I am a work in progress.
I said the prayer as a short and plump five-year-old. I remember the day vaguely. I was sitting cross-legged on my mom’s bed as she led me in a prayer asking God into my heart.
I don’t remember the conversation leading up to that prayer. I don’t remember the exact words I said. The words and the prayer didn’t matter. But the condition of my heart did, and it was crying out to God.
I’m Not a “Good” Christian Girl
I’ve grown up in a strong Christian family.
I’ve gone to church almost every Sunday of my life. Even Christmas Sunday. I try to dress modestly. I try to be kind. I try to include new people at church. I try to be nice to my siblings. I try to be an obedient daughter. I try not to be judgmental. I try to do all these things just like a good Christian girl is supposed to.
But no matter how hard I try I just can’t be a “good Christian.”
I am a hypocrite. I am a liar. I am a slanderer. I am disobedient. I am a glutton. I am judgmental. I am lazy. I am a cheater. I am a thief. I am proud. I am mean to my sister.
I have doubts sometimes. Doubts that Jesus is Lord. That He is the Alpha and Omega, Beginning and the End. That He is King of my life. Sometimes I even doubt that the prayer I said so proudly with all my heart when I was five was even heard by God.
Sometimes in the Christian walk, you have days where God is making you new and renewing your mind. Other days, it’s like you’re going backward uphill with a blindfold on.
But There is Hope: I’m Not Alone
However, I am not alone in this Christian walk and neither are you. Something talks to me, leads me, guides my step over boulders, around pitfalls, and under roadblocks.
The Holy Spirit resides in me. Even when God seems so far out of reach and earshot, He’s right beside me, through me, and within me.
I know that He is here because I can look back over my life. I can look back over the past twelve years of my Christian walk. All the way since that plump little girl prayed with all her heart that Christ would be with her and forgive her sinful soul.
I can look back now and understand some of the whys and hows of what He has done for me. Not all of them, but some. The truth that I have seen His work in my own life overwhelms all my doubts.
We all have a story. Mine is so small in light of how big this universe is and so is yours. But our story’s purpose is still big enough to bring glory to God. Our purpose and our mission in life is to use our story for His glorification.
I am not a good Christian. No one is.
No one has ever achieved that title except Jesus himself. We are all sinners and we’ve all fallen short of the glory of God.
The Christian walk isn’t perfect, it’s really messy. It’s full of bumps and bruises and lots of tears, but it is the right walk.
This week I opened up my Bible for a quiet time with the Lord. He led me to read Psalm 46.
I want to encourage you today in your Christian walk. If you’re going backward uphill with a blindfold on, just remember: That is still moving forwards.
“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy habitation of the Most High. God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns. The nations rage, the kingdoms totter, he utters his voice, the earth melts. The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Come, behold the works of the Lord, how he has brought desolations on the earth. He makes wars cease to the end of the earth he breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the chariots with fire.’Be still, and know that I am God! I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!’ The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.” – Psalm 46
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Awesome blog post Haven! I’m not a teen anymore but I can relate to not being a “good Christian”. Your post is encouraging and I pray it touches many hearts for the glory of God.
Thank you for such kind words Leanna! It warms my heart to know my writing can encourage others (:
You nailed this, Haven. Such a needed reminder. Thank you for writing it!
Thank YOU Jaquelle, for publishing it!!! 😀
Haven, this was great!! Thank you so much for writing this! 🙂
Thank you sweet friend for reading it (:
It was a blessing to read it! 🙂
Wonderfully written Haven! Thank you for the encouragement!
I am so glad my small words could be of encouragement to you Katelyn! Thank you for reading (:
This is so good Haven. So Good. Thank you very much for writing this piece!
Thank you so much Haylie!
Very encouraging and very helpful. Well I have two siblings, a sister that I try to get along with, but she and I argue even over small things(It’s hard to be the oldest sometimes), I try to remember to pray for her but it’s hard and a youngest brother who is so energetic at times even before we go to bed.
But they are good friends still(even when we get angry at each other) they are fun, creative, and adventurous. I thank God for my two siblings, I don’t know where i’d be without them.
Thank you for your comment Piragi and thank you for reading!
I argue with my siblings too and we don’t always get along. But I am so thankful that they show me the love of Jesus every day and forgive and forget the mean things I often say and do. They are my best friends!
Jesus forgives and forgets my faults and short comings and just like it says in Psalm 46 “God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns.”
Jesus is my greatest friend (:
Thank you so much. You have no idea how much this post helped me today. May God bless you!
I am so glad my small words could encourage you today Melissa! I am blessed by your comment (: Thank you for reading!
Such a good reminder! Thank you Haven!
Thank you for reading Abigail 😀
Great article Haven!
Thank you Hailey!
Thank you so much for this Haven! It’s so easy to be caught up in check-lists and rules and then be devastated when I fail them. But it shouldn’t be, since we’re human after all. 🙂 So thank you for this reminder!
You are so right Belle! I get caught on that roller coaster too. Thank you for reading my article and I am so happy it encouraged you (:
Thanks so much for this post! I’m not very open about myself and even hesitated just commenting, but it’s really a great reminder that we all our human failures, even if I’m one of the bigger ones. In my very few circles, people just seem to me that they don’t struggle with some of the stuff I have, and they don’t even think twice about the possibility that I’ve done some of the stuff that I have. But thanks for reminding me that we’re all like that, even if some are worse than others and God is always holding out His hand to help pick us back up. 😀
Your failures are no bigger than mine no matter what they are. We have all fallen short of the glory of God. That is the beauty of His grace and forgiveness!
Even though we all come from different walks of life and struggle with different things Jesus loves us all the same and forgives all His children the same. He has washed us clean and we are perfect and beautiful in His eyes!
Thank you for reading and opening up about yourself. Your comment was such a blessing to me!
Thanks so much. It really does mean a lot that you took the time to say all that. Keep encouraging people, you’re good at it.
No one can ever be that good or perfect Christian, but it is nice to know that God is always there and will forgive us when we mess up bad.
So true Olivia! God’s grace and mercy is such a blessing that I can’t even comprehend all the implications of it. Thank you for reading and commenting (:
I recently discovered this website, as in yesterday, and have been been looking over things for the past 8 hours. I just wanted to say that I loved this post and really needed it. I feel the same way sometimes. I think “Am I really doing it right? Does God really hear me?” But once I turn to His word and read, I realize that it is the Devil who is causing that doubt and if I stay in the Bible than that worry won’t occur as much. Thank you so much for the post!
Brock, I am so glad that you found the Rebelution! The Reb has been a wonderful blessing to me as well!
You are so welcome for this article and I am so glad that the things God has been teaching me, others are learning too. That is such a beautiful part of the body of Christ!
Welcome to the Reb!