rebelling against low expectations

Why I Didn’t Cry


I watched a sad movie, but I didn’t cry.

It was more than sad, really – it was scary and gruesome, but I just cringed a little. No tears here.

Don’t be surprised, because I’ve grown up with this sort of thing. After it rings in your ears and clutters your Facebook, you just get used to it. It’ll be okay.

The plot? Little children having their spines snipped – by a doctor, no less. And one or more of these said snipped ones being kept in a freezer. Nightmare material, certainly.

But I didn’t cry.

What’s the point? I wonder at the talking heads. You said all along that it’s perfectly legal to suck out the brains of a human called a fetus. What’s all the fuss about snipping the spine now that it’s called a baby?

I stared at the image on the screen, a gash in the back of a neck. Flinched a little. Felt uneasy in my stomach. Nothing brimmed the lashes, though.

Even though he could have lived. His mother – someone could have stepped in and spoken up and said that they cared about her and about him and that no gashes were necessary. They could have cried with her and over her.

But isn’t this just one of those things? Isn’t this what we wanted?

And the gash is in our conscience and our nation, but we don’t cry because it’s what we do. It’s our choice.

Besides, if I cried over this one, I’d have to cry over, oh, about 56,000,000 others. Who can wrap their mind around that number? I just live my life and forget that they never got one.

Now the gash is in me, and surely something in me must be snapped. If the knowledge in my head connected to my heart, surely my hands would fly and my feet would run and the tears would flow.

The bloody pictures still flash on the screen and then it’s all over. I’m numb and ice.

Later, I pace and think mangled thoughts and pray flailing prayers. God, have mercy. God, have mercy.

On the snipped spinal cord of this country that separates its conscience from truth, on the church with a heart in the freezer. On me, because I have no tears.

I don’t even notice the gash anymore. Oh, God, give me feeling again. Let me cry.

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About the author

Kori Buchanan

is a 22-year-old who graduated with a music degree last year and is currently learning to embrace whatever adventure God sends her. Besides teaching piano, she plays piano in the music ministry at her church, loves working with her kiddos in Awana and Good News Club, and enjoys spending time with her family. She also writes at


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  • Wow. WHAT a picture of our apathy. Kori, thanks for the candid reminder. Doesn’t it hurt, really, REALLY hurt to think of all those babies dead and gone because no one cared? It’s so, SO wrong. What would those babies have been like? What would have been their favorite color? Who would have been their best friend? Who would they have married? Or was their future best friend and future spouse murdered too? Yes, it really, REALLY hurts.

    • You’re right, Bethany! It does hurt when we stop to think about it. So often I’m guilty of looking at the statistics and not stopping to realize that each one represents an individual — a personality, a potential. The loss really starts to hit home then.

  • I saw the pictures as well. And I had the same reaction. We cannot get used to the horrors of abortion! It has to continually horrify us, till we do something to end it.

    • Brooke, great thoughts in your post. It definitely is a dangerous thing when we become numb to to the needs of others and no longer care enough to take action. Thanks for sharing!

  • So true! Unfortunately, it doesn’t stop there. How many times do we look away from a homosexual “marriage” or someone’s religious freedom being taken away, or a Christian being brutally executed just because of their faith? Do I have your permission to put this article on the website my friend and I share?

  • Kori, I understand what you’re saying here. I join you in praying, “God, help me feel.” This is an issue that needs to be confronted and we must do something about it, but until it grips our hearts at the very core of our being, we will never do anything. Thank you for your honesty and beauty in writing this. God bless!

  • Thank you so much for sharing Kori! I’ve been thinking a lot about that exact same thing lately!

  • I feel so stuck, Kori. I am trying to reach out and have started pro-life ministries at our church, and tried to be involved in a crisis pregnancy center. But it makes you feel helpless. And you just start to disengage, and unfortunately forget and become wrapped up in the daily grind of your life. And in the meantime nearly 4,000 abortions occur each day. Hearing that, when I really think about it–it floors me. Is this just part of facing the judgement of where we are as a church, as families, as a nation? I feel like so many people don’t know, half-care, or forget. How do we get out of this mess?

    I try to educate myself, and hearten myself by the good testimonies. But the horror goes on. </3 Thank you for writing this though.

  • It continually boggles my mind how America can call abortion legal….how every day, thousands of innocent unborn babies are being killed, as an “easy way out”…..I feel strongly about this, that abortion is wrong and that it must be stopped…God cares especially for children and babies…how can we ruin the potential lives of innocent babies??? Thank you for you post. -Kaiti

  • Kori, I read this and then went to you blog and read a few posts. You so eloquently describe how I feel sometimes, and the posts have been a great encouragement to me. Could you possibly post something about the good news club? It sounds like something that I have wanted to start for a while, but have been a little unsure as to how to go about it. Thank you for sharing, and God bless!

  • I just read this today and wanted to say that this is where I am right now, with the recent PP videos especially. I am an introvert, meaning I don’t (usually) react to anything super emotionally – but here I have no excuse for my dry eyes and calm stomach.
    I hope God has answered your prayers since you posted this, but for me, my prayer continues to be “Oh God, give me feeling again. Let me cry.”
    Thank you for posting this – it was encouraging to me to know that I’m not the only one who feels this way.

  • Hey Kori…I just wanted to say this hit me right between the eyes. Our youth pastor is doing a class on abortion this Sunday. Last Sunday he encouraged us to educate ourselves on the subject. I was just like, okay, this can’t be to hard. All I have to do is know that abortion is murder, right?, nothing personal. I’m a Christian, I know murder is wrong, but it happens all the time, what can I do to stop it? Today, I read this article. I felt so much guilt. I also went on the Abort 73 website. I saw real pictures of an aborted baby. I saw how the “doctors” murdered babies. I stopped breathing, as I saw and read story after story from women who had had abortions. I couldn’t stop thinking about how many have been unmercifully and painfully killed. Why DIDN’T I cry before??!! Today I cried for the first time about abortion. God has opened my eyes. I don’t know what to do with this new knowledge yet, but I know God will show me in time.
    Thank you!!!!!!

  • im 12. i wish i could speak out against abortion but I’m only 12. what can i do? who would listen to me? any ideas?

rebelling against low expectations

The Rebelution is a teenage rebellion against low expectations—a worldwide campaign to reject apathy, embrace responsibility, and do hard things. Learn More →