It had been a rough week. I was stressed out, and weary of doing all the small and big “hard things” in my life. More than that, I realized just how far my relationship with God had slid.
Don’t get me wrong, I was still “a good kid”. As a Pastor’s Kid, I’m extremely involved in my church. I am productively (and at times insanely) busy with school, work, extracurricular activities, and of course the “small hard things” of being part of a functioning family. But yet I felt completely drained spiritually.
I had allowed myself to make doing hard things my idol, robbing my heart and my time of what was rightfully God’s. And here I was, completely exhausted from doing so many good “hard things” in my own strength. I felt guilty even praying, but deep down inside I knew that praying was the only thing that COULD help me. So I started, anticipating a long Jacob like wrestling or some sort of penance process to regain my connection with God.
“God?”
“Yes Sierra?”
“Well I’m coming to you right now because I’ve really messed up. I’ve let life, and busyness, and even doing hard things come in between us. I feel so far away from you. I don’t know how to get back. I feel lost. I know the chasm between us is my fault, but I don’t know what can bridge the gap. It seems impossible…..” I went on and on, expressing my guilt, doubt, and remorse until finally fatigued from my own prayer, I paused to take a mental breath. And that is when God showed up. With just about the simplest most powerful answer I could ever imagine.
“Ok, you’re back”
I was amazed and awestruck. Could it really be this easy? Nah, I must have just imagined it, there’s no way it could be that simple. So I again started my repetitious doubtful prayer.
“That’s really cool God, but…you just don’t understand, I feel so far away from you, and I really failed this time…” God stops me mid sentence.
“SIERRA! JUST STOP!” he says in patient frustration. “It’s called Grace. I died so it COULD be this simple. Are you sorry for what you’ve done?”
“Yes”
“Do you want to come back, and restore the relationship we had?”
“Yeah”
“Then believe that I have forgiven you, accept my priceless Grace, and let’s move forward together doing hard things, for my strength is made perfect in weakness”
I sat in the silence, soaking up the peace that comes with surrender and forgiveness. I felt so relieved, and so close to God. But one question still remained unanswered in my mind.
“God, If getting reconnected with you is so easy, why did Jacob have to wrestle all night with the Angel before receiving the blessing he longed for, or why did the children of Israel have to wander in the wilderness for forty years before inheriting the land promised to them?”
“I am a God of mercy and love. Every time one of my children desires forgiveness and a reconnection with me, they are immediately granted their request if they just believe. This is why I died. But there is a time for everything, and the time for deep wrestling, and intense soul searching with God is while you ARE connected. The purpose of this is to deepen and sweeten the already existing connection. It pains me to watch people suffer when all things are possible for them if they just believe.”
“Wow God! I never thought of it that way before! That is really cool…God, I give you all my “hard things” that I’m involved in. Help me to put you first. And prioritize to effectively use my talents and gifts for your glory.”
I came away from my “Rebelutionary” conversation with God refreshed and rejuvenated. A new energy raced through me. I was ready to take on another day through His grace. Truly His strength is made perfect in our weakness!
+ Share Your Thoughts +
This is amazing and extremely eye opening!!! It is an excelent picture of the grace He made possible for us!! Thanks for this eye opener!! Stay strong girl, I feel ya!
Your sister in Christ,
Skyla
Great Post! Thanks so much.
Wow, thanks so much! One thing that really struck me is something that I feel so many of us miss – and something I’ve been noticing more and more in my life: Just because you’re doing hard things doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship with God is strong (and vice-versa).
I can be strong in my faith and yet be complacent, but I can also rebel against low expectations with the wrong motives and therefore drift away from Christ. Walking with Christ and rebelling against low expectations aren’t perfectly synonymous, but one will certainly lead us to do the other. If we focus on pleasing God, we are sure to do hard things in the midst of our relationship with Him.
Wow.after reading this and examining my heart, I found that this is exactly. What I needed to hear right now! Thanks for your post!!!!! 🙂
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained acces by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. (Romans 5:1-2)
In Him and through faith in Him we may approach God with freedom and confidence. (Ephesians 3:12)
Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:16)
For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone. If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that He might be the Lord of both the dead and living… (Romans 14:7-9)
Just a few verses of the many that apply to this subject. Thank you so much, Sierra, the truth of this remembrance weighs heavily on my heart. I think that so often we get burdened down by the sin we have committed, and wonder how we can renew our relationship with God. It feels like it should just be impossible… BUT IT’S NOT! That’s the beauty of it! It is so easy; but so hard at the same time. Surrendering is difficult. It is humbling and strengthening at the same time. So we need to remember, even though it seems so difficult, God’s grace takes this difficulty and lifts it from us in our failing state. May we each remember that as we go before the throne of grace. What a great and wonderful God we serve!
Wow that is amazing! So simple but so hard! Thanks for that post!
Hello Sierra! Your story is amazing….God is truly so gracious. How can we so easily forget?
IN HIS GRACE,
SAMANTHA
Thank you all for your encouraging comments! Sadie those verses are amazing! And I totally agree with you Nathan, just because God chooses to bless people and projects through us, doesn’t mean we’re connected. As Christians, I think that we often busy ourselves with reaching out to others and witnessing to them about God’s amazing grace, so much so that we often forget that we need that grace just as much as they do!
May we all continue to stay connected with Jesus!
Sierra W.
Thanks for that Sierra. I think we’ve all been there before. Thanks you for reminding us about the simplicity of the Christian life.
Thank you so much for posting this. This really is just what I needed right now. I now understand the full extent of God’s love, grace, mercy, and power.
Thank you so much! I was in exactly same place, I would start praying guilty prayer, rattling of things I’m sorry about, but then I wouldn’t listen to God. When I finally did, God was there, still. After many prayers. His grace is so abundant! Thank you!
Thank you soooo much Sierra, I had one of those conversations last night with God, and I needed this. Thank you so much. I didn’t quite get how easy it was last night.
It’s good to see you share this Sierra, so refreshing! I struggle like this too, and it’s so easy to feel hopelessly stuck, and not accept God’s simple solutions when they are offered. I really needed this. Thank you for the blessing. ^_^
I am kind of confused. God can answer us, but when we pray he does not talk back.. unless in certain circumstances.
Amazing story & testimony Sierra!
In His Grace!.
Thank you so much, Sierra! It’s exactly what I need right now–I felt very spiritually drained and miserable just the other day. I realized that I needed to talk to God about it, and He helped me and refreshed me. It’s encouraging to know that there are others struggling with the same things as I am, but not giving up. (1 Corinthians 10:13)
Thanks for the verses and comments, Sadie. They are encouraging, too.
That happened to me a week ago
WOW! This is SO amazing, Sierra, and true! May God grant us all the wanted feeling of being closer to Him! Thanks for sharing this! I know the exact same feeling…I was feeling so separated from him..he showed me a verse in the Bible..Isaiah 44:22..”I have blotted out like a thick cloud your transgressions and like a cloud your sins. Return to me for I have redeemed you.”
God is great!
Thank you so much!! This really helped me today!!
that is AWESOME!! Lord, You are so GREAT!!! Thank you, Sierra, for sharing!!
I was looking through the archives, and this post caught my attention – so I clicked on it.
And truly, I am glad I did!
This is such a great wording of truly pouring your heart out to God. It blows my mind that God is willing to take us back after we keep on fighting him.
God is really amazing!
I know, right!!
Thanks for bringing me here! 🙂
I’ve never been on this blog before and i love it!
Thank you for sharing this…. 🙂