it’s great to hear that you’ve learned so much and choose to respond so well! Thanks for sharing, Moriah! Your comment truly blessed me! 🙂

  • Thank you! I have been struggling with bitterness toward some leadership that hurt me deeply. This was very helpful to read.

    • Oh, Eliza! That’s so encouraging to me that it was helpful! I’m sorry that you’re struggling! I know it’s incredibly hard when leadership does something hurtful. :'( Praying you find healing from this situation! Be blessed, my friend! <3

  • Thank you so much, Sara! Your words rang so true and resonated a lot with me: I’m currently going through a very similar, complicated situation and I will look back on this as a reminder when I’m feeling… well, bitter. Thank you for letting God work through your gifts 🙂

    • Hi Katie! I just saw this comment, and it absolutely made my day!!!! I’m so glad you enjoyed this, and that it resonated with you! I’m so, so, very blessed and humbled that God would use my small words to minister to you. I pray that your situation is resolved and that peace and unity is restored. Thank you, Katie, for reading this and commenting! God bless! 🙂

  • Great article, Sara! I’ve been getting into arguments with my brother because we thought we were better than each other, but with your article, it will become less bitter. Thank you so much!

    • I’m so glad it was helpful to you! Sibling conflicts can be hard, but truly never worth it. I’m so glad you’re able to apply these points!!! Thanks for reading! 🙂

rebelling against low expectations

The Rebelution is a teenage rebellion against low expectations—a worldwide campaign to reject apathy, embrace responsibility, and do hard things. Learn More →