rebelling against low expectations

11 Dating Tips for Christian Teens


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You think about it a lot. You wonder who it will be. You wish it could happen soon but it completely freaks you out. So let’s talk about it: dating.

Marriage is exciting. It’s wonderful, beautiful, and to be desired. It’s also hard, excruciating, joyful, hurtful, and incredibly fulfilling — at least this is what married people tell me, and from watching them, I believe it.

But before anyone can get married they have to go through the process of getting to know a person and pursuing love for them (at least if you practice the Western tradition of pursuing marriage).

Some people call this dating, other people call it courting — there are likely countless terms you could use for the process. In this article I am going to call it “dating” and define it as “the process of finding a spouse.”

I do not claim to be an expert: I realize that many varying opinions about dating float around Christian circles jumping over each other, getting mixed together, and consuming some people. I do not intend to defend a certain set of rules, or refute any. Neither will I pretend like I have the best advice, since I am not even married. Married people have the best dating advice since they have already done it!

My goal is to simply pass on, from one teen to another, some thoughts I have developed from my observations, personal experience, and advice from others.

So here goes:

1. You Don’t Need to Date

Your quality and purpose of life is not determined by whether or not you date or get married.

Always pursue God and health (spiritual, emotional, and physical) and you will be fine. If you meet someone who you want to do life with or that God is laying on your heart to pursue romantically, then you will still be fine.

Either way, the quality of your life is what you make it.

2. Be Mature in All Your Relationships

Feel free to interact with those of the opposite gender. It is not inappropriate; talking to someone does not mean you have a “crush on them” nor does it mean they have one on you.

Do not flirt: you are a grown up. You do not need to flirt in order to have fun with those of the other sex. Avoid doing anything you will regret once you are married.

One question you could ask yourself is “If I were married, would I mind my spouse knowing ‘that’ about me? And if I wouldn’t, then why am I doing it?”

Do not be self-conscious, but self-evaluate. In other words, do not focus on how you are being perceived, but instead focus on how you are making other people feel.

3. Honor Your Parents

They really do know more. Not only do they know more about life, dating, and men and women; but they know you pretty good, too.

Whether it is when, who, or how, honor what they think. Honor does not always mean doing exactly what they want, although it does many times. Rather, honor is placing high value on something. In this case, honoring your parents means valuing their opinions, advice, and rules.

Remember, more than likely they have dated at least once before. Furthermore, the honor you show your parents will set a precedent for how your kids honor you.

4. Do Not Stalk!

Stalking breeds infatuation and is disrespectful. Since “what you feed is what will grow” stalking will likely nurture a fantasy of familiarity and romance in your own head, while it may never have even crossed the other person’s mind.

Also, it is just down-right disrespectful. There is a reason we call stalkers “creepy.” Your crush is not an object for you to drool over, nor do you have to know everything about them or always be around them.

If you want to get to know someone, be bold about it. Talk and interact with them, face-to-face if you can, but give them plenty of room to breathe. If they do not respond in like manner, back off.
If you want to get to know someone, be bold about it. Talk and interact with them, face-to-face if you can, but give them plenty of room to breathe. If they do not respond in like manner, back off. Share on X

5. But Don’t Be Afraid To Date

Marriage is a worthy pursuit. Unless you have been given the gift of celibacy (which is probably not the case, since you decided to read an article about dating), marriage is for you.

The purpose of dating is to see if two people are a match. Do not be afraid if it does not work out, you have still fulfilled your purpose in dating.

6. Remember Everyone’s Story Is Different

There are no formulas for dating. Just because it happened a certain way for your older siblings or friends does not mean it will be that way for you.

For instance, some people fall in love immediately and they have a smooth dating experience. For other people, although God may be leading them, the feelings for each other take time to develop.

Some people date for many years, others date for months, or even weeks. Like any relationship, dating and marriage should not be put into a box.

7. Know the Person Before You Date

Although it is not crucial to be good friends before you start dating, the better you know someone the, well, better.

8. Celebrate the Differences

There will be differences, but they do not have to break the relationship. Enjoy them; laugh at them; be okay with learning. Differences are beautiful.

9. Take Dating Seriously

The reason you are dating is not just to have fun. Pursue the other person and treat them with honor. If you cannot do that, then you should not be dating: it is not fair to either of you. Remember, you are trying to figure out if the two of you are a marriageable match.

10. Lighten Up!

Have some fun! Your relationship is not so important that you cannot enjoy yourselves!

Although “to have fun” is not the purpose of dating, dating should be fun. Make memories! Laugh! Do romantic things, do normal things, do things together, and do things with your friends! Marriage will be one of the hardest things you do, so set a joyful precedent.

11. Always Pursue Spiritual Health First

I mentioned it before, but it’s worth repeating: always pursue health. It will benefit all of your relationships, ministry, career, and potential marriage.

If you want a healthy spouse, you need to be a healthy person right now. Share on X

If you want a healthy spouse, you need to be a healthy person right now. Any kind of health, whether spiritual, emotional, or physical, takes time and hard work. Start today.

Originally Published on 9/9/2014

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About the author

Christopher Witmer

is the 24-year-old Editor-in-Chief for Originally from Northern Minnesota, he lives with his family in Los Angeles where they moved to plant inner-city churches. He loves sports, travel, and music, but his passion is writing for God and lifting high the name of Jesus through his writing.


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  • Good Job Chris!!! I have to agree, I (thus far) have never dated anyone, but these will be good for me to remember!! 🙂 🙂

        • And it’s only a small part of the adventure of life!! And the adventure of life is only a small part of the eternal adventure of heaven!!! sigh, life goes on…

          • Hehe neither have I dated anyone (well yeah I’m only 13 but….) and Awesome sauce yeah, theses are really good things to remember…. for future years… like 5 later 😀

          • I’m almost 16 (depending on how ‘almost’ is almost. Three months is ‘almost’…. Right???) and my parents are cool with me dating, but i’m waiting for my prince charming.

          • Yeah 3 months is almost….. that’s cool…. see if I brought a boyfriend home at 16 I think my parents would kinda kill me 🙂 Well, I think group dates are ok then but I can’t have a serious boyfriend until 18….. but if he cares enough (then he’s awesome) and won’t mind waiting!!!! Besides I don’t know any boys mature enough now anyways (not saying there aren’t just that I don’t know any)

          • Hold out for a hero Grace!! Don’t go around chasing frogs-wait for a prince who will treat you with the respect and who loves Jesus with everything in him.

          • Hey, Awesome, nice article about “The Messanger”. I wanted to leave a comment on your blog, but it doesn’t support Google accounts. So, I figured I’d post it here. 🙂

          • Please don’t get me started on tech problems…. as much as i love my computer…. I have a feeling that it will go out a window some day… soon. (*insert unhappy face.*) I’m glad that you liked it thought!!!!

          • Trent, i just read you blog post on “Land of the Free home of the Brave…” that was Amazing!!! is it ok if i share it with a friend???

          • Please do! I want to reach as many people as I can with the Message of Jesus!
            Also, feel free to be the first to comment, so as to give your well-repected input and to encourage others to comment. So far, it’s been a blank response to my blog: literally no one has commented.
            Thanks, Awesome.
            – Trent

          • so just randomly to all ya’ll girls out there (awesome sauce was the closet to my clicker so…) whats stuff like that u like 2 see in guys? im like 19 and just wondering what makes u guys feel honored or respected or just random jazz that u like 2 see guys do?? all comments welcome

          • That’s a very good question. I’d like an answer to that as well. But they may not feel comfortable with answering, so if they don’t I wouldn’t push it. 🙂

          • k so im not old enough to date but if i was…. i think when guys are good at playing with little kids its a +1 cuz then u know that they would be a good father (looking into the future) and also when guys respect me in front of their friends by not putting me down by trying to be funny and when guys are gentlemen (i.e. opening doors, not being rude, etc.) listening is important it makes us feel like u care. being comfortable and confident in who they are, not dressing like a slob, especially to things like church, i get it when ur going to get dirty and stuff but by even just wearing like a collared shirt and jeans to church is nice…. and complimenting us and meaning it! thats huge it makes us feel loved and appreciated, but not rude compliments like genuine things. thats just a few of many things hope it helps. (oh and most of that was for dating but it all pretty much applies to everyday life and friends too!)

          • respect you in front of my friends… call u ma’am… how does that look for you, not cussing or not even using substitute cuss words, i try to be respectful just trying to be a little better 🙂

          • Ok sorry that didn’t come out rite not sure where the cussing thing came from maybe a previous conversation… What I was trying to ask was what are some specific ways that you feel respected in front of guys and what best to say and do to make u feel respected. What kind of compliments do u think are best? Your hair looks epic, nice shoes cool hat sweet car u r very nice… Generic compliments or specific straight up ones… Sorry for all the questions it probably sounds like I never interact girls lol I am trying to counteract the negative and demeaning things I hear about girls so often with some positive input 🙂 I do try to be a gentlemen at all times especially around girls so just looking for some great ideas. Thanks!!!

          • specific compliments ummm… i think for me personally compliments about my personality rather than my physical appearance are more flattering and suitable for being friends and feeling respected. Definitely when you start dating a girl physical appearance compliments (you look amazing, wow how long did it take for you to get your hair looking that great, etc.) are awesome but saying things like “i really appreciate how no matter what you are always patient and kind” and stuff stick with us. If you go for the physical appearance compliments when friends (i guess it depends on your relationship) then it kinda feels like we’re just being used for our body and that ur flirting with us and it can make things infinitely awkward (for both sides)

          • Straight up. I’m all so weird though. I don’t like beating around the bush. some girls positively swoon when you compliment there shoes. (and if she has a thing for you… watch out for the puddle affect…. It happens….)

            Ok. Now can i reverse the question??? What are you guys opinions??? same question only for you guys…..

          • Good to know…. I think it’s the other way around for girls. we want to know that we are pretty and loved. (I mean… there’s more then that but those are the two main things.)

          • I definitely know some girls like that but not all of em. Some would actually rather you not mention their looks at all haha. Knowing your loved is defintely something nice to know though.

          • Puddle effect… Hmm can u explain that one? Like she faints and falls in my arms? Or like she just goes to mush and I get weirded out so I leave and she gets ticked and burns the shoes so she never thinks of me again? Is that the puddle?

          • It’s when she just kind of melts… i don’t know how to describe it. Like, when you say something (You don’t necessarily even have to be talking to her) and then she grabs a friend and they “Go for a walk.” (I’m the friend. I get dragged to far ends of the earth.) Yea, your story is really close to it!!!

          • Ya it came 2 mind so I said it lol I don’t make it a habit to comment on random girls hair… Ok there was this one girl who had a EPIC Afro is I did compliment her on that…

          • Compliments! Ahem! Well, here goes…. I’ll try not to seem as if I’m asking to be buttered up…. XD Anyway! The best kind of compliments are compliments about my character. I do like compliments about my looks and personality–but my looks and personality can change, and they are surface stuff. The compliments that really make me glow are about my character. Complimenting girls’ characters also shows that you care about character…which suggests that you have a good character! XD But, of course, make sure that your compliments are sincere.
            Boy, I’m beginning to feel like I’m pretending to be a love expert…. What about you guys? What kind of compliments do you think are the best?

          • i think compliments about who i am and what im trying to do are really nice. how i look isnt that big of a deal, but really postive input goes a long way. when i was like 14 or so i really had a hard time with trying to be cool and be 14… just how i was. anyway this girl who was really pretty and seemed like she always had it together mentioned that she thought i always looked really cool. that did a lot for me at that point in time… now if she told me that i’d be like ok… awkard… but you know just to know that someone thinks im doing something right is always a plus 🙂

          • yeah that sounds good except for the ma’am thing… that would be appropriate for my mother or grandmother 🙂

          • WOW Jess!! Loaded question!!!!

            I have a really long list of characteristics for my future husband, but first and for most, he has to move Jesus with everything in him. That is the most important. Ever.

            Also, like grace said, good with kids. I wanna have a lot of kids so… you know it might be important. (that was sarcastic.) and nice to everyone. and he has to have respect for people-because they are people.

            There are a lot of other things, like, i would like him to be semi decent at math. I can write, but for the life of me, i can not do math. dressing nicely for the right occasion. (Not really suit, but you know. not sweats all the time.) but all that could be over ruled by if he loves Jesus and loves me. (not me as much as he loves Jesus. Jesus=1st.)

            I hope this is what you are looking for!

          • yeah i cant believe i forgot that #1 thing: hes gotta have a strong relationship with Jesus. like mega important. AND be proud of it!

          • Oh my gosh, the same thing with the math thing! 😮
            You have some good pointers here. The part about loving God with all that he is–spot on! I’m with you on that one completely!
            Jess Jesse, any chance you don’t mind me jumping in on that conversation? I promise my comment/s won’t be as long as they usually are. 😉

          • I know!! I am so bad at math… he doesn’t have to be Amazing at math, but able to, like, add four numbers together without having to ask my mom. (It’s bad….)

          • O ya totally get n the show please!! Everyone’s welcome long comments rock!! Well short ones do to so… Lol

          • In this day an age, he at least needs to be able to do algebra, and preferably teach it. It’s not, like, a make or break the deal thing, but it would be so helpful.
            And as for ‘get n the show’ Jess, I think people would say of me I’m not a very normal girl–the things I would tell you I look for in guys aren’t answers you’ll get from a lot of girls, I’d wager. Like I said in my earlier comment, I’ve put a lot of thought into it.
            So, a itsy bitsy intro: I’m 18–which means to my parents I’m old enough to court, which is what I’d be doing when I get into that kind of relationship. But I have never been in a relationship.
            Books like Sacred Marriage and Boy Meets Girl or I Kissed Dating Goodbye are great when it comes to what you’re looking for in a relationship. But not necessarily when it comes to qualities you’re looking for in a spouse. That kind of thing can only come from you, and hopefully, a biblical perspective.
            Now, I will tell you first hand, when it comes to girl/boy friendships, I’ve never had much experience. Which makes it difficult no to look at any guy who comes along as ‘future spouse’ material. Which makes it difficult to keep your head on straight and your emotions intact. So, I have as of yet not looked close enough to the guys I do know to see the qualities I’m telling you that I’m looking for. A walking contradiction, I know. Be that as it may, I’ve never gotten close enough to a guy in a friendship to know him beyond conversations that usually aren’t about faith. You might know their personality, but not what biblical virtues they possess/God’s enabled them to have. You know what I mean?
            Also, a lot of times, what I’ve seen in myself and think but don’t know a lot of other girls do is I/they don’t get picky. We think there’s so few prospects out there, we don’t look so critically at the guys who come along. Being really critical isn’t so good, especially on the poor guy’s part, but knowing what you’re looking for in a future spouse is important.
            So, what I look for in a guy if I could keep my head on straight when I’m around him long enough to notice:
            A Christian.
            Mature faith.
            Able to lead me in my faith(boys, take this one seriously. There are some strong Christian women out there, and if we’re to take the “man is the head of the woman as Christ is the head of the church”/man is the spiritual leader of the family seriously[not everyone takes it as seriously as my parents], this is pretty serious stuff. this is a responsibility given to my husband by God and His Son Christ. Not to scare you or anything ;D )
            I would look for selflessness, which can be a lot of things. A servant’s heart is one of them, not that I’m expecting him to do dishes every night. Being a servant is also what my dad does; dealing with not so pleasant people[of which my mom can be one sometimes, but can’t we all? ;)] and working really hard for long hours each day to provide for his family.
            Thoughtful/considerate. They come hand in hand. Be considerate of her feelings. Guard her emotions even if having fun would be more fun. In other words, don’t flirt with her. It hurts, because I’ll fall for him even if he’s not interested in me; when you choose another, let’s just put it this way: it hurts. Besides the flirting thing, watch the sarcasm and comments your making: think before you speak. You don’t have to overanalyze, just be considerate. The other parts that make up being thoughtful and considerate really come when you start a relationship with someone, so, I can’t say much more than that, because this comment is getting too long already.
            I would say not into violence–for instance, I know this guy who really likes watching Game of Thrones. He’s always talking about swords, dragons, and telling stories about which dog he knows tore up the other dog down the street. Or how chickens tear snakes apart when you throw the live snake in their pen. Shooting chipmunks en masse with a beebee gun(I know I spelled that wrong; *wry face). So, yeah, typical teenage. This guy is 21. Still, it’s not really something I would want in my future husband; this is the kind of stuff he’d be teaching my son. *angry face*.
            And hopefully he has some of the same convictions as I and my family. Like girls dressing modestly; a few other really controversial subjects I won’t bring up here; and things like what movies to watch and not to watch, what’s appropriate and not appropriate, etc.
            Something that I should have listed before the last three I just mentioned, is I really hope he desires to serve God. Not only loves God and attends church, which are good things. But wants to either go into ministry, or be a pastor, or something like that. That’s for me, personally, not any of the other girls, although I’m sure there’s some out there who feel the same way.
            So, yeah, that’s my take on it. Hope it wasn’t too much for you, thanks for letting me join the conversation. 😀 God bless!

          • Wow. That took me awhile to go through! I guess I didn’t expect math to be such a big deal to so many people!! Really good stuff Sadie, that definitely made me think. Good job for the high standards it’s really sad for me when I see so many girls get tired of waiting and just go for the closet loser! Keep it up!

          • Sorry it got so long, I didn’t even realize it until I’d hit the save button. :O I don’t know, math is kind of important. I wouldn’t say, ‘tell me you’re good at math and then I’ll date/court you’ kind of thing 😉 but for my kids, I think, it would be a huge bonus. Thanks! And yeah, settling is a huge temptation sometimes. It’s encouraging when a brother in Christ encourages you to hold out for God’s best for you.

          • I’d like to second Sadie’s comments on importance of dress and in-appreciation of violence. The way a person dresses is an indirect expression of their consideration of others. More than that, it is an expression of their personality, which is closely linked to one’s character and heart. (Neat is nice – doesn’t have to be fancy. I have two cousins who really just don’t care…. And let me say that even a clean shirt and jeans is awesome paired with clean, combed hair, and an appearance of showering often or at least recently. 🙂 )

            Obsession with violence in a guy is about as unattractive to me as it must be for some of you guys when some of we girls watch and read romance movies or novels to the point where we can’t talk about much of anything else. (This is coming from the girl who enjoyed Captain America 2 as much as the next person, and watched Jane Eyre last night.) I believe that there is a place and time for non-gratuitous, well-resolved violence but obsession with anything is unhealthy and just flat-out not good (unless it is an obsession with Christ 😉 ).

          • 😀 Love your comment Heidi!
            Yeah, the part about romance is about right. I’m not one of those girls–I can enjoy most types of movie genres, but I’m not obsessed with any one in particular–and I completely agree that obsession isn’t good. From personal experience, it’s extremely difficult to pursue God and His will for your life when you’re obsessed with something other than Him.

          • Thanks, Sadie! Yes, balance is important in any area of life – I love how you put it. 🙂 It is amazing how, when God is put first, everything else seems to fall into place.

          • Absolutely! Your last sentence reminds me of Romans 8:28, “For we know all things work together for good for those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.” I also love how the following verses lead up to “If God is for us, who can be against us.”
            Anyway, might have gone a little off topic there……… Some great thoughts going around on this article’s comment section. Loving the conversation here!

          • Oh I love those verses. Thank you for sharing. 🙂 I have been enjoying reading the thoughts shared in this thread of comments as well. 😉 God bless.

          • 😉 I am glad my thoughts were encouraging to you. It has been so encouraging for me to read this and other comment conversations on this site. To know that there are so many other people my age on the same page helps me keep plugging along – doing hard things! 🙂

          • I live *kinda* in the middle and to the side. The feed on this post is really interesting. It’s cool to see that there are other people out there thinking the same things as i am.

          • Sweet! I don’t live quite as far north as I thought I did (now that I look at a map, lol). Maybe we will cross paths some year…. 😉 All the best.

          • Btw, Awesome ;), I hopped over to your blog, and I really enjoyed perusing some of your posts. I see that we live in the same state. You wouldn’t happen to live _kind of_ in the northern corner? By any chance? (If you feel uncomfortable answering my question, I understand. 😉 )

          • Totally Cool guys thanks so much for all the awesome replies i really appreciate them all. and more are welcome btw 🙂 Just a couple notes here before i say what i think is cool that girls do… Always remember that everyone has a story behind the person you see. Be careful what you think when you see a guy who is really dirty and kind of just dragging in and barely there im not saying what ya’ll think about nice dress is bad i try hard 🙂 But i also work in a tire shop and after 10-12+ hours of straight up changing tire’s i can look pretty epic at the end of the day! i stopped at the store today on my way home and admittily i wasent looking very nice and neat and it never ceases to amaze me how many nudges looks and stares someone who is dirty can get. it cracks me up really but just because you see a guy who is dirty and maybe his jeans are sagging a bit and i might look like someone you would point out to your kids… ya know you see me after a shower and im totally different! Also, no matter what guy you end up with make sure of one thing for certain (outside of Jesus in his life) if the guy can’t work dont even bother. sorry if thats mean, but i have seen to many moving parties and church cleanups and straight up work etc where the girls work harder than a lot of the guys, that really ticks me off! make sure your dude can and does work! ok now that rants over… 🙂 i really like it when a girl respects the guys in her life. Some girls who may be a more well off than others seem to look down on guys who may have to get dirty to make money or who drive less than awesome cars(mine actually wasent to bad until i rolled it 🙁 but i put band aid stickers on it and it still runs so… ) Also, have mercy on us lol dont excuse wrong behavior or settle for less than you should but remember even prince charming isnt perfect! with my work i intercat with well ill just say some of the less enjoyable elements of society and as hard as i fight some of it rubs off. so sometimes i slip a cuss word or say something i regret. i try to apoligze but i dont always catch it. so do remember we are all human 🙂 i think when a girl is confident in who she is and who God is, then it makes any girl really awesome. strongly encourage the guys around you to be men to stand against injustice in any form and to respect everyone but especially girls. thank them when they score and behave like a gentlemen and maybe kindly tell them off when they fail and behave like a jerk! so ya ill probaley come up with more but thats all for now… thanks for talking and thanks for listinging! o and Heidi ya the reply button on your comment was closet so your the one i chose! 😉

          • Wow @jess jesse! That is…. Profound! the way you said that confidence is really important is amazing. I think all to often that is put to the side. and thought that that isn’t important.

            And respect too! (sorry, this comment really got me thinking and…. yeah. )

            Rachel (AKA awesome sauce)
            (Just out of random wonderment, you rolled your car and the put bandages on it and now it works??? For real??)

          • Ya well I had to do a little under the hood and stuff to get it to run again but it looks like… well it looks like I rolled it so it looks pretty bad… so I got some band aid magnet things and I thought it made it all better… but that’s just me 🙂

          • A guy who gets dirty isn’t a turnoff for most girls. It’s when that’s always the way you look and u never clean yourself up. If a guy can’t get dirty he’s gonna have a sorry life.
            And about respect, u r spot on.
            Tell us when we mess up and when we succeed ladies!

          • This was great, Sadie. This was encouraging for me to read, as a girl, and helped me to solidify my own thoughts on the subject. All the best. 🙂

          • First of all just say that you’ve got really amazing standards there Sadie and I hope you don’t ever let some guy try to convince you to lower them. =) I also wanted to expound on what you said about guys being thoughtful and considerate of her emotions. I’m talking to all my fellow dudes out there. Next to having a strong faith in an relationship with God that’s probably the most important thing we should be concerned with when courting/dating any girl. A girl’s heart isn’t a play-thing or a trophy for us to wave around to our friends saying “Check out what I got!”. It’s a precious treasure that God and she has placed in our lives. Don’t take advantage of that. Because of person’s emotional state is often quite easy to break, and quite difficult to repair. Don’t be the catalyst for someone’s emotional pain because they will likely have to battle with that for a very long time. Be the man that God will give to her for her benefit, not the boy that will try to get her for your pleasure. So to all you girls out there, just keep waiting on God. It may be hard to see right now but God’s got something/someone amazing prepared for you. =)

          • Thanks, David. I appreciate that. And it’s so true, emotional pain is a difficult thing to battle through; thanks for addressing that particular part of my comment.
            I haven’t met a guy who has tried to get me to lower my standards; most of the time I find myself being my greatest enemy on that part. Thank you so much for the encouragement!
            I second David’s final encouraging words: wait on God. He’s got something/someone amazing prepared for you!
            But as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love Him”– 1 Corinthians 2:9
            “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

          • Hey, Jess. I will take a stab at answering your questions. I know I am jumping on kinda late, here, but I have been putting a lot of thought into it.

            First, what makes me feel respected: The first thing that comes to mind is that I love it when a guy respects my opinion. Even if we have different takes on something, I will respect you for yours, and really appreciate it if you do the same for me.

            Now for your other question…. The “littlest” things are often really the biggest. Here are some things I notice:

            -A willingness to admit that he is wrong.

            -A control over his own feelings; good EQ. Slow to anger, bearing under mistreatment/misunderstanding.

            -Good sportsmanship, and a gracious treatment of someone who is being a poor sport.

            -A quickness to help, to volunteer.

            -A good work ethic. Finishing a job thoroughly and well.

            -A great relationship with his family. Treating siblings with respect.

            -Respect for those older and in authority outside your family, and a heart for little kids in general.

            -A man of strong convictions.

            -A man of his word.

            So these are some things that matter to me. In fact, as I look at them they really strike me as practical evidence of the Fruit of the Spirit in a life surrendered to God.

            Cos that is really the biggest thing. A heart tuned to God. A heart for the gospel. And a heart earnestly searching after truth.

            Naturally, it is important that I and whoever I may marry share the same convictions. Also, as God has given me certain talents and passions, I hope that someday I may work in a husband/wife team with a man who possesses similar passions and talents.

            Thanks for asking and giving me a chance to think through all this. I hope that this is helpful. 🙂

            God bless.

          • I know your question may have been reversed a few times, but I’m wondering the same thing, ‘cept vice versa. Things you’ll look for in a future wife, etc. Just curious…

          • I guess some specific things I would look for would be
            1. A living, growing and developing relationship with Jesus.
            2. The ability to intract well with her family.
            3. I would really like it if she’s maybe just a little shorter than me. 🙂 lol I’m not a very big person so… Actually at my brothers wedding I was a groomsmen and I was the shortest person in the whole bridal party, even my bridesmaid took off her heels is she wouldn’t be as taller… Lol
            4. Hopefully I would hope she had the same convictions as me on a lot of stuff. Like I hope she enjoys loud music and air guitar…
            5. A real desire to try to bring healing to the broken all around us and far away from us. We all need healing at some point in our lives and some times more desperately than other times.
            6. As u can guess the numbers don’t mean the importance or significance of the item 🙂 and I’m not judging here cuz if know this is a touchy subject. But I see a lot of Christians who talk really spirtual and all that and then go home and watch totally wrong stuff on TV. That is a big deal for me. In psalm 101.3 part of it says I will set no wicked thing before my eyes. That’s pretty much what I try to use as a guide and filter.
            So there’s probabley a whole lot more but I can’t think of anything rlse rite now so have a great day!

          • Jess, that’s really awesome! Thank you so much for sharing!
            I realize during the conversation we have mentioned a relationship with Jesus but never really defined what we looked for in that. A relationship can just be a prayer a day and reading the Bible but not seeking His will or striving to learn to be more like Him. Great point for number one, thanks for bringing that to my attention!
            I get the part about familial relationships(that sounded so formal, lol 😉 It is a big deal how a person interacts with the people they live with every day; it can give some good insight to their character.
            I am laughing so hard at this!!!!! When it comes to being short, I know how you feel: I’m 5’1″. Your whole story is so funny!
            I mentioned convictions earlier. Having similar convictions can be really important, because it will really impact a bunch of different areas of your life together–especially the raising of children, I think.
            What’s air guitar? 🙂
            I am really surprised at number 5. I love it, and know how it feels to try to live with that desire. It’s so hard, especially when you have no idea how to help others so far away whom God has given you a real burden for.
            I know what you mean. I like that you had a Bible verse to back that up, too, good choice! My family has similar convictions when it comes to TV. One of the things I’m curious about when you mention these kinds of convictions is what kind of things would you avoid? I know my family has completely different things we try to avoid in movies than another serious Christian family does. The fact that you have a filter is really important. Many Christians put that way lower on their priority list.
            Thanks again, I really enjoyed reading this!
            God bless!

          • I consider that to be strictly a matter of opinion. Air guitar is a form of art, to be treated with all due respect…I hope you know I’m kidding! But seriously, there is even like some sort of air guitar competition thing where the best guitar playing imitator wins. (Not kidding! I couldn’t believe it either.)

            But just see how far we have fallen, from dating tips for Christian teens, to epic Afros, to air guitar. (I have to remind myself that this IS a teen blog;)

          • I know, and fwy, Jess Jessie, I was only kidding. Thanks for joining the conversation, Mallory. Btw, I love your name.
            That thing about air guitar is a little much, I think–the competitions and stuff.
            I know! Reading where some of the comments on this blog start to rabbit trail reminds me of actually being in a room full of teenagers. It’s hysterical. 😉
            Thanks for the info on air guitar, glad you joined in the convo.

          • Laugh. Out. Loud. Rachel, ye’r hilarious. I was just laughing about how off topic these conversations were getting….

            And for my two-cents in defense of air guitar…. I never have really seen a point for it, but it can’t be more pointless than me taking a walk in the rain. BUT – I myself have been known to do some air guitaring mostly for my younger teen-brother’s entertainment. We do it together sometimes, like while we are working in the kitchen or pruning tree branches (or listening to “Sadie Hawkins’ Dance” by Reliant K) and my mom and sister both think we are nuts.

            There. I am done embarrassing myself, jk. 😉

          • #airguitar is da best. If you want to see some there’s a video I highly recommend. I cantcan’t stand watching even the promo for the air guitar competitions. I played air guitar for one song at a good Christian conference for teens and they loved it. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

          • Hey, ya i guess a relationship with Jesus can mean a lot of different things, when i see a person who is actually living out there faith in the real world, and who cares for others and who is able to ask and wrestle through questions, and who is willing to do whatever God askes, i guess thats what i have in mind… what do i try to avoid in movies? well usually theres 3 major points of objection to just about any movie book or song and those are violence language and sexual content. i guess language isn’t that big of a deal in movies *cringes* maybe it should be but i am really used to it, so it tends to just fly by me… im not really a violent person, so defintly not like extreme blood baths and senseless killings. and sexual content is what i fight the hardest against. for me its just not worth it to spend my time and mental capacity filling it with stuff that will always haunt me. o and air guitar is were like i do the montions of playing a guitar but theres no guitar… theres kind of a long story with me and air guitar and street corners etc… *cringe again* days gone by… 🙂

          • I love your description. Thank you for that. 🙂
            Same here. A lot of what I avoid in movies, books, and music has been shaped by my parent’s influence. Sexual content’s what I avoid most; anything horror I can’t even stomach; and violence like beatings, killing, etc., but I like things like Bourne and some similar stuff. If you’ve ever heard of them, my family likes movies like The Abyss, Independence Day(Will Smith, Jeff Goldblum), and Independence Day(Morgan Freeman). We also avoid language, although like you, it’s not as high on the priority list.
            😀 My younger sister had to explain to me about air guitar. Someday you’ll have to tell me those stories. Sounds…interesting. 😉
            Thanks for chatting. God bless!

          • I like that too!! Loud music (WITH GOOD LYRICS!!!! like God honoring ones….) (Rap and base and drum solos???? AMEN!)

            Do u mind if i share this with some friends??

          • Lol ya I like to turn it up a bit… 🙂 ya if u wanna share it go rite ahead… U can pay me by credit card or cash LOL jk 🙂

          • My sis says:
            1. Someone who respects her enough to listen to what she says – one guy earned her respect by backing off when she asked him to
            2. Guys who still show chivalry – one guy in this teen group we’re in always opens doors for the gals, lets girls go first in line… even gives up his chair if there’s not enough for everyone. This guy has it figured out!

          • Basically, look up the channel Blimey Cow on YouTube and watch their relationship vids, especially a they pertain to guys. He says everything better than I do and the girls in my family agree wih him almost all the time.
            Also, be nice to girls you don’t “like.” So many guys are nice to the girl(s) they like, but brush off the girls they don’t like.
            Something a sis has commented on is that the music u listen to matters to her. If u r humming or worse singing a song that focuses on what guys can get from girls or is about a guy watching poorly dressed girls, my sis wouldn’t give u a chance.

          • Hey, I’m around your age! This is epic AWESOMESAUCE! XD I’m waiting for my Prince Charming too–not that I expect a completely charming prince, though. 🙂 What I expect is a man dedicated to serving THE Prince, Christ!

            @jessjesse:disqus I like to see maturity, responsibility, and leadership in guys! I like guys who have the Marks of Manhood, like in Albert Mohler’s article on the Rebelution. As for random jazz… um… random jazz stuff aren’t big issues to me! I like to see Modern Day Chivalry–but that isn’t really random jazz, is it? 😀

          • Great! My parents are for not dating, and it’s hard enough to stick to my convictions like it is. I can’t imagine trying to hold my own like that. BTW I’m almost 16 too! (What month is your birthday?)

    • Hey guys thanks for your comments! It’s good to get advice like this from each other.

      Two things I would encourage you all to do:
      1. Interact with peers and teenagers in your community on both casual and formal settings as much as possible.

      2. Get involved with a ministry. Doesn’t have to be formal–maybe start a kid’s clubs in your back yard, or at the local park, or host a community barbecue or something along these lines. Be creative and have fun!

      Pursue God in this way, and forget about romance. That sounds tough, but romance really isn’t that important. It’s good and awesome, but it will happen when it’s supposed to happen. I promise.

      Hope this helps! God bless!

  • Great article Chris! These are great things to keep in mind when dating. I like what you said about pursuing spiritual health first. Thanks for writing!

  • Oh my word! I did not expect an article on this subject to come from you, of all people!(That’s not a negative comment, btw. I am simply surprised).
    I appreciate you’ve brought up this subject; be that as it may, I do believe you may have over-simplified the process. These kind of things get totally confusing when emotions and feelings get mixed in, no matter how good your intentions are.
    I’ve never dated. But I am not a stranger to feelings. Nor am I a stranger to trying to sort through these feelings in order to refocus my attention on God.
    Like so many young single Christians out there, I’ve put a lot of thought into this. Too much to put in a comment here. Perhaps someday I’ll consider myself knowledgeable enough to write an article or more on this subject. For today, I just have a few things to say about your article and a book to suggest.
    I agree with honoring parents. As well as recognizing the fact that everyone’s story is different(this can be seen in detail by reading Joshua Harris’ Boy Meets Girl, which I have read several times and thoroughly enjoyed). Taking dating seriously also seems like good advice. How serious does choosing one person to spend the rest of your life, every day, choosing over and over again, sound? Pretty serious, doesn’t it?
    I am really excited to see if a conversation will develop from this article, and to see where it will lead. As much as I love this website, it’s about time we opened this can of worms. 🙂
    I would recommend Gary Thomas’s book Sacred Marriage to anyone interested. It’s an incredible read, and has so many really good points to go over and great insight to marriage for married couples, unmarried couples, and unmarried individuals who care to read it. Most of my thoughts about how I as an individual should go about dating/courting and where it should lead us in the pursuit of marriage.
    Imitation of Christ is what we should always strive for and to encourage one another toward better reflecting our Savior’s character.

    • Haha, I’m curious why you’re surprised that I’d write an article on this topic? 🙂

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Remember, I don’t consider my thoughts as scripture… I just feel they are points we should seriously consider when dating. Dating is complicated by nature, so these points are more like guidelines to get us through the maze.

      Think of it this way: you want to marry your best friend. But it’s hard to become good friends if it is forced or restrained by a lot of rules. Not that rules/boundaries aren’t important, but they are there to serve the relationship, not the other way around.

      • Your articles have always been so deep and penetrating; this one didn’t seem to be your usual style or format or deep seated material, I guess.
        I appreciate that you did write about it. I think a lot of times this kind of discussion is avoided in Christian circles, so it was good to see it brought up here.
        What did you mean by the other way around? Like, the relationship serving the rules? Just curious.
        Thanks for commenting, was wondering what your thoughts were on the conversation.
        God bless!

        • Interesting! Thanks for letting me know!

          As I said in the article, these are “thoughts I have developed from my observations, personal experience, and advice from others.” And, although I did not give a lot of scripture, I do feel like they are in line with scripture. (Scripture isn’t very direct regarding dating, the pursuit of a spouse. For example: Ruth pursued Boaz, Jacob pursued Rachel, Isaac and Rebekah were arranged by third and fourth parties, and David had at least seven wives.)

          I do not believe the thoughts I shared in the article contradict scripture, but I’m not going to die for them. Maybe they’re not very penetrating, but then maybe we over analyze things. Dating should be taken seriously, but sometimes we pick things apart and try to put them in formulas too much. Romance can’t be put into a formula. It’s pretty spontaneous yet it’s also intentional.

          Remember “when you dissect a frog, you learn a lot of things, but in the end, the frog is dead.”

          Yeah, I meant that boundaries should help and encourage the relationship. Boundaries are there for the people and should serve the purpose of the people, not enslave them. Does that make sense?

          If someone is old enough to date, they are old enough to make wise decisions on their own and to live self-controlled lives. Self-control is the God-given freedom to make right choices.

          “For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.” – Galatians 5:13

          • I really like how you put it, man. You cut to the point and yet were not obnoxious about it. I think this was one of your best articles. God bless, man!
            – Trent

          • Not a problem, Chris, you’re welcome. I’m glad you found it interesting.
            The indirectness of Scripture in this particular area leaves me wondering what God’s purpose was in not laying down at least some specific guidelines. My guess is He desired us to “lean not on our own understanding,” and to “acknowledge Him in all our ways.” But until His return, we may never know His exact aim in leaving us hanging. 😉
            I would also say to trust Him in the spontaneity and strive toward godly intent.
            Romance and formulas may not be a great mix, I agree with you there, however, from personal experience, it may be difficult to remind yourself to trust God in everything, including the risk you’re taking when investing emotions in another person.
            Some people may disagree with you about boundaries; they may find them to be too confining, or feel too restricted. I am not one of these people, having grown up to trust rules to keep you in the “paths of righteousness”, and not let your heart and desires run away with you. Like a few of the comments below mentioned, balance is important. So, yeah, makes sense.
            The way you describe self-control sounds much the way I associate free will, not in the issue of doctrine and salvation, but a person’s will to obey or not to obey the commands God has given us. Either way, I catch what you’re getting at.
            Thanks for the conversation!
            God bless!

          • Yeah, I think it is important, since scripture isn’t clear about this, to follow your conscience. If you or your parents feel like a certain way of doing things is important, than do that without shame. What’s important is that you obey what you feel God telling you to do.

            You know, it’s dangerous to mention free will and salvation in one breath. It could open up a whole ‘nother can of worms. 😉

          • Why the winking smiley face? Did you want to start that conversation? 😉
            You’re first paragraph holds good advice.

  • Great article Chris! Thank you for the part about stalking. It made me laugh, because it sooooo needed to be said. 🙂

  • Good thoughts!! I appreciate how your perspective boils down to honouring, respecting, and caring for others (and yourself, really) in the day-to-day workings of the whole dating scene, but without getting tied up in rules. Thanks!

  • oops didn’t mean to bump my own comment, one of those Duh moments where I was just seeing what it was & clicked. There’s no undo button when you do that, so double oops

  • Grace, I laughed so hard when i saw that….
    “So does checking their social networking everyday count as stalking?” That is to funny to be true *wipes happy tears from eyes* Oh my word….. 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

  • The part about not stalking hit me. It is so true that it just increases the one-sided fantasy that is obviously not healthy. I will definitely apply these things in the future.

  • Great article. It has had me thinking for a while. My mom is always telling me to guard my heart and be careful which is great advice accept that I am not dating anyone. And I’m seeing my friends starting to pair off. I remember when I was little and seeing other 15 and 16 year-old’s dating and now that I’m there, I’ve realized that it isn’t for me right now. There are some days where I think oh I’ll never have anyone, but I always have to remind myself that God does have a godly man for me. This post made me smile as it came right when I needed it. Funny how that works.

    I’m curious. I see in the comments a lot about what girls are looking for but what is it that a man finds attractive? I saw the whole thing about compliments but what else? It’s kinda late but just curious…

  • I really appreciated reading your article. I have found it very encouraging. You stated everything so clearly and simply; reading through a numbered list of simple, direct advice makes everything seem so less complicated. I have been convicted and inspired – thank you so much. 🙂

  • I think this is the best way to explain dating simply. Some good willing Christians take courtship so far that’s it is almost a pre engagement and then others have no bounds whatsoever. Dating needs to be slow, intentional, and somewhere in the middle. Great job Christopher!

  • Wow. That’s a lot of comments. =) While my family does these relationships differently, you did make some valid points. Kinda made me think. (That doesn’t happen very often and may or may not be a good thing. Lol. =p) Anyway, we actually do courtship, which can be defined many different ways. In my opinion, courtship sets boundaries to keep one not only physically pure before marriage, but emotionally pure as well. The Bible says that if a man looks after a woman with lust he has already committed adultery with her in his heart, and vice versa. Plus, it’s a preventative for broken hearts and crushed souls. (Maybe I’ve been watching too much Tangled…) So, I could go into depth on the subject of courtship, but that could take a while, and I don’t wish to bore you. =) Anyhow, thanks for the thought provoking post Mr. Witmer. God bless!
    -Abby Allen

  • You are 18 and have not tasted the meaning of being married and saying that one will be fine with or without getting married is too fast a conclusion in my humble opinion. Ask married Christians who are working in the vineyard of God and they will tell you how well God uses their marriage as tools in their ministries. We need to realize that ALL things assigned to us are tools for God’s kingdom to expand, marriage included. To LIVE is Christ and to die is gain, Paul said. He did not say only to work, to minister, but to LIVE. Meaning, all about our lives. To start with, without marriages of our parents, we would not be born. The Book of Genesis made it clear that we shall be fruitful and multiply on earth by the mean of marriage. Yes, there will be those who are not called to be married like Paul and Peter. But remember Abraham and Sarah who gave birth to nations. Rmember Jacob and the 12 tribes of Israel. Remember Ruth and Boaz whose marriage is a lesson to people of many genarations. Remember Issac and Rebecca, the Biblical example of a godly marriage. Marriage is not only a human choice but also a divine will. Let us dedicate our lives to Christ and allow Him to lead us. Be it to singleness or to marriage.

  • Wow. I have never thought about dating from this perspective. I guess I didn’t really think about it at all, it was just something that happened. But being in a relationship with someone has always been a very serious life experience for me so I guess that is why I have not dated lots of guys. I was starting to lose hope on the whole “dating” thing but thanks to your article I can take a step back and look at it from a different perspective and give it another chance and let it flow the way God wants it to. So thank you.

  • I loved this article because it shares the opposite opinion to what you see in High School these days. Dating really is something to take seriously, but not many people see it that way. So many of these things are overlooked by teenagers these days and its nice to see that I’m not the only person who thinks these are important to consider.

  • This is great advice. All of my friends are always talking about dating. I’m the one in the corner saying “I don’t date. I don’t plan on dating till after College.”

  • I saw the first line of your comment and was like, “She doesn’t get it at all!” Then I read the rest…

  • Yeah, stalking is the worst idea ever!!!!! There was this guy at my church who really creeped out my sister by looking at her… all through the service… and whenever he saw her outside church. He also happened to show up wherever she was. I understand that it’s normal to want to see your crush, but don’t make it obvious. Whatever chance this guy had, he lost as soon as he started stalking her.

    Contrast that with another guy at church who was interested in a different girl in my family, and he went about it like a man and only sent out signals that he was interested, without getting in her face or staring at her across the room. She didn’t want to get into a relationship, and when he got the message he left her alone. He has now earned her respect and if he asks again when she’s old enough that getting in a relationship would be wise, she would probably give him a chance.

    Lesson: If you are turned down, accept it gracefully, but maybe in a couple of years she’ll have changed her mind and you can ask her again.

  • There is a guy at my church who I have LOVED for three years. The past year, my love for him has grown soo much. He is a senior and about 5 years older than me (is that too old????). Im thirteen and he is eighteen, but our ages don’t matter to me. My parents don’t know that I love him, and I have a older bro (14) and two little bros. They hate girls and I have no sisters. I think the guy know I like him. The past day I looked up how to tell a guy you like him, but they are for non-Christians. I always find it WAY easier to talk to people on the computer, and I play minecraft. my crush made a server, and I play on it with him. (it isn’t a popular server yet) and I have found it a bit easier to talk. I was born and lived in Germany for 11 but didn’t speak the language, so I grew up quietly. As I said, he is a senior, and he will be leaving for college sometime soon. I just need some help, as I wont be able to tell my parents.
    IF YOU READ THIS, Tindell, know that I love you and will DIE without you.
    I love you

    • Hey Anna, thank you for telling us (to some people, it’s embarrassing). It shows boldness, which is awesome! 🙂

      For over a year, I had a crush on a senior. Her name is Lauren. I was devastated when she went off to college! I thought the love of my life was gone forever.

      That was 2 years ago, when I was 14. So, not much older then you are now.

      A year and a half later, I met a girl named Sabrina. She’s always been a great friend to me. The two of us like each other and we both knew it (but yet neither of us said anything except subtle hints here and there. Including the “winky face” and “heart” emoticon).

      So, I decided I wanted to tell her. But I wasn’t sure how. What is love anyway? So I read the Bible and read a Christian book on it.

      Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love never fails.

      So, it seems like Love is an action: sacrifice. Not a feeling: attraction.

      I was forced to ask myself, Am I patient?
      To be honest, if I were to say yes and ask her to date me, that would be a contradiction.

      Am I kind?
      True kindness is not about flirting. It’s about truly helping someone when you don’t feel like it. Would I want to serve my future wife when she’s old an wrinkled? That’s true kindness.

      Do I envy?
      Do I envy how she looks? Or even further, do I lust? Do I wish I could “have” her? Love does not envy?

      Am I forgiving?
      Love keeps no record of wrongs, so would I forgive my wife for not doing the dishes, for snoring?

      Would I love her even when she’s 50? 80? 90?

      Something I try to do is, when I see a girl that’s really attractive, I try to think, what would she look like in 50 years? Would most/all of her attractive traits be gone? “Man looks at the outward appearance, but Go looks at the heart.”

      So what is love?
      Christ shows his love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

      So, I would like to humbly suggest something radical: Love is sacrifice. Not a feeling. And if we really love that special guy or girl, we’ll be patient enough to wait. 🙂

      God bless you!
      – Trent

      • Thank you so much! I know Tindell might not be the right guy, but it just seems like he should be. I will look at the links. Thank you so much for your support!

        • Brace yourself however. They are very outside the box, so you might not like what you see. However I am convinced it is what the Bible says. So I find it hard to live by it, but well worth it. 🙂

          • I read all three links and saw the Soldiers of God video. The articles make a lot of sense. I agree, it is hard to live out a Christian life sometimes. Especially when the world around you says it differently even when you know what’s right.
            You are the guy in the Soldiers of God video! The video was very well done and had a clear message.

          • Yup. I’ll just have to see what happens in a few years 🙂 My parents sometimes make it harder when they “joke” by saying what they will do when they are grandparents. It’s like they are going to decide and already have decided what is going to happen to us. It’s like this: I’m a girl, so I talk to Mom about things, but she is rather . . . big mouthed about things and will start talking about everything that she has told me before and will remind me a thousand times about what I am going to go through because I’m thirteen in the GROCERY STORE! Believe me, THAT is embarrassing. Sometimes it is super annoying when you get a little to much info.
            Hope all of that didn’t make you too uncomfortable, but I need to talk to someone who isn’t one of my parents. Thanks for being here when I need help.

          • lol. I know the feeling. My dad just started talking about girls to me in Books-A-Million. (Aka… BAM! ) loi. But honestly, the reason they probably do that is because that’s the only real time they have with us. The rest of the time we’re on our phones, computers, video games, or where your siblings can hear by putting their ear to the wall from their bedroom. So, other then a car ride, that’s all they really have.

            As far as getting help outside of the home, I suggest a same-gender mentor, that you can meet a minimum of 2 hours every other week (which is about what I do). It’s like having a friend that’s as wise as your parents.

          • Wow…I’m surprised that I got all those upvotes on my last comment! I think I may be on to something. What do all of you think is so tricky about boy/girl relationships?

          • Lol :). Good question. Just by observation, I feel like teen boy/girl relationships are tricky because, hey, we’re teens… I mean, the typical relationship probably won’t last long, it’s mostly about “me” and what I can get out of it, and then there’s the whole “drama” aspect – getting in messy situations with friends because you don’t have as much time for them anymore, always trying to please your significant other, and then when the relationship ends, having to deal with the breakup and heartache and all that fun stuff :). I don’t think all relationships are like this (I know quite a few godly couples who married as teens), but most of the time teen relationships are just…messy :). (See “Jordan’s Messyges”, Blimey Cow :)).

          • Yeah, they’re pretty good :). Especially when Jordan can’t keep a straight face and starts laughing till he cries :).

          • Yeh, sometimes it is I guess. Although just when you think that’s all it is, he comes out and actually gets serious for a bit, and gives some decent advice.

          • I know!! Lol. I watched that yesterday and I was like “NO!! I need to know what happens!!” =D

          • “Do we need to call the ambulance and get you on some ANTIBIOTICS?!?” (in Big Head Kid’s voice ;)).

          • Jorden But I have a condition…

            Doctor Antibiotic. It will fix everything. *Starts writing on notepad*

            Jorden I’m allergic to antibiotics…

            Doctor Ohhhh…. Uhhh… Hmmm… I’ll proscribe you an antibiotic. *Continues writing on notepad*

            Jorden No! I can’t take antibiotics! You’ve gone to medical school for 8 years. Can’t you come up with something besides antibiotics?

            Doctor No! *Throws notepad* Why do you limit me so! You must have a mental illness! *Gasps* I’ll proscribe you an antibiotic!

          • LOL!! Making my day :).

            Josh: I’ve also got this bruise on my foot…

            Doctor: OOOHH!!!! THIS IS TERRIBLE!!

            Josh: Will I die?

            Doctor: OH, UM…YES!!…Maybe…Only if you take an antibiotic will you be saved!!

          • The main guy who does most of the talking is Jordan, and Jordan’s older brother who does the filming and script writing and sometimes shows up in the videos is Josh :).

          • Okay, I don’t know if anyone cares…but I just watched this on Blimey Cow: “Five Great Reasons to Be Single”. Pretty much sums up what I said. 🙂 Sorry, more Blimey Cow recommendations!!

          • Ahhhhhhh!!!!! Blimey Coo… Wait, I’ve already raved about this before. No need to repeat myself. 😛

          • I know, I know!! I’m trying not to start something by offering recommendations, it was just so relevant to the situation!!…I just couldn’t help it! =D

          • Haha yeah, probably not :). We should move over to his videos and start a YouTube comment debate. JK :).

          • Hey Riley sorry for the slow reply. Yep being a teen is hard work! I think you are probably on the right track, because with everything going in the life of a typical teen a relationship just amplifies everything and makes it harder. Lol I’ll have to watch that BlimeyCow video 🙂

          • I guess they don’t have all the time in the world (even if I am homeschooled.) It will take some thought about a mentor. I’m not very good at meeting new people face to face and then being with them for a while.

      • Can I just say, I’m glad you replied to this and not me. Because I would have been…. less understanding. Bravo.

      • Promise me you will NOT tell Tindell about how I feel. Promise??? If you told him that I love him, it will be awkward every Sunday that I see him and he might feel uncomfortable around me. Say “I promise I will not tell Tindell about what you have shared with Trustworthy people.” P.S. it is a faction server and pretty new.

          • Yeah, I don’t think Tindell will want random people on. Even if it was just Skitterson seeing it. Sorry Skitterson. it IS kind of a private server.

          • Thanks for understanding. I just think it might be invasive. It can be a weird server sometimes. It is mostly ravines and the top building level is the flat area. Very tricky 🙂

          • To survive with other people in your faction. You are supposed to make a base underground.

          • It’s an okay server. not many people play, so it can be a little lonely.

          • It’s too bad that you can’t tell me the address. Hey! I’ve got an idea. Don’t try it if you don’t want to, but if you sent the address, then delete it from this site, only the user you replied to or those following you would get an email or notification, I think. ,’: /

          • Yeah. But there is the small chance of it showing up to everyone who uses “Disqus Digests” under “top conversations on the Rebelution” (I think). The only was to share that infoinfo privately is to do it via email or download an online game with Private Chat.

          • Three things, though.

            1) This conversation is getting very long

            2) We run into the same problem with email


            3) that’s what minecraft is ; )

          • I’m really sorry Skitterson. just really don’t think he wants it to be for other people. There are many faction servers. You could just google “minecraft faction server IPs”

        • I promise I will not tell Tindell about what you have shared with Trustworthy people. P.S. note the capital “T” in trustworthy. If you don’t want to tell me, I don’t care, I probably wouldn’t get on it anyway.

          • Whaaat, you were around the Reb three months ago?!?!?! And I thought you were new(ish)…

          • Oh, well I saw everyone welcoming you a month and a half ago or so, and I assumed you were new!

          • I don’t remember… But it was from the first while that I was here. I might have you mixed up with somebody else. I didn’t know names very well at the time!

          • Now I remember, it was where you were saying you had two sisters on here, but you weren’t sure you should say who they were. I don’t remember much more…

          • Hmm, I must have read it and assumed I was reading a current stream of comments.

    • Hey Anna,
      I can relate to you. From the time I was 6 to almost 16 there was a guy from church I really liked. However, when we got older I realized we had different views on various things in life and Biblical theological preferences. Because I never told him how I felt, it was easy to continue life without things being awkward – we’re still good friends today, and he is now happily in a relationship with a wonderful young lady. I know that you may want to tell Tindell how you feel, but I know it would be much wiser not too. I’m only 20, but I know that from the time I was a younger teenager until now, I have changed in so many ways. I know more what I believe about various theological doctrines (which is really important to know before getting involved with guys!), which the type of guys I get along better with, how I want to serve God, and what God has called me to do with my life. Have you ever wondered if maybe God had someone else in mind? Getting involved a lot emotionally with a guy before you’ve really developed who you are (as in becoming a young adult) can be really distracting and prevent you from spending your maximum time and energy serving him.
      I dated a guy a couple years ago for about 6 months. I figured, since I was a young adult now, I could let the guy know how I felt. I also figured that since we both liked each other, there was no reason why not to date.
      The thing was, neither of us were ready for marriage, so we really weren’t ready to date. Which means that telling each other how we felt was a terrible idea. When you know that someone you like likes you, emotions start moving fast. It became harder to wait and we started ignoring some of our boundaries – you never know how hard it is to keep them until everything about you is screaming to ignore them.
      In the end, we broke up. Even though we care a lot for each other, I still don’t believe we’re meant to be together. The next year was really awkward and difficult, but now we’re goodays friends and we’re content with that.

      What I’ve learned from hindsight (I made a lot of mistakes that I regret) is that I need to first concentrate on preparing myself for marriage instead of focusing on who I’ll marry. Spare yourself so much pain and don’t go revealing your feelings. If you’re not ready for marriage, you have no right to “claim” him. Let Tindell focus on what God would have him do, and you focus on God’s plans for you. If God wants you guys to be together, it will happen – but for now, concentrate on doing the things God wants you to do NOW.

      Do the hard things 🙂

      • I have thought before that Tindell might not end up with me, but if there IS a chance (not 100%) I don’t want to turn away when there might be a good reason for me liking him. It could be God’s doing, letting me like him, or it could be my own selfish human desires. I am not sure yet, so I am going to try to hold on as long as I can.
        I will try to get my hands on that boo “I kissed dating goodbye”

        • Anna, I have actually also been in a very similar boat. The guy I liked from age 14 to 16 & 1/2 was 6 years older. We talked a lot, and had a great friendship. I thank God I never did tell him how I felt, as now, even when he’s dating another lady, we can have easy conversation when we run into each other. I would urge you, just as Trent and Amanda have, not to tell him how you feel. I completely understand you not wanting to turn away, if there’s a possibility it is God’s doing. So I would also urge you to pray. Pray that God would reveal His will to you.
          And, while you wait for God’s will, Amanda’s right, let Tindell focus on what God would have him be doing right now, and you need to too. 🙂
          Anyway, thanks for being so open on here, I hope we were able to help you, Anna. 🙂 Know that I will definitely be praying for you.
          God bless!

          • Everyone has such good advise that I would never have thought of on my own. I thank you guys for your prayers and support. Sadie, your story is very similar to mine, and it has been helpful to know how you dealt with it.

          • I actually saw him last night at our church because we had a super bowl party there. We played dodge ball at halftime. It’s not like we talked very much at all because I am kind of quiet, but he is literally everything a girl could want: kind, Christian, blonde, fun o be with, funny and much more.

          • We don’t go to the same church or I would have recognized you. I live in Virginia and go to Alexandria Presbyterian Church. The total number of kids is about 40. We actually called it the “Big Game” because “S*per Bowl” is patented so it is illegal to advertise those two words together.

          • woulda been cool if we did go to the same church though. our church is actually trying to find another building that fits a congregation of 500 people because the owners of the building are asking us to leave because they are growing (they started out small). We still have seven years left till we need to move, but it is better to do it now.

          • Cool! My church did the same thing a few years ago. They actually bought an empty mall for the new building! Probably overkill at the time, but the church is definitely growing. 🙂

          • That’s so neat! In a huge step of faith, our church bought an old abandoned restaurant building a few years ago, and it took about 18 months to make the space usable as a church building. Now we have a beautiful auditorium and a sweet kitchen. xD Plus, our congregation has almost doubled 😀

    • Also, check out Josh Harris’s (Alex and Brett’s older brother) book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” – it really helped me as a teenager and young adult 🙂

    • Dear Anna,

      I know I am 3 months late to this conversation, but I just thought that my story might possibly help you if are still struggling with the situation with Tindell.

      When I was in my young teens, I was very “lovestruck” with my best friend’s brother. Let’s call him Matt. He was 8 years older, and it felt difficult for me to control those feelings because our families were close and spent so much time together. I didn’t want to consider any other guys without comparing them to him; and I often dreamed of how he might finally like me back.

      One day, I heard from his sister why he liked me as a friend but not as a potential spouse. It hurt, but I tried to move on. As God would have it, I met Josephine soon – a slightly older girl from another church who sounded exactly like whom Matt was looking for (according to the criteria I heard from his sister). Determined to act as a good friend, I set Josephine up with Matt. They hit it off and married within 12 months.

      Soon after Matt married, his cousin Titus dropped by my house one day. Titus was one of the most outstanding young men in our church, widely considered one of the most eligible Christian men in our community. But since he was 10 years older than I, I just never really thought about him that way.

      Long story short: he asked me out, we fell in love, he proposed, and we were married the year after I finished college. As of now, we have been blissfully married for more than two years, and I have loved him more each day we spend together. He is an absolutely amazing husband.

      The funny thing? Titus says that he had always loved me, but he never made a move because he thought Matt was pursuing me. Then when I so publicly introduced Matt to someone else, Titus realized that I was actually available and stepped up to pursue me. And I’m so glad he did 🙂

      Whether or not Tindell is God’s chosen one for you…let Him do His magic. He makes all things beautiful in His time 🙂

      -A former rebelutionary

    • Okay guys, its me, Anna, again.I finally went back to this website cuz so much has happened. im fourteen now. Tindell is in College now, and he’s kinda dating this other girl that he’s known for a long time. I was praying and praying that God would give me an answer for so long and I finally felt like He gave me a definite “no”. I’ve been able to move on thankfully and mostly forget about him with God’s help. I’ve made a best friend over Christmas, but he’s over the internet ha ha. He’s a Christian and 17 and he’s like a brother to me. He has a girlfriend that he’s planning on marrying someday and I’m really happy for him. I’m surprisingly not crushing on anyone right now, which is a relief cuz I don’t want to hurt myself again. My new friend and I are super close and I tell him literally Everything and I love him like a brother. We are super similar too. I started dying a bigish streak of my hair about 3 months ago and my friend got me to dye the rest of my hair dark red over my natural color for Valentine’s day and have the streak pink and purple. But back to the point, I’m doing pretty well with emotions and. . . love issues haha. I have learned to be slow with letting myself “fall in love”. Its just always confusing you really like someone and then they move on and then you see other people in a relationship and you’re like “why can’t my life be that great?”

  • Also I like to point out that sometimes we rather look for physical appearance rather than LOVE. Honestly, when I see pretty girls I always say that I am going to marry her but is it really love?. I realized it wasn’t love I desire their physical appearance rather than their heart or personality. The point is, it is not about the look of the person but it is about the good things you see in them like personality. What attractive to me is when a girl desire God because I knew I want to spend my life with her pursuing God and living the life of Christ.

  • Ha! I’m reading this just after a guy asked me for my number this weekend. In my defense, I am way too young to date and . . . . I don’t have a number to give. 😛

  • Great to see that you are looking for counsel and listening/considering advice Anna 🙂 I know it’s hard, but talking as someone who’s now almost 21 (yikes!) and has had some regrets that I made in past dating relationships, I simply want to urge you to think longterm – If nothing ever came out of all this, what could be the consequences, regrets, and reliefs 10 years from now? Like Sadie said, it is such a blessing to have not said anything and not have awkward feelings talking to a guy that you once liked. Also, I find most guys want (and need) to be leaders in relationships. If they’re not asking, then they’re not ready for the huge responsibility – this I learned the hard way, and yes, I do have regrets.
    Just be careful. What may seem great now could lead to a lot of pain and discomfort in later years.

  • Hope I don’t sound too harsh Anna – just that I know of a lot of similar situations that many times didn’t turn out best 😛

  • More informative post for the teens. It is very true that everyone is generally tensed of their first date. The common issues are like what will be the perfect impression, proper dressing and talks. If one gets some assistance regarding the matter, the date will be in supportive manner. Christian teens are always in search of such kind of guides. I may suggest the name of Christians Online as they have made my life through the starting to marriage. Thanks to Christians Online.

  • Wow, it’s interesting to look back at the discussions I didn’t join in the beginning, but I would totally jump in on now…

  • I’ve got a lot of older cousins who are engaged or married, and all of them I’ve talked to have told me that they realized way too late that accepting an offer to go out and get coffee isn’t a sin. Just because he asks you out on a “date” doesn’t mean you automatically become a couple or anything. He’s just interested in you, and wants to get to know you better. Not in a big, awkward, group circle, but just as two friends learning more about each other. If it goes somewhere, it goes somewhere. If it doesn’t, then congratulations, you’ve now got a close male friend who can give you tips for future relationships.

    So guys, don’t be afraid to ask the girl to get to know her. You don’t need permission from her father to become her friend. If she feels led to, let her ask her dad, but you don’t need to ask him for her potential hand in marriage just to buy her a coffee or a meal or a walk in the park.

    And remember, if they’re the right person for you now, then they’ll be the right person for you later.

  • A great article! Personally I met my boyfriend online. I was just surfing the net and came across one interesting site And when we started chatting I liked him but I couldn’t trust him. So it took me a whole year to realize that his intentions were serious just like my ones. After a year of chatting we finally met and now I’m happy with him. We’ve been dating for 2 years for now. That’s why I think that it should pass some time before dating someone. Just to make sure it’s that person whom you need, and whose thoughts and intentions coincide with yours.

  • Your wisdom is very profound for someone so young. I hope and pray that you will stand firm in your principles as you seek God’s best for your life 🙂

  • Great post, Christopher! Thank you for sharing your wisdom in a way that recognized the differences in Christian dating without condemning or praising one way of pursuing relationships. These are tips that everyone can use despite what they believe about the “right” way to date as a Christian.

  • Great article Christopher! Thanks for the good advice. I also agree with Olivia – your tips can be applicable to everyone. They aren’t a list of rules. Thanks again for writing!

  • I really needed to see this. I swear sometimes it’s like you guys know exactly what I need to hear. I just went through a nasty break up, am still going through it. Last Sunday I ended my 10 and a half month relationship with a wonderful guy. But God was pulling us in two different ways and it wasn’t working for us anymore . It’s still really hard and painful sometimes. But I pray every night for wisdom and strength. I guess I always sort of knew what I wanted in a guy but now with this list I know what I need to do when I find him. 🙂

  • Wow! I am new here and this is my first time posting a comment although I read some articles here. Thank you so much for this! This is worth to read! I so love the number 2 and number 4. Hihi Keep inspiring others through your passion in writing! God bless! 🙂

  • Thanks for This! Some really good points made! I’ve been home educated all my life as well 🙂 love it! Bless you!

  • I very much appreciate your “Don’t Stalk” point 😛 Something I never really thought of, but it sure does make a lot of sense, and I think it a huge cause of, especially girls’ infatuation with guys.
    I’m 20, I’ve been married for almost 15 months, and my husband and I have an 8 week old little boy. He was my first relationship, and he had had nearly half a dozen girlfriends before me (he’s also 6 years older). I’ve seen so many different beginnings to relationships among my married friends, and all of them with hugely different backgrounds. Girls with emotionally abusive fathers who left their families, and those with a solid, conservative, homeschooling Christian background. Guys who’ve grown up as Christians, and those saved only a few years ago from big party lifestyles. Some of those relationships lasted only a few months before engagement and then marriage. Others were together for multiple years before finally putting a ring on it. God has all sorts of crazy ways of bringing people together, and they all have their unique stories and struggles.
    Having already gone through my brief dating period, I definitely thank you for a good article filled with basic truths for those in the dating field right now.

  • Me and my boyfriend have been together for a while and I really want to get us purity/promise rings. I’ve found some nice ones online, but I’d really rather go to a shop to get them so we can get them sized and just have the experience of it. I’ve tried looking online for some places, but only find places with promise rings that lack the religious aspect, which is what is most important to us. If anyone knows any places, I’d really appreciate some suggestions.

  • Thank you so much for this!
    I’m a fairly young teenager and I have only had one boyfriend (it was an online relationship), but I have had many young men interested in me. The most recent one is actually one of my best friends. We have known each other for about 6 months, and we’ve been talking a lot for the past couple months. I’ve been interested in him for awhile, but I didn’t think he returned my feelings, so I tried to keep it quiet. But, on Friday night, he told me that he returns my feelings. Neither of us can date right now, and he’s moving away soon, so this it really hard for us. We are both Christians, so we are trying to put God first in this, and seek His will regarding this. I don’t know what God has in store for us, but no matter what happens, He will work things out for our good and His glory. It can be really hard to wait on the Lord and trust that He knows what He is doing, but if we do wait, it will be so worth it!
    “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6
    Again, thank you so much for this post! ^_^

    • Hey Charity, I know this is a month late, but thanks for the comment! I’m glad it blessed you!

      You are certainly on the right track by putting Christ first! There is no relationship worth pursuing more than your relationship with Christ!

      And remember: You’re young. You’ve got plenty of time. I know it’s hard sometimes, especially if things don’t work out.

      May God fill you with wisdom and vision for what He’s calling you to. God bless!

  • Well-timed post – With regards to witch , if your business needs to combine two images , my colleagues encountered piece here

  • This is really wonderful advice! Even though I hear it from my parents, it is good to hear from someone else. I really like a guy who also likes me. He is saved and I have known him for a year. But I am not allowed to date right now so we have just been friends. But I am devastated because his family just left the church and so did he! It feel very frustrated because how are we supposed to ever be more than friends if I don’t see him again!?! My parents tell me that if it is God’s will, it will all work out! But still frustrating because sometimes I like to plan things ahead of God!

    I also like the tip about stalking because there is a boy at church who is basically stalking me and won’t quit.

  • Thanks for the good tips!! This is something that most teens need to hear.
    I’m going thru a hard time right now – was in a relationship with an amazing Christian guy and we decided to end it, thinking that we aren’t dating Biblically since we aren’t ready for marriage yet. We’re both young, in our sophomore year of highschool, and hope to get back together at some point, when we’re older and ready/able to think about it in regards to marriage. Its hard to know what to do though, and hard to go through this, as he means a lot to me. This was an encouragement 🙂

  • Love this article! My boyfriend and I are both devoted Christians and have been dating for almost three years. We’re only sophomores in high school, so we still have a long ways to go until marriage, but this defiantly provoked some thought. Thanks!

  • This is my first time here and it won’t be the last. I am married, been married for almost ten years and I wish I knew some of these things earlier. I was looking for an answer to a youth meeting I will be attending and saw this. God bless you

  • Seems like you have provoked A LOT of thought on the matter…


    I think I can “see” your younger perspective in your writing…

    Here is more advice along the same lines….I think you will see the same thoughts below…but I believe it will sound much more like it “came from your father-or a Dad figure…”

    🙂 🙂

  • Great post, Christopher! Dating is itself a tough task in one’s life. Every person wants to make his/her date memorable. There is one more thing to know for a healthy relationship that you should trust each other. In relationship, trust is the major factor which can make or break your relationships. For more Dating tips visit our website.

  • “Feel free to interact with those of the opposite gender. It is not inappropriate; talking to someone does not mean you have a “crush on them” nor does it mean they have one on you.” I wish someone had told me this when I was younger! XD I was so scared that if I even talked with a guy for a few moments everyone would assume I was flirting. -.- Thanks for this, Christopher! 🙂

rebelling against low expectations

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